preschool dilemma-please give advice

[powellrj]

Could you find a sunday school, story hour or even VBS (Vacation Bible School) for her to attend before she starts school? It would get her use to being around other kids and without you for a very short period of time before she starts school.

 

[poohandwendy]

You know what...if you trust this place they will do a wonderful transition for her.
I would not talk to her about it right now, it builds anxiety in kids.

What I would do is drop it for now, no "comments", and then 2 weeks before she starts, go "preschool shopping" to get her "big girl" stuff and say positive things leading up to the day.

She will be fine!!!!

This is good advice.

I wanted to add a few things. Maybe it would be a good time now to interview people in your area for a few hours of babysitting every now and again? I say this because while you have been fortunate up to this point where there has not been a need to have a backup that she is comfortable with (emergency for example), it really could eventually happen and it could be much harder to find someone you trust then. It also would help her with the separation anxiety and would give you and Dh some time for just the two of you.

Also, I just wanted to tell you a few things my eldest DDs preschool teacher told us. When you drop her off, spemd a short period getting her settled, say one goodbye and leave. She will be fine. When you draw out the 'goodbye' process, you prolong the pain of separation. A dozen goodbyes hurt more than one.

Also, 99% percent of the kids who are crying when their parents leave are FINE a few minutes after they are gone. The teachers are pros at distracting little ones with toys, music, games, etc. Trust that they will help your DD transition. They really will. And I know this from seeing it in action, when I helped the teachers in the classroom. The kids really do get over it much quicker than parents would ever imagine.

The parents, on the other hand, often have a much harder time dealing with it than the kids. You really have to resist displaying anxiety over it yourself. She will sense your feelings about it. If you are afraid for her, she will know it and it will make her feel there is reason to be fearful. Keep your chin up, tell her she will have a GREAT time and say goodbye. It's not easy letting go...but it's actually our responsibility, to prepare them for being on their own...this is one of the small steps towards that.

Good luck to you and your DD!

 

[Nevergrow'nup]

I agree with the previous poster. I worked in a preschool for 6+ years. My advice to the parents was to say goodbye at the door and leave. When you come in the class room they think you are staying and it confuses them when it is time for you to leave.
Also, when you are saying goodbye, make sure you say it as a statement not a question. Like "I'll see you later, okay?" It is not their decision.
A great book to read them is "the kissing hand." I don't know the author but it is about a raccoon going to school for the first time. The mother kisses his palm and when ever the baby racoon is sad he can give himself a "mommy" kiss with his palm. We would read this on our open house day and many Mom's would cry.
Every year we would have children crying the first couple of days but when they see how much fun the other children are having, it stops.
Good luck in the fall!!

 

[LBAK]

Everyone has given you such good advice! I am a pre-school director and I teach two's and three's. The only thing I have to add to this is to find out the day's routine. Everday when you're child starts to get upset about going to school let them know you will pick them up after story time or whatever have their last activity is. They like routine and since they have no concept of time this helps define the day. My children know that after the playground the mom's come. That they can understand!
You're child might not cry the first week but my cry the second or third week. Keep the routine the same. A hug, kiss, an I love you and I'll be back after story time. Please,please don't sneak out. They need to be able to trust you and feel confident that you are coming back. OK off my
soap box now...
She'll do fine and so will you. Good Luck!

 

[robinb]

We took our child to a preschool that welcomed parents in the room. I would have it no other way.

My DD's pre-school was the same way. Not only were parents allowed to stay, but it was a co-op so parents were required to work in their kid's class once a month as a Parent Helper. Some parents would stay for a while. Most of us dropped and ran, LOL. My DD started 1/2 day pre-school twice a week at 2, but the pre-school also offered a drop-in center for younger children in the toddler room for younger kids. Parents had to stay with them, but the kids were familiar with the room before school started.

 

[lil mermaid]

This is good advice.

Also, I just wanted to tell you a few things my eldest DDs preschool teacher told us. When you drop her off, spemd a short period getting her settled, say one goodbye and leave. She will be fine. When you draw out the 'goodbye' process, you prolong the pain of separation. A dozen goodbyes hurt more than one.

Good luck to you and your DD!

I couldn't agree with this more! DD started going to Mother's Day Out once a week for three hours when she was about 15 months old. ALL of the little ones would cry and cry at first when dropped off. (They were all between 12-18 months old - often when separation anxiety peaks.) I would kiss DD, tell her I would be back to get her at 11:30 and tell her to have fun. I would then go in my car and cry. The third day or so, I stayed in the hallway and listened, and she stopped crying within a minute. Now, she doesn't cry at all, ever, and runs to her classroom. She knows that I will be back to get her, no matter what.

The are a few Moms who stay for about 20 minutes. Their kids still cry, and it is 8 months later. I will also add - DO NOT WAIT UNTIL YOUR CHILD IS LOOKING AND THEN SNEAK OUT. It will make things so much worse.

Your DD will be fine. Good luck to you.

 

[DisAddict]

The summer before my son started pre-school, i found a part-time summer program. He went three days a week for 3 hours in the morning and after the kids ate lunch and were getting ready for naps (the full-time ones) I was there to get him, so he had a routine. He loved it.

Come Sept we had no problems with pre-school.

Also,maybe you could get the class list a few weeks before school and see if some of the parents want to get the kids together a few times before school starts. That way she will know some of the kids and feel more comfortable.

 

[bananiem]

You've gotten some excellent advice from the preschool teachers here. As a former preschool teacher I won't reiterate what they've already said. Does your school district or community education have a Mom and Tot program? Usually they're 6 week classes and the kids and parents spend some time together and then the parents go to another room for a discussion on some topic while the children stay with a certified teacher and an aide to do a fun activity. The separation is usually 30-45 minutes. It's a good way to get them used to separating from you.

 

[justhat]

My daughter started preschool last fall when she was 18 months and she cried every morning for about 2 months. Now she can't wait to go and runs out of the car every morning. I worked at a daycare before she was born, with toddlers, so I knew from experience that the longer I dwelled on it the more she'd react so I tried to act accordingly. What I mean is that we started talking to her about it a week or so before it started (granted at 18 months their memory isn't much longer than that anyway), but I didn't want to introduce it too soon and have her anxiety build up. That's not the case with all kids, but with Madison it is so it's best not to give her too much notice of anything like that.

Her teacher came to our house to get to know Madison in her own surroundings, which I think was a big help, then we did a visit in the classroom where I stayed with her the whole time. Her first week she went for 1.5 hours a day instead of the 3 that she'd normally go just as a transition to being away from mommy (she had rarely been without me since her birth, and only with relatives but we don't live near any family so that was rare). She cried the 1st day but then not after that for about 1.5 weeks. I guess then she realized that this was going to be an everyday thing and she cried pretty much every morning from late Sept-early November. And after a week or 2 her crying was really more for my benefit cause I'd sometimes stop to talk to other parents outside the playground gate (her class gets dropped off at the entrance to the playground and one of the asst teachers walks the kids in individually) and as soon as I was out of sight she stopped crying. By January, when we went out of town for a week, she was so eager to get back to school with her friends that I couldn't believe it. She woke up one morning on vacation and said "Madison go school now."

Also, I agree completely with the poster who said that you should drop at the door and go cause walking inside the classroom makes them think you're staying and it's that much harder to leave. We drop off at the playground or we pull up to the car line and her asst teacher comes to the car to get her and walks her in (my husband does that option, I prefer to park and walk her to the playground). The 2 times I've walked her into the class has made it a nightmare to leave-once was our snack week and the other was for a parent/toddler breakfast in her class. She just couldn't get why mommy came into the room but was not staying.

Good luck and honestly, no matter how much you prepare, I think the only thing that will really get her used to it will be going everyday. It's hard in the beginning (though more for the parent I think) but just know it will get better and she'll love going to school with her friends everyday before you know it!

 

[horseshowmom]

As someone else mentioned, your child may do better than you expect. My DD also spent just about all of her time with us (I was even her Sunday School teacher). I stayed at home with her when she was little, so it was mostly just us.

She went to a few half days of preschool when she was 3, but that was one of the times that the price of gas spiked, and since we live so far out, the cost got prohibitive. She did fine when she was there though.

At 4, she started to half day preschool (8 - 11:30). A friend of ours took her granddaughter and my DD, and I picked them up. My DD was the only who didn't cry the first day of school!

Basically, we just didn't make a big deal out it. We did pick out some new things and talked about playing with the children and the fun activities, but that was about it.

Oh yeah, her dad took her the first day, because I didn't want to embarrass myself! As I said, she was the ONLY ONE who DIDN'T cry, so you may do better than you think.

 

[crazy4disney01]

I just wanted to say a quick thank-you to everyone who posted such great advice. I plan on using all of it in the fall when my DD starts pre-school (I made a list of everything you mentioned.) I am buying some books that were mentioned too, I can't wait to read "The Kissing Hand" to her as well as others!

Thank you again!!!!!

 

[robinb]

I just wanted to say a quick thank-you to everyone who posted such great advice. I plan on using all of it in the fall when my DD starts pre-school (I made a list of everything you mentioned.)

I really do want to strongly suggest that you start the process of separation this summer. I think it would be too much for her to (A) start school and (B) be away from her parents for the very first time at once.