Pregnancy Loss

[minkydog]

Thanks guys....there are only two people IRL (outside of the hospital itself, anyway) that I have told what really happened to me (my boyfriend and an old boyfriend that's still a good friend but doesn't live in the area....I didn't tell my mom because I didn't want her to go through the hearbreak and I didn't tell my family because I knew someone would end up telling her), so I needed to come somewhere and share. The rest just know I had a uterine hemorrhage and a transfusion. As far as prayer requests, I assumed they weren't allowed because of the no religious post requests.

Oh, hunny It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. Most of the time the doctors can't find any reason for the miscarriage; they just happen. it's very normal to react the way you do. As women we somehow feel responsible for everything, but especially our children, born or unborn.

I had a miscarriage at 4 months, 19 years ago. I remember how painful that was emotionally. I didn't want to tell my mother either. I just wanted to jump off a bridge--we had been trying for 4 years and just *look* what I had done! I was embarrassed, sad, guilty, angry, just about everything you can name. Eventually I did tell my mom and she was very concerned and kind--come to find out, *she* had had a miscarriage too! You can tell or not tell when your ready, but if you have a good relationship with your mother I know she'd want to know, even if it makes her cry. It's what we mothers do when our child is hurting.

Treat yourself kindly. It takes awhile to get over something this big. I was so distraught that i sought out counseling. Not everyone needs that, but some of us do and it's okay to need some help. This is a very big thing in your life, whether you knew you were pregnant or not. A very big thing.

 

[minkydog]

I had actually just entered the second trimester....I was 14 weeks and they let me know the baby was a boy. I gave him a name because I felt like he deserved at least that much.

I named my baby too. Stacia Mary Catherine. Nobody else remembers, but i do and that's enough.

 

[suejai]

Oh, that's so sad. I can't even imagine what you are feeling.

What did you name him?

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I named him Brandon Joshua.

 

[ZachnElli]

I'm so sorry for your loss. After you hemorrage like that it will take quite awhile to feel normal again. So take it easy. I've had several miscarriages, only 1 hemorraged. I stopped telling my mom I was pregnant after the second miscarriage. Everyone says you'll need your family/friend's support, but my mom just worried about HER baby (me)!

ETA: I named all mine too, even the ones I didn't know what gender it was like Daniel/Danielle.

 

[tigercat]

and sending my prayers for you.
tigercat

 

[MommaMouse411]

My prayers go out to you...I thought I had lost my baby two weeks ago..I had a blood clot under placenta..all is well now..well so far...I remember crying and the doctor telling me there's nothing you can do before they found out the real problem they pretty much told me I had miscarried. So I don't know how you really feel, but I know how those hours feel. I hope you are feeling better now..

 

[moon]

I'm so sorry

 

[SleepyMom]

I am so sorry for your loss

We lost our son at 21 weeks, I joined a support group that really helped a lot and 17 years later I am still friends with several from the group. Ask around the hospital if there are any groups or one-on-one counseling, it really does help to talk with others who understand. Rest in Peace Brandon Joshua

 

[Pooh67_68]

Hugs to you BeachGirlFLA

The first trimester thing is only a general rule. There is no hard and fast date where suddenly everything is magically safe. Some pregnancies are precarious throughout. Some women are closely monitored throughout by their doctors, do everything "right" and still lose the babies in the third trimester.

This is so true, my mom lost her 1st at 7 months.

 

[Jewel1310]

Hugs to Beachgirl . I echo the other's sentiments. There is nothing you did that made this happen. It sounds like it was a pretty scary experienc for you all the way around.

You shouldn't feel guilty because you didn't know. I had both a stillborn baby and a miscarriage years ago. I have name for both.

Give yourself time to heal. Do what you feel is best for you - there is no right or wrong way to deal with this. In the future, if you choose to get pregnant again, you may want to let you mom know. I was pretty nervous during my next pregnancies and if it is the same for you, it may help for other people to know why.

I am sorry you are going through this. I am glad you have someone to talk to in person and us to talk to on line. I really think going over what happens helps us to come to grips with it and all the emotions that come with it.

Lots of (and prayers) for you. Feel free to PM if I can help in any way.

 

[manning]

What did you do wrong?.... Nothing....There is no reason to feel guilty!!!

 

[olena]

I'm so sorry.....

I work with some support groups for pregnancy and perinatal loss. It's run by women who have been there and if you want a referral, please PM me. One of my friends is very active with this and would be happy to help.

http://shareatlanta.org/legacy/main.htm

http://www.sidelines.org/

 

[Rora]

 

[4nana]

Oh sweetie, sending big hugs and prayers from Md. . I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss . Please take care of yourself, emotionally, physically and mentally. It's good you have a couple trustworthy friends you can confide in. Of course your Dis family is here for you, but don't hesitate to find a support group if you feel the need. Know that heaven has a new baby angel ~ Brandon Joshua

 

[wdwfan16]

I'm not asking for prayers (since I know that's not allowed on here anymore) or advice (there's nothing that can really be done now) but I wanted to let you guys know I had a miscarriage yesterday. I didn't even know I was pregnant and now I feel so guilty about not knowing (I never have had regular periods and I was on birth control pills) and about the fact that I was having a couple of drinks a week. I actually hemorrhaged during the miscarriage and my blood pressure went down to 55/33, which required me to get a transfusion of four units of blood but I got out of the hospital today. I can still remember them saying how low my blood pressure was (right before the machine even stopped registering it) and feeling like I wasn't going to stay awake but refusing to pass out because I was afraid that I wouldn't wake up again and even though I had just lost my baby, I wanted to live. I just can't stop feeling sad and guilty and crying today.

Really!!??

 

[jfoofj]

My DS is the product of my 5th pregnancy and he is my only child (well, other then my stepson, but obviously I didn't give birth to him). Pregnancy loss is so hard, I am so sorry. I always lost early on so I never knew the sex. One was an ectopic and I had emergent surgery and they wanted to transfuse me but luckily they didn't have to. I have a friend who just lost her little girl in her 33rd week, she was delivered stillborn, no reasons as to why as of yet. So sad, but I firmly believe what is meant to be, will be. Take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up over a few drinks.... my mom drank a glas of wine here and there AND smoked during all of her pregnancys and we all turned out ok... God was looking for a little angel today, that's all.

 

[kpm76]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know the pain and it is unspeakable. I miscarried a few weeks ago. I went to the OB for a routine visit and discovered that there was no heartbeat. My DH and I were devastated, particularly since we had an ultrasound a few weeks earlier and all was fine. There is no rhyme or reason for these things. We have really drawn strength from our faith and we know we have a special angel watching over us.

Please take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Pregnancy loss is very isolating because as a society we do not have rituals to honor the percious life that was lost. Unless you have experienced this loss, you have no sense of the deep and real pain it causes. I've had family and friends say some really odd things to me but I realize they just don't know what to say. I have also connected with women who have had miscarriages and they have truly been wonderful. Someday a woman will share her story of loss with you and you will be able to tell her I know how you feel and that will be your gift to her. We experience everything for a reason and we are stronger because of it.

Lots of hugs and prayers for you.....

 

[ilovefh]

to you!

I'm so sorry for your loss! I can't give you any advice but to say you're in my thoughts. I am currently going through loss #2 and to put it nicely it stinks! Cry, scream, take time for you, just do what you need to do!

 

[CJBaby]

I just want to send you and let you know I am truly praying for God to bring you peace after your heartbreaking loss.