Pregnancy Loss

[BeachGirlFLA]

I'm not asking for prayers (since I know that's not allowed on here anymore) or advice (there's nothing that can really be done now) but I wanted to let you guys know I had a miscarriage yesterday. I didn't even know I was pregnant and now I feel so guilty about not knowing (I never have had regular periods and I was on birth control pills) and about the fact that I was having a couple of drinks a week. I actually hemorrhaged during the miscarriage and my blood pressure went down to 55/33, which required me to get a transfusion of four units of blood but I got out of the hospital today. I can still remember them saying how low my blood pressure was (right before the machine even stopped registering it) and feeling like I wasn't going to stay awake but refusing to pass out because I was afraid that I wouldn't wake up again and even though I had just lost my baby, I wanted to live. I just can't stop feeling sad and guilty and crying today.

 

[SCHBR'smom]

There are no words.

 

[babytrees]

There is nothing I could possibly say other than

 

[Angelhalo]

Oh you poor thing! My heart is so saddened for you and I am saying some massive prayers for you whether its allowed or not. Is that really a rule now? Thats just sad! Oh I just want to give you a huge hug right now. You will be in my thoughts. I pray that you receive the peace that you need to deal with this.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I'm so sorry.

 

[Heidict]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

 

[Imzadi]

We're not allowed to send prayers?!?

Well, here's sending lots of hugs and support through this.

Don't feel guilty. There was possibly nothing you could have done, even if you had known and did everything right.

Also know that your hormones are way out of whack now, and that may account for even more of the depression & grief you will naturally feel. (I'm not dismissing your very real grief. )

 

[mjkacmom]

First of all, Second of all, NOTHING you did contributed, in any way, towards this! One in four of all pregnancies end up with a m/c - before these early pregnancy tests, women had them, and just didn't know it. I had 2 surprise pregnacies, and drank, unknowing. My doctor told me it wasn't a problem. Heck, in other countries, women drink throughout the whole pregnancy, and I know my mom did (as well as smoking). Please don't feel guilty - you have nothing to feel guilty about!

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

Thanks guys....there are only two people IRL (outside of the hospital itself, anyway) that I have told what really happened to me (my boyfriend and an old boyfriend that's still a good friend but doesn't live in the area....I didn't tell my mom because I didn't want her to go through the hearbreak and I didn't tell my family because I knew someone would end up telling her), so I needed to come somewhere and share. The rest just know I had a uterine hemorrhage and a transfusion. As far as prayer requests, I assumed they weren't allowed because of the no religious post requests.

 

[MissyDVC]

I am so, so very sorry for your loss. Just be sure to give yourself time to digest all of this and rest your mind and heart.

 

[TheBigBadWolf]

I'm so sorry.

 

[disneyworldluvr349]

The last thing you should ever feel is guilty.
There was nothing you could have done, you didn't know.

"What is meant to be will always find it's way" and we all know He works in mysterious ways.
I am so sorry for your loss, and know that everything happens for a reason, and He would never lead you wrong.

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

 

[Imzadi]

First of all, Second of all, NOTHING you did contributed, in any way, towards this! One in four of all pregnancies end up with a m/c - before these early pregnancy tests, women had them, and just didn't know it.

What mjkacmom said is absolutely true. When women get pregnant, most are told by their doctor to not publicly announce it during their first trimester because so many naturally end up as a miscarriage. It saves the woman from having to explain later what happened and to publicly share the loss, if they don't want to. Again, you did nothing wrong.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I had actually just entered the second trimester....I was 14 weeks and they let me know the baby was a boy. I gave him a name because I felt like he deserved at least that much.

 

[minniebeth]

Please don't feel guilty! I know this is a hard experience to go through.
One day at a time from here...
I am so sorry for your loss too...

 

[mjkacmom]

I had actually just entered the second trimester....I was 14 weeks and they let me know the baby was a boy. I gave him a name because I felt like he deserved at least that much.

Please know that having a couple of drinks a day will not end a pregnancy. Excessive alcholol use during pregnancy may cause FAS, not a m/c. If you had known about this pregnancy, I can't think of anything you could've done to have this end any differently.

 

[DWGal210]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am going to echo the other posters; don't beat yourself up about this.

And I think it's lovely that you named the baby.

Please lean on us if you need anything.

 

[Tiggs14]

As each day goes by it'll be a little bit easier to deal with. The best advice I have is to give yourself time to heal...cry it out...scream it out do what you need to do.

We went through a very similiar experience at 12 weeks. We lost a girl. We named her Noelle as she would have arrived just before Christmas. I now have a beautiful tattoo on the inside of my right hip. I will never forget...nor do I ever want to forget her.

I ended up pregnant again 2 months later and now have two very active healthy boys.

Take care...my heart goes out to you during this really difficult time. If you want to talk please PM me.

 

[Imzadi]

I had actually just entered the second trimester....I was 14 weeks and they let me know the baby was a boy. I gave him a name because I felt like he deserved at least that much.

The first trimester thing is only a general rule. There is no hard and fast date where suddenly everything is magically safe. Some pregnancies are precarious throughout. Some women are closely monitored throughout by their doctors, do everything "right" and still lose the babies in the third trimester.

As mjkacmom also said, drinking did not cause this loss. If that was the case, whole cultures like the Italians, French, Spanish, Greek, whose cultures include alcohol with meals, would all be extinct by now.

In addition to giving your boy a name, when you are up to it, you might also want to have a small ceremony honoring him, like, with your BF, former BF and maybe even your mom at that point, if you choose to tell her, lighting a small candle and saying a few prayers, now that he is back in the arms of God.