Pre-School Worries

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Don't really know what I'm looking for here...kind words...encouragement...maybe to know that I'm not alone in my feelings???

Anywho...here it goes...
MY KIDS(twins) ARE STARTING PRE-K!!!

I AM so NERVOUS. I have been a stay at home mom with them since they were born. I DESPERATELY think I need a break from them(as mean as that sounds) and I would love to start working again, but I don't know if they, or I...okay, I'll face it I am not really ready. They are ony 3! That seems so YOUNG to me. I listen to them talk and play and watch them everyday and they still just seem like toddlers to me. I guess they wouldn't offer it to 3 year olds if they couldn't handle it though right?

AND as if that isn't enough...My husband is instisting I work. LOL...I know....I'm sorry...I have worked very hard until I had them, but since then my husband has always said he doesn't care whether I work or not. EVEN when they start school. Now he wants to me to be out and looking like the first week.(Financially we are average) And like I said, I WANT to work, but I think I would like a week or two to relax and enjoy the quiet...to eat and not have little beggers at my side...to able to use the bathroom in private!

I just feel like it is a LOT to handle at once for me. Not having the kids all day and moving straight into adult interaction at a job is going to be a difficult transaction for me.

Am I being crazy? Or has anyone else ever felt the same way?

 

[LuvOrlando]

Not crazy at all. I had zero intention of putting my kids into pre-school because I enjoyed being with them so much. But, as my son got closer to 3 he began to point at school buses and scream with a big smile on his face, "Ma! Kids! When can I go with the kids!" For Pete's sake, how on earth could I justify not putting my kid in school when he wanted to be with other kids so badly? Being a SAHM I was sure he'd miss me so I went through all sorts of explanations with him over where I'd be and how he could get me if he wanted me. Then the first day of school he hit the ground running and didn't even turn around. Obviously I was the one with the separation anxiety, not him. My daughter followed in his footsteps and was quick to fall in line with friends.

I think 3 year old preschool is very good for the kids. Today so many children are in daycare that they have an advantage over the SAHM kids in the social department. AT least I think so. The daycare kids have already mastered all the rules about sharing and listening while kids at home are used to being doted on and coddled. Sure it's nice but once the kids hit kindergarten being teachable is a pretty big issue. Both of my children had wonderful pre-school experiences. They had one way mirrors as walls so that any parent could stop in and check out the kids from the lobby... and I did from time to time. The school I chose was Faith based (although not my Faith) warm, loving and focused on social development and play.

As for the job thing, if you can give yourself some time do it. Letting go of my kids each step of the way has been very hard on me. The house is suddenly quiet and you will miss them. I miss mine every September, I help them on their way because it's the right thing to do but to say it doesn't bother me is just not true. One would think that with a 12 year old son and an 11 year old daughter it would get easier, but it doesn't, at least not for me.

 

[ChrizJen]

I understand your nerves. It's hard to go from having them with you 24/7 to "letting them go".
But I would look at it this way...You're doing yourself and most importantly them a huge favor by putting them in Pre-K. They need it if for nothing else than for the socialization aspect of it. I'm sure you've done a wonderful job of teaching them the basics that they need up to this point (colors, shapes, ABC's...). but they will benefit more than you know just from being with other children in a structured social environment. I'm sure that your kids have had plenty of opportunity to play and interact with other children, but day care and Pre-K are so much different from just normal playdates. My opinion is that kids need that before they enter school so that they know how to interact in a structured setting.

HUGS to you, and good luck! I'm sure it's not going to be easy those first few days/weeks. But it'll get easier, and your kids will have a blast!!

 

[twinmomplus2new]

First of all I was in your shoes. my twins are almost 10 now!

The first few weeks they started preschool. I did every appointment I was unable to do for the first 3 years of Thier lives!! Ya know like Dentist ,Dr that type of thing.

then I spent 2 weeks and cleaned like a crazy person and napped for the last week. And after my ENTIRE month of doing things that I hadn't been able to do. I then Volunteered.

My point is you have been busy, take a breath. if your ok moneywise. take some time for yourself.


now as far as the kiddos go. I now work at a school. And the differance between kids who have not had prior exposure to school, Is obvious the little one's who have not been to school/prek. Later Have a much harder time adjusting than kids who have. Kindergarten is not all play anymore! it always helps if they have been exposed to things like circle time and lining up!

And I am sure your prek will allow volunteers they always need them around here!

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Thanks everyone...it's really helping to know that I'm not just whining. lol

 

[MerMom60_94]

Oh no, you're not just whining. I think most parents feel this way. This is just the first break away of many. Like LuvOrlando says, you will go through this most likely at each stage with your kids. I was just as nervous every time my DD started a new school / stage of her life. She, on the other hand, has always taken it with a grain of salt and adapted quite well. You'll see, everything will be fine once everyone settles in. As far as seeking out a job, if your children are going for only half days you may want to see how much time you really have while they are in school. When DD was 3 she went to preschool but by the time she was dropped off it was practically time to go pick her up again!

On a side note of amusement, DD started dating a boy from out of town recently. He is the friend of a friend of a friend. Last night DH got a good look at his mother and recognized her from somewhere. It turns out DD and her BF go a lot further back than we realized - they were in the same preschool class together twelve years ago! I took out my scrapbook and he is in half the pictures. So, when you drop off the kiddos take a good look at all the little girls. One of them could some day reappear when you're least expecting it.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Oh no, you're not just whining. I think most parents feel this way. This is just the first break away of many. Like LuvOrlando says, you will go through this most likely at each stage with your kids. I was just as nervous every time my DD started a new school / stage of her life. She, on the other hand, has always taken it with a grain of salt and adapted quite well. You'll see, everything will be fine once everyone settles in. As far as seeking out a job, if your children are going for only half days you may want to see how much time you really have while they are in school. When DD was 3 she went to preschool but by the time she was dropped off it was practically time to go pick her up again!

On a side note of amusement, DD started dating a boy from out of town recently. He is the friend of a friend of a friend. Last night DH got a good look at his mother and recognized her from somewhere. It turns out DD and her BF go a lot further back than we realized - they were in the same preschool class together twelve years ago! I took out my scrapbook and he is in half the pictures. So, when you drop off the kiddos take a good look at all the little girls. One of them could some day reappear when you're least expecting it.

I chose to register them for whole days because if I did half...I wouldn't be able to go whole BUT in our school district if you start out with FULL days and it's too much, then you can switch to halves.

And that story is too cute about your DD! I have a boy and a girl...So I need to clear our a mental memory file to remeber the whole CLASS!!!

 

[aaarcher86]

I feel your pain.

My now 4 year old went to preschool last year. I honestly wasn't that worried about her. She's always been independent and sure enough she didn't have any hesitation. THAT almost made me more sad then a crying clutch of death on my leg would have! Lol.

This year my 3 year old will start preschool. I'm devestated. She's my little baby! She's actually very attached to me so I'm not sure how she'll take it when I leave. However, she will begin gymnastics classes without a parent before school which might help.

Just prepare yourself for a little heartache.

 

[golfgal]

Do a trial run with DH, he gets them up and ready, takes them too and from school, gets their little backpacks ready, fields phone calls from the school if they are sick, etc. He can also take them to their dr appointments, dentist appointments, etc. and see how that goes for a few weeks. Given that you won't have any vacation time at work to take for these things this will give him a taste for what his life will now be like if you go back to work. Just a suggestion.

 

[MoniqueU]

I can't help with the work situation since I have always been a SAHM.

However 3 is when most of my kids started preschool and it was great for them One Kindergarden teacher commented to me that they could tell which kids had attended PreK and which didn't.

My oldest dd was so active, needy and actually a holy terror so she started at age 2 just so I could have a break and she could get out of the house, I had another DD 15 months younger and a husband who worked non stop so it was hard for me to get out either with my DH or alone with both girls.

Preschool is great for kids even if they seem like they are still babies to you, they learn SOOOO much and the interaction and schedule of things is so good for them.

But I would tell your DH that you aren't going to work the second they get in. You DO need a break and some time for yourself. I had 2 sets of irish twins and I totally needed a break. The plan was once I got them all in regular school full time I would go back to college. Sadly I got diagnosed with an eye disease when that finally happened and lost my drivers license so that never happened but I did take the whole year of my youngest DD's kindergarden year off and it was much needed.

 

[NY Disney fan]

My little one starts pre-K next month and I'm freaking out because no matter how many times I tell her/show her, she won't wipe her butt after doing #2. She cracks me up but still! I'm sooo worried! She's completely toilet-trained though.

 

[barkley]

Do a trial run with DH, he gets them up and ready, takes them too and from school, gets their little backpacks ready, fields phone calls from the school if they are sick, etc. He can also take them to their dr appointments, dentist appointments, etc. and see how that goes for a few weeks. Given that you won't have any vacation time at work to take for these things this will give him a taste for what his life will now be like if you go back to work. Just a suggestion.

this is along my line of thinking.

when kids go off to school (pre or whatever) you end up with additional "to-do's" on your list in addition to having to shift your regular to-do's around their school schedual (and let me tell you, it's SO much easier to get doctors, dentist, and hair appointments that are during school hours, those after school or school break ones book up MONTHS AND MONTHS in advance). it's a real adjustment for whomever is primarily charged with managing the household.

then there's the whole first year experience of having them catch every little cold and virus that their new social group exposes them to, so there's a good percentage of time that while they are going to school-they are actualy at home waiting for that magic 24 hours fever/vomit free to pass before they can return. add in the days preschool is not in session and it can add up to significant time that most new employees can't be taking off from work (even at my former employer who generously started people the first year w/3 weeks vacation, 12 sick and 3 floating days off saw parents hard pressed to have enough time to cover).

has your dh considered what the cost of childcare will be for the times you have to work but the kids can't be in school? unless you've got a free resource he might be very surprised at how much you net from returning to work (and don't forget the standard work expenses you had before having kids-but increase them b/c costs have gone up). you can end up losing money depending on the kind of employment.

last but not least-if you go to work when the kiddos are at school, consideration has to be made as to how that will shift the times you do the household work you've traditionaly done during the day and-how does dh feel about the dinner meal possibly being a later event (god bless those that have mastered the slow cooker, but the average working outside the home mom is cooking dinner AFTER the kids are picked up, have changed into play clothes, have done their e-k homework, have had a snack....), and having less non hectic time during the evenings and weekends (i remember dh asking if we could ever have an evening when he did'nt have to hear the washer or dryer constantly going-and how come the stuff that used to just appear in his closet and dresser drawers were now presented to him in laundry basket or on hangers and he had to 'figure out'how to put them away).

you might want to consider pointing these things out to your dh.

 

[CharliNye]

this is along my line of thinking.

when kids go off to school (pre or whatever) you end up with additional "to-do's" on your list in addition to having to shift your regular to-do's around their school schedual (and let me tell you, it's SO much easier to get doctors, dentist, and hair appointments that are during school hours, those after school or school break ones book up MONTHS AND MONTHS in advance). it's a real adjustment for whomever is primarily charged with managing the household.

then there's the whole first year experience of having them catch every little cold and virus that their new social group exposes them to, so there's a good percentage of time that while they are going to school-they are actualy at home waiting for that magic 24 hours fever/vomit free to pass before they can return. add in the days preschool is not in session and it can add up to significant time that most new employees can't be taking off from work (even at my former employer who generously started people the first year w/3 weeks vacation, 12 sick and 3 floating days off saw parents hard pressed to have enough time to cover).

has your dh considered what the cost of childcare will be for the times you have to work but the kids can't be in school? unless you've got a free resource he might be very surprised at how much you net from returning to work (and don't forget the standard work expenses you had before having kids-but increase them b/c costs have gone up). you can end up losing money depending on the kind of employment.

last but not least-if you go to work when the kiddos are at school, consideration has to be made as to how that will shift the times you do the household work you've traditionaly done during the day and-how does dh feel about the dinner meal possibly being a later event (god bless those that have mastered the slow cooker, but the average working outside the home mom is cooking dinner AFTER the kids are picked up, have changed into play clothes, have done their e-k homework, have had a snack....), and having less non hectic time during the evenings and weekends (i remember dh asking if we could ever have an evening when he did'nt have to hear the washer or dryer constantly going-and how come the stuff that used to just appear in his closet and dresser drawers were now presented to him in laundry basket or on hangers and he had to 'figure out'how to put them away).

you might want to consider pointing these things out to your dh.

Ohhh Barkley, this is honestly the best answer! I was going to come up with something similar, but that was fantastic!

I think the men sometimes don't get what we really do during the day with the kids. And your husband, being that he has a comfortable job situation in this economy, has NO clue what it is like for a SAHM to go back into the work force after a few years. It's not easy. I know it from first hand experience. And you don't just "get a job" the first week. It could take you MONTHS and possibly a year depending on what type of job.

I mean hell, I've been out of work over a year and trying to find an Admin Assistant job that pays more then JUST daycare in this economy with so many others like me looking is impossible. Add the fact that I have KIDS and cannot be at a job before 8 am(yeah that's the new time for starting these days, I don't get it) because they need to go to school and my resume is no longer considered.

If you too are average and comfortable enough then your husband needs to rethink the demands he's putting on you. And I like Golfgal's idea, seriously ask your husband how he expects everything else, appointments included to be done if you're at work?

OH yeah, MY 4 yr old daughter starts preschool in THREE WEEKS!!! Yeah I'm a giant combo of sad and excited. So I know how you're feeling. With her in school now(she will also be getting two mornings of intense speech therapy through our school district-so she'll be out five mornings instead of just the three for preschool) and the son in 7th, I'll have a few hours a week to myself. I figure I can finally finish getting my house 100% organized since we moved in a year ago.

There are just some things I want to redo in the house that she never lets me do because she's either very active or on my like glue.

My husband recently dropped the pushing me to go back to work only because he received a big promotion at work this summer, so that means things are better here. I've never volunteered at my son's school because I had a FT job for ten yrs and then his sister etc. So this year I'm signing up to help a little. So I'm thrilled I can finally do help out and be more involved.

 

[minkydog]

Don't really know what I'm looking for here...kind words...encouragement...maybe to know that I'm not alone in my feelings???

Anywho...here it goes...
MY KIDS(twins) ARE STARTING PRE-K!!!

I AM so NERVOUS. I have been a stay at home mom with them since they were born. I DESPERATELY think I need a break from them(as mean as that sounds) and I would love to start working again, but I don't know if they, or I...okay, I'll face it I am not really ready. They are ony 3! That seems so YOUNG to me. I listen to them talk and play and watch them everyday and they still just seem like toddlers to me. I guess they wouldn't offer it to 3 year olds if they couldn't handle it though right?

AND as if that isn't enough...My husband is instisting I work. LOL...I know....I'm sorry...I have worked very hard until I had them, but since then my husband has always said he doesn't care whether I work or not. EVEN when they start school. Now he wants to me to be out and looking like the first week.(Financially we are average) And like I said, I WANT to work, but I think I would like a week or two to relax and enjoy the quiet...to eat and not have little beggers at my side...to able to use the bathroom in private!

I just feel like it is a LOT to handle at once for me. Not having the kids all day and moving straight into adult interaction at a job is going to be a difficult transaction for me.

Am I being crazy? Or has anyone else ever felt the same way?

I think it's not unusual for parents to feel ambivilent about their kids starting preschool. It doesn't mean you're a bad mother because you want a few hours to yourself. I think it would be a much smoother transition for you to start the kids in PreK for 3 weeks, to get the routine under your belt (and theirs) and THEN start looking for a job. When you first start Pre-K, you really won't know how much you canwork or exactly what your hours might be. And you have the added concern of "what do we do when(not if) one of the kids gets sick?" I'm assuming that up to this point, that would be your job and DH would not have to stay home with the kids. How will that change, or will it change? Will you still be the one who is expected to take the day off and how will that affect each of your employments?

I worked very part-time when my kids were under 5. I had to find just the right situation for my family to be happy and cared for. For me, that meant working night shift 1-2 nights a week and working some weekends. Perhaps that would be an option for you. I have gone many days on 3 hours sleep or even no sleep for over 24 hours. It's not easy, but it worked for us.

 

[bumbershoot]

Barkley, that was awesome.

The daycare kids have already mastered all the rules about sharing and listening

From watching the kids at the Y who have been in daycare and this summer are in all day daycare camp, compared to the homeschooled group of kids that DS dealt with last year AND watching DS...I'm going to have to entirely disagree there.

Then again, we have had Disneyland to teach lines and waiting, we have LIFE to teach listening, and sharing was something DS was entirely willing to do from the first time he was around other kids!


I don't think that preschool is needed at all for kids, though I know it's needed for parents who must work. If a parent is there for the kid and willing to help him/her learn about the world, I think that's the best situation for a kid.

DS at 3 knew about schoolbuses from Dora and Blue's Clues, and wanted to go to school...since we've always planned to homeschool that required some long talks, and it boiled down to him wanting a structured learning situation. So at 3, LONG before the age of compulsory education in WA, LONG before I had intended to do anything schooly, we started getting workbooks, and it has been really good. We figured out what he really wanted and met those needs.

And now, with us belonging to the Y and us going all the time (when I workout he's in the unstructured play area in the front room, and if there are other kids there he plays and plays with them), I see that he hasn't been hindered at all.

I, on the other hand, was in Montessori from 4-6 and then public school...by all rights, I'd have social skills up the wazoo, but my personality was a very shy, scared, introverted one, that was not ever a joiner or a leader, and barely wanted to follow lest I make a bad decision. Preschool (in the form of Montessori) didn't do anything for me! And no preschool hasn't done anything negative for DS.


But you are dealing with a husband who has changed his tune, and that's gotta be HARD to deal with. I'd freak if DH randomly changed his mind (if it were needed b/c of his job, absolutely I'd hop right in and we'd work it out) about me working outside the home for pay.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

My little one starts pre-K next month and I'm freaking out because no matter how many times I tell her/show her, she won't wipe her butt after doing #2. She cracks me up but still! I'm sooo worried! She's completely toilet-trained though.

My daughter is the SAME WAY...My son on the other hand, INSISTS on doing it himslef and uses a half roll of TP to get the job done!

this is along my line of thinking.

when kids go off to school (pre or whatever) you end up with additional "to-do's" on your list in addition to having to shift your regular to-do's around their school schedual (and let me tell you, it's SO much easier to get doctors, dentist, and hair appointments that are during school hours, those after school or school break ones book up MONTHS AND MONTHS in advance). it's a real adjustment for whomever is primarily charged with managing the household.

then there's the whole first year experience of having them catch every little cold and virus that their new social group exposes them to, so there's a good percentage of time that while they are going to school-they are actualy at home waiting for that magic 24 hours fever/vomit free to pass before they can return. add in the days preschool is not in session and it can add up to significant time that most new employees can't be taking off from work (even at my former employer who generously started people the first year w/3 weeks vacation, 12 sick and 3 floating days off saw parents hard pressed to have enough time to cover).

has your dh considered what the cost of childcare will be for the times you have to work but the kids can't be in school? unless you've got a free resource he might be very surprised at how much you net from returning to work (and don't forget the standard work expenses you had before having kids-but increase them b/c costs have gone up). you can end up losing money depending on the kind of employment.

last but not least-if you go to work when the kiddos are at school, consideration has to be made as to how that will shift the times you do the household work you've traditionaly done during the day and-how does dh feel about the dinner meal possibly being a later event (god bless those that have mastered the slow cooker, but the average working outside the home mom is cooking dinner AFTER the kids are picked up, have changed into play clothes, have done their e-k homework, have had a snack....), and having less non hectic time during the evenings and weekends (i remember dh asking if we could ever have an evening when he did'nt have to hear the washer or dryer constantly going-and how come the stuff that used to just appear in his closet and dresser drawers were now presented to him in laundry basket or on hangers and he had to 'figure out'how to put them away).

you might want to consider pointing these things out to your dh.

Since we are in the military childcare is very cheap/free...like $2 an hour here on post and LOTS of neighbors and playgroup friends to help that stuff! Thank goodness

I think it's not unusual for parents to feel ambivilent about their kids starting preschool. It doesn't mean you're a bad mother because you want a few hours to yourself. I think it would be a much smoother transition for you to start the kids in PreK for 3 weeks, to get the routine under your belt (and theirs) and THEN start looking for a job. When you first start Pre-K, you really won't know how much you canwork or exactly what your hours might be. And you have the added concern of "what do we do when(not if) one of the kids gets sick?" I'm assuming that up to this point, that would be your job and DH would not have to stay home with the kids. How will that change, or will it change? Will you still be the one who is expected to take the day off and how will that affect each of your employments?

I worked very part-time when my kids were under 5. I had to find just the right situation for my family to be happy and cared for. For me, that meant working night shift 1-2 nights a week and working some weekends. Perhaps that would be an option for you. I have gone many days on 3 hours sleep or even no sleep for over 24 hours. It's not easy, but it worked for us.

The Army and my husband's unit are VERY family oriented. I mean...they let him come home when the kids are sick and I'm here with them!

So REALLY...there's no reason I SHOULDN'T work...besides me just not being ready

 

[LBAK]

My little one starts pre-K next month and I'm freaking out because no matter how many times I tell her/show her, she won't wipe her butt after doing #2. She cracks me up but still! I'm sooo worried! She's completely toilet-trained though.

This made me chuckle. I am a preK teacher and none of them wipe their butts. They take the paper off the roll then put it in and flush and they think they're so clever. Just be aware that you will definitely know if they haven't wiped as according to NYS law the teachers cannot at their age help them. After a few times of being uncomfortable they'll do it. Enjoy their pre-school experience it's a blast!