I am so sorry.
Another poster asked if arrangements had been discussed in advance.
I agree with that person because I just lost my mother Feb. 23rd.
I have 3 sibs. I am 41 they are all in their 50's. I have 4 young kids (well 1 is a teenager) theirs are all grown and gone. I live 648 miles from my mom, they all live closer, one just a few miles away yet he hardly showed his face. I was the one that had to make all the arrangements. ALL THE ARRANGEMENTS.
I had travelled back and forth thinking each time, this will be the last time. Each time I came back she would rally a little then I would have to go back home.
I am a SAHM. That IS my job. My husband can do HIS job because of me. He cannot take off for extended periods of time because there are 100 people that cannot function without him.
My last few visits with my mom were fly up, jump in a rental car, drive to her assisted living facility, sit at her bedside and take full responsibility for her care -very extensive in the end- from 10 pm friday night til 5 pm sunday evening. I slept in a wooden rocking chair next to her bed. I only left her twice each day to drive a mile to get a decent cup of coffee and back. Early sunday evening- everything in reverse. Get up Monday at 5 am to get the kids back on schedule.
When she finally did pass I was not there. I had left on a sunday and she passed the following thurs.
During those 31/2 days I had to shop for a dress and fed ex it to the funeral home. I actually enjoyed this last favor for her. She loved to look nice and I had the pleasure of meeting the nicest sales lady who listened to me explain what I needed and was totally understanding in my desire to find "just the right dress".
I found it too. She looked absolutely beautiful in it. The funeral home did a remarkable job on her. You would never have known that this 83 year old lady had been sick for so long.
I had to work over the phone for virtually all the funeral arrangements. Even picking out the casket! I had it narrowed down to 2 and tried to call my siblings for some guidance or support. I got "ew, EW, EEEWWW. I can not BELIEVE you want to talk about this. That is so GROSS." click. dialtone, from one sister. "I don't care, pick whatever you want." from another. and best one, from dear loser brother: "just get whatever's cheap."
I had to track down the priest (who had retired but whom was a longtime friend of my parents). Hire an organist, a cantor, select the songs and choose the people for the readings and to be mom's pallbearers. When my brother asked the night of the viewing if I had made arrangements to have some sort of catered luncheon after the funeral mass I quietly told him that I felt I had done enough and that I wasn't participating in any postgame festivities. That I was putting my family in the car and driving home.
I know that you are going to grieve the loss of your mom, your dear friend. Not a day passes that I don't think oh I gotta call mom and tell her something... can't. Tonight at my son's swim meet there was a child who's grandmother had come to cheer for the team. Her KNEES looked just like my mom's and I got all teary eyed just looking at them. Isn't that CRAZY!?! Sitting at a swim meet crying for gosh sake over some old lady's wrinkly, saggy, vercose-veiny KNEES!!!
I am still recovering from the stress of it all. The kicker of it is that now I am the executrix of her darned will. Six MORE months of agony!!!
You are not alone. I am with you baby!