I have a very good, long time friend, (since high school). She is also a good person. I have known her parents for just as long. Wonderful, warm friendly people. They are in their 80's but are still very active, physically and mentally. They have lived a few hundred miles out of state and have decided to move closer to their family "now that they are older". The solution was both families would sell their houses so not one family would be moving in with another family, and buy a home together. The parents would pay for the contruction of an "inlaw apartment" with a separate entrance so no one would intrude on the other which would be included in the purchase price of the house for which they would pay half.
They found a house that is partially complete and the plans are moving forward. She called me a few minutes ago and asked me to "pray for flexibility" so they can resolve problems that are emerging. She didn't have "time to get into the details" because she had to go. I took to the time to remind her that her parents were in their 80's. She wouldn't have them forever and it was unrealistic that they, who have been completely independent, were going to change and that it was incumbent upon her, rather than just pray for "Divine intervention", be the one who is flexible. She said that she would give that some thought. Lets hope she does. Blending families is difficult enough.
They found a house that is partially complete and the plans are moving forward. She called me a few minutes ago and asked me to "pray for flexibility" so they can resolve problems that are emerging. She didn't have "time to get into the details" because she had to go. I took to the time to remind her that her parents were in their 80's. She wouldn't have them forever and it was unrealistic that they, who have been completely independent, were going to change and that it was incumbent upon her, rather than just pray for "Divine intervention", be the one who is flexible. She said that she would give that some thought. Lets hope she does. Blending families is difficult enough.
I'd say for them, it's only the beginning...But sure, here's to flexibility - on both sides.
So much has changed since our parents raised us. And families in their primes are generally very busy today, whereas elderly parents generally have a lot more down time. It's good that your friend's parents have eachother and they're active. It can be more difficult when there's just one parent or if they've lost a spouse or have disabilities, etc. Then add little things you never consider like TV volume, 
eating habits (Mom or Dad likes to cook/feed and feelings get hurt if food's not eaten), home improvements (one family wants pool, the other doesn't, for example), visitors/guests in home(s), differences in parenting styles, utilities ("turn down/off AC, you don't need it" is one I heard from a friend recently, lol), and on and on. There's also the consideration of what happens if someone passes away, especially the child of the parents. We've seen that happen, too. These are all things that can be worked out, but you don't always think ahead of time about them. You can't, really; they'd be impossible to predict and depend on the individuals involved. You're right, though, flexibility and compromise are the key. It also takes a lot of care to see things from the other's point of view.
