*Wish*Upon*A*Star*
Mommy of an Angel
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2001
- Messages
- 490
I hope this is the right board to be posting this...
I don't normally post on this board, but I know you guys are all great and DH and I can use as many prayers that we can get right now...
Here is our story -
DH and I had been dealing with infertility for years and years. Finally, in March of this year, we confirmed that we were finally pregnant with our first child. We were elated, of course. It seemed as if all of our prayers had been answered. This was what we wanted more than anything in this world.
We had our first ultrasound shortly after confirming that we were pregnant, because there was a chance that we may have multiples. The ultrasound showed that we had one baby growing inside of me. Again, we were relieved and elated.
The pregnancy had progressed wonderfully - no morning sickness, I was gaining weight like I should have been, baby's heartbeat was perfect at every doctor's appointment.
On July 19th, we had our second ultrasound (our 20 week ultrasound). Everything looked great - we found out that IT's A BOY! They were not able to get a picture of the four chambers of his heart because of his position, so we scheduled another ultrasound for 24 weeks - which was August 17th - this past Tuesday.
We were so excited to see more pictures of our son, so we headed to the ultrasound and prepared for more good news, of course. After all, everything else had been going so wonderfully. I have been feeling him move around and his heartbeat is still very strong.
When the technician began to do the ultrasound exam, she asked me if I had felt any "leaking" lately - I said no - I haven't. She proceeded to find the four chambers of the heart, which is why we needed this second ultrasound, and then again, she asked me if I had noticed even the slightest bit of "leaking." To which I, again, told her no.
She said that she was concerned because the amount of amniotic fluid (the sac that surrounds the baby) was very, very low. This causes concern because if there is not sufficient amniotic fluid, the baby doesn't have any room to grow. She excused herself out of the room.
About fifteen minutes later, she poked her head back into the room (we were getting very nervous by now) and said that she was having the receptionist make an appointment with a perinatologist (a maternal/fetal specialist) for us the next morning. We asked her to explain a little bit about what her concerns were and she said that she couldn't tell us because she was only a technician. There was not a doctor in the office that afternoon.
So, DH and I, obviously concerned and upset, went home and immediately got on the internet and researched low amniotic fluids. It was very confusing, and it didn't look promising (it is not as much of a problem in the third trimester - I am still in the second), so we tried to not think about it - yeah, right, like that worked. LOL
The next morning (yesterday), we drove to the perinatologists office for our appointment. The first thing they did was take another complete ultrasound (with another technician) - she said that everything "looked good," which reassured us. She did say that there was not a lot of amniotic fluid, and that was a concern. When she was done with the ultrasound, she said that she was going to talk to the doctor (the perinatologist) and then he would be in to talk to us.
We waited in the room for about twenty minutes and finally, the doctor came in. He said that he wanted to do some of his own scanning, so he did some more tests with the ultrasound. He kept focusing on the heartbeat (or so I though), and I was a bit worried.
When he was finally done, I sat up and the first thing he said to us was, "everything looks pretty good." So, we thought, great - nothing to worry about.
He then proceeded to tell us that he was concerned with the very low levels of amniotic fluid (everyone kept telling us this, but they never told us why... we were getting very frustrated). He then explained to us how the amniotic fluid is produced - in the beginning of pregnancy, the baby's skin produces the amniotic fluid. Then, as the baby grows, he "drinks" the amniotic fluid and then it is "released" through his kidneys and bladder. Basically, he drinks his own pee. Kinda gross, but that's how it works.
The doctor's concern was that there was not adequate blood flow from the placenta to the umbilical cord to the baby's kidneys. He said that he thought the kidneys were basically not functioning. He further explained that the baby can only "handle" this for so long. We don't know how long this has already been happening, either, which is frustrating.
The doctor thinks that there is some sort of placental problem, but he cannot diagnose it, and there is nothing that we can do. Which is soooo frustrating. He also said that he would like to see us again in two weeks for another ultrasound, and that there is a good chance that the baby will not survive the next two weeks . I broke down right then and there. DH was in complete shock - he didn't realize what the doctor was saying. I don't think it hit him until we got home - that's when he finally broke down.
The doctor also said that the baby is only "measuring" at 20 weeks gestational age - according to the ultrasound, he is only 12 ounces - less than a pound. If the baby is able to stay alive for the next two weeks, the doctor said that he would recommend that I go into the hospital and be monitored for a week. At that time, they will give me steroids which will, hopefully, help the baby's lungs to mature enough so that he can survive outside of the womb. We have to wait and see how much he weighs at that point.
Either way - in two weeks, most likely, I will be delivering a baby. It is heartbreaking to think that he might not be a live baby. I never thought that this would happen to us. What makes it worse is that I have three friends that are due right around the same time as me and I just can't deal with them right now. They don't even know what's going on - I just can't handle this.
DH and I, as well as the rest of our families are praying for a miracle - miracles can happen. We are trying to stay optimistic, but it is so difficult. Especially when everyone says that there's nothing that we can do and they don't even know why this is happening.
Sometimes I am in complete denial - this isn't happening. And, then an hour later, I am crying my eyes out because I can't believe this is happening. It is such a roller coaster.
The doctor has recommended that I go into my regular OB for a "heartbeat" check (to be sure the baby is still alive) every couple of days until the two week ultrasound. We have our first check tomorrow. I don't know how we'll deal with this, but I keep telling myself that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. He must think we can handle this, some way, some how.
We appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers. Like I said, we are hoping for a miracle. All Michael (that's baby's name) needs is more time to grow. I have been drinking like crazy, hoping that will help - I would do anything right now to help.
Thanks for listening, and, again, we appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers.
UPDATE - 9/05 -
I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted... A lot has happened since.
"Some people dream of angels... we held one in our arms."
Alex (DH) and I went in for our "regular" OB appt on Thursday, August 26th. The doctor put the doppler on my belly to find the heartbeat, but, alas, she couldn't find his heartbeat. I wasn't *too* concerned because he had just been moving an hour before our appointment. The doctor didn't seem concerned at all - she said sometimes babies are laying face down and it's more difficult to find their heartbeats that way. I was slightly concerned, though, because we had never had a problem finding his heartbeat before - ever since the 16th week of pregnancy - now, almost ten weeks later, there was nothing.
The doctor asked one of her fellow doctors to come in and see if she could find his heartbeat. So, she tried as well. We were in the office for about forty-five minutes, trying to find Michael's heartbeat. And, nothing.
They decided to send us to the hospital for an ultrasound (the "regular" ultrasound office had closed by now), so Alex and I set out for the hospital. We were still very optimistic - the two doctor's hadn't really sounded too concerned.
We checked into the hospital - the Labor and Delivery floor - the doctor's office had called beforehand - they put us in a "triage room" and we waited. And waited. And waited some more.
Finally, a nurse came in and got my "information" - name, insurance info, etc. She said that the doctor would be in "shortly" to perform the ultrasound. Just to give a perspective for time - we were at the doctor's office from 3:15pm to 4:00pm. We arrived at the hospital at 4:25pm. The nurse came in to get our information at 5:15pm. By this time, Alex and I were getting very anxious because - what if something was wrong with Michael - wouldn't time be a factor??
At 6:30pm, the doctor finally came in with the ultrasound machine. TWO HOURS after checking in to the hospital with NO FETAL HEARTBEAT. Needless to say, we were not pleased. The doctor that came in was actually our second favorite doctor in the practice - she apologized profusely - apparently, the nurse had NEVER told the doctor that we were there!
Anyway, the doctor applied the ultrasonic gel and applied the probe to my belly. She looked around for quite some time. I couldn't really see the screen, but Alex could, and I knew it wasn't good news by the look on his face. After what seemed like an eternity, she looked at Alex and said - "he's gone."
Then, she looked at me with tears in her eyes. She didn't say antyhing to me, though. She just shook her head. I was numb for what felt like forever - I just couldn't believe it. When I looked at Alex and he was sobbing, I knew it had to be true. That's when I finally broke down. Our son was dead. Our first baby - gone.
The doctor explained that she wanted us to get one more ultrasound before they induced labor - that's right - I had to deliver him. She said that she wasn't sure when I would be able to get into the radiology department, but that she would do her best to get it done right away. She also explained that the longer Michael was in my belly, I was more prone to get an infection and get very sick.
At that point, I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. For forever. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to see anyone. I just wanted my baby boy to be okay. To be alive.
After the doctor left the room, the nurse came in and admitted me officially - I got my wrist bands, they did blood work, I got my IV put in. It was just so unbelievable. I was in complete shock.
Alex called both sets of parents, his work, and my work to explain what was going on. His parents, my parents, and my brother all were up in the hospital before we knew it. My father also called my two aunts, and told them not to come up to the hospital, but of course they did anyway.
It was amazing just how much support we had. It's just so unfortunate it was for the reason it was for.
Around 9pm, they moved us into a private room. They explained that the floor was getting very busy and that the room we were in (it had two beds) may be occupied by a laboring woman. They were very sensitive to my feelings.
Finally, around 11:00pm, a transport person came into my room with a wheelchair. They were going to take me to the radiology department for the ultrasound. Alex had gone home to check on the dog, so my mom went with me down to the ultrasound. Alex actually showed up right after we left, but he stayed in the room with the rest of our families.
I was wheeled down to the department. I was dropped off in a cold room with an ultrasound machine in the middle of the room. The technician came out and introduced himself and got me onto a gurney where I would lay while he performed the ultrasound. He then said we were waiting for the OB resident to "supervise" the ultrasound.
About twenty minutes later, the resident peeked her head in, and they did the ultrasound. No one said a word, even after the ultrasound was completed. I couldn't see the screen, and my mom had no idea what she was looking at, so she couldn't tell me anything.
When the technician put me back in the wheelchair, we asked him if he confirmed that there was no heartbeat and he told us that he couldn't tell us - a doctor had to tell us, and we might not know until tomorrow morning...
With that, he wheeled me back to the transport guy and then I was taken back up to my room. Alex was furious when we told him what had happened, so he went out to the nurses station and demanded an explanation. Had Michael's heartbeat stopped or not?
Alex came back with the resident that had "supervised" the ultrasound and she confirmed that there was no heartbeat. They explained that they would start to induce labor. They told us that it would probably take some time, so we sent everyone home. They could come back in the morning.
They used a pill called Cytotec to induce labor. It's inserted into the cervix and it "ripens" the cervix. They explained that since Michael was no longer alive, they were going to be giving me a dose that was 20 times stronger than normal!! Ouch!!
After the Cytotec was inserted, Alex and I tried to get some sleep. We were interrupted by the nurses a few times. I couldn't get comfortable, so I hardly slept at all.
My parents poked their heads in the room at 6am - they couldn't sleep either. I was contracting, but it wasn't too bad yet. More Cytotec was inserted around 6:30am, and the contractions started to get VERY PAINFUL around 8:30am. I was breathing through them, managing as well as I could. Alex kept trying to get me to ask for pain medication, but for some reason, I kept refusing. I don't know why.
I threw up twice - I hate throwing up. The contractions finally became unbearable, so we asked for some pain meds. They gave me some morphine, and then they decided to also give me an epidural. Once that was in, and working - I felt so much better. I finally got some sleep. I would drift in and out of consciousness.
My water broke shortly after the epidural was placed. And, Michael was finally born at 12:35pm on Friday, August 27th, 2004. Alex and I were the only ones in the room, which was the way we wanted it. He weighed 15.5 ounces, almost one pound. He was 11 inches long and he was absolutely beautiful.
We were able to hold him and take pictures of him. We also got his fingerprints and his footprints. He had a little bit of blonde hair, too. He was just beautiful. All of the rest of our family (there was a TON of them there) were also able to hold him.
We had the hospital chaplain baptize him as well.
Eventually, it was time for him to go. We had requested an autopsy be performed so that we know EXACTLY what happened. We do not want to have to go through this again with a subsequent pregnancy.
We had calling hours at a beautiful funeral home for him on Monday, and a private memorial service for him on Tuesday. He is buried in a beautiful cemetary close to our home, and we have been able to visit him every day so far.
This is an extremely difficult time in our lives right now - we should be eagerly anticipating the arrival of our son, not visiting him in a cemetary. Unfortunately, God decided that our son was destined to be an angel. It will take me a very long time to accept that, but I'm working on it.
Alex and I would like to thank you all from the bottom of our hearts for all of your care, concern, and support. Unfortunately, it ended up the way it did. It is so nice to know that so many people care about us.
Thank you again, and God Bless.
I don't normally post on this board, but I know you guys are all great and DH and I can use as many prayers that we can get right now...
Here is our story -
DH and I had been dealing with infertility for years and years. Finally, in March of this year, we confirmed that we were finally pregnant with our first child. We were elated, of course. It seemed as if all of our prayers had been answered. This was what we wanted more than anything in this world.
We had our first ultrasound shortly after confirming that we were pregnant, because there was a chance that we may have multiples. The ultrasound showed that we had one baby growing inside of me. Again, we were relieved and elated.
The pregnancy had progressed wonderfully - no morning sickness, I was gaining weight like I should have been, baby's heartbeat was perfect at every doctor's appointment.
On July 19th, we had our second ultrasound (our 20 week ultrasound). Everything looked great - we found out that IT's A BOY! They were not able to get a picture of the four chambers of his heart because of his position, so we scheduled another ultrasound for 24 weeks - which was August 17th - this past Tuesday.
We were so excited to see more pictures of our son, so we headed to the ultrasound and prepared for more good news, of course. After all, everything else had been going so wonderfully. I have been feeling him move around and his heartbeat is still very strong.
When the technician began to do the ultrasound exam, she asked me if I had felt any "leaking" lately - I said no - I haven't. She proceeded to find the four chambers of the heart, which is why we needed this second ultrasound, and then again, she asked me if I had noticed even the slightest bit of "leaking." To which I, again, told her no.
She said that she was concerned because the amount of amniotic fluid (the sac that surrounds the baby) was very, very low. This causes concern because if there is not sufficient amniotic fluid, the baby doesn't have any room to grow. She excused herself out of the room.
About fifteen minutes later, she poked her head back into the room (we were getting very nervous by now) and said that she was having the receptionist make an appointment with a perinatologist (a maternal/fetal specialist) for us the next morning. We asked her to explain a little bit about what her concerns were and she said that she couldn't tell us because she was only a technician. There was not a doctor in the office that afternoon.
So, DH and I, obviously concerned and upset, went home and immediately got on the internet and researched low amniotic fluids. It was very confusing, and it didn't look promising (it is not as much of a problem in the third trimester - I am still in the second), so we tried to not think about it - yeah, right, like that worked. LOL
The next morning (yesterday), we drove to the perinatologists office for our appointment. The first thing they did was take another complete ultrasound (with another technician) - she said that everything "looked good," which reassured us. She did say that there was not a lot of amniotic fluid, and that was a concern. When she was done with the ultrasound, she said that she was going to talk to the doctor (the perinatologist) and then he would be in to talk to us.
We waited in the room for about twenty minutes and finally, the doctor came in. He said that he wanted to do some of his own scanning, so he did some more tests with the ultrasound. He kept focusing on the heartbeat (or so I though), and I was a bit worried.
When he was finally done, I sat up and the first thing he said to us was, "everything looks pretty good." So, we thought, great - nothing to worry about.
He then proceeded to tell us that he was concerned with the very low levels of amniotic fluid (everyone kept telling us this, but they never told us why... we were getting very frustrated). He then explained to us how the amniotic fluid is produced - in the beginning of pregnancy, the baby's skin produces the amniotic fluid. Then, as the baby grows, he "drinks" the amniotic fluid and then it is "released" through his kidneys and bladder. Basically, he drinks his own pee. Kinda gross, but that's how it works.
The doctor's concern was that there was not adequate blood flow from the placenta to the umbilical cord to the baby's kidneys. He said that he thought the kidneys were basically not functioning. He further explained that the baby can only "handle" this for so long. We don't know how long this has already been happening, either, which is frustrating.
The doctor thinks that there is some sort of placental problem, but he cannot diagnose it, and there is nothing that we can do. Which is soooo frustrating. He also said that he would like to see us again in two weeks for another ultrasound, and that there is a good chance that the baby will not survive the next two weeks . I broke down right then and there. DH was in complete shock - he didn't realize what the doctor was saying. I don't think it hit him until we got home - that's when he finally broke down.
The doctor also said that the baby is only "measuring" at 20 weeks gestational age - according to the ultrasound, he is only 12 ounces - less than a pound. If the baby is able to stay alive for the next two weeks, the doctor said that he would recommend that I go into the hospital and be monitored for a week. At that time, they will give me steroids which will, hopefully, help the baby's lungs to mature enough so that he can survive outside of the womb. We have to wait and see how much he weighs at that point.
Either way - in two weeks, most likely, I will be delivering a baby. It is heartbreaking to think that he might not be a live baby. I never thought that this would happen to us. What makes it worse is that I have three friends that are due right around the same time as me and I just can't deal with them right now. They don't even know what's going on - I just can't handle this.
DH and I, as well as the rest of our families are praying for a miracle - miracles can happen. We are trying to stay optimistic, but it is so difficult. Especially when everyone says that there's nothing that we can do and they don't even know why this is happening.
Sometimes I am in complete denial - this isn't happening. And, then an hour later, I am crying my eyes out because I can't believe this is happening. It is such a roller coaster.
The doctor has recommended that I go into my regular OB for a "heartbeat" check (to be sure the baby is still alive) every couple of days until the two week ultrasound. We have our first check tomorrow. I don't know how we'll deal with this, but I keep telling myself that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. He must think we can handle this, some way, some how.
We appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers. Like I said, we are hoping for a miracle. All Michael (that's baby's name) needs is more time to grow. I have been drinking like crazy, hoping that will help - I would do anything right now to help.
Thanks for listening, and, again, we appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers.
UPDATE - 9/05 -
I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted... A lot has happened since.
"Some people dream of angels... we held one in our arms."
Alex (DH) and I went in for our "regular" OB appt on Thursday, August 26th. The doctor put the doppler on my belly to find the heartbeat, but, alas, she couldn't find his heartbeat. I wasn't *too* concerned because he had just been moving an hour before our appointment. The doctor didn't seem concerned at all - she said sometimes babies are laying face down and it's more difficult to find their heartbeats that way. I was slightly concerned, though, because we had never had a problem finding his heartbeat before - ever since the 16th week of pregnancy - now, almost ten weeks later, there was nothing.
The doctor asked one of her fellow doctors to come in and see if she could find his heartbeat. So, she tried as well. We were in the office for about forty-five minutes, trying to find Michael's heartbeat. And, nothing.
They decided to send us to the hospital for an ultrasound (the "regular" ultrasound office had closed by now), so Alex and I set out for the hospital. We were still very optimistic - the two doctor's hadn't really sounded too concerned.
We checked into the hospital - the Labor and Delivery floor - the doctor's office had called beforehand - they put us in a "triage room" and we waited. And waited. And waited some more.
Finally, a nurse came in and got my "information" - name, insurance info, etc. She said that the doctor would be in "shortly" to perform the ultrasound. Just to give a perspective for time - we were at the doctor's office from 3:15pm to 4:00pm. We arrived at the hospital at 4:25pm. The nurse came in to get our information at 5:15pm. By this time, Alex and I were getting very anxious because - what if something was wrong with Michael - wouldn't time be a factor??
At 6:30pm, the doctor finally came in with the ultrasound machine. TWO HOURS after checking in to the hospital with NO FETAL HEARTBEAT. Needless to say, we were not pleased. The doctor that came in was actually our second favorite doctor in the practice - she apologized profusely - apparently, the nurse had NEVER told the doctor that we were there!
Anyway, the doctor applied the ultrasonic gel and applied the probe to my belly. She looked around for quite some time. I couldn't really see the screen, but Alex could, and I knew it wasn't good news by the look on his face. After what seemed like an eternity, she looked at Alex and said - "he's gone."
Then, she looked at me with tears in her eyes. She didn't say antyhing to me, though. She just shook her head. I was numb for what felt like forever - I just couldn't believe it. When I looked at Alex and he was sobbing, I knew it had to be true. That's when I finally broke down. Our son was dead. Our first baby - gone.
The doctor explained that she wanted us to get one more ultrasound before they induced labor - that's right - I had to deliver him. She said that she wasn't sure when I would be able to get into the radiology department, but that she would do her best to get it done right away. She also explained that the longer Michael was in my belly, I was more prone to get an infection and get very sick.
At that point, I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. For forever. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to see anyone. I just wanted my baby boy to be okay. To be alive.
After the doctor left the room, the nurse came in and admitted me officially - I got my wrist bands, they did blood work, I got my IV put in. It was just so unbelievable. I was in complete shock.
Alex called both sets of parents, his work, and my work to explain what was going on. His parents, my parents, and my brother all were up in the hospital before we knew it. My father also called my two aunts, and told them not to come up to the hospital, but of course they did anyway.
It was amazing just how much support we had. It's just so unfortunate it was for the reason it was for.
Around 9pm, they moved us into a private room. They explained that the floor was getting very busy and that the room we were in (it had two beds) may be occupied by a laboring woman. They were very sensitive to my feelings.
Finally, around 11:00pm, a transport person came into my room with a wheelchair. They were going to take me to the radiology department for the ultrasound. Alex had gone home to check on the dog, so my mom went with me down to the ultrasound. Alex actually showed up right after we left, but he stayed in the room with the rest of our families.
I was wheeled down to the department. I was dropped off in a cold room with an ultrasound machine in the middle of the room. The technician came out and introduced himself and got me onto a gurney where I would lay while he performed the ultrasound. He then said we were waiting for the OB resident to "supervise" the ultrasound.
About twenty minutes later, the resident peeked her head in, and they did the ultrasound. No one said a word, even after the ultrasound was completed. I couldn't see the screen, and my mom had no idea what she was looking at, so she couldn't tell me anything.
When the technician put me back in the wheelchair, we asked him if he confirmed that there was no heartbeat and he told us that he couldn't tell us - a doctor had to tell us, and we might not know until tomorrow morning...
With that, he wheeled me back to the transport guy and then I was taken back up to my room. Alex was furious when we told him what had happened, so he went out to the nurses station and demanded an explanation. Had Michael's heartbeat stopped or not?
Alex came back with the resident that had "supervised" the ultrasound and she confirmed that there was no heartbeat. They explained that they would start to induce labor. They told us that it would probably take some time, so we sent everyone home. They could come back in the morning.
They used a pill called Cytotec to induce labor. It's inserted into the cervix and it "ripens" the cervix. They explained that since Michael was no longer alive, they were going to be giving me a dose that was 20 times stronger than normal!! Ouch!!
After the Cytotec was inserted, Alex and I tried to get some sleep. We were interrupted by the nurses a few times. I couldn't get comfortable, so I hardly slept at all.
My parents poked their heads in the room at 6am - they couldn't sleep either. I was contracting, but it wasn't too bad yet. More Cytotec was inserted around 6:30am, and the contractions started to get VERY PAINFUL around 8:30am. I was breathing through them, managing as well as I could. Alex kept trying to get me to ask for pain medication, but for some reason, I kept refusing. I don't know why.
I threw up twice - I hate throwing up. The contractions finally became unbearable, so we asked for some pain meds. They gave me some morphine, and then they decided to also give me an epidural. Once that was in, and working - I felt so much better. I finally got some sleep. I would drift in and out of consciousness.
My water broke shortly after the epidural was placed. And, Michael was finally born at 12:35pm on Friday, August 27th, 2004. Alex and I were the only ones in the room, which was the way we wanted it. He weighed 15.5 ounces, almost one pound. He was 11 inches long and he was absolutely beautiful.
We were able to hold him and take pictures of him. We also got his fingerprints and his footprints. He had a little bit of blonde hair, too. He was just beautiful. All of the rest of our family (there was a TON of them there) were also able to hold him.
We had the hospital chaplain baptize him as well.
Eventually, it was time for him to go. We had requested an autopsy be performed so that we know EXACTLY what happened. We do not want to have to go through this again with a subsequent pregnancy.
We had calling hours at a beautiful funeral home for him on Monday, and a private memorial service for him on Tuesday. He is buried in a beautiful cemetary close to our home, and we have been able to visit him every day so far.
This is an extremely difficult time in our lives right now - we should be eagerly anticipating the arrival of our son, not visiting him in a cemetary. Unfortunately, God decided that our son was destined to be an angel. It will take me a very long time to accept that, but I'm working on it.
Alex and I would like to thank you all from the bottom of our hearts for all of your care, concern, and support. Unfortunately, it ended up the way it did. It is so nice to know that so many people care about us.
Thank you again, and God Bless.
Prayers and good thoughts headed your way. Miracles DO happen and I'm praying for one for you, dh and baby Michael! 
