PPD Sufferers Unite!(insp by Christine's Anxiety thread)

[TheOtherVillainess]

Prior to having DS, I had heard and read about Post Partum Depression and thought, "Well, I've had bouts of depression before. This will be the same. I can handle it." Even though I have suffered from bouts of depression on and off since I was about 11 or 12, I was in NO way prepared for what the PPD would do to me.
I felt helpless and anxious all the time. I was worried that I was harming DS by not breastfeeding, even though I knew it wasn't possible to BF him. My body just wasn't making enough milk, even with him feeding 12-15 times a day and my pumping in between. I was sleeping all the time (normal for a new mom)and was freaking out because the house wasn't as clean as it normally would be. I was worried DS wasn't sleeping enough or that he was sleeping TOO much. I worried about his slightly low birthweight even though he was right on target with every thing else.
I cried all the time and had panic attacks. I was constantly yelling at DH for little things that would never bother me before. My life was a living hell until I talked to my ob/gyn and she suggested I take an antidepressent. She prescribed bupropion for me and ever since then my life has turned around. It took about 3 wks to work but once it started working things have been SO much better! I stopped freaking out and having panic attacks. I know that I'm not really hurting DS by formula feeding..he's doing just fine.
I thought at first I was the only person to ever suffer from PPD, even though my babycare books said it was common in mothers. DH went to the library and, through interlibrary loan, got some books on PPD for me. My favorite I think was "Behind the Smile" by Marie Osmond, detailing her experience with PPD. Now I know I'm not the only one who has this disease and that it won't ruin my life unless I let it. I know one day I'll have to let go of my crutch (the bupropion) and try to stand on my own two feet but I'm really scared of that day.

If you have PPD, feel free to post your experiences here. We are all sisters in this and we have to help each other through the bad times because it can get really,really bad. But then the good times are usually really,really good.

TOV

 

[Christine]

TOV--I remember some of your earlier *baby* posts and could recognize that new mother feeling!!

Despite my yucky anxiety problems, I had only a bit of PPD. About 4 days after my DD was born, I remember every little noise bothering me, I cried over everything, couldn't stand having people in the house *helping* me. Fortunately it lasted all of 2 days!! I was lucky. Then when I had my DS, I didn't get ANY of the depression. Weird.

I do remember failing at breastfeeding and the sting of that. You know, 13 years later I still really haven't gotten over that. Plus with all of my DS's food allergies and skin problems, I think he would have been better off for it.

I was doing some reading recently on Essential Fatty Acids (EFAs) and they suspect that one of the causes of PPD is a depletion of EFAs from the mother after pregnancy. Many severe cases of PPD have been cured by supplementing with EFAs such as fish oil or flax. Just an interesting tidbit.

 

[stitch79]

TOV, its good to hear that you are doing better.

Just out of curiosity, has your doctor indicated how long you should be on the antidepressant?

I have had a bout of depression before brought on by my birth control pills and that lasted about 8 months before it cleared out of my system. So, I was just curious how long PPD normally lasts in most people if it doesn't go away in a week or two. If you would rather not discuss it then I understand that as well.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

stitch--nope. But I'm sure we'll discuss it next month at my annual checkup. She thinks that the PPD was exarcerbated by my birth control pills and as soon as I got on the bupropion, she told me to chuck the pills out the window. Good thing it was a sample pack I got from her and not something I'd paid for.

I do remember failing at breastfeeding and the sting of that. You know, 13 years later I still really haven't gotten over that.

'Failing' at BFing was the reason I ended up leaving a couple of parenting msg boards I'd joined just prior to DS's birth. I was harrassed and made fun of and made to feel bad because I didn't do as *most* of the other mothers on the boards I visited did. I was jumped on because I don't BF, don't AP, have to work outside the home, vax'd DS, gave him formula, let him sit in a bouncy seat or swing while I did dishes or folded laundry, didn't eat 'all natural' foods...you name it, they found a reason to jump on me and how I am raising DS. That didn't make my PPD any better so I just left and let the nazis bother other people. I wasn't going to take it anymore.

So, I was just curious how long PPD normally lasts in most people if it doesn't go away in a week or two.

I don't mind discussing it at all,stitch. That's why I started this thread..so other sufferers could talk about their experiences and get support and help from each other.

From the material I've read, PPD can last for days,weeks, months or even years. It can occur at any time after the baby is born also, which is what mine did. I didn't really start feeling terrible until about 2 mos after DS was born, which was when I went back to work.It took me a month and a half to finally admit to myself I needed help.

TOV

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

How's this for bizarre PPD symptoms? About 3 days after DS6 was born, I called DH at work and said quite nonchalantly,"Hey, did you know that the baby has 6 toes on one foot?" .....When He picked himself up off the floor, I told him it was a joke. He did NOT think it was funny. Then when he got home that night, I told him off......

 

[Sonya]

OK, I'll come out and say I had it bad. I mean BAD! I had a horrible birth where DS and I almost died and no pain meds at first. Plus some horrible after effects from the C-section that left me in pain for 2 months. I slept sitting up for 3 weeks. I had to have 2 other medical procedures and couldn't BF b/c of everything that was going on.

I thought I was losing my mind....... and it was the scariest thing ever.

You know those pins and stickers that say funny things about losing one's mind like" losing my mind, back later"? Really, they aren't as funny as I thought they were.

I thought I was going to die, I couldn't be around DS without having a panic attack, I wouldn't eat, I just wanted to sleep. I didn't want to be in pain anymore. I thought I was going to be a horrible mommie b/c I couldn't be around my sweet baby without crying. DH was a saint for putting up with me and doing all of the child care and laundry and cooking.

I finally called the Dr and they didn't even want to see me, they knew from what I was telling them (an probably from the sound of my voice) what was going on. 2 weeks later I was better. By the end of 2 months I was fine, just little bouts now and then. I stayed on prozac for 9 months and then weened myself with the Drs help. I haven't and any problems since! Just a little panic when I realized I was going to be home all summer and didn't know what I was going to do with a 1yo.

However the meds made me gain weight that I now need to take off. I've never weighed this much not preggers!

This came out of nowhere for me. I've never been one to be depressed. I really don't have mood swings. I don't have bad PMS. I'm not unstable. I knew I might be blue after the birth but I had no idea I would get PPD. It can happen to anybody. I went back to work after my leave and a coworker's daughter just had a baby and she was telling me how here DD was crying all the time and it wasn't normal for her how she was behaving. I told her my story and she got her DD to go to the Dr where she was diagnosed with it. Thank goodness there is help out there!

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

I thought I was losing my mind....... and it was the scariest thing ever.

You know that song, "Unwell" by Matchbox 20? That's EXACTLY how I felt after the birth of DS.
I know what you mean, Sonya. One day when DS was about 4 wks old, I fed him and he spit up all over his outfit. So...I went to change him and stuck his outfit in the bathroom sink with cold water running so the stain wouldn't set. I totally *forgot* about the water being on and went back to the living room to sit down with DS. About an hour later, I hear water running and assume it's DH getting up and taking a shower. I go to ask him something and walk by the bathroom. I forgot to turn the water off. There was water EVERYWHERE....3 inches deep on the bathroom floor, all over the hallway next to it, all in the bathroom cabinatry, everywhere. I start screaming, which wakes DH up and begin a full on meltdown freak out. Thankfully, DH's cooler head prevails and the water gets cleaned up. He even took me out to dinner because he knew I'd had a hard day. I don't know how I'd have survived this without DH.


PPD can happen whether you have a hard birth like yours Sonya or an extremely easy birth like mine. I'm glad your friend's DD got the help she needed.

HRH--LOL... If our DS had been born with six toes on one foot..well, it wouldn't have been a surprise since he had six fingers on his left hand to start out with.

TOV

 

[Laurabearz]

I have a lot to say on this, but I dont have the time at the momment.... so I am book marking this and will post tonight or monday... LOL

been there.... done that..... thank goodness it is over.