Potty Training dilema...taking over a yr and a half.....

[Mommy2JulietJocelyn]

My DD will be 5 in March we started potty training at age 3. She will still have very small wet accidents. Not everyday but usually once or twice a week. Sometimes multiple times in one day. She says it doesn't hurt to go, I've asked. We have tried rewards, tons of encouragement & praise, frequent trips, charts, special treats, etc if it was suggested we tried it. DD says she just doesn't want to stop what she is doing to go. On the other hand my 3 1/2 y.o. DD has had no accidents of any kind for a month.

Is this normal? Am I missing something? Is there something I am not trying?I know everyone says she won't go to Kindergarten wearing diapers, and I know she won't, she has worn panties since she was 3 and she doesn't have accidents for her preschool teacher, it is only at home. I am at a loss as to what to do about it. Any words of wisdom?

 

[Miss LD]

Have you tried not talking about it just bringing her to the potty regularly? When we were toilet training DS the advice we got from his teachers wsa to not make a big deal, not ask, just bring him regularly.
At daycare there was no option - it was toilet time and all the kids went. (it was a preschool - age 2.5 up) Either they had their pull-up changed or went to the potty.
We'd tried rewards, etc and it just didn't work.
We set a timer for every hour, and when it went off DS had to "try".
He rarely has accidents now, but if he is really focused/excited it can happen.

 

[allyphoe]

DD says she just doesn't want to stop what she is doing to go.
she doesn't have accidents for her preschool teacher, it is only at home.

There ya have it. She doesn't want to stop what she's doing to go, so chooses to put it off and put it off until she can't hold it any longer.

At school, I suspect they require her to go periodically throughout the day. I know DD's preschool sent every kid to the toilet at least 2 times a day, and it may have been as many as 4 times between 9am and 3pm.

My DD had a couple of "couldn't quite make it in time" accidents that she told us were from intentionally delaying. We found it helpful to let her experience the natural consequences of that decision (so she had to clean herself up, hang the wet stuff to dry, and redress herself in dry clothes), set a timer ("if you can't decide on your own that it's time to go, you'll just have to go every 2 hours whether you need to or not"), and taking away the activity that was more interesting than peeing.

 

[ssdeverell]

My stepson would have accidents (not just pee) until he was like 8 or 9. It was always just because he would not want to stop what he was doing to use the bathroom. He was seen by a doctor who said there was nothing wrong with him. He also only did it at home, and then would try to hide the evidence. You would not believe the places we found dirty underwear days/weeks later. Yuck!! At our house, he was required to throw out the underwear and buy new ones with his own money when he ran out. Not sure if his mother did anything.

Anyways, I just found out my friend's DD9 is doing the same thing.

I think it is just what some kids do, and they do grow out of it. I feel your pain while it lasts though. It drove me nuts.

Good luck!

 

[Tumblwd501]

We had (and sometimes still have) this problem with our DS5. He was potty trained around 3.5, but would still have accidents a lot because he did not want to stop doing what he was doing to take a potty break.. so there would be a bit of "dancing" and then if we didn't notice his dancing, an ensuing accident. hehe

We did two things that seemed to help:
1) Make him try at regularly spaced intervals throughout the day. He didn't like this, but it obviously helped.
2)And we got fun foamy soap for when he washes his hands. So now he likes to wash his hands a lot and because he gets to use the foamy soap afterwards, going potty doesn't seem like such a chore to him.

Whatever you guys end up trying.. good luck!!

 

[asoko]

OMG - I just had this conversation with my mom because my almost 4 daughter won't go when she has to. She has tell tale signs and you ask if she has to go potty, she says no. I tried the letting her go in her pants and cleaning it up..no effect on her. She wants me to pause the TV so she doesn't miss anything, like that episode of Dora won't be on again

 

[kc10family]

This was my house as well and one day I just stop talking about it and let it go. We would change undies with no big deal and then one day out of the blue things changed. Now we have very very very few issues.

It is not easy but youcan try just letting it go for a month and see if that chages anything.

Best of luck. PD to you.

 

[NotUrsula]

DD says she just doesn't want to stop what she is doing to go.

Normally I would never advocate punishment in the context of potty training, but at that age, this attitude I would sort of punish for, with natural consequences.

If it were me and she deliberately refused to stop what she was doing in order to take a needed toileting break, then the activity is over as soon as the accident happens, and she wouldn't get to do that activity again for a period of time; at least a day and maybe longer. If it is that distracting, then she needs to step away from it for awhile.

I would also make her wash all her soiled clothing by hand (preferably at the same time that her favorite cartoon show is on), because after all, you don't want to have to stop what YOU are doing to do her laundry.

I don't think this would be effective with a 3 yo, but at 5 it shouldn't take long before she makes an effort to avoid the unpleasant consequences of trying to hold out.

 

[Whipperwhirl]

My daughter is 8 and still has occasional accidents - mostly when she laughs too hard or puts it off way too long. They are becooming fewer and far between. According to the peditrician these accidents arent the norm but are common - hang in there - dont be hard on the child - their body will catch up. Whip

 

[nikkers]

My DS (4 1/2) has potty issues. I know boys are different than girls. He had no interest in potty training until 3. After we started potty training, he would have so many accidents throughout the day. It was exhausting. At 4 he was still having issues. We also thought he was too busy to stop what he was doing. We would ask him to go potty, and he would always say "I don't have to go." I brought it up to our pediatrician at his 4 yr well check. She suggested we see a urologist. It turns out he is constipated. I know you are thinking, that would be easy to figure out. It wasn't. He was having bowel movements every day. They were actually large bowel movements. According to the urologist large bowel movements are a sign of constipation. They did some tests to confirm. Because he is constipated, he can't feel when he needs to urinate. He has to train his muscles to know when he has to go. We have him on a potty schedule. This has done wonders. He very rarely has accidents, except at night. He still wears a pull up to bed. They told us not to worry about night time accidents to concentrate on daytime. I know this may not be the case. But maybe talk to your pediatrician? Good luck. I know it can be very frustrating.

 

[houseful of boys]

All 3 of my boys have done this. Especially while playing video games they just did not want to stop. I know all books will discourage punishment for potty training and I would have not taken this step. But my DH is sterner than I am and he got tired of it with DS #1 told him the next time he had an "accident" he would take away his nintendo for a week. Would you believe, he NEVER did it again! It was a choice he was making, it was worth it for him to have a small accident than to stop playing. Once that changed and the consequence was going to be great the behavior stopped. Anyway, we had to do this with all 3 of our boys and probably will with #4 as well.

Just a note, I would never recommend this for someone who was actually potty training or if you suspected anything physically wrong. But in our case these boys were all completely trained and fine. They were just making a choice.

HTH

 

[makthompson]

I potty trained my DS at WDW. At home he didnt want to stop playing to go. But at WDW everyone has to stop and go potty. So, we would keep tabs of the time. Give him lots of water and then say OK it's time to potty who needs to go, everyone said i do and then he went with DH potty and then the girls went together. Didnt have an accident once in the park and has been potty trained ever since.

 

[badblackpug]

I think it's pretty normal. I have 2 that did (okay, 1 still does) this. We just handle it very matter of factly. We the "i didn't want to stop what I was doing" accident occurs, we do the following. Very matter of factly, don't get angry, or give attention, stop whatever activity the child is doing, immediately. Make the child bathe (and I mean fully bathe) change clothes, and wash and dry the soiled clothing. After several times they will realize that it is a lot easier to take the 5 minutes to go, instead of taking the time to wash, change, wash clothes, and dry clothes.

 

[Higginsgirls]

I was also told kids don't go to kindergarten in diapers, but that gave me a false sense of expectation and sadly I have to admit that meant pressure on me and my dd. We waited til the 5yr physical to finally go to the nephrologist. She is drier at home than at school and we had to resort to plastic panties over her underwear for school. Sadly, to her that meant her accidents were "hidden" and therefore she had more than before. I know some of it was due to transition/change issues. We have a VERY supportive school setting (which makes it easier to pay the high tuition) and they send her to the potty/check her every hour.

We have also tried to look at constipation - even taking a tiny bit of Miralax daily (under dr instruction). We have been on medication for a while now as well. In addition we have tried sitting backwards on the toilet and singing 3 "twinkle twinkle" length songs (to empty it all out). She is responsible for taking care of her own wet panties at home and after school each day. If she soils she has to wash them out. I have not stopped things and she has also not stopped the accidents yet. I have been told that physically her "holding muscles" are just not as mature as most of the other children. Some of it by now is habit, some is not wanting to leave activities, same as everyone else is indicating for older kid issues. The best advice however I'd give is STAY CALM. Take time out to regain calm. Have someone to talk to - it is very hard not to be upset about this because of the extra work and the child's potential social issues. But CALM PARENTS are the best. It's my daily goal!

 

[peemagg]

Not saying that this is what is going on with some kids, but my parents found out the hard way that it was not the fault of my sister or myself that we were still having accidents at 5 and older. They found out that we had an inherited problem that mostly hits Caucasian females. It took a couple of surgeries for both of us to correct the problem. Just something for those of you with little girls to keep an eye on.

 

[becalubob]

My dd was having accidents before she went to kindergarten. We tried everything with her. She said it didn't hurt to pee, knew when to go, etc. We took her to the urologist and came to find out she wasn't fully emptying her bladder. She had had an infection earlier, and that could have left her with feeling like she was empty when she actually wasn't. We had her go about a half hour after she would normally go, and I believe she was also given a prescription. Everything eventually got straightened out. We were also told sometimes little girls may hold it/have accidents to have some form of "control" in their life.... we didn't feel that was an issue, but I remember the doctor saying that.
My DH had a cousin who was a lot older and kept having accidents - turned out she had a pinched nerve.
Make sure it's nothing medical first.

 

[playswithstars]

My DD will be 5 in March we started potty training at age 3. She will still have very small wet accidents. Not everyday but usually once or twice a week. Sometimes multiple times in one day. She says it doesn't hurt to go, I've asked. We have tried rewards, tons of encouragement & praise, frequent trips, charts, special treats, etc if it was suggested we tried it. DD says she just doesn't want to stop what she is doing to go. On the other hand my 3 1/2 y.o. DD has had no accidents of any kind for a month.

Is this normal? Am I missing something? Is there something I am not trying?I know everyone says she won't go to Kindergarten wearing diapers, and I know she won't, she has worn panties since she was 3 and she doesn't have accidents for her preschool teacher, it is only at home. I am at a loss as to what to do about it. Any words of wisdom?

The daycare where I work many of our toddlers would not tell us if they had to go if given an option. The reason being what you said your daughter is having too much fun doing whatever to stop. Instead we don't let it up to just them to tell us. Regularly throughout the day they are told to try to use the bathroom even if they say they don't have to go.