Post Office Workers...I have a question

[Dominus]

my niece has dealt with this for TWO year. He ex-husband is still getting mail, often important mail at her home. She tried everything, putting it back in the mail box, marking it refused, taking it to the post office etc. She has no contact with him and he is not allowed to come onto her property to get it anyway. Well, now she just tosses it in the trash. Just really cuts down on the drama!

A forward (if one is even put in) is only good for 1 year. After that, the machines will send the mail to the address on the envelope. In the course of that 12+ months the route could have a new carrier, or a substitute carrier who won't know that the person had ever moved. Also, lots of people move and return (kids who come back from college, get separated and then get back together, etc. etc.), so the mail person has no way of knowing that person's specific status at the house until they deliver the mail and get the feedback. You'd be shocked how many weird relations there are that muddy the water. I once had a guy throw his son and his family out of the house. The dad fills out a change of address card in the son's name. He checks the box for "entire family". Let's say the name was John Doe and "entire family". So all the mail (dad's and mom's included) is being sent back. The dad is all mad because the forward was "only for my son and his family". So I ask him how we are supposed to know which Doe's should stay, and which should go? Dude was still thinking it was our fault.

 

[wendylady36]

Wow, mail sure is complicated.

 

[herdtoDisney]

my niece has dealt with this for TWO year. He ex-husband is still getting mail, often important mail at her home. She tried everything, putting it back in the mail box, marking it refused, taking it to the post office etc. She has no contact with him and he is not allowed to come onto her property to get it anyway. Well, now she just tosses it in the trash. Just really cuts down on the drama!

She can try putting her name in her box, saying something like this 'Neice Lastname ONLY' this might help.

 

[dfchelbay]

OP - that sounds a little passive -aggressive. You are trying to inform the sender that you refused? Seems like it is rubbing it in their faces.

My suggestion would be to toss it. If you simply MUST have the satisfaction of throwing it back in their face, put it in another envelope and mail it.

You have no information whatsoever to base such a nasty comment on. How do you justify typing that and submitting it and still feel good about saying something like. Not that it's any of your business, we NEVER want to receive one thing, verbal, oral or written, from the person who was instrumental in the suffering and ultimate death of our child, and is remorseless for it. If our feeling that way makes you judge us as acting passive aggressive, getting satisfaction, or rubbing something in someone else's face then why don't you take a walk in our shoes...go through what we've gone through, live in this aftermath, this new normal, try to go on with life. You go through that and see how you feel about seeing anything having to do with this person whatsoever getting delivered to you. We wish to be left alone and are not at all interested in being contacted by this person...sorry you see it differently...but then again, you haven't lived through this have you...you just keep standing there in judgment.

 

[Lucky4me]

You have no information whatsoever to base such a nasty comment on. How do you justify typing that and submitting it and still feel good about saying something like. Not that it's any of your business, we NEVER want to receive one thing, verbal, oral or written, from the person who was instrumental in the suffering and ultimate death of our child, and is remorseless for it. If our feeling that way makes you judge us as acting passive aggressive, getting satisfaction, or rubbing something in someone else's face then why don't you take a walk in our shoes...go through what we've gone through, live in this aftermath, this new normal, try to go on with life. You go through that and see how you feel about seeing anything having to do with this person whatsoever getting delivered to you. We wish to be left alone and are not at all interested in being contacted by this person...sorry you see it differently...but then again, you haven't lived through this have you...you just keep standing there in judgment.

I would think putting the letter in an envelope unopened and mailing it back to them would let the party know loud and clear you do not want anything to do with them. If not, I don't know the answer. I guess keep mailing them back unopened? How awful for you.
I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Lucky4me]

OP, I was also wondering about an order of protection? Would that keep them from mailing letters to you? I don't know how that law works, but I would think the letters could be seen as harassment.

 

[NYCDiane]

You have no information whatsoever to base such a nasty comment on. How do you justify typing that and submitting it and still feel good about saying something like. Not that it's any of your business, we NEVER want to receive one thing, verbal, oral or written, from the person who was instrumental in the suffering and ultimate death of our child, and is remorseless for it. If our feeling that way makes you judge us as acting passive aggressive, getting satisfaction, or rubbing something in someone else's face then why don't you take a walk in our shoes...go through what we've gone through, live in this aftermath, this new normal, try to go on with life. You go through that and see how you feel about seeing anything having to do with this person whatsoever getting delivered to you. We wish to be left alone and are not at all interested in being contacted by this person...sorry you see it differently...but then again, you haven't lived through this have you...you just keep standing there in judgment.

First, let me say I am so, so sorry for your loss. That has got to be the most devastating thing a person would have to go through.

Is this person in prison?? If so, you can simply contact the facility he or she is in and request to speak to the head of security. Tell them that this person is contacting you by mail and you want it to stop. Follow it up with a letter to the prison telling them that this person, who your family is a victim of, is sending you letters and you want no more contact from this person at all. They'll put a stop to it.

If this person is not in prison, I would keep the letters (unopened) and go to court and get a restraining order against this person.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

You have no information whatsoever to base such a nasty comment on. How do you justify typing that and submitting it and still feel good about saying something like. Not that it's any of your business, we NEVER want to receive one thing, verbal, oral or written, from the person who was instrumental in the suffering and ultimate death of our child, and is remorseless for it. If our feeling that way makes you judge us as acting passive aggressive, getting satisfaction, or rubbing something in someone else's face then why don't you take a walk in our shoes...go through what we've gone through, live in this aftermath, this new normal, try to go on with life. You go through that and see how you feel about seeing anything having to do with this person whatsoever getting delivered to you. We wish to be left alone and are not at all interested in being contacted by this person...sorry you see it differently...but then again, you haven't lived through this have you...you just keep standing there in judgment.

Yeah, still passive aggressive. Why not just toss the dang thing? You have dealt with this for weeks?
You know it is Easter week a time for forgiveness and rebirth. How do you know the letter is not expressing remorse?

 

[Judique]

Yeah, still passive aggressive. Why not just toss the dang thing? You have dealt with this for weeks?
You know it is Easter week a time for forgiveness and rebirth. How do you know the letter is not expressing remorse?

Since you refer to Easter week, where is your compassion for the possible suffering of others?

Why do you find it necessary to try to rub salt in a wound?

Why would the supposed remorseful one be entitled to one second of the OP's time?

OP - the postal employees seem to be on it - black it out and have it returned.

 

[Nancyg56]

First, let me say I am so, so sorry for your loss. That has got to be the most devastating thing a person would have to go through.

Is this person in prison?? If so, you can simply contact the facility he or she is in and request to speak to the head of security. Tell them that this person is contacting you by mail and you want it to stop. Follow it up with a letter to the prison telling them that this person, who your family is a victim of, is sending you letters and you want no more contact from this person at all. They'll put a stop to it.

If this person is not in prison, I would keep the letters (unopened) and go to court and get a restraining order against this person.

This is what I would do. I am so very sorry for your loss

Yeah, still passive aggressive. Why not just toss the dang thing? You have dealt with this for weeks?
You know it is Easter week a time for forgiveness and rebirth. How do you know the letter is not expressing remorse?

Who cares what is in the letter? The OP has the right to refuse mail from this person and has the right to let that person know that the mail is not welcome. No one is obligated to accept an apology, and no one should be chastized for refusing to read any letter from the person who is responsible for the death of their child. I believe that I would do the same thing, I would toss junk mail that I did not want but I would move Heaven and Earth to ensure that nothing from that person landed in my mailbox unless and until I wanted it.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Since you refer to Easter week, where is your compassion for the possible suffering of others?

Why do you find it necessary to try to rub salt in a wound?

Why would the supposed remorseful one be entitled to one second of the OP's time?

OP - the postal employees seem to be on it - black it out and have it returned.

Actually forgiving does far more for the forgiver than the one being forgiven. But forgiving isn't about saying the behavior was ok.

Op, I an sorry for your pain, but really think you need to let the whole mail thing go. Toss it and walk away from that negative energy. You dint need that in your life. Just my opinion.

 

[GinnyEmma]

This is what I would do. I am so very sorry for your loss



Who cares what is in the letter? The OP has the right to refuse mail from this person and has the right to let that person know that the mail is not welcome. No one is obligated to accept an apology, and no one should be chastized for refusing to read any letter from the person who is responsible for the death of their child. I believe that I would do the same thing, I would toss junk mail that I did not want but I would move Heaven and Earth to ensure that nothing from that person landed in my mailbox unless and until I wanted it.

Otoh, she doesn't have the right to have the mail service screen her mail. She could just put it in another envelope, send it back unopened and say do not contact us.

 

[Judique]

Actually forgiving does far more for the forgiver than the one being forgiven. But forgiving isn't about saying the behavior was ok.

Op, I an sorry for your pain, but really think you need to let the whole mail thing go. Toss it and walk away from that negative energy. You dint need that in your life. Just my opinion.

That, as you stated, is a matter of opinion.

And, forgiveness if warranted, may come with time. It cannot be forced.

 

[Nancyg56]

Otoh, she doesn't have the right to have the mail service screen her mail. She could just put it in another envelope, send it back unopened and say do not contact us.

There was a time when people were able to label mail "return to sender", the mail was returned "refused" and the message to the sender was clear. "Do not send me mail." I have gotten returned that was stamped "refused" and the impact was pronounced. I understand that because of the technology the mail service uses today the OP may not be able to send that message but I saw no indication that she was asking the post office to screen her mail. I believe that that to make that leap from her post is a stretch.

 

[allison443]

This is what I would do. I am so very sorry for your loss



Who cares what is in the letter? The OP has the right to refuse mail from this person and has the right to let that person know that the mail is not welcome. No one is obligated to accept an apology, and no one should be chastized for refusing to read any letter from the person who is responsible for the death of their child. I believe that I would do the same thing, I would toss junk mail that I did not want but I would move Heaven and Earth to ensure that nothing from that person landed in my mailbox unless and until I wanted it.

I feel terrible for the OP and it is understandable why she wants to refuse the mail. However, this has been going on for a month and it still keeps showing up in her mailbox, which has to very painful. Maybe the best way would be to send the letter back in a new envelope, without opening the original letter and with "refused" written all over the original letter.
OP I am very sorry for your loss.

 

[GinnyEmma]

That, as you stated, is a matter of opinion.

And, forgiveness if warranted, may come with time. It cannot be forced.

I'd say it is a decision not a feeling. I was raped at 17. I made the choice to forgive to move on with my life. It didnt make all the feelings magically disappear. You are more than welcome to cling to negative thoughts all you like of course. The concept has been proven however.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

The sender is most likely sending an apology. Maybe when the time is right, you will be able to open the letter and read it.
We obviously don't have all the details, but someday you may want to forgive...the letter may bring some sort of closure. Again, when the time is right.

I don't see the fuss about making sure the sender sees that it wasn't opened (by sending it back). I think that would further encourage him/her to re-send or attempt to contact you in another way.

I'm sorry for the loss of your dear child.

 

[herdtoDisney]

Otoh, she doesn't have the right to have the mail service screen her mail. She could just put it in another envelope, send it back unopened and say do not contact us.

She absolutely has the right to refuse mail. She does not need to put it in another envelope and pay postage. It will be returned to sender at no cost to her, because the sender used First Class postage. She does not owe anyone an explanation

 

[GinnyEmma]

She absolutely has the right to refuse mail. She does not need to put it in another envelope and pay postage. It will be returned to sender at no cost to her, because the sender used First Class postage. She does not owe anyone an explanation

well, obviously the usps doesn't agree. where is that right addressed? I don't think i said she needed to give an explanation.However telling the sender to leave her be is certainly a right. It is pretty not helpful to keep receiving it over and over and over. It helps no one.

Unless you think she is getting something positive from this interaction.

 

[herdtoDisney]

well, obviously the usps doesn't agree. where is that right addressed.

??? Um, yes the USPS agrees-she has the right to refuse that mail. It's in the manual (a pp linked it upthread) and I'm a carrier and send back refused mail all the time-I know how it works

And myself and other posters have addressed why she is getting it back-we explained how to end that.