Poll: When do you stop buying your adult children Christmas &/or Birthday gifts?

[Crankyshank]

I'm 32 and DH is 36. We still get gifts from our parents. Not big ticket gifts - I've not received that since I moved out, but still at least something!

 

[DVCLiz]

I had asked a question along the same line a few days ago. I posted that I hadn't spent as much on DS and his DFIN as I had on the younger kids and I was starting to feel bad about it, but after reading the posts from other adult kids, because I had gotten them nice things they had asked for, I didn't feel as guilty as I had felt before.

Unless they sit with a calculator under the tree (and they are not that type of kids) I am sure they won't even notice!

Yes, I saw your thread but I think there was also one about giving gifts to a 24 year old stepdaughter. I guess these questions are on many minds during the holiday season!!

Personally, I say "Presents are the reason for the season" - Bring 'em on!!!! I love getting a big stash and I make sure my daughters have enough money to buy me everything on my list and some surprises as well. DD19 sent a lovely basket from Harry & David yesterday because she knew we would enjoy it together as a family tonight when she is home from college. I know I'm getting a big stash because I see a bunch of boxes by my front door from Amazon and Williams Sonoma!!!

I LOVE presents!!!!! I can never understand those people who say "I don't need or want anything, and I can't come up with anything to tell my family I want." I NEVER have that problem!!! I have lots of interests and hobbies that lend themselves to gifting - reading, music, computers, needlework, house collections, etc. etc. etc. I could never run out of ideas for Christmas presents.......

 

[EthansMom]

I'm 34 and my Mom still sends me something small for my birthday and Christmas.

DH and I aren't big gift givers and also don't desire lots of gifts. But, as our kids get older, I would still get them a little something, whether for Christmas, birthday, or just because, if I saw something I thought they'd enjoy.

 

[Chattyaholic]

My son is 31 and daughter is 29. I will always buy them (and their spouses) gifts for their birthdays. Not sure how long I will keep up buying birthday gifts for grandchildren. At least through college, if they attend. But once they get married I will probably stop.

Now Christmas on the other hand, we have always bought gifts for them but I'm planning on asking how they feel about the adults not exchanging gifts. We don't get them anything and they don't get us (or their siblings) anything. Just buy for the kids and that's it. I'm not sure how they will feel about it. If they like the idea, fine, then we'll stop. But if they don't like the idea we'll just keep it as it is.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I am 34 and DH is 40. We receive things (mostly cash) from my MIL throughout the year for special occassions. My mom never gives us anything. And she stopped giving me Christmas and Birthday presents when she decided to not celebrate those days anymore. I am her only. My dad passed away when I was 12. My mom and I have a strained relationship and don't even speak much. My DH had to convince her to even attend my wedding shower. Anyway...too much emotional baggage from me.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I'll always buy DS gifts, but once he's an adult I will not feel the need to fill the tree for him. That part of Christmas is for children.

 

[Caitsmama]

I agree, i will never stop buying my dd gifts.. she is the light of my life -- even when she grows up.

 

[Diznotyzed]

This thread is interesting to me because although my folks did Christmas up pretty big while we were growing up, they pretty much stopped giving us birthday and Christmas gifts once we were out of the house. They've never done much in the way of presents for their grandchildren, either. It's not an issue of money, it's more like they can't be bothered. As a mother myself for over 20 years now, I just can't imagine not wanting to give gifts to my daughters no matter their age. As others have said, it's not about the things, it's a way to say "I care about you".

 

[Mkrop]

My mom goes all out for bdays and Christmas, I try to some times suggest a bigger ticket item so she wont but so much, like the year Dh wanted a snowblower, well she got that and tons of other stuff for him. I think she goes overboard on everyone esp her adult kids. One or two gifts for us would be nice but she has piles for all of us(me, DH, DBro28 and GF, Dbro24, and my two boys) The GF who is Jewish could not believe the pile my mom had for her last year, she said maybe she would convert

DH's parents do not do bday presents for the adults but do get stuff for the kids (although I think MIL was thrilled just to do the gift card thing for DS10's bday although she is hounding me about Christmas) DH and I use to get sweaters and stuff, always wrapped in the store bag, gussied up DH wraps like this too but now she just does gift cards. And it is not like she is older, she is more active than I am some days, but hey I am grateful nonetheless.

 

[kimmikayb]

Never, ever. My love for them doesn't change as they grow. I can't imagine not buying something if I have the means.

I will say in the last few year of my Grandma's life she didn't give gifts and we didn't expect anything. She couldn't get out anymore and she wasn't always right in the mind.

 

[4greatboys]

I will never stop buying gifts for my kids.

 

[disykat]

As evidenced by this poll, I don't think anyone on the other threads was talking about NO gifts whatsoever. Many people on those threads said that the big pile of presents and lists etc. stopped when they were adults though.

 

[Keli]

I still buy a gift for dd for her birthday (just one and it's usually not too expensive) and I've cut her Christmas down to $150 this year. I don't spend as much on her because she buys herself anything she needs.
I expect to cut the spending at Christmas down a little further when she marries. I plan to spend $100 each on her and her dh at that time. (Right now I spend $75 on her long time boyfriend for Christmas)

 

[mill4023]

Mine are still young, but I don't plan to stop buying them gifts when they are older, at least for Christmas. I'm sure it will go down from 5-10 christmas presents to 1 or 2 though.

My mom still sends gifts for DW and I, and we still send gifts for her. Last year, we bought her a new digital camera. This year, we're giving her one of the digital photo frames.

 

[MAKmom]

I am 34 and DH is 40. We receive things (mostly cash) from my MIL throughout the year for special occassions. My mom never gives us anything. And she stopped giving me Christmas and Birthday presents when she decided to not celebrate those days anymore. I am her only. My dad passed away when I was 12. My mom and I have a strained relationship and don't even speak much. My DH had to convince her to even attend my wedding shower. Anyway...too much emotional baggage from me.

Miss Jasmine I'm so sorry...

 

[Doe]

My mom still buys me a small gift. At Christmas she usually buys us an ornament or a Christmas decoration for the house. I treasure those and they're not very expensive. She still sends my money for my Birthday, about $25.

 

[Jacklynn]

My parents still buy me presents, and I am married. My husband gets almost as much as I do! We have always done a big Christmas. They have always done the whole "Christmas Club" at the bank. So between my sister and I they always spent about $1200, not because they are rolling in cash, but because they set aside money for Christmas from January 1st on. It hasn't changed since I got married. I can't imagine Christmas ever being different. My guess is it wouldn't be like that though if we didn't spend Christmas eve there and wake up there on Christmas morning (we live two hours away so we visit for a few days. I assume when we have children I of course will get way less because I assume they will take a lot of what they usually have set aside for me and give my children presents with that money.

 

[Camicar]

My mother was maternally challenged, to be kind. However and oddly, one area at which she excelled was in Xmas and birthday gifts. She really took gift giving seriously, I think, in part because in all other ways she was unable to communicate her feelings to us. In any case, she was always on the alert for ideas, would say nothing to make a surprise, and then at gift time, you would be so thrilled with her choices (although she always had one major clunker. Always.) I tried to do the same for her and always enjoyed her surprise at some gem I'd thought of and found for her.

Since she passed away, I find that my enjoyment of the season is far less. I now have no one who wants anything other than the specific items on their list and I now have no one who gives me a gift for which I haven't asked specifically. I feel like all we're doing is exchanging shopping lists and I don't know why we bother. I have to tell my dh and dd exactly what to buy me and in dh's case, I have to not only tell him the exact item, I have to tell him the store and aisle and shelf and if god forbid they moved it 6 inches he can't find it and I have to hear about how difficult it is to find it. One year he actually told me to buy my own gift and he'd wrap it up for me. Uh, no. Don't bother. My dd does her best, but she is not gifting gifted. All of my other gifts are pretty generic (candles I don't use, body lotions I don't use, food I don't like).

I still realllly miss getting that big package from her and knowing that someone put time, thought, and effort into trying to make me happy.

 

[N.Bailey]

Wow, I have never seen a more unanimous poll in my life. Count me among those who say, never.

 

[Kimberle]

I think this question may have something to do with another thread about the subject I saw recently, asking the same question. In that one, the responses were mostly along the opposite line - "I stopped expecting gifts at Christmas when I became an adult" sorts of things.

No, this didn't come out of another thread. I don't know which thread you are referring to.