Politically correct Christmas

[binny]

I found this online and posted on the pc thread but its too good and needs its own thread


A Politically Correct Christmas Poem

Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened".

To show you the strangeness of today's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.

So...half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.

And as for gifts...why, he'd never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur...
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales...while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone might get hurt,
besides - playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn't figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay,
but you must have to admit he was having a very bad day.
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone, everywhere...even you!
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...


"MAY YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES, ENJOY PEACE ON EARTH"

 

[TheDisneyGirl02]

That was cute...and ever so true!!!!

Thanks for posting that!!!!

 

[fabshelly]

Twas the week before Christmas and all through the House
No bills were passed ‘bout which Fox News could grouse;
Tax cuts for the wealthy were passed with great cheer,
So vacations in St. Barts soon would be near;

Katrina kids were nestled all snug in motel beds,
While visions of school and home danced in their heads;
In Iraq our soldiers needed supplies and a plan,
Plus nuclear weapons were being built in Iran;

Gas prices shot up, consumer confidence fell;
Americans feared we were on a fast track to…well…
Wait--- we need a distraction--- something divisive and wily;
A fabrication straight from the mouth of O’Reilly

We can pretend that Christmas is under attack
Hold a vote to save it--- then pat ourselves on the back;
Silent Night, First Noel, Away in the Manger
Wake up Congress, they’re in no danger!

This time of year we see Christmas every where we go,
From churches, to homes, to schools, and yes…even Costco;
What we have is an attempt to divide and destroy,
When this is the season to unite us with joy

At Christmas time we’re taught to unite,
We don’t need a made-up reason to fight
So on O’Reilly, on Hannity, on Coulter, and those right wing blogs;
You should just sit back, relax…have a few egg nogs!

‘Tis the holiday season: enjoy it a pinch
With all our real problems, do we honestly need another Grinch?
So to my friends and my colleagues I say with delight,
A merry Christmas to all,
and to Bill O’Reilly…Happy Holidays.

 

[fabshelly]

Twas the month before Christmas
And as I lit candles,
Conservatives stirred -
They were onto a scandal.

"They want to kill Christmas!"
Came the cry from the right:
"They want to axe Bethlehem
And O! Holy Night!
"They're after the Christ child
And Joseph and Mary
And shepherds and wise men;
These liberals are scary."

Who? I said. Who
Is behind these cruel plots?
"Well, we're not really sure,
But we heard it on Fox.
"Fox fair and balanced;
Esteemed, and most highly.
We're not really sure -
It was prob'ly O'Reilly."

So I grabbed the remote
And clicked over to Fox
And there snarled O'Reilly.
(Imagine my shock):

"The liberals, the commies,
The A.C.L.U.
They want to steal Christmas
From me and from you.
They say 'Happy Holidays'
And acknowledge the Jews
By throwing in Hannukah."

I was really confused.
"And what's this with Kwanzaa?"
The O'Reilly elf said.
"Some guy made it up,
Made it up from whole cloth.
And somewhere the pagans
Are worshipping trees
And Muslims turn eastward
On rugs on their knees."

"The Democrats did it,"
He said with a roar.
"It was Kerry and Biden
And Clinton and Gore."
And then with a smirk
He fired heavy artillery:
"If you want my opinion,
I bet it was Hillary."

I sat there in silence,
Stunned in my jammies. My pulse was just racing
My hands were all clammy.
Who can save Christmas
From plots so barbaric
That turn Jesus' birthday
To a season generic?

What will happen to Christmas?
Should I recycle my creche?
And toss out John's gospel
'Bout Word become flesh?
Should I toss out the angels?
They could get me arrested.
I was, lo, sore afraid
And my soul greatly tested.

Who will save Christmas?
George W. Bush?
Who will save Christmas
When shove comes to push?
We could call the Marines
But they've all been assigned.
This disaster needs FEMA.
Oh . . . never mind.

Then I heard a weird jingling
From somewhere in back
And grabbed for the pistol
I'm licensed to pack.
I pulled back the slide
And quick chambered a round
And yelled out "Freeze dirtbag!
Don't dare make a sound!"

The guy, he was balding
And wore a blue suit.
He was driving a pickup
That said "Brown & Root."
His eyes they were squinting,
His voice, slightly nervous
Said, "Richard B. Cheney.
I'm here, at your service."

I was stunned at the sight
Of the man who's the veep.
And I thought I was dreaming,
In some weird right-wing sleep.
I heard him cough softly
Then say, "It's not fiction.
"First Comet is venison.
"And next I'll shoot Vixen."
"I killed off the reindeer,"
He softly exhaled.
"And I sent Santa off
To a black CIA jail.

This secular nonsense,
We'll end it, right quick.
I've got other priorities
Or my name's not St. Dick."
He said, "Christmas's really
Just all about loot
You can stuff in your bag
And then dis-t'-ri-bute
To friends and to donors
And pals who are cronies,
It's not about children
Or Democrat phonies.

"The trick that I've learned,"
St. Dick said like a Scrooge,
"Is avoiding the blame.
Instead, get you a stooge,
So the stooge takes the heat
As you make dead certain
That the goodies pile up
Inside Halliburton."

"So we'll blame it on liberals,
And commies and gays.
We'll blame it on Democrats
And folks who don't pray."
We've got Bill O'Reilly
To stir up the base
While we haul all our loot
To an undisclosed place."

Then he turned with a wink,
Jumped back into his pickup.
He nodded his head
And then said with a hiccup:
"I'll tell you one thing
Gives me great satisfaction:
'The liberals stole Christmas'
Is a dandy distraction."

 

[fabshelly]

Rosa Brooks:
The Grinch factor:

THE WHOS down in Who-ville
Were a tolerant lot:
Who Christians, Who Muslims — a Who melting pot.
Who Hindus! Who atheists! Who Buddhists, Who Jews!
Who Confucians, Who pagans,
And even Who Druze! The Who 1st Amendment's Establishment Clause
Said, "No creches in courts," and the Whos loved their laws.
Because somehow … they worked. The Whos rarely fought,
Mostly, each Who did just what he ought.
Every Who down in Who-ville
Loved the Consti-Who-tion a lot.
But the O'Reilly, who lived up in Fox-ville,
Did NOT!

The O'Reilly DETESTED the Who Consti-Who-tion,
He thought it was some sort of liberal pollution.
Now, please don't ask why, for I really don't know.
Perhaps it had something to do with his show.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
Or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his RATINGS
Were two sizes too small.

Well, whatever it was, bad ratings or tight shoes,
He stood there one Christmas, just hating the Whos.
"They're so multicultural," he sneered, "and wherever they're from,
They lack the good sense to just launch a pogrom!
There's no Who ethnic cleansing, no Who Inquisition,
If this PEACE can't be stopped, I may lose my position.
Those sensitive, tolerant Whos! It's quite grating.
I must think of something to fix my show's ratings!"

Then he said with a smirk, "I know just what to do
To destroy all the joy in the land of the Who!
I think I can end that PC Who peace.
This year, not one Who will enjoy his Roast Beast!
"Here's just how I'll do it:
I'll tell each Who Christian
That the liberal Whos have devised a new mission
To take away Christmas!
To mock and destroy
Till no little Who Christian is left with a toy!

And when secular Whos — most likely Who Jews —
Attempt to deny it? Why,
I'll just SPIN THE NEWS!
"I'll bluff and I'll lie; I'll sow seeds of mistrust.
Soon they'll form battle lines into
Who 'THEM' and Who 'US,'
Based on which Whos prefer
To sing out, 'Merry Christmas'
And which Whos say, 'Kwanzaa!'
Or 'None of your business!'
"They'll get so confused and so MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD
That they won't even notice the way
They've been HAD!
They'll be so busy squabbling
They won't notice the war!
They won't care if Who rich
Start to trample Who poor!
"Forget torture, and terror, and taxes, and health!
They'll waste all their time on some red-hatted elf.
"And the Who Consti-Who-tion?
They'll stretch it or burn it!
If it came as a gift, they would try to return it!

"The Who Christians will think that they fight the good fight,
They won't know that they're puppets of the Fox-ville Far Right.
They'll forget all that DRIVEL about faith, hope and LOVE
And say 'Merry Christmas' with a sneer and a shove.
"But I? I will prosper! My ratings will soar,
And maybe at last they'll forget I'm a BOOR.
Then for every Who Christmas tree
A most fitting adornament:
My O'Reilly MUG on the tackiest ornament!"

… And what happened then?
Well, the rest's up to you.
But I know what I'd like this holiday season:
A little less NOISE and a little more reason.
So Who Christians! Who Buddhists! Who Muslims! Who Jews!
WHOever you are, just say NO to Fox "News!"
If you don't want to lose the whole Who Consti-Who-tion
It's time to reject the Far Right Revolution.
So turn off O'Reilly and everyone shrill,
Let's have some peace
And old-fashioned GOODWILL.

 

[binny]

seriously? It wasnt a political thread. It was just a funny.

 

[rie'smom]

Binny, the poem was so cute. I emailed it to my dad, so about a thousand million people will now get it LOL.

 

[chobie]

seriously? It wasnt a political thread. It was just a funny.

It is funny, and so are FabShelly's poems.

 

[disneyfan67]

seriously? It wasnt a political thread. It was just a funny.

I know it wasn't and Fabshelly needs to do two things.

1. Start your own thread if you want to post political crap. There was no reason to hijack someone's thread in this manner. It wasn't a political thread to begin with.

2. Get a life. You want to post stuff like that to feed your rigid ideology, fine. Do it on your own time and your own thread. Anyone who has ever read one of your posts knows where you stand. No need to hijack.



Thank you Binny, it was a funny poem.

 

[MrsKreamer]

Twas the week before Christmas and all through the House
No bills were passed ‘bout which Fox News could grouse;
Tax cuts for the wealthy were passed with great cheer,
So vacations in St. Barts soon would be near;

Katrina kids were nestled all snug in motel beds,
While visions of school and home danced in their heads;

 

[chobie]

I know it wasn't and Fabshelly needs to do two things.

1. Start your own thread if you want to post political crap. There was no reason to hijack someone's thread in this manner. It wasn't a political thread to begin with.

2. Get a life. You want to post stuff like that to feed your rigid ideology, fine. Do it on your own time and your own thread. Anyone who has ever read one of your posts knows where you stand. No need to hijack.



Thank you Binny, it was a funny poem.

FabShelly can post whatever she would like on whatever thread she would like. The only thing she can't do, as per Disboard rules, is make personal attacks.

And the OP's poem is just as political as FabShelly's.

 

[JadenLayne]

It was funny and so true!

Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!!!!!!

 

[tiggersmom2]

I know it wasn't and Fabshelly needs to do two things.

1. Start your own thread if you want to post political crap. There was no reason to hijack someone's thread in this manner. It wasn't a political thread to begin with.

2. Get a life. You want to post stuff like that to feed your rigid ideology, fine. Do it on your own time and your own thread. Anyone who has ever read one of your posts knows where you stand. No need to hijack.



Thank you Binny, it was a funny poem.

I so agree! Since the thread has already been hijacked I guess we should just be thankful she hasn't gone on another rant how Bush orchestrated Katrina for the express purpose of creating genocide......

 

[Disneyland1084]

 

[disneyfan67]

I so agree! Since the thread has already been hijacked I guess we should just be thankful she hasn't gone on another rant how Bush orchestrated Katrina for the express purpose of creating genocide......

True, so I guess I can be grateful for something. You take what you can get on the CB.

 

[rie'smom]

I know it wasn't and Fabshelly needs to do two things.

1. Start your own thread if you want to post political crap. There was no reason to hijack someone's thread in this manner. It wasn't a political thread to begin with.

2. Get a life. You want to post stuff like that to feed your rigid ideology, fine. Do it on your own time and your own thread. Anyone who has ever read one of your posts knows where you stand. No need to hijack.



Thank you Binny, it was a funny poem.

Absolutely!!

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

You take what you can get on the CB.

TOV

 

[binny]

yeah well Merry Christmas anyway, I tried.

 

[disneyfan67]

FabShelly can post whatever she would like on whatever thread she would like. The only thing she can't do, as per Disboard rules, is make personal attacks.

And the OP's poem is just as political as FabShelly's.

Hijacking a thread isn't kosher, especially one that just started out. It seems to be ok if you're on a thread that has a million pages to it and the original point is lost, but this thread was brand spanking new. The Op wasn't trying to be political and I don't recall the OP being a regular on the various political threads either.

As for you thinking that the OP's poem was as political as what Fabshelly wrote. Wrong. There is no mention of either political party in the OP's original post or any real names mentioned. It's all about the P/C culture and how things have changed in this country. P/C is not home to just one party or person, it's found all over our culture. Not one political figure was named or made fun of.

Fabshelly is free to create her own thread and stock it with as many "Bush sucks"/"Fox news sucks" poems as she can find on the net. It's her right to do so and I have no problem with it, just don't hijack a harmless thread to get your ideological talking points in. That's just not fair to the OP, IMO.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I must be confused Don't they all pretty much deal with the same thing more or less Why the animosity? It's the Christmas season,Peace on Earth-Goodwill towards Men!!