Please tell me whst you think of this

[Disney Doll]

I'd ask DH what he thinks, since it's his side of the family. If he doesn't think you have a need to go, I'd have "another commitment that I just couldn't get out of" for that evening.

 

[quasar4legs]

I LOVE my niece and would sell a kidney in order to be at her special celebration.

It really sounds like this not a family function that is important to you..............so skip it and send a nice card.

 

[Earstou]

You know, the funny thing about weddings is that though I agree that guests should not have to pay to attend the wedding, often couples will ask friends and family to be in the wedding party without any concern for how much money they have to fork out for dresses/tuxes and gifts.

When my dd got married, she worried about her friends financial situations (poor college students). She decided to pay for the wedding attire of her bridesmaids and groomsmen.
She also had a note on her wedding website, telling people that she preferred they not bring a gift if they could not afford it, she would rather have them at her wedding to celebrate with her than a gift. They also had charities listed on their register, and nothing else!
Now married, they are still poor college students with mismatched silverware, dishes, etc. but all their friends were at the wedding!
So some brides and grooms are thoughtful!

 

[Christine]

When my dd got married, she worried about her friends financial situations (poor college students). She decided to pay for the wedding attire of her bridesmaids and groomsmen.
She also had a note on her wedding website, telling people that she preferred they not bring a gift if they could not afford it, she would rather have them at her wedding to celebrate with her than a gift. They also had charities listed on their register, and nothing else!
Now married, they are still poor college students with mismatched silverware, dishes, etc. but all their friends were at the wedding!
So some brides and grooms are thoughtful!

I think that is a great attitude to have. I have always felt like a wedding/wedding reception is about celebrating with yourselves, friends and family and not at all about the venue and the gifts.

 

[Bob NC]

Sounds like they want to get together and celebrate and spend time with friends and family but maybe they can't afford to pay for a big get together.

I would go.

If you don't want to, just don't.

 

[LuvOrlando]

My first thought was I would go if DH wanted to go, or if me not attending would stir family trouble because $40 is worth 40 years of peace. But then I started to read more and it seems that some folks have thought of stuff I didn't. I would want to know more about the actual wedding so a phone call wold be made with me asking the whens and wheres so I could try to make the actual ceremony. Is this being done as a gift grab second best wedding party for those not invited to the 'real' wedding & reception or is this couple just in love and low on money. If they are in love and low on money tackiness would be the least thing on my mind... sometimes etiquette is just a luxury for rich folks IMO. For goodness sakes, back in NYC when my old time family members got married they used to have backyard weddings they called 'football weddings' where all the guests cooked and pitched in for the bride & grooms day... and no-one called it anything but love

 

[npmommie]

DH an I recieved an invite to CELEBRATE the marriage of 1 of his neices (this in not a wedding invatation)

The invatation is to dinner at a resturant for 20.00 per person. With a fixed menu of fried chicken mashed taters gravy biscuits an green beans and corn on the cob served skillet style so apparently all you can eat which DH an I avoid all you can eats because we dont know when to stop

We don't spend 40.00 on dinner for the 2 of us ever it just isn't in our budget to do so to many places to get good food much cheaper an while I like fried chicken it's a cheap meal to fix.

Is this the normal thing for a bride to do these days to invite ppl to celebrate with her at the expense of the guests?

Note the bride nor her parents ever came to any birhday parties, graduations,weddings, baby showers my dd's had nor did they ever send a gift or a card.

I would politely decline

my BIL was invited to a birthday party a friend's wife was throwing for him. my bil and sil went, it was held at a swanky hip restaurant........they had no clue until the bill came, that they were expected to pay their own way, they ended up paying $100 toward the "event"
I couldn't believe that!

 

[Ember]

If they are in love and low on money tackiness would be the least thing on my mind... sometimes etiquette is just a luxury for rich folks IMO. For goodness sakes, back in NYC when my old time family members got married they used to have backyard weddings they called 'football weddings' where all the guests cooked and pitched in for the bride & grooms day... and no-one called it anything but love

I'm sorry, but I disagree with this completely. If you have very little money then provide less for your guests or invite fewer people. You could have a wedding with only close friends and family and take them for dinner. Or have an afternoon wedding and serve only a light brunch or even just cake and drinks. There is no rule that it has to be a grand, lavish affair.

However, if a grand affair it what is wanted, then save up and pay for it. I saved for years to pay for my wedding, because it was important to me, and I only had 21 guests. At no point did I think, "Hey, if I hit up my guests to pay for everything I can have the wedding I want and the gifts!"

People who want everything, but are willing to put nothing in to it, rather expecting others to foot the bill, are rude. End of story. I am starting to doubt people actually get married for love anymore. Sadly, it seems to be an industry designed to extort more and more out of loved ones.

OP, politely decline this horribly rude and tacky "invitation." Next they'll want you to contribute to furnishing their home as a "house warming" and fund their children with the excuse of a "shower."

 

[Tiggerlover91]

DH an I recieved an invite to CELEBRATE the marriage of 1 of his neices (this in not a wedding invatation)

The invatation is to dinner at a resturant for 20.00 per person. With a fixed menu of fried chicken mashed taters gravy biscuits an green beans and corn on the cob served skillet style so apparently all you can eat which DH an I avoid all you can eats because we dont know when to stop

We don't spend 40.00 on dinner for the 2 of us ever it just isn't in our budget to do so to many places to get good food much cheaper an while I like fried chicken it's a cheap meal to fix.

Is this the normal thing for a bride to do these days to invite ppl to celebrate with her at the expense of the guests?

Note the bride nor her parents ever came to any birhday parties, graduations,weddings, baby showers my dd's had nor did they ever send a gift or a card.

Ummm....I don't even no where to start so I'll keep it simple...in the words of Jar Jar Binks...HOW WUDE!

Come celebrate, but we want YOU to pay YOUR way. Sure, that's real polite! As others have said, just decline.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Since they decline your invites and do not give gifts to your family, I would reciprocate in the same fashion.

In addition if these are people that ignore your invites and never send a RSVP, I would file the invite in the special circular file and not think about it again.

Absolutely. No need to get defensive or come up with explanations. Politely decline the invite (a simple "no thank you" will do).

 

[DizBelle]

I would never DREAM of deciding to throw a party and ask my guests to pay or work. Like a PP said, that turns them into customers and labor rather than guests.

 

[MrsPete]

Do they expect you to pay for your own meal AND THEN bring a gift too? I bet they do.

I have the impression that they've already been married (perhaps a Vegas wedding or similar?) and want to have a party locally with friends. I do suspect that gifts are a motivator.

It's just rude to expect guests to pay for their own meal, even if they've carefully avoided using the word "wedding reception". If they can't afford a meal, they should have a punch-and-cake afternoon.