Please pray for our home to be built quickly - my inlaws are poison!!

[padams]

 

[bumbershoot]

OK, I'm just missing it. I don't see ANYWHERE in the OP where the IL have used "it's our house" as an excuse to barge in. My feeling is it doesn't matter WHERE the OP lives, the IL will act the same way.

But the word from the family member was that they were coming to check up on the house. Took them a couple weeks to get there, but I would take it to mean that they felt it was their right to be there.

They sure would be up a creek, if OP's family moved...no one to take care of those goats!

 

[Handbag Lady]

OK, I'm just missing it. I don't see ANYWHERE in the OP where the IL have used "it's our house" as an excuse to barge in. My feeling is it doesn't matter WHERE the OP lives, the IL will act the same way.

It also sounds like the IL live quite a bit away so it's not like they're coming over every weekend.

Once they are away, they don't have to share keys with the in-laws. Ergo, NO barging in and unplanned stays. Since the OP is in the home owned by the in-laws, there isn't really much say they have in the matter.

I get it. My sister lives in a house that my dad owns. He walks right in to her home (and makes comments) and he would never do that to my home.

 

[4nana]

Hang in there, sending prayers your new home is ready asap . Honestly, I can only at some of the IL threads I read about on the Dis.

 

[sam_gordon]

Once they are away, they don't have to share keys with the in-laws. Ergo, NO barging in and unplanned stays. Since the OP is in the home owned by the in-laws, there isn't really much say they have in the matter.

You're assuming they used keys to "barge in". I read it as the door was unlocked and they just walked in. If the IL DO have keys, there's nothing to prevent the OP from getting the locks changed or adding a deadbolt. "oops, sorry we forgot to get you the new keys."

Is the DH willing to cut off all contact with his parents? Yes, he may have been at the time, but he could calm down. If he's willing to see his parents the same thing is going to happen again and again and again. The house is MINOR in this situation IMO.

 

[pixiewings71]

OP I'm so sorry....I would be unbelievably upset over the ruining of the little box but I'd be so overly angry about my kitten being sick that I would never ever let them in without prior notice!! Please call the vet about your fur baby...please!! And when you move, keep your doors locked and don't let them in if they haven't given you at least 2 weeks notice they are coming! How rude!

 

[smitch425]

You're assuming they used keys to "barge in". I read it as the door was unlocked and they just walked in. If the IL DO have keys, there's nothing to prevent the OP from getting the locks changed or adding a deadbolt. "oops, sorry we forgot to get you the new keys."

Is the DH willing to cut off all contact with his parents? Yes, he may have been at the time, but he could calm down. If he's willing to see his parents the same thing is going to happen again and again and again. The house is MINOR in this situation IMO.

"So an hour or so later, while they knew he was working, they burst in the front door and FIL screams, "Oh my lord... just oh my lord... look at this place," 3 or 4 times before DH has to but his call on hold and tell him to shut his mouth while he's on the phone."

Barged? Burst? doesn't really matter. They didn't bother to knock, and I would think that they know what their own son does for a living, so they were in the wrong whether they own the house or not. They should have knocked OR AT LEAST kept their mouths shut for a couple of minutes so the son could properly place his caller on hold. When OP moves, she and DH will own THEIR house and they can freely decide who is welcome AND when they are welcome.

My family and DH's family all live a few hours away from us and none of them would ever dare to show up without checking with us first. Praying for some speedy construction for you, OP!

 

[hereyago]

OP, I recall the gun at WDW post and a couple others. What is an estimate on getting house completely built?

Also,I am glad your DH said something, people like this do stuff because people allow them to.

Are they planning on staying for the duration until the house is built-I think I recall you wrote one time they stayed for longer then aniticipated? At any rate:

I'd have fun with it, these are just some ideas, but pretty soon, you won't be there anymore(what are they going to do with the home when you leave?):

Act up: buy a sex swing or any sort of sexual toy and leave it around, put on in her bedroom nightstand lol. you know anyone that does a sex toy party? invite them over and have the party there.

Suddenly get bad table manners, chew your food like a cow and talk at the same time, just see how rude and crude you can be. run with it! You are almost out of there, go nuts! Go out with a bang!

She marked up your stuff? put something of hers in the trash so she can see it. If she asks, Did you put such and such in the trash? You: nope, i didn't, I saw you do it don't you remember? Do they nap alot? when your DH isn't doing his job-random air horn blasts!

Yes some of these things are childish, petty, but I think you would have a good time doing it, and help you relieve some stress.

When you move: I'd give a wrong address and phone number, just sayin... don't let crazy into your house.

 

[sam_gordon]

"So an hour or so later, while they knew he was working, they burst in the front door and FIL screams, "Oh my lord... just oh my lord... look at this place," 3 or 4 times before DH has to but his call on hold and tell him to shut his mouth while he's on the phone."

Barged? Burst? doesn't really matter. They didn't bother to knock, and I would think that they know what their own son does for a living, so they were in the wrong whether they own the house or not. They should have knocked OR AT LEAST kept their mouths shut for a couple of minutes so the son could properly place his caller on hold. When OP moves, she and DH will own THEIR house and they can freely decide who is welcome AND when they are welcome.

My family and DH's family all live a few hours away from us and none of them would ever dare to show up without checking with us first. Praying for some speedy construction for you, OP!

I never said the IL were in the right. I agree they should have knocked. I agree they should have been quiet.

What I disagree with is the assumption the IL feel since they own the house, they're entitled to show up whenever they want. That feeling will continue regardless of whether the IL own the house or not. They showed up at the OP's sister's house unannounced, right? Do they own that house? So why do people think moving out will solve the problem? Barring not telling them where you move to, they'll pull the same thing.

ETA: I went back and read the OP. MIL called DH about an hour before they showed up. Yes, it was short notice, but it wasn't "no notice". Did he ask how far away they were? Did he tell them he was working? Did he ask them to be quiet coming in? I think this is a discussion the OP needs to have with DH on whether he's willing to set boundaries to his parents.

 

[englishteacha]

I would demand compensation for her ruining your trinket box. I also would move out and keep the doors locked until your new house is built. They'll have to find someone else to watch their goats.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

OP, I agree with others that you should try and move out asap. I don't agree with the shenanigans to make it worse by doing outrageous things. I don't see how that would accomplish anything productive.

Sorry to read that your mother-in-law defaced your trinket box. That was just wrong.

 

[Andtototoo]

I too had toxic ILs who would show up at our house without warning. We always kept our doors locked. Always. We did not let them in. At one point, we moved and took a PO box so they wouldn't know our street address -- they did show up in the town and try and find out where we lived, but had no luck.

Which is background to me saying that while I totally understand what it's like having toxic ILs with boundary issues, I do not understand your choice to live in their house. People like that take you living in their house as an escalating justification for non-existent boundaries. In other words, it's going to get worse and worse. I am perplexed as to what advantage from living in their house offsets the disadvantages. The threats about your pets would have long since been enough for me.

 

[Bob NC]

I would demand compensation for her ruining your trinket box.

Well, if I owned a house and I let someone else stay in it and treat it as their own, the first time I saw that person call me "poison" on a message board would be when I tell them to pack up. And just let them demand compensation for a painted box made out of matchbooks.

 

[SaraJayne]

MOVE!!!! You do not have to put up with any of this...just get a small temporary apt. and enjoy!

OP has been complaining about where she lives (and her IL's) for years ~ I don't see any of that changing.

She doesn't seem to want to change her situation, so what can you do?

 

[Uncle Remus]

I too had toxic ILs who would show up at our house without warning. We always kept our doors locked. Always. We did not let them in. At one point, we moved and took a PO box so they wouldn't know our street address -- they did show up in the town and try and find out where we lived, but had no luck.

Which is background to me saying that while I totally understand what it's like having toxic ILs with boundary issues, I do not understand your choice to live in their house. People like that take you living in their house as an escalating justification for non-existent boundaries. In other words, it's going to get worse and worse. I am perplexed as to what advantage from living in their house offsets the disadvantages. The threats about your pets would have long since been enough for me.

Yeah, people like that aren't right in the head, dangerous.

 

[WowLookAtThat]

You have more options than you think.

1. MOVE OUT. Seriously, just rent a small apt or studio somewhere close and it may be more money but at least it is less stressful. Put your stuff into storage.

2. SAY SOMETHING. You can not let your in-laws run over you like that. They did more than put you down, they ruined personal property and got your kitten sick. Your in-laws as "poison" as they may be are doing something they shouldn't have to do..helping you. They do have the upperhand in this situation but it is your decision on how to deal with them.

3. CLEAN UP. Look, I understand cleaning sucks. I hate doing it but then again if I were living on someone's property and knowing how high-handed they can be I would at least make sure that the place may not be absolutely tidy but at least enough where I wouldn't have to hear such disparaging comments on it. If its just the two of you, the mess shouldn't be that bad that. Just do a lip service clean on the place next time they call.

 

[cornflake]

Why are you still living in their house? are there no apartments or condos or anything else for rent anywhere in a 30 mile radius of this home? Cuz i wouldn't be spending one more day there. Seriously, we have lived in some tiny little apartments during transition times==I'd rather live in a 2BR, 1BA apt than live in your circumstances.

I'm sorry, this just cracks me up. I realize it's totally about where one lives and the types of available housing one is used to but a 2bd/1ba framed as 'I'd rather even do THAT' than... when I know plenty of people who can't remotely dream of affording a 2bd/1ba and people who were raised in them, with other siblings! Heh, just funny. Ah, geography and real estate.

 

[punkin]

I'm sorry, this just cracks me up. I realize it's totally about where one lives and the types of available housing one is used to but a 2bd/1ba framed as 'I'd rather even do THAT' than... when I know plenty of people who can't remotely dream of affording a 2bd/1ba and people who were raised in them, with other siblings! Heh, just funny. Ah, geography and real estate.

I grew up in a Jr. 4 which was quite nice for a family of 4.

 

[minkydog]

I'm sorry, this just cracks me up. I realize it's totally about where one lives and the types of available housing one is used to but a 2bd/1ba framed as 'I'd rather even do THAT' than... when I know plenty of people who can't remotely dream of affording a 2bd/1ba and people who were raised in them, with other siblings! Heh, just funny. Ah, geography and real estate.

Well, I didn't mean it like that. I was just making a suggestion to the OP that they have the option of leaving the larger house they are living in and moving themselves somewhere else, even is it was significatnly smaller. If my family had to pull up stakes and live in a 2BR, 1Ba house I'm sure we could manage--oh, yeah that's right-- I was raised in a 2Br,1BA house with 5 kids and 2 adults and it didn't kill me. My point was, that there has to be a better situation than the one the OP is living in. No offence intended toward persons who live in a small house or apartment.

 

[cornflake]

Well, I didn't mean it like that. If my family had to pull up stakes and live in a 2BR, 1Ba house I'm sure we could manage. I was raised in a 2Br,1BA house with 5 kids and 2 adults and it didn't kill me. My point was, that there has to be a better situation than the one the OP is living in. No offence intended toward persons who live in a small house or apartment.

Oh, I really didn't take it offensively at all. I totally thought it was just funny that to someone that'd be the 'I'd even do THAT' thing of last resort.

Which, as I said, I do realize it's completely based on the geographic area and how real estate is and how people grow up. I didn't mean it snarky; I read the whole thread and waffled back and forth about who I agreed with re: the OP but couldn't get out of my mind that I had to remember to tell one of my friends who was raised in that cause they'd think it was funny too.