Please help...my husband's grandfather is going on hospice

arinmasonsmom

Earning My Ears
Joined
Jun 6, 2002
Messages
64
Well, I don't know what to do. We are supposed to be leaving for Disney 2 weeks from today and this afternoon we found out that my husband's grandfather has decided to stop dialysis and go home to die with hospice. We have decided not to cancel the trip, however if he should pass either right before we leave or during the trip my husband will need to be home. We have asked my mom to fill in for him and she said she would, but I have no idea how I would even go about that...any help or suggestions would be great...thanks :(
 
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. My grandmother passed this past January.


I know probably vacation time and work/school was involved in this but is there any way to reschedule your trip? I am sure Disney would allow you to.
 
First of all, my heartfelt thoughts go out to you and your family. My father-in-law is also on dialysis. It's tough to see our loved ones be miserable.

You didn't mention, are you flying? Is that what you might have to transfer from your husband to your mom's name. You could call your airline and ask them if a ticket is transferable at the last minute. Or maybe if your Mom doesn't mind purchasing a ticket for herself, then maybe your husband could still use his ticket to catch up with you for at least part of the trip.
 
(I am not trying to be mean or cold hearted just stating what I have experienced) In my experience those who choose hospice and stop treatment usually don't last that long once the decision is made. My cousin's grandmother I think lived a week or a week and a half once the decision was made. Just make sure to make the most of it while he is still coherent and tell him you love him often . Hugs to you during this difficult time.
 

I'm sure you know the strain and difficulties associated with dialysis, once your G-FIL stops his treatment, I do not anticipate he will survive long.

Last June my father was hospitalized on a Thursday, my husband and I had long planned a trip that had us leaving on the following Tuesday for the Caribbean & we were traveling with another couple on their first trip. Of course we did not purchase an insurance/cancellation policy. We waited to see his out come.....Dad passed on Monday morning & we decided to take our trip with some creative added flights & hotel accommodations due to the fact I was located in a different city than our Caribbean travel departure city.

Now keep in mind this was a family decision to continue with the trip-we had been through quite an ordeal, and it would be a week or so before all the arrangements could be put together for a service, etc. It came down to "Dad would want you to go & have a good time instead of sitting here feeling sorry for yourself".

My suggestion is do what feels right for you and your family. The loss of a loved one is difficult. For my situation I waited until the last minute to cancel, if Dad did not pass on, before I was due to depart, I would have cancelled my trip to be there with him & my family....we were expecting his final rest. Because he did pass prior to my planned departure & the family need time to....just unwind, accept the loss, & complete arrangements, Mom, sis, & husband all agreed it would be ridiculous not to go. I was really concerned with "What will other people think of me????" But it was the right thing for ME, to do. My family members needed to have space & time to deal with the loss, I had been through days & nights at the hospital, I was worn out & taking my trip helped me deal with my own grief.

Being that this is your husbands GF, he should really make the decision if he feels the trip should be postponed, you should support either decision. I'm sure he knows the family dynamics well enough to make the "right" decision. I am not in the medical profession, I have lived through a life of dialysis (it affects the WHOLE family) & I do know a person will not live long without the treatment. I would wait to cancel (if you feel okay with continuing to travel if he does pass), but would also contact all your RSVP to find out what your options are.

Condolences. :grouphug:

Off topic: This trip to WDW for my sister, Dniece & Dnephew is for my father :love: He would be proud that I can give his grandchildren whom he loved SOOO much a little piece of Disney magic. How ironic.
 
Please if you can try to reschedule your trip. I was unable to be by my mom's side when she passed from cancer (last minute run to the hospital out of state, me pregnant and my parents not wanting me to travel so they decided not to tell me right away). My mom and I were very close and not being with her was the hardest thing for me to deal with, and still is. I know she knew how I felt about her, etc, but I would give anything to have been with her that night. It's been 5 years and I'm still hurting.

alison
 
You just never know... My parents came with us on our April, 2005 trip and my grandpa (my mom's dad) was dying. My parents went back and forth a zillion times over whether to come or not. Grandma finally insisted my mom go. She called home a couple times a day, but otherwise enjoyed herself. Grandpa lived another month after we got home.
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandfather-in-law. :grouphug:
My mom has worked for Hospice for years, and it is great, they really care about the patients and their families, and do everything to make them comfortable.

And I agree with what M 'n C said. Not to be cold-hearted, but people working with dying patients for a while can usually tell how long they have left. My mom always gets sad because she can tell when her patients are ready to leave. :(

If you have any questions about Hospice, PM, I'd be happy to ask my mom for you. And ask your Hospice caregivers, they might know a general time, so that your husband can be sure to be there for him. And Hoosier Mom had a good suggestion, that he may want to join you at WDW later.

My most heartfelt condolances for you and your family! :grouphug:
 
Well, update. Nothing has changed at this point with my husbands grandfather--therefore I'm working on a backup plan and might have my mom come down with us. Unfortunately, there is nowhere for her to stay. Does anyone have the July mousesavers newsletter that they could send to me. I never got it and I would like to see if I could get her an inexpensive hotel in DTD. thanks, ilisa ilisa7@ameritech.net
 
My mother lasted 10 days in hospice before she finally died. She was hanging in there for something that wasn't going to happen. She didn't eat or drink for most of those days. She was one stubborn German woman.
 
If you google travelzoo.com and go to their site they have a special at the Comfort Inn Lake Buena Vista for $39. a night. This hotel is very close to DTD is Ok and can be cancelled. At this price it would be a good back up BUT you have to book today the offer ends today. I booked it for the night before we check into Disney.

Good Luck with your decision. One thought how big is the family? Could the services be delayed a bit if it happens while you are away. When my Mom died on a Sunday we didn't have the funeral until Sat. with viewing on Friday to allow me time to travel with small kids and to get there and help with the small details. The Funeral Home had no problem and said it was smart rather than everyone rushing in and being flustered trying to get everything done.
 


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