Please help me with Senior care

[clutter]

You are getting good advice. There are elder care specialists, I can ask my friend. She had to hire someone to help place her parents in different facilities half-way across the country.

Depending on your grandparents' conditions, you may want to have your mom set up as guardian of their assets. It will make life easier for her, as she will be able to sell the home and pay reasonable expenses from them. It sounds like you may be needing different levels of care, and that can get complicated. There is so much information out there, but it is HARD to make sense out of it.

The hospital will probably not release them unless they have adequate care. You could look for temporary assisted living for either/both of them. But with him going to the VA, and her in ICU, is it likely that they will succeed at that level? If they do release them home, they will likely authorize home nurses and physical therapy. Make sure you request a PT evaluation before they leave the hospital. When my dad had a short hospital stay, he became very shakey on his feet in just a couple days. We asked for an evaluation, and he had a PT come maybe 2x a week for two weeks after. That really was beneficial for him!

If they do improve sufficiently to go to independent (some transportation assistance, meals provided/available) living, you don't really have to worry about elder abuse, as the resident is... independent. Assisted living has some additional services. Usually meals are in a smaller common area, and there is some personal care. In my dad's facility, the resident is provided one meal per day in the dining room or cafe. The other two meals are available. In assisted living, there is usually a common living/dining area with maybe 6-8 bedrooms, kind of like a pod. Nursing care is skilled nursing care.

Sorry, I'm really having jumbled thoughts. But if I remember, I'll ask my friend for the professional group that helped her. Her parents had decent assets and LT care insurance. Not having financial problems really eased the process.

Medicare may pay for some in-home services, if the doctor orders it. Such as a visiting nurse or PT. Doesn't sound like your parents will qualify for Medicaid. I don't remember how the VA benefits worked, but I do remember that they didn't help us at all.

Someone said maybe you are jumping the gun. My sisters and I are kicking ourselves that we didn't move dad into his CCRC four years ago after our mom died. He was a stubborn old cuss, and wanted to be on his own in his home. But he couldn't cook, lol. As he aged, we could see him have more and more issues. Now that he's settled in at his independent living apt, I think he wishes he'd moved earlier. It is SO much more comfortable for him. And it is good for him to be in an environment where he can see that everyone around him is aging as well. He's probably the happiest I've EVER known him to be.

Good luck, it is tough.

 

[akcire]

Thank you everyone for the quick replies.


It looks like my Grandfather is going to be taken directly from the hospital to the VA in his area, but this means we can't visit him without a 18 hour drive. I'm going to work on my mother to get him moved up here before too long.

Here is the deal with VA nursing homes. I am dealing with this right now.

If you grandfather is a veteran during active war time he qualifies for the nursing home either in the state he resides or the state he entered service. That information will be on his DD-214. It is much easier to get benefits if he is already service connected-as in receiving disability or other benefits. So if he resides in GA he could use their homes. Not sure where he entered service. Also every program is run by the individual state with different costs to the veteran. In IL my MIL will pay $1500 per month in MI he would pay $4000.

Here in IL we are waiting for my FIL to be admitted to the VA. There is a 4+ month wait for a bed. During that time we are cash paying $9800 per month. He has already exhausted his Medicare days.

Most old people who live in nursing homes for extended periods of time end up on Medicaid. Most people can't pay $120,000 a year on an on-going basis.

That said if they are disabled and have funds in an IRA you may be able to use the funds tax free for their care. You will have to consult the plan administrator.

 

[Pigeon]

The hospital case worker in our situation was not helpful at all. His prime goal was to get FIL out of the hospital ASAP.

He did refer us to a woman who worked for an organization that supposedly helped people figure this stuff out. What they really did was push hard to get you to place your relative with one of a very few places, and I suspect that this is where they make their money, but they were not up front about it at all.

Even after my FIL died, the lady from the organization was calling me and emailing me all the time to try to get MIL to move into a facility even after I told her repeatedly that wasn't happening for some time.

So there are "advisers" out there, but be careful.

 

[MrsPete]

One thing to keep in mind though, is that many places require you to be in pretty good shape to get into assisted living. Many of the nicer places have long waiting lists. If you have significant medical needs, they may not take you.

Fair enough, but I think most people who are still in "pretty good shape" prefer to stay in their homes. They don't want to leave 'til circumstances for them to do so, and at that point assisted living isn't enough help anymore -- they need a full-fledged nursing home.

 

[Pigeon]

Fair enough, but I think most people who are still in "pretty good shape" prefer to stay in their homes. They don't want to leave 'til circumstances for them to do so, and at that point assisted living isn't enough help anymore -- they need a full-fledged nursing home.

It's not a bad idea to check out the places you think your loved one might like to know what standards they have so you aren't suprised. I'm very familiar with one lovely AL place around here. Many of the residents are there because they no longer want to deal with maintaining a home and driving. The AL facility gives them dining options, provides transportation, and has cleaning and laundry services. They also schedule all sorts of pretty interesting activities, like lectures, day trips, museum visits, art and language lessons, etc. But they don't provide for much in the way of medical needs.