Please help create the perfect disney wedding, money is NO OBJECT!

[wdwcrazy]

If money is no object, then why don't you get married in an intimate wedding with your side of the family before hand and keep it private. Then just repeat your vows again or maybe have a religious ceremony at home that your MIL can attend. Then afterwards you can put your 1st marriage certificate on her plate at the reception and let her know that you had the upper hand all along.

This way you get the wedding of your dreams, a husband who keeps his mother happy but still lets her know ultimately that you now come first, and you have set the ground rules for the future.

I personally, know a few couples that got married like this not necessarily at Disney but for tax reasons, medical insurance and other reasons had a private ceremony and then a public one with all the trimmings.

NOW DRY THOSE TEARS, and go speak with your fiance and your parents and see what they think.

 

[Lostgirlz]

I don't mean to sound out of line, but I don't think this should turn into a battle of wits or a war between you and his family. I am NOT saying to back down and take what she dishes out, but I would certainly say not to cause a big fight. In the long run it can cause you and your future husband problems. It will stick him in the middle of you and his mom and that can get really sticky if he starts getting upset about it. If you want to do it at WDW and you are willing to do it without his mom then I think it is best you speak with him about how he is going to feel about that. I just feel like it may blow up in your face going to his other family members and such asking about her. You really wont be happy if she starts to want to go to war with you. You mentioned he really wants his mom there which tells me he is close to his mom and this may get into waters you just don't want to be in. I have had many friends in this same situation and it turned out badly, or they wound up with a wedge in the family. Talk with him about what you want if anything do something small at disney later you still get your disney wedding. It may not be the money is nothing huge blow out you want, but at least you and him can live happy without any harsh feelings from anyone on any side. Don't take everything thrown at you by anyone, but choose your battles cause some can lead to bigger wars in the end. JMHO.

 

[ItGirl753]

Well I don't have experience with this yet, as we have not really told anyone of our plans. The few I have told think it's perfect for us. The only one I am afraid of is his mother, just because she has to be difficult. But....we are planning to invite only select people to WDW and then have a large reception at home and hopefully that will make both of our families happy. Hopefully.

 

[Cinderella16]

Oh yes, I fear the day I have to tell my side of the family we are having a Disney Wedding....his side is completely fine, that is who we go with to Disney every year anyways, but my side of the family always wants the same old Italian style wedding with the same songs, same ceremony, same food, EVERYTHING. I am sick of the same and want to do something different, ..but oh well, I always tell myself that those who I want there will be there, but yes I am scared to tell them.

Disneyminibride, i hope everything works out for you, hang in there!

 

[sunshine28]

well im with the others on u need to have the wedding where u want it. im not much for the bride should always have her way no matter whos feelings she hurts just because its her wedding but this is not the case. The future MIL is testing in a way to see who ur DF will side with. She's betting herself. There is no reason to fight or bicker. I would go with DF and have a talk with her. Stating simply these are our plans would love to have u come but if u choose not to then thats ok too. Just be assertive. Let her know that it doesnt really matter wheather she comes or not, hell she isnt getting married. But i would not discuss it after that intial talk. The feeling of being left out will bring her around. And the fact that other family memebers and friends will be asking about what ur plans are, and she wont even no. No way is she gonna look like a fool. Shell come around if for nothing else but to save face. I had a MIL from hell, she was all about the proper ways on how to do this and that, me and my sister always called her Mrs. Proper. This woman is testing ur DF and u too. Boundries girl, draw some boundries now!! But like i said i wouldnt discuss any wedding plans with her or anything after the intitial talk until she intiates it. I would highly recommend not fighting as you dont want something as a wedding to destroy your relastionship off the bat. The wedding wont but the fighting could or basiclaly the hurt full things said when fighting. so do aviod that. just act casuall and like u really like her and sweet and she'll come around. i hope ur DF is on board with the disney wedding even though his mother protest. It is absouluty insane that you would change your venue cause your future MIL doesnt like it. i could see it if it were u or the groom. but someone that isnt even getting married. just crazy really if u think about it!

 

[ButterflyBride]

I was met with quite a bit of resistance from my mother... Finally I broke down sobbing, exclaiming that I was sorry I ever got engaged because the last thing it was bringing to my life was happiness.. I told her that she could do whatever she wanted and I would just go along with it.. In turn my father started crying and ran over and embraced me and promised me that he would give me anything that I wanted because it was my day.. Then my fiance came into the room and told my mother that if she would not give it to me that he would foot the entire bill so that I would have the wedding that I wanted, not what she wanted....

The final compromise is that we WILL have the Disney wedding next October and invite every guest that we would if the wedding was in Manhattan.. BUT, there will be 2 invitations.. For those who cannot make the Disney wedding we will have a vow renewal & a dessert & champagne party in November at my choice of locations in Manhattan so that everyone can still share in our happiness, and no one feels excluded..

What if you made that offer to your MIL?

Sometimes all the need is a little push or to see how foolish they truly are.. If your fiance is a "mothers boy" I do not advise burning a bridge with your MIL already... I would try to find a balance, and then have your fiance step in and settle things with his mother... My mother felt so ashamed when my fiance put his foot down and said straight to her face that all this wedding is about is our love and our happiness, not the number of people that attend the ceremony.. It also meant the world to me to hear everything that he said about me and what I and our relationship meant to him.. It is really a defining moment in a couples relationship and shows the parent (in your case) that she has to move aside because your happiness * your future life together is all that matters to him.

**Little disclaimer.. My mother is in no way satan LOL she just wanted to have a huge traditional Italian wedding in Manhattan or any other location in Northern NJ close to my family.. The only places I would have considered having the reception all started at around 200/pp and with a guest list of around 300p I could not do that to my father with a clear conscience.. At least this way we have "2 weddings" and get at least a downpayment on a house from my parents.. Wooooo! I can only accept such a large amount of money from my parents (for the wedding & gift) if I know that everyone in addition to me is happy.. So the uber large wedding up here would have competely crushed me, because I would not have been happy and I would have felt like my parents were wasting their money.. At least now I do not feel that way, and will not be running off and eloping!!

 

[JJClemson]

If she wants to be a controlling manipulative *****, she will definately meet her match.

Oh sweetie, I feel your pain, trust me! DF and I got engaged 2 weeks before Christmas last year. When I got home to NJ to celebrate Christmas w/ my family, my parents and I went and chose this gorgeous restaurant right on the beach to have my reception, then we went to the church and booked it! I was so excited about my wedding. I took many pictures of the location and copies of the menu to show my FMIL when I got back to SC.

So, after new years I was back in SC. I started talking about the wedding w/ my FMIL and showed her all the info. The first thing she said to me, "why are you having a wedding in NJ? Your home is here now. How do you expect my family to get to NJ?" and then she saw the price of the wedding and the estimated guest count and she said," This is ridiculous. This is a down payment for a house. You should just have your reception at Olive Garden or Applebee's". I am not kidding. I smiled and left the room.

I was so upset and I cried to my parents and DF all weekend. I told DF I just wanted to elope so we cancelled our NJ plans. She has been trying to control me for almost 5 years and I was sick of it. I did not really want to elope, I just wanted her to stop bothering me. I was even considering leaving DF b/c she is so bad...

A couple weeks later, DF sat down and had a chat w/ her. He explained that she cannot control him anymore and can certainly not control me. Then DF proposed we have a Disney wedding. I thought he was joking! I could not believe he wanted a Disney wedding. See this has always been my dream, but I never thought he'd go for it. He said more than anything, he wants me to be happy and he said I can coordinate this wedding and have anything I want.

So far, it has gone relatively smoothly. My FMIL is attempting to butt out a bit. I am trying not to be so sensitive and ignore her. DF has had to have a few more talks w/ her. I think we have both come to the realization that the other one is going to be around for awhile so we need to tolerate each other for DF's sake.

I know you said your DF has tried talking to her. My advice is the same as everyone else's. Do not let her ruin your special day! This is your and DF's wedding, not hers. I regreat letting my FMIL get to me and cancel our NJ wedding. However, now I am getting my dream wedding so everything is working out. My parents actually could not get the deposit back for my NJ reception, so I am having a cocktail party there for guests not invited to Disney. Best of luck to you. Come here whenever you need to vent, we really understand

 

[SRUAlmn]

I feel you!!!!!!

Only my problem is that his family is more than willing to come, they just won't pay for anything. Not one single thing. His family is the one with the money, my mom is a teacher, and my father died of cancer when I was 16, so it's SO unfair for that burden to all be on her. Needless to say, it makes you not want to be a part of this new family, doesn't it? Such a shame!

 

[heathrow42]

I feel you!!!!!!

Only my problem is that his family is more than willing to come, they just won't pay for anything. Not one single thing. His family is the one with the money, my mom is a teacher, and my father died of cancer when I was 16, so it's SO unfair for that burden to all be on her. Needless to say, it makes you not want to be a part of this new family, doesn't it? Such a shame!

That does sound unfair, so don't let it be! Ask yourself why the burden for your wedding is all on your mother? ..especially if you are describing it as a burden

It is entirely within your power, and responsibility to change that. Honestly, your fiance's family doesn't *have* to pay for any part of your wedding and neither does your mother or anyone else, and there isn't anything "unfair" about that. You may want to consider trying to look at the situation differently. Start with the expectation that no one will help pay for any part of your wedding, and then be graciously grateful and surprised if they choose to help!

--h

 

[Moonpie]

I feel you!!!!!!

Only my problem is that his family is more than willing to come, they just won't pay for anything. Not one single thing. His family is the one with the money, my mom is a teacher, and my father died of cancer when I was 16, so it's SO unfair for that burden to all be on her. Needless to say, it makes you not want to be a part of this new family, doesn't it? Such a shame!

I understand how you feel. My father passed away when I was 17, and my fiance's mother and father have both passed away. My Mother can't afford to throw us a wedding, and has graciously offered to pay for the cake ...which we are thankful for. So basically, we're paying for our wedding ourselves...which is a good thing. That way we can do whatever we want for our wedding and not have to answer to anyone's requests.

 

[SRUAlmn]

That does sound unfair, so don't let it be! Ask yourself why the burden for your wedding is all on your mother? ..especially if you are describing it as a burden

It is entirely within your power, and responsibility to change that. Honestly, your fiance's family doesn't *have* to pay for any part of your wedding and neither does your mother or anyone else, and there isn't anything "unfair" about that. You may want to consider trying to look at the situation differently. Start with the expectation that no one will help pay for any part of your wedding, and then be graciously grateful and surprised if they choose to help!

--h

I think you totally missed my point. It's not about the money, it's about the fact that his family is perfectly ok with just sitting back and saying they don't feel the need to help with the wedding of their ONLY child, yet they want to dictate the choices we make. While my mother (who has 3 daughters) is more than willing to go out of her way to get loans (which we won't let her do) and whatever it takes to help us as much as she can. It's a very different way of thinking between the two and it annoys me.

(This part is about the money)
Not to mention that his family said they were going to give us X amount of money and then (after we planned everything for a year) they changed their minds So it was like 'Here, plan your dream. Nope! Just kidding!'

 

[Codie]

SRU--that same scenario happened to a friend of mine...his bride's parents offered a set amount of money for the wedding and then when it actually happened only paid for the flowers and complained about every step of the event because they did it at a country club instead of the local polish club. OH well

It is tough too when the expectation of a "nice event" is so different between the families. It is also very frustrating when they expect to invite 100 people (of which you've only ever met or heard of 30-40) and yet not pay for anything. If you and your honey are paying for most of the wedding (with some assistance from your mom) you should feel allowed to put some limitations on the guest list, events, etc.

 

[Nanu57v]

Wow, this does sound like a lot of fun to plan!

First off, I'd try to catch or get a copy of the Disney Weddings special on the food network.

I LOVE the Disney photos I've seen with the castle in the backround. I also witnessed a nice wedding on the beach at POLY. I've decided we are getting a 10th anniversary rededication ceremony on the beach at POLY with cake. Unfortunately money WAS an object as we were both still in college, so we just went on a Disney Honeymoon.

MIL-- Try to be nice to MIL. But things are going to urk you. It just happens. My MIL made me cry at my wedding reception (not in a good way). My mom told DH (his MIL) we shouldn't get married. After four years we are starting to be sort of nice but I don't call her "mom" or anything.

 

[SRUAlmn]

SRU--that same scenario happened to a friend of mine...his bride's parents offered a set amount of money for the wedding and then when it actually happened only paid for the flowers and complained about every step of the event because they did it at a country club instead of the local polish club. OH well

It is tough too when the expectation of a "nice event" is so different between the families. It is also very frustrating when they expect to invite 100 people (of which you've only ever met or heard of 30-40) and yet not pay for anything. If you and your honey are paying for most of the wedding (with some assistance from your mom) you should feel allowed to put some limitations on the guest list, events, etc.

Thanks! We always end up posting on the same threads. You're so sweet

I agree that since my fiance, myself, my mother, and now my grandmother are paying for things that his parents should not have a say in as many things. He, however, feels bad about doing that, so hopefully it won't come down to that. They aren't being TOO pushy right now. His mother is just CONVINCED that a Disney wedding costs way more than a wedding somewhere else, which for the amount of people we are having, is not the case.