Please help- been put in awkward situation

[kittengal13]

Hi guys,

I'm going on holiday with my best friend next year to Florida for 2 weeks and her brother and his girlfriend (who are a few years older than us), have always expressed their desire to go to Florida next year, but nothing has been planned.. my mum and I have discussed the "what if" situations of what if her brother and girlfriend decide to just get cheap flights and come over and stay in our hotel room? Or they get their own hotel room and want to hang about with us? I didn't actually think it would be an issue, but I seen my best friend the other day and she casually said how her brother and his gf were looking at prices to go to florida the same time we are going!!!

I instantly filled with dread. I have known my best friend for 15 years (since we were wee tots), and so have known her family all this time. I get along well with the brother's girlfriend but not so much with the brother- nothing bad has ever happened but to be honest, he makes me feel a bit uncomfortable- not in a smarmy way, just in a he acts smart and I have just never really warmed to him.

Plus, her brother and his girlfriend like to drink and me and my friend are just not into that, plus we aren't legally old enough to drink in the US.

Which brings me to my next point... I'm spending over £1000 for flights and a hotel plus about £1500 on spending money... I'm just a young girl and that's a lot of money for me and my family to spend on me going on a holiday just to feel uncomfortable/ not entirely content for the 2 weeks.

So... how do I go about bringing up my dissatisfaction of the situation to my best friend? I don't think she'd be happy about it either, but it's her brother and I don't think she could say NO WAY to him, as much as she may want him to. Like she said, they're looking to book last minute flights so Im gonna have to worry about this for the next year! I really just want to nip it in the bud, but don't want to jeopardise our holiday or friendship at the same time.

Looking forward to some advice, and I'm sorry my story is so long.. just wanted to give all the facts. To be honest, whenever I think about the possibility of them going, I want to cry.

Thanks guys.

Kitten Gal

 

[higgy66]

Tell your friend you have no porblem with them going at the sane time and it would be nice to "meet up occasionally" but you would rather not spend the whole holiday with them as you just wanted it to be the 2 of you.

Good luck!

 

[mackay_j]

2 things spring to mind here. You say you are not old enough to drink in US therefor are under 21. If your friend is also under 21 you should check that your chosen hotel will allow you to stay. Many wont allow under 21 bookings.

Next I think you should say to your friend -

It's good that they (brother and girlfriend) might overlap their holiday timing with us, we could may be hook up with then the ODD day at a park or for A meal. Then jokingly say as long as they aren't planning to crash with us -as sharing with your brother and his girlfriend at the same time would just be weird and I'm not up for that. That should set the tone without having to drown grade the brother too much.

If your parents are helping you budget for this you could add that you mentioned the situation to them and they said they would be none to pleased to be subsidizing someone elses older kids holiday and might not continue to help you out. (get your parents buy in to say this before using it)

 

[Elise79]

This going to sound a bit 'Mummy' however if your friendship is as strong as you make out you should be able to talk to your friend about this.

It's your holiday and if you don't want them around you need to say so - and do it sooner rather than later as its not worth the stress.

Good luck

 

[Pootle]

Time for you to be assertive I think.

Sharing a bedroom with others when you don't want to is totally unacceptable! If I were you I would tell the friend, firmly but gently that is not going to happen. In Florida you can get hotel rooms really cheaply and there are folks on here who would give advice you could pass on to your friend.

It is a lot of money, but for me that's not the real issue. Don't allow this to become a holiday you didn't sign up for. You agreed to go with your friend so maybe after telling her what you don't want to happen, you could soften the blow by saying how lovely it would be to meet up with her brother and his girlfriend for the occasional meal. Good luck.

 

[flortlebap]

You're right, it is a very tricky situation as a PP has pointed out though, many hotels don't allow under 21s so check they will allow you to check in without an "adult". I went at 19 and had to book two rooms with two over 21s on the room names IYSWIM'

All you can do is be honest - if you are stuck on holiday with people you dislike it's not pleasant - even worse if they're in your room and you can't escape

That said - with two separate rooms, and two separate plans, it probably won't be as bad as you think. You aren't shackled together then so you have some room to breathe - and at least you're there with someone you like

Hope you get it resolved!!

 

[joolz1910]

Time for you to be assertive I think.

Sharing a bedroom with others when you don't want to is totally unacceptable! If I were you I would tell the friend, firmly but gently that is not going to happen. In Florida you can get hotel rooms really cheaply and there are folks on here who would give advice you could pass on to your friend.

It is a lot of money, but for me that's not the real issue. Don't allow this to become a holiday you didn't sign up for. You agreed to go with your friend so maybe after telling her what you don't want to happen, you could soften the blow by saying how lovely it would be to meet up with her brother and his girlfriend for the occasional meal. Good luck.

I agree with all of this. Speak up now or it will fester. Tell her that you won't be sharing your hotel room and that the thought of hanging around with them is stressing you out. See how she responds, she might feel the same.

 

[kittengal13]

Hi guys,

Thank you for your replies, I really appreciate it!

Firstly, I got a fright after I read about hotels not allowing under 21s.. I contacted hotel straight away and they said as long as we're over 18 it is fine.... PHEW!!!!

Secondly, I probably should have gave exact ages- we will be 20 when we go and my friends bro/gf will be around 27- more than old enough to have their own trip!

I kind of planted the seed by saying to my friend "even if they do go, will it still be a separate holiday, because I was looking forward to it being just us two?" and she was like "yeah, of course!", I knew she probably wouldn't be happy with the idea, but her bro may have pressured her into it.

I was freaked out early, I've had time to think about it- they haven't booked anything, so if they do, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Again, thank you so much for all your advice guys, I'm a newbie to DIS boards and receiving those replies made me feel welcome, since it was my first post

 

[Shazzie B]

Glad you're feeling more comfortable with the plans It's good to talk.

 

[visionsfantastic]

i went there with my ex , and he was my ex at the time too but we still went together and sharing a room with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable isnt nice .. im glad you got it sorted

 

[MrRomance]

Personally, if it were my best friend, I would say "Look, we have been best friends for x years and you know I don't want to upset you, but the idea of having our holiday together hijacked by anyone else really bothers me"

You don't have to say I don't want to deal with your brother or anything like that, but as a PP pointed out, if you really are good friends and have been for years then they will understand.

My concern would be that the brother thinks he can just get cheap flights and crash in your room without paying for it. I think you have to be open and honest.

 

[chmurf]

2 best friends going on vacation with an older couple ... well how do I put that in a politically correct, non offensive way ...

Brother : "Hey girls, why don't you go hit the pool, we need the room, don't come back too early " IYSWIM

stand your ground. No party crashers on your watch.

 

[scoobydooby]

I'm not sure why its hard to say someone cannot share a room they haven't paid for? Saying you don't want them to travel at the same time might need careful handling, but not the room sharing issue. Would you offer him your purse and invite him to take half the contents out?

Good luck

 

[zippy99]

We love our best friends to bits - but struggled sharing a pre-planned Villa with them for two weeks and we went in eyes open and happy with the arrangement!

best to nip in the bud x

 

[UKDEB]

In the 21 years we've been going to Florida, we've been on both sides of the equation. We've had our holiday hijacked by others, but we've also leapt on the badwagon and done the same ourselves. My advice is to chill out and let whatever will be be, but I realise that's easier said than done when you're 20!