Please explain "once removed/second cousin"

[MaryAnnDVC]

This is kind of a tangent, but DW and I had a lot of trouble when planning our wedding. Due to generational differences, my family tree is very broad whereas hers is narrower but taller if that makes sense. Her parents wanted to cut off invitations at first cousins, but that was not many people on her side but lots of people on my side. Also, I had the problem that some of you have mentioned. Some of my first cousins are 20 years older than me so their children, who are technically my 1st cousins once removed, are my generation and the ones I'm close with. I wanted them at my wedding even though they were technically more distant relatives geneologically speaking.

That is a tough issue. Just because someone is of a particular generational relationship with you, doesn't mean you've got a particular personal relationship. We've run into that with family weddings too. And as time goes on, I've got some dear friends who are FAR more important to me than some of my "close" relatives.

Here's an interesting website about what level of cousins can marry in each state.

http://www.cuddleinternational.org/laws/law-index.html

My SIL had two first cousins that married (in NJ). They had grown up closeknit, same town, same schools, holidays together. It was really weird. Caused a HUGE family rift. Then he started drinking and being abusive, and they got a divorce; luckily, no kids.