Please - any prayers you could spare..Update post #91 - talked to him!!!!

[C.Ann]

C.Ann, I sympathize with you. It must feel terrible to not know what's going on with your brother. But you have to know, some people just react this way to serious news. It sounds like he's not ready to talk about it with anyone. All you can do is let him know you love him and back off. He'll come forth when he's ready.

My DH did something like this once. We had just been told that he had a brain tumor and would need surgery to identify it. DH decided he wanted to "wait & watch"--for SIX MONTHS. I was beside myself. Nothing I said or did would dissuade him. He had made up his mind and he wasn't gonna talk about it. Life for him went on as usual. I, on the other hand, was sick with grief and feeling very shut out. It took DH about 3 weeks to come around, only after he really noticed how upset *I* was. He had the surgery and life went on.

Try to keep positive. Until you talk to him, don't let your thoughts run away with you.

Trying very, very hard not to think the worst - but this is so totally out of character for him - even with it being something as serious as cancer.. It's like they've both just dropped off the face of the earth.. The only thing I can think of is that he's in a hospital somewhere - and she's staying right there with him, day and night..

C.Ann, I am just seeing this and so very sorry to hear about your DB . I can only imagine your anxiousness and concern . In light of his facebook posting disappearance, it sounds like he may be in shock or perhaps needs time to sort things out w/o a lot of calls and questions.

The fact that his DD works for a specialist that has the top contacts in the field may be a saving grace. I'm betting he'll contact you and family when he has some answers as to exactally what he's dealing with and catches his breath. Meanwhile, know that your Dis friends prayers are with you in these difficult days and sending lots of healing prayers his way also. God Bless and take care.

I wouldn't dream of drilling him with questions.. All I want to know is the name of the cancer and where he is right now.. That's enough for me.. I hate talking on the phone (and he knows that), so it's not like I would be calling him every day looking for updates and asking a million and one questions..

Something is really "off" here - regardless of the seriousness (or not) of his prognosis.. He does not shut people out - nor does he neglect his children or grandchildren.. I'm more frightened by the fact that we can't find them than anything else.. But - I guess we're just going to have to wait it out..

Thanks again - to everyone - for the continued thoughts and prayers..

 

[ilovejack02]

Trying very, very hard not to think the worst - but this is so totally out of character for him - even with it being something as serious as cancer.. It's like they've both just dropped off the face of the earth.. The only thing I can think of is that he's in a hospital somewhere - and she's staying right there with him, day and night..



I wouldn't dream of drilling him with questions.. All I want to know is the name of the cancer and where he is right now.. That's enough for me.. I hate talking on the phone (and he knows that), so it's not like I would be calling him every day looking for updates and asking a million and one questions..

Something is really "off" here - regardless of the seriousness (or not) of his prognosis.. He does not shut people out - nor does he neglect his children or grandchildren.. I'm more frightened by the fact that we can't find them than anything else.. But - I guess we're just going to have to wait it out..

Thanks again - to everyone - for the continued thoughts and prayers..

I will be thinking about you and your family C. Ann and say healing prayers .
I know you won't drill him with questions, and I feel your pain on not knowing . My favorite Aunt had breast cancer a few years ago. She went from being an open book with her life to shutting most of us out very quickly . She only wanted to talk to her DDs and her DH , didn't want input from the family, which at the time I did not understand, nor did my Mom , who is her identical twin. We all wanted to be there for her.


Several months later I finally understood where she was coming from. I found a large lump in my breast, I didn't tell anyone but my DH and kept it from the entire family. Lots of tests and a lumpectomy later all was fine, thank God . I still have not told my parents , it has been 3 years. It is amazing what the word cancer does to a person. I always thought that if I ever had a major medical issue occur I would want the family to rally around me but I now I know better . I hate that I couldn't turn to my parents, but I just wanted my privacy and didn't want to worry them.

Hopefully our story will help you understand what your brother is thinking right now.

Hugs to you C. Ann.

 

[YodaGirl]

Praying!

 

[Happy Mom2]

Saying prayers

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Prayers for you.

Also some insight... When my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She did not want to talk about it. She hated having to explain it over and over and over again and then having to see the pity and the fear made it worse for her.

She was faced with death and wanted to be selfish. She wanted to not have to talk about it, not have to feel the fear that others had. She wanted to deal with it when she had to at the Dr's office, at radiation and at Chemo and when she was not there - she wanted to pretend that she was fine and all was well. That was her way of enjoying whatever time she had left.

I know it has to be killing you - but it is clear that your brother does not want to speak to anybody, does not want to discuss any details and is avoiding having to face the fear of the people he loves. Try very hard to respect his wishes. When he does contact you, let him lead the conversation and be gentle knowing that your questions could force him to face things he may be trying to avoid for now.

 

[C.Ann]

Prayers for you.

Also some insight... When my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She did not want to talk about it. She hated having to explain it over and over and over again and then having to see the pity and the fear made it worse for her.

She was faced with death and wanted to be selfish. She wanted to not have to talk about it, not have to feel the fear that others had. She wanted to deal with it when she had to at the Dr's office, at radiation and at Chemo and when she was not there - she wanted to pretend that she was fine and all was well. That was her way of enjoying whatever time she had left.

I know it has to be killing you - but it is clear that your brother does not want to speak to anybody, does not want to discuss any details and is avoiding having to face the fear of the people he loves. Try very hard to respect his wishes. When he does contact you, let him lead the conversation and be gentle knowing that your questions could force him to face things he may be trying to avoid for now.

Again, there's no way to really explain this - cancer or no cancer, you would have to know him like I know him.. There are far too many things that are totally "off" with what is going on right now.. My bet is that he is in a hospital somewhere..

But regardless, I have called twice - since I received this information - and have decided that I won't call again - not even to leave a message.. As hard as it is, I will patiently (okay - not so patiently) wait for him to call me - or one of his children..

Right now all I can do is pray - and I've been doing a whole heck of a lot of that since I received the news..

Time will tell - but that clock sure is ticking slow..

 

[Rora]

More prayers said!

Hang in there C.Ann; it's so difficult not knowing.

 

[Disney Doll]

As others have said, he is handling it the way he has to, even if it is out of character for him.

I will continue my prayers for your family.

 

[taximomfor4]

C. Ann, prayers for you and for him.

We just lost another family member (to yet another cancer...too many in the past few years made Christmas Eve seem more crowded with Memories than Attendees). Most (ALL?) of us? had no idea it was this bad. We got a brief email that said he was sick, and it wasn't good. Then several days later, a phone call (in phone chain) that he was gone. We just had NO idea. No idea that he'd been in the hospital a few weeks prior as well in ICU. No idea my aunt was shouldering it all alone. Our family was always so very close, it was just so strange that my aunt wasn't leaning on us. I don't understand why she withdrew and kept the news all to herself, I guess it's just how she felt she needed to do it.

So again, prayers for you and for him. I guess everyone reacts to cancer differently, perhaps even unpredictably.

 

[poochie]

C.Ann, sending prayers your way. Cancer has a way of changing people, be it the patient or the people around them. Try and be patient, when they are ready, someone will call you. You have a lot of friends here in DIS for support. It is so tough not knowing what is happening to your loved one. Sending lots of hugs your way.

 

[C.Ann]

Finally! I spoke to my brother earlier this evening.. Today is his birthday and I figured that would be a good enough reason to call - without him feeling as though I was only calling in regards to his cancer diagnosis..

This is what I learned so far (I also spoke to his GF after speaking with him).. It seems that she had noticed a red spot on the white of his eye and in his usual fashion, he assumed it was nothing.. It kept getting larger and larger and finally she just made an appt. for him and basically dragged him in to see the eye doctor.. They immediately knew something was wrong - very wrong -and wanted to do surgery and a biopsy.. Before agreeing to anything, he called his DD's boss (one of the best eye doctors here in upstate NY) and he strongly advised that he see this Dr. Arnold Markoe - who is tops in the field of this rare eye cancer.. (He has written all sorts of literature; has been involved in extensive research; and is definitely the doctor you want to have if you are faced with this type of cancer..) He had the surgery and biopsy - and 2/3's of the lymphoma was removed..

The doctor is located in Miami - which is where the University Hospital is that my brother's GF has been driving him back and forth to (from Vero Beach) for radiation and chemo 5 days a week since the cancer was discovered..

The cancer itself is called conjunctival lymphoma - and providing that none of the cancer cells escaped into other lymp nodes, his 5 year survival rate is 89% !!!! However, the doctor did tell him that he can expect to develop cataracts within a year to a year and a half of the treatments ending, but otherwise his vision shouldn't be damaged..

The side effects of the treatments are extreme irritability; excessive fatigue; and extreme confusion.. (The entire time we were talking, he kept calling me by his DD's name - and when he handed the phone to his GF, he was arguing with her and saying it wasn't "me" - it was his DD..) Today the doctor informed them both that now that he has reached the halfway mark with the treatments, they can expect the side effects he currently has to become much worse - as well as developing some additional new ones that will be "less that pleasant".. Still - when he wasn't all confused and getting short with his GF, he was his usual happy, cheerful self with me - joking and
very optimistic..

When I asked his GF why I couldn't reach them, she confirmed that he had been in the hospital in Miami for a time and rather than making that drive back and forth every day, she just stayed there with him.. Once he returned home, he was so tired and so cranky from the side effects, they decided it was best to keep the house as quiet as possible - as well as keeping him from being irritable with whoever happpened to be on the other end of the phone..

I haven't done any further research since I got this news this evening.. I'm satisfied with what my brother told me and his GF confirmed, so there's no need to read a bunch of stuff that might go into details that they left out (intentionally or not).. I know he is in very, very good hands - with the doctor, the facility, and his wonderful, loving GF - so I will let them be for the time being as his GF promised me that she would call if anything changed..

Of course I'm still afraid for him - afraid that it might have spread and they just don't know it yet - but also optimistic that he is getting the best of care..

So - if you are so inclined, I (we) would appreciate continued prayers and good thoughts until all of this is behind him..

I am sooooooooo glad that I was able to talk to him this evening! The waiting and not knowing was driving me crazy - so the only thing I could do was to keep myself as busy as possible doing other things.. It was so good to hear his voice and to hear him laughing and goofing around.. Of course there have been times in the past when I wanted to smack him right up alongside of his head (what sister doesn't - right?), but I love him to pieces and I'm not ready to let him go - for a long, long, LONG time..

Thanks to all of you for the thoughts and prayers - and if anything changes, I'll try to track down this thread to let you know..

 

[MELSMICE]

Thoughts & prayers for your family, C. Ann.

 

[ugadog99]

Sounds like some positive news, C. Ann! I'm so glad you finally have some answers. I'm sure the not knowing was very difficult! I'm continuing to send good thoughts your way

 

[MissUndastood]

Promising news, that is wonderful.

 

[minkydog]

Well, that sounds like pretty good news, then.

 

[SunFloridaDisney]

Prayers for your brother and you.

 

[Planogirl]

Some good news there and hopefully things will continue to go well. Thanks for the update.

 

[laurie31]

That's wonderful that you got to talk to him and finally learned what is wrong.

You are absolutely correct that you shouldn't go searching for more info on the internet. Knowing a bunch of stuff that's possible but not likely will just upset you and won't do one thing to help your brother, who sounds like he is in excellent hands between his MD and his GF. An 89% chance is a very good chance indeed. Prayers for him as he goes through the "not so pleasant" part. If he's halfway through, it won't be much longer until it's over.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

This is definitely great news.

 

[jking6]

Continued prayers