"Playdate" Should they have provided lunch?

[Zandy595]

I just asked DS if his friend's mom told them to help themselves and he said no. He said there was no talk of food the whole time he was there.

 

[mjkacmom]

I just asked DS if his friend's mom told them to help themselves and he said no. He said there was no talk of food the whole time he was there.

At the age of 13, it's up to the host (the 13 year old) to offer food. If my dd wants a snack, she just helps herself (mostly the 11 year old does also, but the younger ones have to ask). Dd's friends come over often after school, and I just say hello, and go about my business. Trust me - they eat!

 

[tink_n_pooh]

At 13 I would think the boys would help themselves, my nephews are about that age and they've been making their own lunches and snacks for a few years now, especially when they have friends over, it would uncool if mom made something for them

 

[Bluestars]

I just asked DS if his friend's mom told them to help themselves and he said no. He said there was no talk of food the whole time he was there.

We've run into a few families who do things differently than we do. One family invited my son out to dinner and they all just had water to drink. They didn't offer to order my son a drink and of course he didn't ask. He just went with it. We both thought it was strange, but oh well. This same family will make the kids go to bed early on the weekends. My son doesn't like staying the night at their house, so we have him over to ours.

I've taught my son to always ask the kids if they are hungry or thirsty. As soon as they walk in the door, I remind them where the drinks are and that they should help themselves. I also tell the kids to let me know if they get hungry. I always order a pizza and chicken strips if the kids are over at dinner time.

 

[AustinTink]

Lunch, yes. And by 4pm they would have had a snack also. I feed the whole neighborhood.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

I was an over achiever so school started at 6:30AM for me with a zero period class which meant I ate breakfast at about 5:30AM. If I had to wait for lunch at noon or later, I think it would be difficult for me to get through my last class before lunch.

We had 2 lunch periods at our school, first lunch was 10:40-11:00AM (we had different bell schedules each day) and period 3B would be after that. If you had second lunch, you would have period 3A and lunch was something around 11:45-noon! I'm so glad I never had second lunch but I think if you had a zero period, they tried everything they could to ensure you had first lunch.

But anyway, all of my friends kitchens were open to getting whatever we needed so meals were never an issue. Most of the time, if I could I squeeze a meal in before I went to my friend's house, especially if it wasn't one of my closest friends's house. And many times, my friend would offer me something if they made food for themselves or the parent would make food if it was a general meal time...

It was never expection to be given breakfast, lunch or dinner unless I was going to be there a long time i.e. overnight in which case breakfast would be expected... or dinner if I arrived early enough. This happened a lot since my friends and I would always stay at each others houses for the entire weekend at times.

 

[luvmy3]

It's not that I think "I don't have to offer it"; but more of a "I don't have to prepare it" type thing. By the teen years, I didn't really consider it as my hosting a play date with structure; but more of my kid is having friends over, therefore he's "hosting" the gathering and he's doing it in the kid casual way they all seemed to have about them. Kids would come over to the house to hang, or after practice or whatever. My son knew where the fridge and snack shelf was. They would eat. No formalities, or set meal times. I don't think that any kid who was at my house for 4 hours ever went without eating - but that's because my kid never went 4 hours without eating. He'd get hungry, and say to the guys "Who wants something to eat" - they'd all head into the kitchen and deplete a massive amount of groceries (picture 3 or 4 football guys and the damage they can do LOL).
The only time I remember being consulted about food is, when hanging together in the evening, DS might come in and ask about ordering a pizza for the gang. BUT, by this age, he was the one calling the shots and "offering the food" , not me.

This is how I feel. My kids aren't quite teens yet so when there is a playdate I offer food, whether its lunch or a snack. My dd is 11 and she will ask for lunch or something when her friends are over and I'll make it, but at 13 and older she can be the one to prepare and serve her guests

 

[Allison]

It's not that I think "I don't have to offer it"; but more of a "I don't have to prepare it" type thing. By the teen years, I didn't really consider it as my hosting a play date with structure; but more of my kid is having friends over, therefore he's "hosting" the gathering and he's doing it in the kid casual way they all seemed to have about them. Kids would come over to the house to hang, or after practice or whatever. My son knew where the fridge and snack shelf was. They would eat. No formalities, or set meal times. I don't think that any kid who was at my house for 4 hours ever went without eating - but that's because my kid never went 4 hours without eating. He'd get hungry, and say to the guys "Who wants something to eat" - they'd all head into the kitchen and deplete a massive amount of groceries (picture 3 or 4 football guys and the damage they can do LOL).
The only time I remember being consulted about food is, when hanging together in the evening, DS might come in and ask about ordering a pizza for the gang. BUT, by this age, he was the one calling the shots and "offering the food" , not me.

I have to agree with you. It's not a "play date" at my house for teenagers anymore. It's friends hanging out. If they want food, they can find it or ask me what they can have.

 

[Imzadi]

At the age of 13, it's up to the host (the 13 year old) to offer food.

Most people who've posted don't seem to have realized the host son must have eaten before the get together, as he was not hungry for 4 hours. So, he didn't offer food or any snacks.

I think it would have been rude for the OP's son to say, "Hey, I'm a hungry teen. Got anything to eat or snack on?" She obviously raised him with the right manners to let the host lead. Just because "teens are always hungry" doesn't mean they can automatically raid someone else's kitchen if the host didn't say so at one time. Or to ask, if snacks weren't offered.

 

[Zandy595]

Most people who've posted don't seem to have realized the host son must have eaten before the get together, as he was not hungry for 4 hours. So, he didn't offer food or any snacks.

I think it would have been rude for the OP's son to say, "Hey, I'm a hungry teen. Got anything to eat or snack on?" She obviously raised him with the right manners to let the host lead. Just because "teens are always hungry" doesn't mean they can automatically raid someone else's kitchen if the host didn't say so at one time. Or to ask, if snacks weren't offered.

I agree, it would have been rude for my son to ask for food and he never would have done that. Even if the parent said help yourselves, he wouldn't have.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I think food should definitely be offered if someone is over at lunchtime, which your son was, and of course something should be offered over a 4 hour period. I think at the very least, the mom or dad should have checked to see if anyone wanted anything to eat/drink if they didn't just come right out and serve something.

 

[Judy in Texas]

I agree with a previous poster that at 13, having friends over is no longer considered a "play date". I would reserve that term for preschool or early elementary school. It's more just "hanging out". Odd to me that an invitation was issued for noon to 4:00.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

I think food should definitely be offered if someone is over at lunchtime, which your son was, and of course something should be offered over a 4 hour period. I think at the very least, the mom or dad should have checked to see if anyone wanted anything to eat/drink if they didn't just come right out and serve something.

I agree... something along the lines of "have you had lunch yet?" would suffice... by at least someone in the house with DS was going to.

 

[claudia]

I would tell my son to ask if his friends would have eaten by the time he wanted them to come over....if they did I fed my son before they came, if they didn't I would provide lunch for everyone that arrived.....pizza, mickey d's....

 

[powellrj]

I agree with a previous poster that at 13, having friends over is no longer considered a "play date". I would reserve that term for preschool or early elementary school. It's more just "hanging out". Odd to me that an invitation was issued for noon to 4:00.

I gotta agree. My kids have kids come over all the time, but there is never a time frame involved. They just come over until they have to leave which many times is the next day!

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

I agree with a previous poster that at 13, having friends over is no longer considered a "play date". I would reserve that term for preschool or early elementary school. It's more just "hanging out". Odd to me that an invitation was issued for noon to 4:00.

I guess I could see it being something like... the kids decided to meet up at noon but then something was happening where they had to be done by 4...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OK, my 13yodd is back and guess what? She said they had no snacks. So it was a good thing she ate before she went. You just never know.

 

[Imzadi]

Odd to me that an invitation was issued for noon to 4:00.

Has it not occurred to anyone that maybe the host son or family had to be somewhere else at 4:30?

Maybe they just had other plans but the mom said, "You can hang out with your friends before we leave." I don't think there is anything wrong in having some structure.

 

[Disney Doll]

If someone invited me to their house from 12-4pm, I'd have expected some kind of food.

 

[dismom2]

I would have fed my child before they left---just in case. If the kids were coming to my house, I'd at least ask if they were hungry (especially boys---they seem to be hungry often, and eat a lot), and made something for them to eat. I'd have made a pizza, or they would help themselves to whatever food and snacks were here. I would definately expect them to be hungry for something---even just a snack---between 12 and 4.

I've been to people's houses for hours and not even offered a drink, so I always take drinks, and sometimes snacks (enough to share) just in case they don't offer anything.