Parents wanting to join you on vacations

[Neoshoegal]

For Christmas we had planned to take a big vacation to a ranch in Arizona. Unfortunately, MrNeo's job situation has changed and we had to cancel that vacation as it would be too expensive and a bit foolish to still try to take it. So for a while now we've been wondering what to do for Christmas so it won't be too much of a let down that we aren't in Arizona. I've managed to get a couple of free hotel nights (point saving scheme) and so thinking of using that for Christmas. While researching possible location, I came across Heidelberg in Germany, which from the pictures I saw online looked like a nice place to spend Christmas.

My dad knows a lot about Germany, been there dozens of times, so I called him and asked about Heidelberg. He confirmed that it was nice place to go to with good things to visit. Then he asks why so I explain the above. I should have seen this coming because he does it every time: he asks if he and my mum can join us. So I try to say it's meant as a romantic little get away. Sure he understands, they could be staying at a different hotel and we don't have to spend all our time together. Right... He actually doesn't get the concept of a romantic getaway (he and my mum never do that, they always go on vacation with friends, it's never ever just the 2 of them). From experience I know that isn't so, they will want to know what we'll be doing and get upset if we don't want spend too much time with them. Also, my dad has been a tourguide for all his life so he'd be planning this trip in detail and if we don't do everything on his list, he'll think we've wasted our time there. For example, the hotel we're interested in has a nice spa and pool, so we'd want to spend some time there, he would consider that a waste as you can do that back at home and you should be going out visiting places.

He does this every single time, just the mere mention of we're thinking of this that or the other for a vacation, he asks if they can come along (with the notable exception of Disney World, phew!). My parents are generally very lovely and I always feel a bit guilty for saying no (well, we don't always say no, we've done some vacations with them before).

Although on the other hand, financially, them joining us, would not be that bad as they would chip in for the fuel and such. But then I feel bad again for thinking that.

Does anybody else have parents who always want to join you?

 

[carolfoy]

I do sympathise, having been single for 11 years I got used to holidaying with my mum and my son, My mum and I get along fine so thats not a problem, I can't really holiday with my dad as we don't get along that well. Since meeting my dbf last year we decided to go away together at xmas, just the two of us, (my son had already been arranged to spend xmas with his dad) and whilst I really enjoyed it I did feel guilty leaving my mum to spend xmas alone with my father. She got quite narky about it, as she's used to it being me her and Callum, with dad as an afterthought.
they are actually on holiday now together just the two of them for the firs time in about 11 years. Lee and I go with my son and his in about 3 weeks

 

[PoppyAnna]

Oh dear, I do sympathise

To be honest, I'm not really keen on the argument that it wil help with the costs etc if when you get there it isn't the holiday you want. You sound like you really need this break and spend it how you want.

My Mum has been on her own since March '04. I took her away for a week two months later. Just her, me and my eldest DD who was 13 months at the time. We visited a part of Mallorca that they had taken holidays to and we had gone there as a family when I was a child. It was lovey for her and it really helped her stay positive about Dad's death and the life they had enjoyed. It actually turned into quite a happy week (DD took her first steps and she walked through Gatwick arrivals all on her own into her Daddy's arms ) My Mum isn't really a "muck in" grandma and I don't think she changed Anna's nappy once or helped prepare her breakfast, bathe her or anything. I put it down to grief etc.
The back story is that my parents went to Club Med resorts every year as they knew as an only child I'd be catered for and kept busy whilst they enjoyed the sun.
We took her to Florida for nearly three weeks in May 07'. Frankly, never again! Her holiday wants are very different to ours, we have two small girls who get up fairly early (esp with jet lag) and Mum isn't a morning person. I dont think we got out of the apartment before 11am once
I think she also got frustrated as we'd be back at the apartment by 9pm at the latest wanting to put the girls to bed. DH only gets one "big" holiday a year, he wants his holiday, not somebody elses.
I do feel sorry for her as all her friends are couples so it's hard to find a holiday companion.
We are considering three weeks in Orlando next year and if we do we will invite her out for the last week, that way we can get done everything we want to do the first two weeks and then slow the pace down for the last week.

Good luck

 

[joolz1910]

I would be quite firm about this. A romantic break never includes parents. It sounds like you would regret letting them tag along. As this is an important break, I would not compromise on this.

My parents would never want to come away with us because they never go on holiday. How weird is that? My mum nearly fainted when I told her how much DLRP cost us. She started listing all the things I could have bought, new carpets, etc. I'm not going to tell her how much WDW is going to cost.

 

[Dimplenose]

My parents would never want to come away with us because they never go on holiday. How weird is that? My mum nearly fainted when I told her how much DLRP cost us. She started listing all the things I could have bought, new carpets, etc. I'm not going to tell her how much WDW is going to cost.

I need a new carpet and new sofas but we're off to WDW soon, so I don't care.

I'd never go on holiday with my parents or in-laws and they'd never expect to be asked.

As for people who don't holiday at all, I'm sure there are a lot of them (my dad, my brother and s-i-l to name but 3!)

 

[wicket2005]

I think sometimes you just have to be firm and say you want to just go with yourselves. If the holiday includes Christmas Day I can understand that your parents would want to be with you.

I am on the opposite scale I have grown up kids (20 and 18) who I ask if they want to come to Orlando with us each year. I am thankful that they do as I love having them with us, however, I realise there will come a day when they don't want to come and I will just have to accept that.

 

[joolz1910]

I think sometimes you just have to be firm and say you want to just go with yourselves. If the holiday includes Christmas Day I can understand that your parents would want to be with you.

I am on the opposite scale I have grown up kids (20 and 18) who I ask if they want to come to Orlando with us each year. I am thankful that they do as I love having them with us, however, I realise there will come a day when they don't want to come and I will just have to accept that.

Let me know when your kids don't want to go to WDW with you. I'll gladly take their place.

 

[Bolanette87]

I agree with what others have said: A romantic getaway NEVER includes parents...

My future mother in law is OBSESSED with holidays- She goes away about 6/7 times a year... (Despite apparently having no money to afford to do things like, I dunno, repair the dishwasher thats flooded the kitchen about 8 times in the last year??)... But anyway, when Robert booked our HONEYMOON, he happened to mention we were in a two bedroom apartment. She actually said, only half jokingly, that her and Roberts Dad should come along to get the most out of our money!!!! Even on the joke level, Robert was a bit flabbergasted and didn't know where to start to correcting her.... She laughed it off, but she has mentioned that spare room several times since....

Bob xoxoxox

 

[PoppyAnna]

I agree with what others have said: A romantic getaway NEVER includes parents...

My future mother in law is OBSESSED with holidays- She goes away about 6/7 times a year... (Despite apparently having no money to afford to do things like, I dunno, repair the dishwasher thats flooded the kitchen about 8 times in the last year??)... But anyway, when Robert booked our HONEYMOON, he happened to mention we were in a two bedroom apartment. She actually said, only half jokingly, that her and Roberts Dad should come along to get the most out of our money!!!! Even on the joke level, Robert was a bit flabbergasted and didn't know where to start to correcting her.... She laughed it off, but she has mentioned that spare room several times since....

Bob xoxoxox