Parents of teens : dating question

[stepmommyof1]

How much older do u let your kids date? Like 2 years older, what? Does it depend on if it's group dates or the couple alone, does it depend on how well you know the family, does it depend on if you have a son or a daughter (not that it should but people sometimes do feel differently about their daughters dating) etc
I'm just curious. So far, DH and I have been fine with DS dating whoever, as long as the girl is nice and a good person. So I don't really have much of an opinion on the subject, but I'm curious to know what other parents of teens think about their kids dating and how much older or younger/how many grade levels between/ they think is acceptable.
Because you could say they can only date in their grade or 1 year older or whatever but where is the line? Two years older, three?
Curious to know what the parents think.

 

[Longsx3]

Honestly DD (14, 15 in Aug) just started dating this year, her first BF was a sophomore and her current a senior. For us it is not about age, it is about the boy and his behavior. DD is mature beyond her years, her English teacher has said she is more mature than any student he has ever taught, and I don't think she could ever date a boy her age....at least not while in High School.

 

[Sorilla]

Why the age difference woul matter?! Is anythig than age bothers you? There is no normal or abnormal age difference, cheers

 

[sunshine1178]

I do hate to see a high school student dating a college student. I don't thi k it allows either of them to fully appreciate the experiences they could be having during that brief time.

 

[Katy Belle]

My BFF and I were talking about this today! She was 15 when she started dating her first boyfriend, and he was 18, already graduated from High School. They got married when she was 16! There is no way she would let her DD , who is 15, date a high school graduate! By the way, theyve been married 35 years!

I was 16 when I started dating DH, he was 19. He was so much better than the punks I was bringing home. No one mentioned age. .

I have only sons. DS16 has dated girls his age. I wouldnt want him to date an 8th grader...so probably 14 is young enough!

 

[minkydog]

I don't think I've ever had a rule about it. It just never came up. DD18 has tended to choose boys who were either a year older or a year younger than herself.

 

[stepmommyof1]

Well I didn't actually mean a real "rule" about it...I just meant as a parent when is the difference so big that you'd say it wasn't okay with you. Not really a rule but just your own feeling of when it's ok and when it's too much.

 

[minkydog]

i would have a bigger problem with a younger teen dating 2-3 years over her age than an older teen dating 2-3 years over her age. Right now, DD is 18. If she wanted to date someone 20-21 I would hope he was kind and well-mannered. But even if he wasn't, there wouldn't be much I could do about it. But it's different with a 15year old. There is NO WAY i would want my 9th grader dating a junior or senior in HS. There is just too much difference in life experience between 14 and 18.

 

[mamacatnv]

We always stressed the "legal" part. When DS turned 18, his girl friend was 16 and I called the sheriff just to make sure things were still kosher that was all that ever concerned me, just keep it legal.
I really don't want either of my kids to live with the label of sex offender because a young persons parent got ticked off. Not worth it and it happens way more than we all like to believe.

My DH is 10 years older than I and I married him when I was 21 - I always had "older" boyfriends because the boys my age were idiots

 

[cruisnfamily]

My rule for my DD(who is now 18 and a HS senior) has always been that while you're in high school, you may not date somebody who is not. I think there is such a difference between a high school student and either a college student or somebody out in the world working. Even if they were close in age, they'd be in different places in their lives so I just didn't approve. Fortunately it never came up.

 

[Disney Doll]

My parents did 2 years. When I was 15, I went out with a 17 year old. They made it very clear that I should not get any ideas about going out with a 19 or 20 year old.

I pretty much stayed right around my age group withiin a couple of years for all of my dating until I met DH. He's 4 years older.

 

[njmom47]

DS hasn't dated anyone yet, but I don't think I would let him date anyone more than a year or 2 older. He is rather naive at times and girls can be so mean. DD#1 did have a bf that was 1 1/2 yrs older when she was in her early teens. DD#2 had one serious bf that was 2 yrs older (16 and 18). So i would say 1 or 2 yrs older.

 

[heartsy77]

My dd bf is 17 will be 18 in Sept. Dd is 15 will be 16 in Feb next year. I'm fine with age difference as he's a sweet boy. Now if was a diifrent 17 year old boy might be different. To me it's the person not their age.

 

[dislal]

My kids will not be allowed to date until they are 16, my DD16 has a boyfriend who is 17 so they are only one year apart. So far he seems like a nice enough boy, they have never asked to go out alone yet. I am pretty happy about that, he comes and sits on my couch a lot or she goes places with him and his mom or his grandma.

DH and I started liking each other when i was very young(14 or 15) we have almost a 10 year age difference we started dating when I was 16, but my poor dad was VERY strict with our dating rules.

We have been married 17 1/2 years. I am 39 and DH is 48. I think we are doing ok.

If my DD's came home now and told me they wanted to date someone 10 years older I would lock them up

 

[Tiggeroo]

I am not comfortable with a big age difference. However, regarding no dating college while in hs. It's complicated. Whet if your 17yo dd dates an 18yo guy. He graduates and goes away to college but she still is in hs.

 

[Cinderella94]

My parents have never had a rule-probably because it never came up. I'm 16 and a senior in HS--I skipped a grade, and the guys my own age are idiots, so there was no way I would ever date someone in a grade below me. My most recent boyfriend was in my grade and about a year and a half older than me. No problems.

 

[golfgal]

I am not comfortable with the kids dating people that are too much older than they are while they are still in school. DD16 was hanging around with a senior boy at the beginning of the school year but they were not officially dating and only went on group things. I guess I just wonder what a senior boy interests in a sophomore girl are really . DD is now dating a freshman boy and that is a ok with me.

Our oldest really only dated girls his own age all through high school so it was never really an issue.

DS16 would actually have to ask a girl out to date anyone so we will see if that ever happens .

I would NOT be happy if our high school aged kids were dating kids in college or older.

 

[RitaE]

it's never been an issue. I probably would have cared for a younger teen but at almost 18 years old I really don't approve dates anymore.

I'd probably put my foot down if he brought home a 25 year old floozy but I don't think that's going to happen.

My son has never been that interested in way younger girls either so it has just never came up.

 

[SydSim]

I informed DD-14 that when she starts to date (at 16), she can date those who are no more than two grades higher than she is. UGH dating......there's so much maturity that needs to be there, and yes age itself doesn't guarantee maturity, but each year should bring something more.

Fortunately, although she has a healthy interest in boys, she has not asked to change the rules. She has something to look forward to and anticipates it. JMHO

 

[vicb]

When my DD was in HS our rule was you can date 1 grade above you or 1 grade below you. Worked well for her. We have the same rule for DS now in HS. There is a huge diff between a HS freshman at 14 and a HS senior at 18!!

Now that DD is in college we don't have rules, she is a mature young woman who will make her own choices. She has been through a couple of relationships now and has a better idea what is what. A couple of her college freshman friends are dating juniors and seniors, I don't have any trouble with that. As you become more mature the age difference matters less.

Just because that was/is our rule doesn't mean I think it is the only rule, all families should do what they feel best and are most comfortable with. Not being judgemental here at all... we all worry about our kids!!