Parents of Teens: Boy/Girl Sleepovers? UPDATE ON PAGE 2

[TimeforMe]

Since when did this become acceptable? DD(16)'s friend (male) is having a party tonight and a sleepover with both boys and girls. It will be supervised, but I'm sure the parents won't be staying up all night watching them DD didn't even ask if she could go because she knew what the answer would be. Plus I think she's a little uncomfortable with it herself. Two of her good friends, however, are going. Am I old-fashioned or what? I can't imagine why anyone would let their kids attend. I trust my DD, but I just don't think it's necessary to provide them with unnecessary temptations. Anyone else?

 

[cynsaun]

I completely agree with you! My children wouldn't be going anywhere near THAT sleepover!

 

[Evil Princess]

We only did this on New Years or Junior Prom/Senior Prom. It wasn't a regular thing, and my parents did let me once I was a certain age in high school.

Oh wait, I lied. Sometimes after parties I attended boy/girl sleepovers, but that was once I was driving. The keys were all taken away by the kid's parents.

Flame away, but none of us every got into drunk driving accidents. My parents knew these kids parents and trusted me (I never really gave them a reason not to). Not to be rude or anything, but whatever happened at a party would probably happen most any other time if kids want to do it enough.

In my situation we always slept over and did just that: Sleep.

 

[sha_lyn]

IMHO it really depends on the situation.
DS recently attended a co-ed sleepover at a girls house. We are very close to her and her mother and to the parents and other kids who spent the night. In total it was 2 girls and 3 boys. Actually I think 2 other girls were staying over until their mother learned the boys were staying (which I understand sicne they we just school friends and the mom does not know the boys or their parents). 1 other girl was just coming for the day because she had camp the next morning. While DS has not spent the ngiht there before, we have spend the night in a camper with her and her mom on several occasions. The other 2 boys spend the night there often. One of them stays there every weekend that his mom is playing out of town (or has a late gig).
With this particular group I wasn't uncomfortable at all.

 

[onecoolmama]

Originally posted by cynsaun
I completely agree with you! My children wouldn't be going anywhere near THAT sleepover!

That is because we all know what YOU did at those parties!!





No seriously, I have spent the night and my cousins have all spent the night at boy/girl sleepovers. Maybe our parents didn't care becasue usually there were 3 of us all at the same parties.

I have a story about this. I was at a national competition with a mixed group in high school (freshman year.) Well, we all went out really late got back around 3 am. (WE found a Japeneese Karaoke restaurant and an all night MckyD's)

Anyway, we all went to one room to talk and eat..and we all fell asleep there. Mixed people in beds and on the floor. (but enough people in one room to not do anything)

The next moring I guess the other girls had left early..but no one woke me! So I was found in a room with 10 guys and me!!! My mom just laughed..she knew all the guys and it was sooo funny to her!

 

[cynsaun]

Originally posted by onecoolmama
That is because we all know what YOU did at those parties!!

You promised you wouldn't say anything!

So I was found in a room with 10 guys and me!!! [/B]

Well, you got so plastered at Kild's the other night, we just wanted you to sleep it off! Anyway, Kild was cuddling the keg!

 

[sha_lyn]

The next moring I guess the other girls had left early..but no one woke me! So I was found in a room with 10 guys and me!!! My mom just laughed..she knew all the guys and it was sooo funny to her!

LOL and to think my family flipped out when I was 18 and went to a movie with several guy friends. It was the last chance to see most of them again. I had just graduated and they were all a yr or 2 behind me. What was funny was that instead of me driving my car (too small to hold all of us) one mom dropped us off and the other picked us us (one had a van and the other a stationwagon).

 

[Robinrs]

I bet the answer highly differs if you have a boy instead of a girl! The double standard LIVES!

 

[cynsaun]

Good point, Robinrs!

 

[Blueeyes101817]

my first boy/girl sleepover was after our junior prom..we all just basically threw blankets on the floor of the living room and slept there

 

[mtblujeans]

My son just turned 16 and I would wager that he and his friends (he is the youngest in the group) would all be afraid to fall asleep in a room with girls in it. I think they are afraid of girls....period. None of them have girlfriends. They are shy guys and the girls are too aggressive for them.

 

[AZKathy]

None of my kids will be allowed to do a co-ed sleepover. Call me old fashioned, but I have been a teenager once with the same temptations and I will not contribute to making any of my teenagers' temptations easier to succumb to!!! I don't mind school or church functions with a lot of chaperones, but not at a home.

 

[kadaten]

Our co-ed sleepovers were usually after parties where alcohol had been served. If you drank, you didn't leave, and everyone slept in sleeping bags on the rec room floor. Nothing happened but movies, talk, and sleep.

Anything kids want to do that you're worried about in this situation can be done before midnight, in cars, in someone's room during normal visiting hours, whenever and whereever! If your kid wants to do it, they'r going to do it. If they are ever allowed to leave your house they have the opportunity.

The thing to do is to have talked about these things, educated them, installed morals along the way....so they have a good enough head on their shoulders to make the right decisions when the opportunity presents itself.

 

[sk!mom]

No Way, Not Ever! Just asking for trouble in my opinion.

 

[KarenC]

This is the one subject I base my philosophy of never say never on.

When my daughter first started high school and I became aware of co-ed sleepovers I couldn't believe parents would support such a thing. But as she got older, and I got to know her friends, I became more comfortable with the idea. She ended up attending two or three.

They tend to happen around here only after school dances. Generally at least half the couples are just friends. There are so many kids that my kid was probably less likely to get into trouble than if she were on a car date with her boyfriend. And in just a year or two they'll be living in co-ed dorms in college.

In general, if you look at the statistics, today's teens are probably more conservative in terms of drinking, smoking and sex than their parents were. You need to know your own child. I ended up lettting my daughter attend co-ed sleepovers, and she gave me no reason to regret it.

 

[Randi]

My how times have changed! Morality aside, I can't imagine being a teenager wanting to sleep in a room with others. Gad that would destroy all images and mystery, wouldn' it? Think of all the nasty things that happen either while sleeping or just waking up; snoring, drooling, odors, assorted bodily noises, etc. ICK! At that age, I sure wouldn't have wanted to reveal everything!

 

[shortbun]

What's with co-ed sleepovers after alcohol has been served?
Are these underage kids still living at home with parent being
aware of the drinks being served? I usually don't say "no way"
but on this one-NO WAY! I'd never allow my son to be put in the
position where his integrity could be called into question like this.
Anyone could say anything happened. All it takes is one bad apple. Bad idea!

 

[TimeforMe]

Thanks for all the replies. DD is just completing her sophomore year. The party to which she was invited, is a graduating senior. I don't know the parents at all. There are going to be tons of kids attending -- sort of like an open house. The dad lives in a very affluent section of town and has a very large home. Don't know what the liquor situation will be but I can't imagine the parents can condone serving liquor to 18, 17 and 16 year olds.

At any rate, it's a non-issue in this case as DD has already said she doesn't want to spend the night and isn't even sure if she wants to go to the party.

And I agree with shortbun. I do trust DD, but why put them in a situation with undue peer pressure. Kids will sometimes do things in a group that they wouldn't do otherwise.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Originally posted by shortbun
What's with co-ed sleepovers after alcohol has been served?
Are these underage kids still living at home with parent being
aware of the drinks being served? I usually don't say "no way"
but on this one-NO WAY! I'd never allow my son to be put in the
position where his integrity could be called into question like this.
Anyone could say anything happened. All it takes is one bad apple. Bad idea!

ive heard alot of people around here having their kids allow friends over to drink..not just to sit around and drink..but last year one parent had their child invite maybe 3 or 4 other girls...the mom talked to the other moms..the girls were allowed to drink--keys were taken......the parents felt that way they would feel what it feels like if they swtart loosing control..this way if they went to college parties and were drinking they owuld have some idea..

idunno--it wasnt my party

 

[Stephanie218]

What's with co-ed sleepovers after alcohol has been served?

I've done this at numerous parties. If the parents collect keys, it's better to have a rounded high school social life than be totally restricted. Many of the kids whose parents wouldn't let them near alcohol during high school end up going all out in college and they don't know how much they can handle. It's happened to people I knew before.

The parents don't serve or buy the alcohol technically, they just know it's in the house.