Parents of girls: Having THE talk

[Sleestack]

What age and what details? What exactly did you tell them about how things work?

 

[IDoDis]

I never got the chance because my DN told DD EVERYTHING one night when they were having a sleepover. DD was 10 years old and DN was 12.

Just today my DS who is 10 asked while we were eating dinner, "Just how does a woman get pregnant anyway? Is it an act of God or something?" DD's face lit up and she said, "I'll give him the talk."

 

[JessicaR]

How old?

What age and what details? What exactly did you tell them about how things work?

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/15..._m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1PYZPE7P2PRSVKAE9G6Z

http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Big-Secret-Talking-about/dp/0316101834

http://www.sexualityandu.ca/parents/puberty-2.aspx#

 

[MAKmom]

It should be on a "need to know basis".

 

[java]

It was never a "talk" in our house. It was TALKS. Start young- with what they can handle. Then add as they get older.
My daughter was asking ?'s at 5 so I gave her the basics. Now at 12 she has the majority of the information. Opening the communication young makes it not as scary as a one stop talk.

 

[redlight]

It was never a "talk" in our house. It was TALKS. Start young- with what they can handle. Then add as they get older.
My daughter was asking ?'s at 5 so I gave her the basics. Now at 12 she has the majority of the information. Opening the communication young makes it not as scary as a one stop talk.

I'm not a parent, but that sounds like the best answer.

 

[minkydog]

I guess we started talking THE TALK around the age of 7 when my DD discoverd my tampax and pads under the bathroom sink. At that time I didn't feel she was ready for the whole thing, so I told her that these were things that ladies used. That's all she wanted to know.

About 2 years later, she started getting some breasts so it was time to talk about periods. American Girl has a fantastic book called "The Care and Keeping of You." I let her read the book first and then we talked about menstruation. She wanted me to teach her how to use the pads and she spent part of an afternoon "practicing" with them, About that same time she became self-concious about the hair on her legs, so we spent a Saturday sitting on the edge of the tub shaving our legs.

DD started her period at age 10(!) It was June and she wanted to go swimming so I gave her some Junior tampons and told her to have at it. It took her about 15 minutes to get the hang of it, and she was off and running. We talked about what it means to have your period, about conception and love. She still had her American Girl book that she referred to periodically.

DD is 16 now and we are still having THE TALK. Now the subjects are more complicated. We've talked about love and commitment, but also birth control, drugs and date rape. She so far has not been interested in any serious elationships*which is just fine with me!* I feel like I've done a good job of keeping lines of communication open. DD doesn't broach the subject much, but we watch TV together and sometimes that will bring up a topic that we need to touch on.

 

[luvmy3]

I gave dd the talk when she turned 10. She was complaining that her chest hurt and I knew it was time. I definitely recommend the AG book The Care and Keeping of You.
She is 11 now so we will soon be having the other talk.

 

[robinb]

It should be on a "need to know basis".

Sorry, but YOUR child "needs to know" pretty darn soon! If you wait until YOU think she needs to know she'll be pregnant.

My DD is 10 and we have had "talks" along the way. She knows how babies are made, for instance. But she doesn't quite grasp how that effects her. Yet. We will have more serious sex and baby-making talks when she gets older.

Now I see that others are speaking about the "Period Talk". Which talk does everyone mean? The Period Talk or the Sex Talk? I have always thought of the Sex Talk as THE Talk. Period Talk kinda happens in the months that preempt the first period. Along with "The Care and Keeping of You" which I gave to my DD when she was 9. She brings that darn book to sleepovers with her! (That's my girl!)

 

[Sandy321]

I guess we started talking THE TALK around the age of 7 when my DD discoverd my tampax and pads under the bathroom sink. At that time I didn't feel she was ready for the whole thing, so I told her that these were things that ladies used. That's all she wanted to know.

About 2 years later, she started getting some breasts so it was time to talk about periods. American Girl has a fantastic book called "The Care and Keeping of You." I let her read the book first and then we talked about menstruation. She wanted me to teach her how to use the pads and she spent part of an afternoon "practicing" with them, About that same time she became self-concious about the hair on her legs, so we spent a Saturday sitting on the edge of the tub shaving our legs.

DD started her period at age 10(!) It was June and she wanted to go swimming so I gave her some Junior tampons and told her to have at it. It took her about 15 minutes to get the hang of it, and she was off and running. We talked about what it means to have your period, about conception and love. She still had her American Girl book that she referred to periodically.

DD is 16 now and we are still having THE TALK. Now the subjects are more complicated. We've talked about love and commitment, but also birth control, drugs and date rape. She so far has not been interested in any serious elationships*which is just fine with me!* I feel like I've done a good job of keeping lines of communication open. DD doesn't broach the subject much, but we watch TV together and sometimes that will bring up a topic that we need to touch on.

I have to 2nd the American Girl Book -

I went away for a weekend - came home and had a message from DD 1st grade teacher! Apparently one girl was telling the other girls in the bathroom about periods - dd didnt think some of the things she was hearing was true - (some wasnt! but it could be that 2nd hand remembering stuff!)

Went to the library and checked out this book -

we have an open communication - but it started with MIS-information from school!!

good luck - its not easy!

(btw - I have 2 older boys, and I'll never forget overhearing a tv show they were watching while I was making dinner (Family Guy or Simpson's from bathroom machines - " ribbed for a woman's pleasure" That got another great discussion going - one the boys still like to bring up to their embarrassment!!)

Information is EVERYWHERE today!

 

[IDoDis]

Sorry, but YOUR child "needs to know" pretty darn soon! If you wait until YOU think she needs to know she'll be pregnant.

My DD is 10 and we have had "talks" along the way. She knows how babies are made, for instance. But she doesn't quite grasp how that effects her. Yet. We will have more serious sex and baby-making talks when she gets older.

Now I see that others are speaking about the "Period Talk". Which talk does everyone mean? The Period Talk or the Sex Talk? I have always thought of the Sex Talk as THE Talk. Period Talk kinda happens in the months that preempt the first period. Along with "The Care and Keeping of You" which I gave to my DD when she was 9. She brings that darn book to sleepovers with her! (That's my girl!)

In my answer, I meant the sex talk and may have misunderstood the OP's question. As far as the period talk, I can't even think when that happened. DD has known about periods since she was little from being with me when I'd buy supplies at the store. She asked what they were for and I told her in a way she'd understand. Maybe she was 4 years old? When she got closer to having periods herself, I bought her the book, "Are You There God, it's Me, Margaret." She started reading it and I reread it myself in that same time-frame. We'd talk about what chapters we were on which would open up discussions. She was 10 years old then.

When she was 7, she spent the night at her friend's house. Her friend got into her mom's nightstand and pulled out a book to show DD. It was all about sex and how babies are made, and had "Arthur" type characters in the illustrations. The girl's mom found her DD showing the book to my DD and called me to break the news. I asked DD about it when she got home and if she had any questions about what they read. She said not really. I think it all went over her head. Recently I reminded her of that incident and she said she wasn't really paying attention to what her friend was reading.

As I mentioned, her cousin gave her the sex talk during a sleepover a few months after she read the Judy Bloom book. Some of the information was grossly wrong, which I set her straight on.

 

[crazee4mickey]

It was never a "talk" in our house. It was TALKS. Start young- with what they can handle. Then add as they get older.
My daughter was asking ?'s at 5 so I gave her the basics. Now at 12 she has the majority of the information. Opening the communication young makes it not as scary as a one stop talk.

This is the same as our house...but after reading this thread I ordered the American Girl book as well

 

[flying_babyb]

My mom never had the talk. I learned it in middle school (6th grade) from my sexually active freind. Start young!

 

[themilesfamily]

I'm similar to many other posters.

I have a 5 year old and we've just answered her questions openly and to the point when she's asked them. "How did I get in your tummy?", "How did I get out?", etc.

She knows what boys & girls parts are called. She understands how babies are made. She understands how babies are born.

We've kept it pretty simple and just given her the biology of it all. Interestingly enough she tells us now that she doesn't want to have a baby -- she plans to adopt! Apparently my explanation of the baby-making process didn't make it sound so great!

I just remember that when I was a kid, my mother acted TOTALLY embarrassed and ashamed of anything having to do with sex. She used to whisper when she said the word v*gina. Like the fact that we had one was some kind of awful secret! I thought it was ridiculous and wanted to be more open with my daughter.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Like many others here--we have had no "talk" but rather on ongoing conversation.

We have had the basic Where Did I Come From book on the shelf since DD was about 18 months old (I bought it when I was pregnant with her little brother) and read it from time to time just like we read any other book (we had plenty of other non fiction titles including things like how the digestive system works and other biology type books and it did not get any more talk than those did).

I got The Care and Keeping of You for DD at age 7 (close to 8). She was so tall I was afraid she could start her period soon and wanted to be sure she was prepared. This is the American Girl book people are talking about and I think it is excellent as well.

When the kids were 9 and 11 I bought It's Perfectly Normal. It covers pretty much everything. Having taught middle school I know kids have a lot of information (and misinformation) early on and i wanted to be sure mine knew the real deal when they run into it.

Along the way we have had plenty of chances to talk. Dad on Home Improvemnt has a vasectomy, teen mom is walking down the street, AIDs prevention builboard is on teh corner, etc. etc.

 

[NMAmy]

It's much easier if you start answering their questions honestly and age appropriately when they're little. Then by the time they're getting to the age that they need to know everything, it's natural for the child to come to you for an honest answer and it's not so uncomfortable to talk about.

DD knew everything by the time she was 8. I'd rather have her find out the truth from me then get possibly incorrect info from her friends. When they start asking, it's time to tell them the truth.

 

[MAKmom]

Sorry, but YOUR child "needs to know" pretty darn soon! If you wait until YOU think she needs to know she'll be pregnant.

My DD is 10 and we have had "talks" along the way. She knows how babies are made, for instance. But she doesn't quite grasp how that effects her. Yet. We will have more serious sex and baby-making talks when she gets older.

Now I see that others are speaking about the "Period Talk". Which talk does everyone mean? The Period Talk or the Sex Talk? I have always thought of the Sex Talk as THE Talk. Period Talk kinda happens in the months that preempt the first period. Along with "The Care and Keeping of You" which I gave to my DD when she was 9. She brings that darn book to sleepovers with her! (That's my girl!)

It sounds like you have been following my "need to know basis" style of parenting

Question: If she knows how babies are made...how does she NOT know how that effects her? You either told her or you only gave her part of the information...like on a need to know basis.

 

[shortbun]

Not one 'talk' here either. We started at about age 3 with pictures and correct terms. DS immediately went into his preschool class and began painting pictures of sperm, lol!!!
We have layered information since then. At age 10-he knew about sex but that's when we began talking about possible options regarding abstinence/birth control/respecting one's partner/one thing leads to another and what those 'things' are/teenaged parents/STD's. A couple of times he's brought friends with bad information to us wanting them straightened out, lol. I've made two pretty weird calls to parents asking for permission to talk to their kids. Amazingly, both agreed; I would have probably told them to send my kid home and worked on it myself. Last year, I took my son into the grocery and to the birth control stuff we went. We looked everything over and I explained how it all worked and what kind of protection it offered in reality. He was 13. He's an athlete, not a lover but some day soon it's going to kick in and I want him fully apprised of what could happen, what should happen and how to handle things in a mature manner. As in all things(drugs, sex, alcohol, reckless driving), my first line is - do not do it. Then - IF you find yourself in this position...here's how to get out of it or stop it....then, if you pass that point...and so forth. He's not always been comfortable and some of our talks have been pretty short but informational. When he arrives at those moments, I want him to have some notion that he knows what to do and what not to do so he's capable of making good choices...talk soon and talk often.

 

[MariDisney]

I agree with the PPs who said it's "talks" not talk. From a very young age (aka birth) my DD was in the bathroom with me during that time of the month. Not every time, of course, but just as it happened. So, from toddlerhood she knew that happened if mommy didn't have a baby in her belly. If she did have a baby that wouldn't happen because her body would be busy taking care of the baby. By age 7.5 it was very clear that my DD was going to physically mature early, so we had some of the more detailed talks about what happens in terms of changes in her body. By 8.5 she knew about intercourse and how all that worked. At 9.5 (this summer) she started menstruating. I felt like she was very very prepared.

 

[robinb]

It sounds like you have been following my "need to know basis" style of parenting

Question: If she knows how babies are made...how does she NOT know how that effects her? You either told her or you only gave her part of the information...like on a need to know basis.

Maybe we're more on the same page than I originally thought. FWIW, I didn't withhold information. I just don't think that she has even thought (imagined, not planned!) about having sex herself and has not personally applied the information she has.