Parents: Need some wise advice

[busyshrew]

I am the same as you OP, but my daughter is a bit older (7), and I am not a "play-parent". I do have a suggestion if you are struggling with balancing your daughter's requests and your own inclinations:

Try setting some (informal) rules for yourself. When my daughter was younger, I would try to spend about 15-20 minutes, once a day, of "imaginarium time" with her. Ponies, Polly Pockets, princess stuff.... whatever she wanted. But I basically set a limit to it, and that was it. When the time was up, I'd either distract (when she was younger), or nowadays, I can just say "Mummy needs to get on with chores now, do you want to help me or do you want to keep playing?". Sometimes, surprisingly, she picks helping me! When she begs for playtime, I can *usually* tell her, "no, I've already done some playtime, and I'd like to do ______, can we save that for tomorrow?".

And the other posters are right - lots of playdates is the key. DD has tons of playdates with other friends and that seems to take care of her need for that type of imaginative scenario playing.

Don't feel guilty, I'm sure you're daughter lacks for nothing!

 

[mumto3girls]

I am much the same way. I love to read to my kids and also enjoy board games and puzzles and doing things like taking walks or going places, but I DETEST pretend play. I don't know your exact situation, but for me, it was only an issue with my oldest because after the second one got old enough to play with they played together and once the third one came along I'm not sure she would even think about me playing barbies or something with her because she has always had her sisters and the other kids that they have over.

Even as a child I liked setting up to play Barbies or whatever, but once it got time for storylines I was a bit lost--just not my thing. I will dress dolls or pollypockets and fix hair--its just making up stories that makes me crazy.

Like another poster mentioned, I used to tell my daughter that I would play that type of thing with her for a set amount of time--15-20 minutes and then I was done. I tried to do that most days and even so it was tough, but I got through it I would say though that it is good for her to learn to play by herself and I don't think that there is anything wrong with telling her that mommy doesn't play that kind of stuff and tell her what you will do--color, puzzles, etc.

I would do the playdates too.

 

[ToTLaugher]

I agree with the posters who are saying to set a time limit. On days that your DD doesn't have a play date set a time of 15 - 20 minutes. Use a timer and let her know that those 20 minutes are her time and you will play whatever she wishes, but when the timer goes off you have to get back to your own stuff to do. I have found that to be very effective for my kids. Like others have said, though, be sure to included her by having her help you with cleaning, cooking or such and do activities you both enjoy together (like reading).

 

[DisneyScraps]

I was you. I hated to play toys. I have a 10 year old she lived through it. Here is what I did. Every day we did a craft together, colored, she had a big tub of beads, we painted, play dough something constructive just the 2 of us at the kitchen table. Every day I took her somewhere constructive. We went to the zoo once a week, local aquarium. I sought out great playground and made picnics. We did movies, the beach once a week in the summer. We were always on the go.

Now that she is older we scrapbook together, we have family game night and we love watching Top Chef of the Food Network.

She is an only child so learned how to entertain herself and she is quite self assured and independent.

We had a lot of interaction but if you asked her if Mom played with her, she would tell you no. I think kids just want your time, they don't really casre what you do with them.

Lisa

 

[diznygirl]

A very old kindergarten teacher once told me, "Children need to be bored so they will use their imaginations." You need to encourage her to play these games by herself. I agree that setting a time limit will help, and letting her know that you have chores to do.

 

[NHdisneylover]

My daughter is an only child and she does play when she's at preschool and makes friends easily but when she's at home she wants to continue the fun with me. I feel like a bad mom when I ask her "don't you want to watch TV insead?"

OP--I was right with you at first, but then I got to this. Hmmmm, not sure how often you do (or want to) do this. Sometimes having them watch TV so you can get things done, but it should not be a standard thing you suggest, you know?

I have a couple of ideas/suggestions for you.
1. As others have said, it is important that your daughter learn how to play alone and entertain herself. I am an only child and learned that skill early on--it is a good one to have. At her age, you should be able to hve half hour blocks a few times a day in which she is entertaining herself with you doing chores nearby.

2. You said you do not mind coloring with her, reading to her, etc. Try to suggest those things BEFORE she gets bored and asks you to play. It is easier to steer her INTO what you want than away from what you do not want.

3. Try incorporating her play into things you do not mind doing. For example: I never wanted to play matchbox cars with my kids, but I was happy to draw roads, buildings, etc for them on butcherpaper WHILE they played and then they could use the "towns" to play on. They felt like I was playing "with" them but I did not have to "be" the cars. I also drew towns for my little ponies, made simple outfits for dolls, assmeble "tiny" snacks for doll or stuffed animal parties, etc. Maybe you can try doing some things like this. ALSO, my kids love it when I was the photographer coming to record their games and then we would watch the slide show about it that night after dinner.

 

[mamacatnv]

Sign me up for the non player parent also. I hate it, its mundane and I just don't have the patience nor the imagination. I also hated all those silly counting board games!

I remember when DD was little sitting in her Ped's office while a Mom and her toddler played out a very elaborate story sitting on the floor with each other. I was awestruck that the Mom had that kind of patience and yet, there was a part of me that was a bit confused. The Mother was this childs playmate, it was obvious to me and I found that odd.
I never viewed myself as my childrens' playmate. Cook, nurturer, first aide, counselor, taxi driver, hair dresser, tutor etc.... yes, but playmate? Ummm not so much.

I also was not a huge fan of playdates, that would mean putting up with someone elses kiddo. I'm a weird parent, I love my kids but am not a big fan of children in general.

I personally think it is good for kids to be able to amuse/occupy themselves. Couple of my favorite phrases are:
"I am not your activity coordinator, find something to amuse yourself with" along with
"I am not the cruise director, sort yourself out."

 

[CanadianPaco]

I am the same as you OP, but my daughter is a bit older (7), and I am not a "play-parent". I do have a suggestion if you are struggling with balancing your daughter's requests and your own inclinations:

Try setting some (informal) rules for yourself. When my daughter was younger, I would try to spend about 15-20 minutes, once a day, of "imaginarium time" with her. Ponies, Polly Pockets, princess stuff.... whatever she wanted. But I basically set a limit to it, and that was it. When the time was up, I'd either distract (when she was younger), or nowadays, I can just say "Mummy needs to get on with chores now, do you want to help me or do you want to keep playing?". Sometimes, surprisingly, she picks helping me! When she begs for playtime, I can *usually* tell her, "no, I've already done some playtime, and I'd like to do ______, can we save that for tomorrow?".

And the other posters are right - lots of playdates is the key. DD has tons of playdates with other friends and that seems to take care of her need for that type of imaginative scenario playing.

Don't feel guilty, I'm sure you're daughter lacks for nothing!

This is me to a tee! Great advice.

If I had to sit and play with those ponies one more time, I would go insane! I find it conforting to know I wasn't alone in my feelings. At teh time, I felt so guitly for not "enjoying" it like I was supposed to!

 

[Diznygrl]

When I was a kid, I was a whiz at making up fanciful tales with my toys and I could entertain myself for hours. And you should have heard some of the very involved storylines my friends and I made up for our Barbies, LOL. But NOW, if I ever find myself in a situation where a child wants me to "play", I am at a total loss. I have no idea what to say or do and trying to sit through it and be imaginative is excruciating (it's really sad how that part of you disappears as you get older. ).

My mom never really "played" with me either, but I never really thought about it much. To me, playing with toys was something I did by myself, with a friend, or my brother. I don't think I ever really expected her to sit and play dolls with me...we did lots of other things together so I didn't feel unloved or deprived or anything like that.

 

[js]

OMG, thank you OP for this tread! I have been going on almost 17 years thinking I am/was the rare mother that didn't want to/like to "play pretend" or dolls, etc. with my children. I honestly thought I was the rare mother and am SOOO happy to see so many disers that didn't like to "play" either.
Thanks!

 

[Ceila]

OMG, thank you OP for this tread! I have been going on almost 17 years thinking I am/was the rare mother that didn't want to/like to "play pretend" or dolls, etc. with my children. I honestly thought I was the rare mother and am SOOO happy to see so many disers that didn't like to "play" either.
Thanks!

You and me both!! (Although my kiddos are a little younger.) I always felt guilty that I didn't like to play make-believe with dolls, Little Pet Shop toys, etc. Now I know I'm not alone!

ETA: There were/are tons of other things I love doing with the kids, just not that kind of play. Puzzles, building toys, and especially reading are my favorites.

 

[js]

You and me both!! (Although my kiddos are a little younger.) I always felt guilty that I didn't like to play make-believe with dolls, Little Pet Shop toys, etc. Now I know I'm not alone!

ETA: There were/are tons of other things I love doing with the kids, just not that kind of play. Puzzles, building toys, and especially reading are my favorites.

Building toys were ok as well as puzzles. I hated (and still do) board games.
I am truly thankful for this thread!!!! REALLY!!!!
I try not to feel guilty about things that I cannot change and always had a bit of guilt about not playing. I use to think EVERY mother sits on the floor and plays dolls, games, etc. I am so happy to hear I was not alone

 

[sweetdana]

No different than if she was an adult compromise. Today books or cooking tommor pretend. Maybe you find you both like making cupcakes. I went through it too, now dd6 is into much more fun things like puzzles, and joke books, and magic. All things to me more fun than.. you be barbies best friend and tell me you don't want to be friends any more.. ect.

She will also grow out of baby stuff.. but into boys hmmm.. maybe back to pretend. ??????

 

[sturdypeasantstock]

Maybe it's the actor in me, but I liked playing Barbies, etc. with the kids when they were small. Was much better at that then playing goalie. Didn't have half their energy level, though. Have a lot of fun memories of those days. I'm basically a big kid at heart. I wouldn't have had children if I didn't expect to spend some time playing with them. Even when they had playdates I wound up playing with all the kids, at least part of the time.

 

[xJenna]

I am not a parent, but a child development student. So please don't flame me for any of this.

Just know that your daughter playing is a huge part of her development especially at such a young age. I'm not at all saying that you need to play with her every hour of your day or at all if you choose. There are reasons for her development for playing and making up these scenarios. Kids often express their feelings or their views through play, and you can learn a ton about a child through playing. That being said, I don't really mind playing with dolls and such but I love the crafty stuff because kids don't care how bad your art is!