Parents...make up your minds!

[Hrhpd]

I took the title to mean... If strangers are so dangerous for kids to be around, why do these parents leave their kids alone around strangers? Make up your minds! Either strangers are dangerous so you need to keep your kids with you, or strangers aren't dangerous and it's OK for your kids to be alone around them and talk to them.

That is how I took it too, but it doesn't make sense. Some parents don't think every stranger lurking around the corner is bent on kidnapping their child. Some parents are more protective. So, of course, with the different parenting styles, you are going to see parents who have different comfort levels of leaving their children at tables or even alone somewhere. And I don't see the disconnect in leaving your child at a table with a toy and then reprimanding them if they talk to a stranger. They are being taught how to handle themselves when alone.

I am glad for the OP that some "Mummy" didn't call security on her for approaching her 5 year old child when the mom was gone and talking to them. I would find that pretty creepy myself and I would be telling my child loudly and clearly so that the OP could hear and get the message, that my child should not be talking to strangers who approached the table and tried to engage her in conversation.

 

[cijay]

I have to ask...What does the "make up your minds" title have to do with the subject? Sorry, I've been wondering this since I read it.

Sorry, I guess it wasn't clear. Do you want me to help your kid or do you want me to ignore them? Is the world this abyss of danger or is your child okay to be left in toy departments, sat at tables a long way away from you are or play on mechanical stairs? I can guarantee that if anything had happened, those parents would be blubbering on the news about the evils of the world.

 

[CPanther95]

OP- it's odd that 2 of the Mothers were upset that you were around their kids
Even tho you wear name tags and have an Apron

Dexter wore an apron.

 

[quandrea]

At the animal kingdom lodge pool I had a little girl, about four, approach me. She asked if I could watch her until her mother came back. I didn't see her for over an hour. Notified the lifeguard.

 

[indygirl99]

Having no kids of my own...please explain the reasoning...

Child, approx. 6 left in our toys area while "mummy is going to do some shopping." Half an hour later, 6year old is wandering around in tears. I told her to come up to the front with me and we'll page her. (We don't take children's hands unless they take ours first, we have a special bench we have them sit on at thye front.) 6year old ran up to the front, I walked behind. By the time we got to the front other was doing the magpie (that's what I call the honey Boo Boo's mother type of mannerisms) calling the kid's name. She ran to her mother, I followed to make sure she's in her mother's care again. Mother said to thee kid "I told you never take anyone else's hand!" I just jokingly said "do you think I can keep up with her?" Kid said "she works here." (apron, vest and nametag). Motther said "It doesn't matter, people are crazy, they work everywhere." (In my head I said "yes and some abandon their kids for 1/2hr. Does the name Adam Walsh mean anything to you?")

A few months back, a little boy (not yet 3) came riding down the escalator, sitting on the step until it got too low then he stood up, jumped off and ran to the up one and did it again. I asked the lady at the coffee shop I was at if she might call security, there was so many things wrong with this picture. Security came to me and said "oh, it's okay, his parents are actually at the top watching him." Do they want to watch him get a part of his body or clothing trapped in mechanical equipment? Or would thy rather watch as someone grabs him and pulls him out that door right next to the escalator out onto the busy city sidewalk? Why bother watching him at all. There's a Starbucks right there, why not just go for a coffee and tell him to come find you after he is finished playing on a mechanical beast that can eat your child for breakfast if something malfunctions?

Third, mother left 5 year old at a food court table while she went WAAAY (about as far as she could get) to McDonalds. They had been shopping and the little girl pulled a toy out of the bag, I asked "what'd you get?" She showed me a little fishing pond game. Mother came over "I told you never to talk to strangers!" Little girl said (kids are SO smart!) "I didn't I just showed her . "It doesn't matter. You don't KNOW her!" Yes, lady, you were the one who left your kid out to these wolves you fear. The food court is in an area where it's pretty easy to buy anything from a joint to a gun. While I know the kid is no more at risk than anywhere else (as a matter of fact I have no doubt if there WAS a predator who tried to make off with her, all the "freaks" there would make mincemeat out of them) but what could have gone on around her? A bad deal over drugs or a gun. As i left, I said to her "you know, people who kidnap children freak when the children talk to other people for fear they'll talk."

The bolding says it all.

So may people says "I will never" in reference to kids and then when they have kids change their tune.

The 6 yr old begged to play with the toys while mom shopped and mom was already on her last nerve so she let her.

The little boy on the escalator ( you know he was not yet 3 because you engaged his parents in conversation?) just learned that the escalator is not some really mean beast and was so excited he wanted to do it by himself. I can't tell you how many times my kids said "me do" and had to do something several times in a row to prove how big they were. Matter of fact 4 yr old grand just did the escalator up and down 20 times today to show me how big they were.

The 5 yr old (again how do you know her age?) at the food court who was sitting at a table playing with a game still within moms sight and you thought it was appropriate to engage her in conversation and then get upset when mom corrects her? You saw mom drop her at the table and walk off to get food and you engaged the kid in conversation. I think that is creepy.

Sometimes it is better to just mind your own business.

 

[ilovepcot]

Golly! Some of these responses will cause me to cringe when in the presence of children.

 

[anniemae]

From the other point of view, sometimes you just have to give kids a little freedom. Not saying the parents in the three instances were right or wrong, I don't have enough info.

Often, parents get blasted for being too protective and the term helicopter parent gets tossed around a lot. People say you have to give kids freedom or the will be scared of their own shadow, unable to function, unable to be without mom or dad, wimpy, clingy etc. Yet when you give them a little freedom, you get blamed for being neglectful. It's hard being a parent, you are constantly judged on small snippets of time.

 

[MickeySP]

Having no kids of my own...please explain the reasoning...

Child, approx. 6 left in our toys area while "mummy is going to do some shopping." Half an hour later, 6year old is wandering around in tears. I told her to come up to the front with me and we'll page her. (We don't take children's hands unless they take ours first, we have a special bench we have them sit on at thye front.) 6year old ran up to the front, I walked behind. By the time we got to the front other was doing the magpie (that's what I call the honey Boo Boo's mother type of mannerisms) calling the kid's name. She ran to her mother, I followed to make sure she's in her mother's care again. Mother said to thee kid "I told you never take anyone else's hand!" I just jokingly said "do you think I can keep up with her?" Kid said "she works here." (apron, vest and nametag). Motther said "It doesn't matter, people are crazy, they work everywhere." (In my head I said "yes and some abandon their kids for 1/2hr. Does the name Adam Walsh mean anything to you?")

A few months back, a little boy (not yet 3) came riding down the escalator, sitting on the step until it got too low then he stood up, jumped off and ran to the up one and did it again. I asked the lady at the coffee shop I was at if she might call security, there was so many things wrong with this picture. Security came to me and said "oh, it's okay, his parents are actually at the top watching him." Do they want to watch him get a part of his body or clothing trapped in mechanical equipment? Or would thy rather watch as someone grabs him and pulls him out that door right next to the escalator out onto the busy city sidewalk? Why bother watching him at all. There's a Starbucks right there, why not just go for a coffee and tell him to come find you after he is finished playing on a mechanical beast that can eat your child for breakfast if something malfunctions?

Third, mother left 5 year old at a food court table while she went WAAAY (about as far as she could get) to McDonalds. They had been shopping and the little girl pulled a toy out of the bag, I asked "what'd you get?" She showed me a little fishing pond game. Mother came over "I told you never to talk to strangers!" Little girl said (kids are SO smart!) "I didn't I just showed her . "It doesn't matter. You don't KNOW her!" Yes, lady, you were the one who left your kid out to these wolves you fear. The food court is in an area where it's pretty easy to buy anything from a joint to a gun. While I know the kid is no more at risk than anywhere else (as a matter of fact I have no doubt if there WAS a predator who tried to make off with her, all the "freaks" there would make mincemeat out of them) but what could have gone on around her? A bad deal over drugs or a gun. As i left, I said to her "you know, people who kidnap children freak when the children talk to other people for fear they'll talk."

Most parents are good, responsible & knowledgable. However there is that maybe 5-10% that are just addicted, clueless or narcissistic

The worst I have encountered. 3am in the "hood" are dealing heroine with his 18mo, 3 yo & 4yo in his vehicle. Yeah good parenting bud!!!

 

[Jennasis]

Clueless parents are by no means a new phenomenon.

 

[cijay]

The bolding says it all.

So may people says "I will never" in reference to kids and then when they have kids change their tune.

The 6 yr old begged to play with the toys while mom shopped and mom was already on her last nerve so she let her.

The little boy on the escalator ( you know he was not yet 3 because you engaged his parents in conversation?) just learned that the escalator is not some really mean beast and was so excited he wanted to do it by himself. I can't tell you how many times my kids said "me do" and had to do something several times in a row to prove how big they were. Matter of fact 4 yr old grand just did the escalator up and down 20 times today to show me how big they were.

The 5 yr old (again how do you know her age?) at the food court who was sitting at a table playing with a game still within moms sight and you thought it was appropriate to engage her in conversation and then get upset when mom corrects her? You saw mom drop her at the table and walk off to get food and you engaged the kid in conversation. I think that is creepy.

Sometimes it is better to just mind your own business.

**I won't be having kids of my own so I won't be able to change my tune. Also, the entire point was not judging people but rather how people deem this whole world such a dangerous place yet they bail on their kids.**


I'm actually quite good at estimating ages of toddlers. Just because I didn't have kids doesn't mean that my years of kindergarten and nursery school teaching didn't teach me things. I had no conversations with the parents regarding ages. As a matter of fact, both times the 'mothers' (I don't know, maybe the one in the food court was kidnapped and the woman wasn't her mother) acted like off of The Body Snatchers, pointing at me and screaming.

Yes, it's magic when children discover things. Taking them on an escalator is such a hardship that you are going to stand at the top and watch? (Lemon Chlorox smells lovely, are you going to indulge by letting him taste it? Maybe get him to put gas in your car?) So, you'd be cool to let your toddler on an escalator by himself, sitting down on the steps, using his hands to push himself off of the stairs (he couldn't reach the hand rails)? How fast can you get down to the bottom when someone takes him away or something gets snagged in there? If it DID happen, I'm sure we'd see the parents all bawling and snotty nosed "bawwwww someone took our baby, our baby got hurt, they should put gates up at the top of escalators booo hooo, bad bad dangerous world." How about stopping at nothing to make sure their toddler doesn't get hurt?

The other two chose to abandon their children - but at the same time were so paranoid that they didn't want their kids to interact with any other member of the human race. If you left your kid in a store while you went to another department, how are you expecting them to find you? Telepathy? (And yes, I do know her age, she's in there every bloody week.) Not by telling a staff member? Would she be like another little boy who ended up in the parking lot? When we found his grandmother she kept shopping and said "I knew he'd come in when he got too cold." (It was 8:30 at night, -26deg and he had only a hoodie and jeans on.) But my point was that these parents were so convinced that everyone in the world is out to hurt people yet they think nothing of bailing on them.

Finding lost parents IS my business in the store. If you asked my assistance in the book department where I work and I just said "nope, I don't work in books, not my business" would it please you? Doesn't please me when clerks do that to me. How about if you came to me frantic and said that your child was missing...am I supposed to say 'well, have you looked everywhere?' and continued to work? Wouldn't it be better if Paranoid Polly kept her child with her?

The child on the escalator -had he gotten snagged in the escalator, would it be 'none of my business?', just sit there and sip my tea and wait 'til the parents got down there? Or should I just go to the foot of the stairs and call them? "By the way, your son is caught in the escalator, his draw string, he's kind of blue, just thought I'd let you know. Toodleoo, I'll just be down here if you need me."

The third one (backpack from school, 3 in the afternoon, still had baby teeth and yes I realise she could have just had a doctor's appointment and she was actually six - and yes, estimating their age is the entire point of all this) I shared her excitement of her new toy. Have you never asked a child a question on a bus or somewhere? (That's rhetorical, obviously you find asking a child what they bought to be too personal.) I didn't ask where she lived or what her name is. Would it have been none of my business if something had happened. Would I just get out of the area (have done), would it be too forward of me to help her? Would that be none of my business while mother is ordering her quarter pounder, unaware of what was going on? Again, if the 'mother' was so anal about stranger danger, why would she leave her child alone at a table?

I'm all about giving kids freedom, I was going downtown on my own when I was seven but would it then make sense for my mother to give a store clerk hell for talking to me?

 

[cijay]

From the other point of view, sometimes you just have to give kids a little freedom. Not saying the parents in the three instances were right or wrong, I don't have enough info.

Often, parents get blasted for being too protective and the term helicopter parent gets tossed around a lot. People say you have to give kids freedom or the will be scared of their own shadow, unable to function, unable to be without mom or dad, wimpy, clingy etc. Yet when you give them a little freedom, you get blamed for being neglectful. It's hard being a parent, you are constantly judged on small snippets of time.

I'm not saying they were right or wrong either but why would they be so paranoid but bail on their kids? The escalator one was just frightening to me.

 

[cijay]

Except in these examples, they were.

THANK YOU!! That was my point!

 

[cijay]

I am glad for the OP that some "Mummy" didn't call security on her for approaching her 5 year old child when the mom was gone and talking to them. I would find that pretty creepy myself and I would be telling my child loudly and clearly so that the OP could hear and get the message, that my child should not be talking to strangers who approached the table and tried to engage her in conversation.

My name by the way is Cijay. Just thought I'd let you know. 'the OP' is so unfriendly and (as 7yr niece says) 'just plain barfy'.

You just brought up a good point that I hadn't thought of. Why did this paranoid mother sit her child at the table next to me then turn her back? I mean, if I was such a threat...or all of us were in the food court...why didn't she keep her on a short leash and take her to McDicks before sitting down? Good question!

 

[NewRVLady]

Everyone on message boards uses OP ( to address the Original Poster)

I just don't think you , as an employee, should get that involved with kids in your store

 

[indygirl99]

**I won't be having kids of my own so I won't be able to change my tune. Also, the entire point was not judging people but rather how people deem this whole world such a dangerous place yet they bail on their kids.**

Well as it is hard to read tone in the printed word I can tell you your post came across as VERY judgmental.

You also seem to come up with all the horrible things that would happened to these kids. Must be a sad world you live in where every kid falls down/gets caught in an escalator, kidnapped in the toy department of your store and is killed by a drug/weapon buying person in the food court. Not sure I want to live in your city.

Knowing that parents tell kids to not talk to strangers I find it odd that you wait until the mom who sat her daughter down at a table by you walks away and then you strike up a conversation with the child. Why not wait until the mom came back?

 

[cijay]

Everyone on message boards uses OP ( to address the Original Poster)

I just don't think you , as an employee, should get that involved with kids in your store

Oh, I know what OP stands for, just thought I'd welcome people to use my name.

You..don't think employees should...help lost parents locate their children? Wow. What should I do next time a child is looking for their lost parent? "Sorry kid, you're on your own, I have clothes to hang."

Oookay but next time you hear that announcement in a store about a lost child or you hear about someone reporting a lost child, remember to tell them not to get that involved with kids.

And the little boy in the parking lot? Just leave him there too then? Sorry, not on my watch.

 

[cijay]

Well as it is hard to read tone in the printed word I can tell you your post came across as VERY judgmental.

You also seem to come up with all the horrible things that would happened to these kids. Must be a sad world you live in where every kid falls down/gets caught in an escalator, kidnapped in the toy department of your store and is killed by a drug/weapon buying person in the food court. Not sure I want to live in your city.

Knowing that parents tell kids to not talk to strangers I find it odd that you wait until the mom who sat her daughter down at a table by you walks away and then you strike up a conversation with the child. Why not wait until the mom came back?

LOL maybe read my post.

Many cities have good and bad areas. Obviously yours is Mayberry or wherever the Brady Bunch lived. I live in a city with good areas and bad areas.

I see there is a rule on this board. Everything you say has to include 'some' or 'every'? If that's the case, where did I say every kid falls down/gets caught in escalators? Are you under the impression that it doesn't happen? I've got a brother with no feeling in a finger that can prove that wrong. (He was little, sitting on the stair and saw a gum wrapper on the side and decided to fish it out.)

I would have asked her the question if her mother had been there, too. I didn't 'wait' for anything. She sat the kid down and left to get the food. The kid pulled her shopping out of her bag admired her toy. Why are you painting this creepy story out of something so innocent? I don't think I'm the one who lives in a dangerous world.Do you not talk to anyone beside you on benches or buses or anything? What do you do if they talk to you? Run away? And yes, I DO forget that parents tell their kids not to talk to strangers because we were never taught that. We were taught not to go anywhere or accept anything from them but we were never taught to not talk to them - I do forget that. But the question still remains, if she's so scared for the child, why did she leave her alone - especially in THAT place to begin with? If the mother in the store was so anal about her kid taking the hand of a staff member (which I didn't, so that people like you won't suspect us of anything) to page her...why would she bail on the kid?

 

[cijay]

OP- it's odd that 2 of the Mothers were upset that you were around their kids
Even tho you wear name tags and have an Apron
Maybe let someone else deal with the lost kids at your job?

Another one who totally missed the point. Does anyone actually read posts or just pick out key words? The mothers freaked out about 'strangers'. Not 'me' in particular. (By the way, I wear my uniform at work, I don't walk around the city in it. The one at the food court, I was just a lady sitting eating KFC next to the child she bailed out on.)

 

[Allons-y!]

Oh, I know what OP stands for, just thought I'd welcome people to use my name.

You..don't think employees should...help lost parents locate their children? Wow. What should I do next time a child is looking for their lost parent? "Sorry kid, you're on your own, I have clothes to hang."

Oookay but next time you hear that announcement in a store about a lost child or you hear about someone reporting a lost child, remember to tell them not to get that involved with kids.

And the little boy in the parking lot? Just leave him there too then? Sorry, not on my watch.

Wow. Defensive much? The PP was referencing the examples you gave, not every possible scenario. In the third scenario in your OP, the child wasn't lost. You took it upon yourself to initiate contact when it wasn't wanted or needed. I wouldn't have done what any of the parents did, but I definitely think you were in the wrong in approaching the girl at the table.

 

[cijay]

But now I am curious. What would you do (universal 'you') if you found a lost child? Just leave them there?