parents- any advice for when to stop big birthday parties for kids

[princess barbara]

My son is turning 13. He has lots of friends in different groups from interests in church, theater and sports. He's asking for a party at a game place that has laser tag etc. Trouble is as far as I know, none of his friends have birthday parties with their friends anymore- it's mostly just their families. Some kids his age may do a sleepover and movie/pizza night at home but no big event such as a bouncy place or bowling etc.like when all the kids were younger.

My son hasn't been invited to a birthday party for the last 2 years. I know a lot of his friends just get something big as a gift and celebrate with their families. We used to have 12-15 kids for his birthday party and have it away from home but I don't know if it looks too juvenile. What do you all do? I've offered for a few of his buddies that are close to go to the laser tag place but he wants a whole bunch of kids some who don't socialize with one another.

 

[Tinknalli]

Starting at 10 I told my kids how much money was in the birthday budget. That had to cover all party expenses and gifts. At that point they realized that if they skipped the party their present budget was much larger. Both chose not to have a party.

 

[bdcp]

We never did really big parties for our two boys. No parties with friends til they turned 4. From about 4-7 or 8 we'd do chuck e cheese or something like that. From age 8 til about 12, they'd invite 7-10 friends for laser tag or something similar. After age 12, we usually kept it to 4-5 friends, sometimes just their best friend for dinner and cake, sometime a movie or the arcade (my boys are 27 and 30, so arcades were still in malls, etc). I never saw the point in inviting the entire class or anything similar. It's expensive and there's no way they were friends with everyone. By the time kids are 10 or so, they have usually narrowed their friends down to a smaller group.

By the time they were 14 or so, it really was just a family event. Their grandparents all live close to us, so we still get together for their birthdays. But, youngest DS got married this past spring and moved to NC, so unless he comes up, or we go visit, we won't see him for his birthday very often anymore.

 

[MinnieForMe]

At the age of 10, we stopped big parties for our boys and invited only a friend or two to enjoy an experience with our family. It might be golfing and ice cream, an amusement park visit, lasertag etc... It's always the birthday kid's choice!

Now, our daughter who is only 8 was envious of her brother's adventures and decided last year that instead of a big party she would prefer to spend the day with her best friend at the local amusement park. I can't say it was much cheaper than a party but it was so much more fun. We were there from gate open to gate close, two meals, snacks and fireworks. Luckily, her best friend's family is close to ours so we were allowed to take her for 12 hours. My daughter is already talking about doing it again.

 

[aprilgail2]

They never seem to stop around here. My daughter is 14 and just went to a laser tag party last week for her friend turning 15. Next week she has a melting pot/sleepover party to go to. For her 14th birthday she had it at a trampoline place that just opened here.

 

[letsgoreds]

We've alternated...last year we did a bigger party at 8yrs, and figure that was probably the last big sized party. I see more sleepovers + special fun for a handful of closest friends in the future.

We were in the same boat, friends from swimming, school, soccer, baseball, neighborhood.

I'm not sure what to do with my 3yo (turning 4). We still did family only at this age, but this kid is the most social person in our family and would love nothing more than having EVERYONE at his party.

 

[MarciaBrady]

I've NEVER had a big birthday party. One year I got sick, another time friends were all busy, blah blah blah. I usually get to invite a couple friends to a restaurant and my family goes somewhere fun like the aquarium or something.

 

[eeyoresmom]

We stopped when the kids were around 10 with the big parties. My DD's may have had a few sleepover parties with a few friends after that but not the big rent a place events.

 

[pigletto]

We've always given the kids a choice between a big outing with one friend and bigger gifts and a party with many friends. My son is turning 10 this year and had his last big party for his 8th birthday, and my dd stopped choosing the party around 4th grade. They prefer a close friend and an outing.

 

[LJSquishy]

I don't think kids are ever too old for a birthday party if that is what they really want. I certainly don't think a 13 year old is too old to go laser tagging with friends!

Before you know it, he will be grown up and you will be wishing he wanted to have another fun party. Embrace his juveniility!

Now, if you don't want to do a big party because you don't want to spend the money, you need to tell him. In which case you can just allow him to pick a few close friends to do something with.

 

[mitchwebb]

When our girls hit middle school we would let them invite a friend and do a outing. Go to SF, Beach, Spa day (nails, pedicure), Great America. All of these cost less then the Bounce houses or Laser Tag place. They usally include lunch or dinner and a sleepover.

 

[JacksGirlz]

My DD is celebrating her sweet 16 this year and she has had a large party every year with family and friends. Almost all of her birthdays have been at home and I have a very crafty family so we make many of our decorations or use some decorations year after year to keep costs down. She loves planning her party months in advance and seems to get more fun out of the planning than all the gifts she gets.

 

[Swimalie]

My son turns 9 in March and we have agreed to 1 more "bigger" party but we've gone down in numbers each year (once it was 14 kids and 35 total people at my house). Next year will be 1 or 2 friends and a sleep over for his 10th.

 

[JeffreyY]

We use to do really big parties when my kids were little the whole class at a party place. We decided their bar/bat mitzvah (age 13) would be their last big parties. We did do small restaurant parties with a few friends until 16.

 

[burnurcomputer]

We haven't stopped yet, but its a request situation. If you are one of my big kids and want to do something, you tell us what you are thinking and we work together to set a budget for the party. Budget for us the the cost of the activity only. We don't include the cake, decorations, etc. but they don't get a gift bag.

One of the last one parties we had my son took a few friends to the movies. We paid for small popcorns and small drinks, in addition to the actual movie. They did get a few small items, but it tied into the movie theme and was less then 6 kids including my older son.

I don't see us not having a party if they ask for one, unless there are $ reasons to not have one.

 

[redrosesix]

We're seasonal in a campground and my DD has her parties there. For her 13th bd she requested a smoothie bar -- the kids built it themselves and ran it, including making everything. All we had to do was to buy the supplies, and make sure all of the electrical cords were in place for lights and music. We also threw in a 3 foot party sub to feed everyone. It was very casual and the only real presents were from us, although her friends gave her things like coupons for the rec hall store etc. Small but very much appreciated.

In previous years, we've done swimming parties there and a spy game where they had to run around in the woods collecting clues.

I think at that age, it's almost a cross between a bd party and a house party ie. the kind that we would have with our own friends.

 

[cel_disney]

I don't think kids are ever too old for a birthday party if that is what they really want. I certainly don't think a 13 year old is too old to go laser tagging with friends!

Before you know it, he will be grown up and you will be wishing he wanted to have another fun party. Embrace his juveniility!

Now, if you don't want to do a big party because you don't want to spend the money, you need to tell him. In which case you can just allow him to pick a few close friends to do something with.

I haven't read all of the responses but this is exactly what I am thinking! I would be THRILLED that my 13 year old wanted a healthy fun laser tag party!!

I don't know exactly how to send invites and get responses for that age group but it it's what he wants most 13 year old boys would be thrilled to go play on a Friday or saturdY night! (Skip the Saturday afternoon party - they are older now!)

 

[twinsmom]

Sounds like your son wants to get all of his friends from the various groups together to have fun playing laser tag which I think is wonderful. If you have the time and money to have the party I would say go for it. My son turned 14 and we had a big group go to a baseball game (minor league local team) and the kids had a ball . In my local area kids have parties no matter the age

 

[PA Princess]

I have two boys a few years older than your son (they are currently 17 and 18), but this does not sound outside of the norm from what we experienced at 13. Truthfully, both of our boys at that age wanted the same thing - parties with various groups of friends included.

Like others have expressed, the biggest difference beginning at about that age is that our boys started taking more responsibility for the party planning. I can't say that was intentional on our part as the parents, but it just sort of naturally happened.

Our boys are a year and a day apart, so they have had many combined parties (and they have many shared friends). When they turned 13 and 14 they had one of my favorite parties ever. At our home they hosted a manhunt after dark party (our yard backs to several acres of wooded area). Invites were all handled via Facebook by the boys, and we supplied the following per their request: water, chips, pretzels, and freeze pops.

We also had a cake, but the boys could have cared less about that. No gifts.
It was a big party - like 35 kids showed up! Dh and I were shocked by the number and our neighbors were amused by our teenage invasion, but they had a great time. They played a few rounds of manhunt for like 2 hours until all were exhausted, and they finished the night around the fire pit with my oldest strumming tunes on his acoustic guitar.

Our boys have actually hosted several more of these manhunt parties over the years per request of friends, but I will always remember that first one fondly. It was easy, super cheap, and the boys were delighted - priceless

 

[MSSANDRA]

It depends around here. Mostly is starts to wain about middle school but some kids do continue to do them and we did a couple pool/birthday parties a bit older. Thing is....your child is to the age where it is very important for you to continue to know his friends and if he wants to have a party where you can do that...by all means consider it flattery. I would caution you to guard against his being embarrassed by his friends thinking it a "kid" party. Skip the kid invites, maybe let him text or do very simple post card invites. Make it more of getting together for laser tag than a party. Be sure to use more mature paper products and a cake theme that is not kiddish in any way. Have more teen like finger foods or pizza and let them enjoy it as a fun hang out.