Parents...........advice needed on situation

[shortbun]

Natural consequences combined with stern explanation of why not to do what he did = punishment enough imho.

 

[JessicaR]

I would not involve the friend. Sounds like you would like to place some blame on him.

 

[scrapquitler]

IMHO he got his punishment when he lost all of his stuff.

I see it as something that most kids would do.

At this point I would let it go.

I agreee. He lost all his stuff, there's no getting it back. A bit of a reminder to ask when he wants help and not circumvent the parental controls, then it's over and done with.

At this point, I'd also let it go.

 

[dzorn]

I am very friendly with the mom, but yes I agree my ds was the one who put in the code ultimately making the other kid able to hit that dreaded button.



he was so upset, and by the time we got home, he was running around taking new pictures, and making new sounds.
and he decided he would " just make new flipnotes"

so he did get over it quick. which I am glad about.
I think I am the one still with my panties in a bunch about it.

Oh the DSi would be going away for a while. So really the few minutes of crying was the only consequence of going around parental controls.

Denise in MI

 

[sam_gordon]

Oh the DSi would be going away for a while. So really the few minutes of crying was the only consequence of going around parental controls.

Denise in MI

Not to pick on the OP, but do kids know WHY parents put in parental controls? I'm guessing not. They just know "if I get to this screen, I need to ask mom/dad for the code to go on." If they learn the code, then they don't need "help" from mom & dad.

If I put parental controls on something, I'm not telling my kids (I did tell my 12yo DD I "time limited" her cell phone use). I hope they don't know the code.

 

[npmommie]

Not to pick on the OP, but do kids know WHY parents put in parental controls? I'm guessing not. They just know "if I get to this screen, I need to ask mom/dad for the code to go on." If they learn the code, then they don't need "help" from mom & dad.

If I put parental controls on something, I'm not telling my kids (I did tell my 12yo DD I "time limited" her cell phone use). I hope they don't know the code.

mine do know why the parental control is there. they don't know all my codes. this one slipped because when I was downloading Flipnotes for him I had to put it in and he was sitting with me, and saw. I didn't think much of it because he always always comes to me when there is a code prompt for something, and asks about if he can do what ever it is he wants to do.
that is why this has really upset me, it seems like if he was alone he most likely would have come to me, not tried to go around by entering the code then trying to figure it out with his friend.
and I don't know if the friend understands parental controls, I tend to think not since his mom said she doesn't have any parental controls on his electronic devices.

 

[Eliza32]

Guess you learned a lesson too!!! Make sure the kiddos don't know the passcode....that's the whole point isn't it????

 

[Magpie]

mine do know why the parental control is there. they don't know all my codes. this one slipped because when I was downloading Flipnotes for him I had to put it in and he was sitting with me, and saw. I didn't think much of it because he always always comes to me when there is a code prompt for something, and asks about if he can do what ever it is he wants to do.
that is why this has really upset me, it seems like if he was alone he most likely would have come to me, not tried to go around by entering the code then trying to figure it out with his friend.
and I don't know if the friend understands parental controls, I tend to think not since his mom said she doesn't have any parental controls on his electronic devices.

Honestly, I think there's an upside to all this...

Your son was trying to be independent. He was figuring things out for himself, rather than running to mummy. He was probably quite proud of himself for remembering the code.

So don't blame the friend. Your son made a mistake and he paid the consequence for it. He should not have tried to bypass your parental controls. But the basic character traits that led him to make that (rather poor) decision are good ones. After all, some day you won't want him always coming to you for help!

BTW - keep your all passwords secret from now on. I make my kids turn around and look the other way, whenever I'm entering mine. Even if it's just for my Hotmail account!

 

[sam_gordon]

Honestly, I think there's an upside to all this...

Your son was trying to be independent. He was figuring things out for himself, rather than running to mummy. He was probably quite proud of himself for remembering the code.

So don't blame the friend. Your son made a mistake and he paid the consequence for it. He should not have tried to bypass your parental controls. But the basic character traits that led him to make that (rather poor) decision are good ones. After all, some day you won't want him always coming to you for help!

THIS!

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

I was tempted to take it away, he was in tears about losing his stuff, so I then felt bad for him, but I didn't express that.
I probably sounded cold hearted, but I told him "you learned a lesson in all of this, by putting my code in"
he knew he shouldn't have. and he did anyway because he was with his friend, and I think that bugs me so much.

I did tell him he is not allowed to bring it to the gym anymore.
I am leaning toward taking it completely for a few days though.
uggh.

Nope, not cold hearted at all! Hopefully he learned a lesson.

 

[NHdisneylover]

You asked if other kids do this stuff--yep, perfectly normal childhood type of thing (we have no DSis and no parental controls on our computers, but I recently had to call a mom and let her know I overheard her kids telling my kids they got past the parental controls--sure enough when she looked they had been to many sites she did not authorize). That does not mean you should ignore the behaviour--just rest easy that it does not mean your son is doomed to grow up on the wrong side of the law

I think it is probably okay this one time to let just losing the information be punishment enough but, as others have said, I would be EXTREMLY clear that any future attempts to by pass codes will result in losing the system for a nice long time. Then stick with that.

I would not be in the least bit upset with the friend. You saw the boys and clearly your son was okay with what the friend was doing; it is not as if he grabbed the DSi away from your son and changed things against his will while your son tried to get it back. Your son has to learn that he is responsible for his things and himself. Putting any of the blame on the friend, is just teaching your son to try to get out of being responsible.

 

[Magic Mom]

so last evening my ds and one of his friends were playing with their dsi's at gymnastics ( the other kid also has a sister on the team, we were all there during practice).
I thought they were playing a game together, I could see his friend touching my kid's dsi screen with the pen thing.
just thought they were doing a game.
so a few minutes later, I go over there to collect my ds because we are going to the market to pick up some things, and I see he is in the parental controls area.

I have the parental controls on it with a password, so he can't randomly pic chat, or do anything else without me checking it out ( like buy something )

so my ds ( who is 7 btw, and his friend is 9 )........turns out knew my pin code, put the pin code in, and he and the friend were trying to be able to send flipnotes back and forth to each other, but, the friend in all that tapping managed to reset my ds's DSi and everything saved is gone.
I posted about the pictures being gone, I didn't want to get into it on that thread.

anyway, my ds was very upset that all his sounds, and flipnotes etc were deleted, I was upset he put my pin code in without asking me about what he was doing.
neither knew what they were doing and the deletion occurred.
my ds knows if a prompt for a pass code comes up he needs to ask me for whatever it is he wants to do, and he always does, this is the first time he didn't, and I think its because of the friend, I don't know if the friend was just trying to help and it was an honest mistake,

I am annoyed at my kid for putting in my code, when he knew he shouldn't and I feel he got his punishment by losing his stuff on the dsi.

I feel bad though.
and I am also annoyed at the friend who is actually the one who was tapping and got the dsi to the point of deleting things.
I think ( pretty sure ) this was an honest mistake, but I did say something to the friend about asking if you don't know how to do something.

the mom ( who I am very friendly with was gone at the point we discovered everything was deleted, we only thought it was the flipnotes at first) anyway, she went off to work.
she spoke to her kid too about the parental control thing and not to try to go around them.

so I am still feeling annoyed at the fact that they tried to circumvent something I specifically put a no to.

the whole thing would have been avoided if my kid had come over and said, I want to send a flipnote but the dsi won't let me, can you help? and yes I would have.
but he instead chose to follow along with this kid and the kid deleted his stuff.

think he got his punishment by losing his dsi saved stuff?
am I making a big deal out of a nothing situation? kids do these things?
talk to me dis parents

oh I forgot to say, yes I changed my passcode

If you weren't over there, how do you know his tapping is what caused the deletion? That could have happened anytime they were playing.

I think if it were my child, I would tell him it's sad that everything is gone, but it wouldn't have happened if he would have asked you first. That's the consequence of his action.

 

[RitaZ.]

I am very friendly with the mom, but yes I agree my ds was the one who put in the code ultimately making the other kid able to hit that dreaded button.



he was so upset, and by the time we got home, he was running around taking new pictures, and making new sounds.
and he decided he would " just make new flipnotes"

so he did get over it quick. which I am glad about.
I think I am the one still with my panties in a bunch about it.

Why?

The beauty of this situation is that he learned his lesson through natural consequences.

IMO, you have spent more than enough emotional energy on (what I consider) a minor situation.

 

[npmommie]

Honestly, I think there's an upside to all this...

Your son was trying to be independent. He was figuring things out for himself, rather than running to mummy. He was probably quite proud of himself for remembering the code.

So don't blame the friend. Your son made a mistake and he paid the consequence for it. He should not have tried to bypass your parental controls. But the basic character traits that led him to make that (rather poor) decision are good ones. After all, some day you won't want him always coming to you for help!

BTW - keep your all passwords secret from now on. I make my kids turn around and look the other way, whenever I'm entering mine. Even if it's just for my Hotmail account!

thanks! I didn't think of the positive aspect to this situation

You asked if other kids do this stuff--yep, perfectly normal childhood type of thing (we have no DSis and no parental controls on our computers, but I recently had to call a mom and let her know I overheard her kids telling my kids they got past the parental controls--sure enough when she looked they had been to many sites she did not authorize). That does not mean you should ignore the behaviour--just rest easy that it does not mean your son is doomed to grow up on the wrong side of the law

I think it is probably okay this one time to let just losing the information be punishment enough but, as others have said, I would be EXTREMLY clear that any future attempts to by pass codes will result in losing the system for a nice long time. Then stick with that.

I would not be in the least bit upset with the friend. You saw the boys and clearly your son was okay with what the friend was doing; it is not as if he grabbed the DSi away from your son and changed things against his will while your son tried to get it back. Your son has to learn that he is responsible for his things and himself. Putting any of the blame on the friend, is just teaching your son to try to get out of being responsible.

so true, thank you!

Why?

The beauty of this situation is that he learned his lesson through natural consequences.

IMO, you have spent more than enough emotional energy on (what I consider) a minor situation.

I think in addition to everything I said, I also felt sad for the loss of the pics. he had some cute ones in there from the xmas day he got the dsi, I also realize I should have backed those up to save. that is my fault.
anyway, you are so right, enough energy spent on this.

I appreciate all the input!