Parents, a question for you, sorta inspired by American Idol.

[mommaU4]

The other night the kids and I were watching the American Idol auditions and of course some of them were just terrible. So I turned to my kids and I said, "Don't worry guys if you cannot sing I promise to tell you. I won't let you go on national t.v. and embarrass yourself." Then I told them how I wished I could sing but that it is something that has to come naturally and you either can or you can't. And if you can't, you need to find something else that is your real strength.

So I was wondering why do you think some of these parents, usually it's the moms, let their kids do this when it's obvious they cannot sing?

I mean, it's one thing to encourage your child when they have a shot at something, but when they've been told no and we can all hear how bad their singing is, why do the moms say things to their kids like "don't worry baby, we'll get em next time."

Isn't that giving them false hope? Shouldn't they explain to them that they gave it their honest to goodness best shot and perhaps their efforts should be focused elsewhere? I just don't get it.

BTW, a side note, my kids (9 and 11) were not happy with what I said and we had a small debate about it that night. They said to me "That's mean mom. It's hard enough to hear it from someone else but worse from your own mom."

I said to them that I wouldn't do it to be mean, but that in my opinion it was worse to give false hope to their kid when it was so clearly not gonna happen. And I'm talking about the ones who are horrible not just so-so.

What do you think?

 

[Christine]

My DD and I have had the same discussion.

Now my DD is very active in theater. I would imagine that to even consider going to American Idol and performing that you would have some *sense* of yourself. Some of these people aren't even prepared. What are they reallly thinking? It's amazing to me that they cannot evaluate their OWN talent. We are just stunned by how awful some of them are.

 

[Briarmom]

I completely agree with you! Who in their right mind tells these people they can sing? Methinks it is someone who is equally tone deaf.

I will be honest with my kids about their singing abilities. Ds6 has had very good pitch his whole life. He likes to pick out harmonies to songs. Don't know about dd2 yet. And I do think you have to be born with a certain amount of talent to be able to sing. Yes, you can get better with coaching and practice, but some of those people make me

 

[MrsKreamer]

I COMPLETELY AGREE!!! I told DH the same thing. I was in choir in HS and have a nice voice, but I know I am not the "next American Idol". I want my kids to excel, sure, but at something they have a chance at. I just love it when the parent starts crying and cursing...like her child prodigy was just blown off and the judges missed their big chance! lol No wonder some kids have over infalted egos!

 

[laura001]

I agree with you, as a parent you need to be truthful with your child or at least not let them get onto national tv when they can't carry a tune.

The other thing that I find amazing is the number of people that go to a vocal coach and the coach has told them how great they are.... I believe that it is the job of the vocal coach to be supportive but they also need to be somewhat truthful....I can't imagine taking money from someone on a continuous basis without letting them know how they are. (if they just want to become better, then fine, but don't tell them they are great)

My DD takes voice lessons and does have a beautiful voice, her teacher is very supportive, sometimes I sit in on her lesson and I will let her know if I think something isn't right while her teacher tends to be not as critical which I wish sometimes she would. It would be awful though if she said that she was good without actually being good and I would be upset with paying for it if that was the case.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

My daughter is a born musician - plays 5 instruments and sings (at age 12!). She knows that I will always be honest with her about how things sound and she seems to appreciate the honesty. I do encourage her OFTEN but I absolutely will NOT be a stage parent who pushes their kid into things they don't want to do. If DD wants to perform or take music lessons then she knows she can count on me, her father and her grandparents for funding and transportation.

I guess I approach it from a different perspective though since my entire career has been in the entertainment industry and I currently manage professional musicians and singers. I have seen more than my share of stage parents thru the years and vowed early on never to do that to my kids.

I can't bear to watch American Idol until the end of the season when the mediocre singers have been weeded out.

 

[disykat]

I agree they are doing their kids a disservice. It's hard to believe that even with their mother's blinders on they don't see their child doesn't compare vocally.

My dh grew up being told he was better than everyone else, I grew up being told I was no better than anyone else. I'm trying to raise my kids to know that everyone is special, but they'll always be extra special to me because I'm their mom.

What some of these parents are doing is outright lying! The one that cracked me up was the mom that hadn't even heard her son sing since he was 10. I love my sons, but there's no way I'd be spending two days in line to support them in a singing career if they'd never even sung publicly. I don't buy that they were serious at all.

 

[Brianne]

There's a way to let your child know that maybe they aren't quite cut out for certain activities without being mean about it. IMHO, you'd be doing your child more of a disservice by lying to them about being great if they really aren't! I'd rather encourage them into the things they are good at rather than mislead them. Heck, I have a hard time dealing with the subject of Santa & the Tooth Fairy as it is, much less lying to them about their abilities or lack thereof!

 

[Sandy V.]

I can't bear to watch American Idol until the end of the season when the mediocre singers have been weeded out.

That's how DH and I are starting to feel.

I am getting very tired of listening to awful singers, profane rejects whose foul words have to be bleeped out, and the delusional, self-absorbed, unrealistic mobs of folks who are desperate for 15 minutes of fame no matter how badly they embarrass themselves.

 

[Maleficent13]

Just chiming in with an agreement. DH and I have this discussion every episode (that we watch). I have told him if I ever went crazy and thought I could go on American Idol to tie me to a chair until it wore off. He has promised to do so.

DD is too young to know yet, but if it turns out she's as awful as her mother, well, I'll just have to break it to her.

 

[horseshowmom]

I've only watched this show once (last week), but I thought the same thing. There's no way that I would encourage someone I care about to do that and let them become a joke for the whole country to watch. The parents were doing them a major disservice IMHO.

 

[LisaR]

We have a saying in our house:

I will not blow sunshine up your butts!

I offer praise but I am also very honest. Every drawing isn't a Picaso. Every written paper isn't Newbury Medal worthy.

Lisa

 

[golfgal]

Do you really think those contestants are REAL??? It is like the Gong Show, they had fake acts come in to make the real ones look better. The have 1000's of people trying out for the show, don't you think they could find 50 quality performers in that bunch or how ever many they start with?

 

[Sandy V.]

Do you really think those contestants are REAL??? It is like the Gong Show, they had fake acts come in to make the real ones look better. The have 1000's of people trying out for the show, don't you think they could find 50 quality performers in that bunch or how ever many they start with?

Oh yes, unfortunately, I DO believe that most are real and take themselves and their "talent" very seriously.

I just wish they would spend more time showing us the contestants with some talent. This schtick is getting old.

 

[barkley]

given the number of very bad singers, actors and dancers i've seen at auditions for both community and professional theatre whose parents go off when the kids are not cast (nasty face to face confrontations with directors, choreographers, producers...) and continue to pour money into acting, singing and dance lessons when none will reverse the basic fact that the kid has no talent for these-i don't think many parents share your attitude.

i think the kids are disserviced-they have unrealistic views of their abilities and their potential. i've seen some go on to major in theatre in college-only to find that despite their training and passion there is no substitute for raw talent.

here in the bay area we are inundated with "voice teachers" who will teach anyone with the money to pay them. they are not hired to assess an individuals talent but simply to provide them with instruction and help them to develop good singing habits and technique. if my child showed a talent for and interest in singing i would likely initialy find a QUALIFIED voice teacher (knowing how to sing and play the piano does not qualify someone-many a fine voice has be severly damaged by improper instruction) to let the child learn the basics and then explore the professional programs that are offered via well respected theatre/opera groups (who require an audition and reaudtion every semester-they will not take or retain a participant who is lacking in talent).

 

[golfgal]

Oh yes, unfortunately, I DO believe that most are real and take themselves and their "talent" very seriously.

I just wish they would spend more time showing us the contestants with some talent. This schtick is getting old.

I am sure some of the contestants think they are good but I still think the show puts those people on just to make the good acts look better. There is no reason a show like this can't find a number of good singers and make it a real competition vs having a handful of good ones and the rest hideous.

 

[MrsKreamer]

I truely believe that they receive a range of talent. Bad--mediocre--OK--good--great. The first audition, the one we don't see weeds out the mediocre and the ok. They let the bad ones go through b/c it's entertaining to watch theese inflated egos fall "flat"(haha music humor) on national tv. I love watching it myself. I feel bad for some of them and laugh at the rest. Honestly some people truley believe that they sound good. Try singing in the shower or with the radio, not too bad huh? Add delusions of graduer and parents that constantly tell their children how wonderful they are and bam there you have it. I could see planting some acts....but I don't even think those kids could act good enough to make those auditions look as bad as they are!

 

[SunshineOR]

I agree that parents should encourage their children while keeping things realistic. I believe children get a true sense of confidence when they really understand their strengths and weaknesses. I don't see how it does them any good to tell them they're awesome at "everything".

 

[Arielle22]

It's not only the parents who seem to encourage their kids. What about the adult siblings who think their sister/brother is the next big thing? I have talked to my sisters about this. We all agree that we care about each other too much to allow one of us to embarass herself in this manner.

My boss' dd (24) has been singing for years. She can sing on key and sounds ok. Not great but ok. Her mom has been trying to convince her to try out for AI since it started. So far she hasn't. I hope her dd has more sense than she does.

I find it amazing that so many contestants love the judges until they aren't picked. Then the "they don't know what they are talking about" speeches begin. Usually it is followed by "you haven't seen the last of me". Yea I think we have. I wonder if the failed contestants watch the program when they are shown and cringe.

 

[VickiVM]

I find it amazing that so many contestants love the judges until they aren't picked. Then the "they don't know what they are talking about" speeches begin. Usually it is followed by "you haven't seen the last of me". Yea I think we have. I wonder if the failed contestants watch the program when they are shown and cringe.

I think those that perform poorly and have a certain attitude know they have no talent, but just have a strong desire for the attention. They know the more outrageous they are, the better of a chance they'll have of getting at least their 15.