Parenting...

[Quackmore]

Okay I know everyone has different ways of raising their children and we all do the best we can to bring our kids up the best way we know how. My kids are not perfect by any means but we do the best we can to make them polite,respect others etc...
My wife has a friend that lives right down the street and her kids are friends with our kids. They are the same age. Both of the kids are wild and moody and totally walk all over the mother and father.
We discipline our children and they don't!!!!! Period!!!! I mean these kids are bratty and so out of control it's unbelievable yet when they are at our house they act fine. It's only when they are around the mother or father that they act up. They listen to my wife and I so it's obvious they are ruling the house and walking all over the parents. Sometimes we dread getting the phone call about coming over to play or whatever...
So my question is How do you subtly let this mother know that it's her fault that the kids don't act right because she lets them do anything they want without laying down some guidelines I mean you don't want to hurt this persons feelings but it kind of drives you crazy thinking about it.

Do any of you have similar circumstances with friends or neighbors?????
What did you do if anything? It would be hard to just cut off the kid's friendships because the kids seem to get along okay. It's just the fact of no discipline by the parents that is the issue.

 

[Blondy876]

As irritating as it might be, it's not your place to tell the parents how to discipline their kids. There is no subtle way to do it.

You say they act OK at your home so maybe you could limit play visits to your house so you can be in better control. Otherwise, don't way anything because your kids will lose them as friends if you start telling the parents how to parent.

 

[NMAmy]

So my question is How do you subtly let this mother know that it's her fault that the kids don't act right because she lets them do anything they want without laying down some guidelines I mean you don't want to hurt this persons feelings but it kind of drives you crazy thinking about it.

I'm just curious but if the kids behave well at your house, then why would you care how they act at home? I would never offer childrearing advice to a friend unless I was asked a specific question. Raising children is difficult--different people have different tolerance levels for misbehavior and everyone has a different method. As long as the kids were behaving at my house, I'd stay out of it.

 

[HappyMommy2]

As irritating as it might be, it's not your place to tell the parents how to discipline their kids. There is no subtle way to do it.

You say they act OK at your home so maybe you could limit play visits to your house so you can be in better control. Otherwise, don't way anything because your kids will lose them as friends if you start telling the parents how to parent.

I think this is very good advice.
I know the situation must drive you nuts. Just try not to let it get to you, since there's really nothing you can or should do about it.

 

[Quackmore]

I'm just curious but if the kids behave well at your house, then why would you care how they act at home? I would never offer childrearing advice to a friend unless I was asked a specific question. Raising children is difficult--different people have different tolerance levels for misbehavior and everyone has a different method. As long as the kids were behaving at my house, I'd stay out of it.

Oh I totally agree with you. We would NEVER say anything to them about it. The way they choose to raise their kids is their business. Not ours! We could care less how they behave at their house.
The problem is if my wife happens to go somewhere with her friend and the kids she sees how bratty and disrespectful the kids are to their mother. They totally rule the mother and she's like a puppet to them. She does not know how to keep the kids under control. I have seen her tell the kids to do something like get in the car or whatever and the mother will be ignored or told NO! And she just stands there and takes it. It's sad to see. There are plenty of stories with these kids that I really don't want to get into here. It just sort of irks me that some people don't know how to keep their kids under control. We are not perfect parents at all but our kids have been brought up to respect us and do what they are told most of the time. If they don't then we deal with them.

 

[mickeyboat]

I agree, stay out of it, unless you are asked for advice.

Denae

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yep, all the other posters here are right.

Child rearing is like religion or politics... If there is any difference of opinion at all, the the only thing to do is to not bring it up at all. One well-meaning word would mean the end of the friendship.

Really, it is up you (or your Wife as the case may be) to choose who is her friend, and who she and the kids spend time with. If the situation is really getting that bad, then I would probably limit any time with this family to their kids visiting for short periods of time at my house.

Really, you can't just expect to bring this up, and these other parents say "Hey!!! You are right!!! We will start disciplining our wild-out-of-control children immediately!!! Thanks SO much!!!"
NOT gonna happen.

You can't control the situation, only YOUR reaction to the situation.

 

[swilphil]

So you are better parents than they are. Is that what you want to hear? If you say, "We would NEVER say anything to them about it. The way they choose to raise their kids is their business. Not ours! We could care less....," then why did you even start this thread? If parents ask for your advice, then give it to them. Otherwise, mind your own business.

 

[Quackmore]

I agree, stay out of it, unless you are asked for advice.

Denae

Yes, I agree that is the only thing we can do really. I do know my wife and her did talk about some things one time and my wife did hint to her that the kids are in charge and not you or something along those lines but nothing really has changed. Maybe as they get older they will get better. I guess it's always good to stay optimistic. I mean they can be good kids but sometimes when they act up and the mother does nothing to discipline them you would just like to handle the situation but we KNOW we could never do that.
Everybody is different I guess.

Maybe I should send in an application for them to Brat Camp.

 

[Quackmore]

So you are better parents than they are. Is that what you want to hear? If you say, "We would NEVER say anything to them about it. The way they choose to raise their kids is their business. Not ours! We could care less....," then why did you even start this thread? If parents ask for your advice, then give it to them. Otherwise, mind your own business.

NO! we are NOT the type of people who think we are better than anybody else especially at parenting and we do mind our business swilphil.
I suppose you are right! I shouldn't have started this thread since I knew what the answer to the situation was. I was just curious to see what replies I would get. That's all! Thanks for disciplining me over this matter.

 

[bajanswife]

Yep, I have neighbors like that that we carpool with. The relationship works from a carpooling aspect, and the kids like each other, but it is difficult to get together sometimes b/c of the lack of discipline issue on their part. My kids get hurt when her kids are allowed to be to rough, which is why I care. Everything's cool when they are strapped into their carseats, so I'm happy to continue carpooling - but it's diffiult to become close friends with them, and this is one (but not the only) reason why.

 

[swilphil]

NO! we are NOT the type of people who think we are better than anybody else especially at parenting and we do mind our business swilphil.
I suppose you are right! I shouldn't have started this thread since I knew what the answer to the situation was. I was just curious to see what replies I would get. That's all! Thanks for disciplining me over this matter.

I apologize for wording my post in such a harsh manner. There have been so many similar threads in the past where the Mommy Police complain about unruly, misbehaved kids. Some people wish those of us who have high-spirited toddlers would just stay home until our kids "learn to behave." I'm overly sensitive about the issue and overreacted to your post. I definitely didn't mean to discipline you over the matter. That would be just as bad as the people who think I don't discipline my children enough.

 

[SherryNC]

I apologize for wording my post in such a harsh manner. There have been so many similar threads in the past where the Mommy Police complain about unruly, misbehaved kids. Some people wish those of us who have high-spirited toddlers would just stay home until our kids "learn to behave." I'm overly sensitive about the issue and overreacted to your post. I definitely didn't mean to discipline you over the matter. That would be just as bad as the people who think I don't discipline my children enough.

I think you should give him a spanking.

 

[Quackmore]

I apologize for wording my post in such a harsh manner. There have been so many similar threads in the past where the Mommy Police complain about unruly, misbehaved kids. Some people wish those of us who have high-spirited toddlers would just stay home until our kids "learn to behave." I'm overly sensitive about the issue and overreacted to your post. I definitely didn't mean to discipline you over the matter. That would be just as bad as the people who think I don't discipline my children enough.

No problem!!!! I understand completely. I don't think you overreacted.

You just said what was on your mind which is perfectly okay by me.

 

[Quackmore]

I think you should give him a spanking.

Ouch!!!!!!