Parenting teenagers is hard and sometimes crazy

[NAB]

Maybe the piano teacher gives the daughter creepy man vibes and she can't vocalize that.

Op said she is an introvert preferring books to her electronics.

That was my first thought and don’t start with he is nice blah blah there is a lot of stories in the news these days of scout leaders, coaches , and priests that were good people too but are not nice and get caught.

She has been doing piano for a long time and would not have to be told why she can’t sit that way. There has to be some reason she crossed her legs. Maybe she did want to just stop the lesson we will never know .

 

[brockash]

Isn't going to the mother "escalating"?

Give her a piece to work on that requires the pedals, or one that is hard to do without proper posture.

No, going to the mom of an 11 year who you've repeatedly asked to correct something and they refused is not escalating the situation. It's communicating with the parent (a good thing). OP already explained this has happened before.

Sometimes kids are just acting bratty. - Like ALL kids. At one point or another all perfect angels have their moments. The only difference is how a parent handles them. Some get corrected...others get enabled.

 

[sam_gordon]

No, going to the mom of an 11 year who you've repeatedly asked to correct something and they refused is not escalating the situation. It's communicating with the parent (a good thing). OP already explained this has happened before.

Sometimes kids are just acting bratty. - Like ALL kids. At one point or another all perfect angels have their moments. The only difference is how a parent handles them. Some get corrected...others get enabled.

1) The child is 13.
2) Where did she say this happened before?

I didn't say the parent doesn't deserve to know. Yes, they should be informed. But doing so during the lesson, hoping the parent can get a different behavior IS escalating.

If you're in a store, have a problem with an employee and ask for the manager, that's "escalating".

 

[princesscinderella]

I can guarantee that there are no creepy vibes or anything untoward with the piano teacher, they are held in his house where I sit on a couch facing the piano during the entire lesson. If anything she has known him so long she doesn’t care to be on her best behavior anymore. I was not brought in on the lesson as I was already there witness to my teen in all her stubborn glory. Her list of punishments got longer because she declared she didn’t care about any of them and were no consequence to her. She will still be trick or treating just not with her friends as we had two conflicting Halloween activities that we were planning to divide and conquer. Now we will be doing one trunk or treat event that my other daughter is performing at. I have been blessed with three wonderful kids and it is going by way too fast.

Good, bad and wildly speculative I have enjoyed reading everyone’s contributions to my thread. Thanks

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

No, going to the mom of an 11 year who you've repeatedly asked to correct something and they refused is not escalating the situation. It's communicating with the parent (a good thing). OP already explained this has happened before.

This if from the OP "She had piano lessons today and about half way through her lesson decided to cross her legs. He piano teacher asked her to uncross them because she would not be able to use the pedals properly or have proper posture to play and move up or down octaves. He tried asking her nicely and explained why she couldn’t sit that way while playing. She refused, he then asked if I could talk to her."

IDK if the piano teacher asked just once or asked once then asked again but with an explanation but I agree there was an escalation there done. Escalation by the way shouldn't be seen as some bad thing, but that's what it was. Sometimes escalation is used improperly (that is in fact why we have all the Karen memes out there) and sometimes it's used quite appropriately. In this case I error on the side of there may have been a different way to handle this for the piano scenario.

If the OP had not been there what would the piano teacher had done? I would have thought he would have stopped the lesson and when the daughter was being picked up discussed it after the fact with the OP. Maybe the piano teacher feels obligated to bring in parents who are present at the lessons but they still could have ended the lesson and discussed with the OP rather than continue the issue (the issue being the lesson/attempts as uncrossing of the legs).

In turn the OP escalated the situation further with how it went down on their side.

There was a lot of escalation going on whether good intentions or not. These days the name of the game is usually de-escalating not always possible sure. When you're in customer service roles you're often taught de-escalation tactics. I can assure you that was paramount to my insurance call center sadly. And psychologically this often works for people in general. But it's hard to remember or try this in the moment, I think most of us can admit that.

 

[PinkPixel]

Absolutely not.

Most parents would like to know if their child is disrespecting a teacher. I would 100% want to know if my child was not complying with a lesson.

Piano lessons are not basic education, it's an elective, a choice, enrichment. If she doesn't want to do it, why are we talking about disrespect? Easy answer, you don't like the teacher... but love piano....try one or two more. If it's still a problem, piano is not worth anyone's time, money or energy. Life is short.

 

[Southernmiss]

I wonder if op has had a calm discussion with daughter like

'Hey, what happened at piano the other day? Is there anything going on that we should talk about?

I can see something bothered you. Do you want to talk about it?'

 

[princesscinderella]

I wonder if op has had a calm discussion with daughter like

'Hey, what happened at piano the other day? Is there anything going on that we should talk about?

I can see something bothered you. Do you want to talk about it?'

Heck no I haven’t talked to her we like to ignore problems in my family, denial is best


…. A ridiculous answer to a ridiculous question

 

[mom2rtk]

Heck no I haven’t talked to her we like to ignore problems in my family, denial is best


…. A ridiculous answer to a ridiculous question

Honestly, the way you responded to that post makes me wonder how you respond to your daughter.

 

[princesscinderella]

Honestly, the way you responded to that post makes me wonder how you respond to your daughter.

Yes because sarcasm on a message board = bad parenting

 

[C&Jx2]

Yes because sarcasm on a message board = bad parenting

….. how long have you been around these parts? Lol

 

[pookybean]

My youngest is 14, and definitely the moodiest of the bunch. Im so exhausted that I can't even think of any amusing stories right now! There have been a ton over the years, but yeah.

 

[motherof5]

2 younger kids, but 3 teenagers. Finding that 13 -15 is hard and luckily things get better at 16. Will see how future years go

 

[Gracedis1]

I have 2 teens and yes! parenting them can be hard. I've worked hard at listening more and making sure they can come to me to verbalize when they are having a problem instead of acting out. That doesn't mean they don't have consequences when they make bad choices. But the consequence needs to be in proportion to the action.

 

[Colleen27]

She started a job working at a day care center after school. I am hoping it sparks some joy for her. She loves little kids and they are drawn to her too. Funny thing is that she is extremely respectful to other adults. Her boss goes on and on about how wonderful and helpful she is and how the kids adore her etc.

I guess it's payback time because my dad used to always tell me "You are getting too big for your britches young lady"

Growing up, my mom had a very close friend who was a full generation older than her and during a phase when one of us (probably me, to be honest - I broke fewer rules than my brother but I was definitely the prickly kid in the family) was being really difficult at home while getting all sorts of praise for our public behaviour, she sent my mom a really touching note in a card that my mom shared with me when I had kids. The gist of it was to remember, in those slamming doors and nothing-is-good-enough moments, that the reason your kid acts that way with you is because you're their safe person, the one they know will always be there no matter how difficult they get. The fact that they behave so well in other places, to other adults, shows that they know the right way to behave. They just don't yet have the maturity and self-control to be that best version of themselves 24/7. That's something I know my mom tried to keep in mind with us and I try/tried to remember with my own kids, and it has served us well. Particularly now that I'm into "payback time", as you put it - we're only half-joking when we call my youngest my mini-me, and there are definitely moments where she's giving me a good look at how my mom must have felt when I was her age.

 

[Meglen]

My teen legit couldn't care less about anything.. he got punched in the nuts at school and I.. I had to get mad for him.. Infuriating that the care level of some kids these days is zero. He said most the kids are this way also.. so just zombie children >.<

 

[sam_gordon]

Heck no I haven’t talked to her we like to ignore problems in my family, denial is best


…. A ridiculous answer to a ridiculous question

I think that was a side way of asking if your DD ever explained why she wanted to sit with her legs crossed.

 

[Meglen]

Is her Piano teacher hot? maybe being a teen she you know.. got the feels...

 

[C&Jx2]

Is her Piano teacher hot? maybe being a teen she you know.. got the feels...

…. I type I backspace, I type I backspace.
Never mind.

 

[mjkacmom]

Is her Piano teacher hot? maybe being a teen she you know.. got the feels...

I think it was mentioned that he’s a big old, not that there is anything wrong with being kind of old.