Parenting Rules and lack of - please help me understand

[mjkacmom]

Perhaps you have misunderstood my concern. It is not a matter of me necessarily caring what other parents allow in a general sense, or any 'superior tone' to it. My concern has surfaced BECAUSE it has affected my child lately....meaning other parents permissiveness of my child's classmates and friends is bringing this issue up as a possible problem in our house now. It seems rampant and makes me question if I am being too strict when my son wonders why his rules are different, but I have to say in the long run I am still unconvinced that rules should be loosened very much at this age/point for now. As another poster said, they are only kids for so long and they grow up fast enough as it is

That's your problem Every household is different, and you can't expect others to live by your rules, just because your ds is bugging you.

My kids bug me all of the time on our lack of good beverages. We have water, seltzer, milk, and sometimes juice. This is how I was raised, and guess what - I LOVE water, and am not a fan of soda or juice. I know most other families drink soda, juice, lemonade, juice boxes, etc. Good for them - it's not up to me what other parents let their kids drink.

 

[kimj88]

Exactly!! Kids are kids! They should not being seeing violence and sex on tv or video games. There's an appropriate age for everything.

I second this!

 

[kimj88]

Is it that your child's behavior has changed because of things he's being exposed to at other kids' houses or is it that he's complaining that you aren't being fair because his friends are being allowed to do things he isn't?

If all you son is doing is saying you aren't fair and you're questioning your parenting, hold on because you're in for a bumpy ride over the next 9 years. If he is having behavior issues hat is something you need to address but it shouldn't be a "I'm a better parent than they are fight".

My goodness you seem in attack mode. I don't feel 'superior' and never said that I am a 'better parent' than anyone.

 

[SEA333]

Originally Posted by SweetMissy


Exactly!! Kids are kids! They should not being seeing violence and sex on tv or video games. There's an appropriate age for everything.

I second this!

I second this!

Ahhh! Got it! So, your title, OP, of "Parenting Rules or Lack of...Please Help me Understand" was a mislead to suck everyone into you having a platform to express your opinion of what kids should or shouldn't be exposed to at age 9! I get it now! SweetMissy - congrats for figuring this out before the rest of us!

Why didn't you just state your opinion in the subject line and save the rest of us the rigamorole of having to read 82 posts and giving OUR opinions?

Next time, just tell us what you believe and let's end it at that.

When I see your name on a thread, I will consider myself to be forewarned.

 

[dvczerfs]

DS is 9. We have rules, for example, he has a bedtime. He is not allowed to watch R rated movies. He is not allowed to play M (Mature 17+) video games. He is not allowed to sit alone in a room on the internet and do as he pleases. Honestly, I don't think these are wierd or excessive rules for a 9 year old boy. However, many of his friends his age have NONE of these rules, even as guidelines. What is particularly causing me an issue is so many of his 9 year old, even 8 year old friends are allowed to play whatever video games, whatever ratings, however long and often they wish. These games have sex in them, barely dressed women, lots of violence, glorify crimes, etc. There is plenty of time to play these when he is several years older.
Please help me understand, are the parents just lazy, unaware of what the games entail, or am I too strict??

keep up the good work.

 

[kimj88]

Originally Posted by SweetMissy


Exactly!! Kids are kids! They should not being seeing violence and sex on tv or video games. There's an appropriate age for everything.

I second this!




Ahhh! Got it! So, your title, OP, of "Parenting Rules or Lack of...Please Help me Understand" was a mislead to suck everyone into you having a platform to express your opinion of what kids should or shouldn't be exposed to at age 9! I get it now! SweetMissy - congrats for figuring this out before the rest of us!

Why didn't you just state your opinion in the subject line and save the rest of us the rigamorole of having to read 82 posts and giving OUR opinions?

Next time, just tell us what you believe and let's end it at that.

When I see your name on a thread, I will consider myself to be forewarned.

Wow...just wow!
Such a misread. Sorry to have upset you in some way

 

[MrInfinity]

Exactly!! Kids are kids! They should not being seeing violence and sex on tv or video games. There's an appropriate age for everything.

And what is that age? Who decides? The kid? The parent? Some arbitrary 3rd party agency? A governing body? Should it vary by country? Should it change if a Republican is in power vs a Democrat? I think a parent should handle it how they choose.

"He is not allowed to watch R rated movies"

Do you watch the movies and decide or just apply the blanket rule? My kids have seen Lord of the Rings. It's PG-13. They're not 13. Great movie. My son reads the books.

Avatar is PG-13. Yet here is Disney building an entire world modeled after it targeted at children well under 13.

Just sayin. It's not that cut and dried.

 

[SEA333]

Wow...just wow!
Such a misread. Sorry to have upset you in some way

(Humorously speaking) The upsetting thing is that you asked a legit question so that you could tell everyone that they are wrong and you are right.

I'm sure your son is doing just fine with all of the horrible parenting around you, so I wouldn't worry too much.

 

[OhanaBreadPudding]

(Humorously speaking) The upsetting thing is that you asked a legit question so that you could tell everyone that they are wrong and you are right.

I'm sure your son is doing just fine with all of the horrible parenting around you, so I wouldn't worry too much.

This

 

[cjbcam]

This is a hard subject. In my head of course I sometimes question how people raise their kids, I think everyone does. Would I say anything? No cause its their kids and they will do what they think is right. The only thing that really gets me is when people tell you how to raise your kids. For example I have 4 kids, 10,8,5 and 3. They all have chores 10&8 y/o have to do load dishwasher and keep their rooms clean. 5&3 y/ o have to pick up their rooms. Besides allowing them to go to sports if those are not done they are not allowed friends over or to go to friends. Well my 8 year old refuses to clean her room sometimes so she is not allowed to play a lot of the time and one of her friends ( her mom is my friend she's a single child) always asks for her to play and the response was no for like two weeks. Her mom says to me why don't you just clean it? It's just easier. I replied , sometimes easier isn't better she has to learn responsibility and she is more than old enough to clean her room. I was so annoyed. So to answer your question let your kids do what you feel comfortable with.

 

[DopeyDame]

Is it that your child's behavior has changed because of things he's being exposed to at other kids' houses or is it that he's complaining that you aren't being fair because his friends are being allowed to do things he isn't?

QUOTE]

This is a really critical question, and I haven't seen the answer to it yet.

If it's the later (he's complaining that you aren't being fair):
This is the time to introduce the very liberal use of the following phrases:

"I'm not Johnny's mom, so I don't care one whit what Johnny's allowed to do."
and
" If Joey jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do that, too?"

If it's the former (his behavior is declining and you perceive the cause to be other families' permisiveness), then 9 years old seems like the ideal time to really drive home the point that HE is responsible for his actions. Period. Full Stop. End of story. Reiterate your family values over and over again, and continue to stress that you don't care what the other kids are doing, he is ultimately and always responsible for all of his own decisions. Stress this point now, because in just a year or two, the stakes are going to be MUCH higher, and you have to know that he has the conviction, courage, and responsibility to do the right and safe thing, even when his friends do something else.

In either case, you can't change how other parents raise their kids, so it's time to start figuring out how you have to adjust your parenting tactics so that your son isn't as effected by other family's choices.

 

[Minnesota!]

I promise I won't judge you for being "too strict" if you promise to stop judging me for "not being strict enough". My kids are very good, very smart (among the top in their classes), very polite boys. Always complimented on their manners - even from a very young age.

However, we don't believe in censorship in our house...at all. Books, TV, games, language, movies, music. If they express an interest in something, I will let them try it. We all enjoy Family Guy - hell, my oldest would walk around the house singing the theme song when he was just a toddler.

I will say, my kids are not into video games at all - just a random Mario game here or there - they would much rather be outside - but if they asked, I would let them try GTA or Halo or whatever. I can guarantee they would try it a few times, maybe for a week, and then get bored.

Just because I parent differently doesn't mean I parent incorrectly. And really, kids horse around. Getting hurt "doing a move" from a game...well, really, what boy doesn't "wrestle" or "play fight", etc? I mean...they are 9 year old boys. I would think it were odd if they didn't.

We regularly play WWE in the living room. I am the announcer, the boys are the wrestlers. The moves they attempt - OY - but they are kids...roughhousing is allowed

 

[scrapquitler]

This is the time to introduce the very liberal use of the following phrases:

"I'm not Johnny's mom, so I don't care one whit what Johnny's allowed to do."
and
" If Joey jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do that, too?"

My kids think I sound like a broken record sometimes, but I am ALWAYS saying these things! My children have understood from a very young age that different families have different rules. If they are somewhere with different rules than at home, they know that they are supposed to always follow whichever ones are stricter. Sure, sometimes they mess up on that part, but they are kids, and we can teach them from those mistakes.

One example: my daughter has a friend whose family had a trampoline. Our rule is "no more than one person on the trampoline at a time". Her friend doesn't have that rule. Whenever my daughter would go over to friends house, she wouldn't use the trampoline unless she was the only one on it because she knew that SHE wasn't allowed to do so even though her freind was allowed to. I know that she followed MY rule because the Mom always laughed about how adamant my DD was about not going on the trampoline with someone else. That's fine, but I was NOT going to criticize the other family for not having the same rule I did. That's the difference here....we don't need to all have the same rules, but we need to teach our kids to respect what WE will or won't allow.