Parent with Dementia

[Rogue1677x]

This is a whole new realm for me and my sisters. A bit of sad history behind it: in 2019, my father fell down a flight of stairs at his apartment complex and fractured his skull in 4 places, resulting in traumatic brain injury.

He recovered to a certain extent, where he could recognize his adult children, his grandchildren, pets, etc.

However, since then, he's sustained additional head injuries after falling again due to weakness in his legs, the most recent one happened a few months ago. And after this fall (which he hit a wall with his head, leaving a hole in the wall), his personality, temperament and behavior has changed so drastically that tge doctors have diagnosed him with dementia.

He's in a nursing facility now and eventually will be in long term care, but seeing what is left of my father is so sad.

 

[lanejudy]

So sorry you are going through this. Watching a loved one struggle with dementia is challenging, and I'm sure the TBI only adds to his challenges.

 

[Suger Mag]

This is a whole new realm for me and my sisters. A bit of sad history behind it: in 2019, my father fell down a flight of stairs at his apartment complex and fractured his skull in 4 places, resulting in traumatic brain injury.

He recovered to a certain extent, where he could recognize his adult children, his grandchildren, pets, etc.

However, since then, he's sustained additional head injuries after falling again due to weakness in his legs, the most recent one happened a few months ago. And after this fall (which he hit a wall with his head, leaving a hole in the wall), his personality, temperament and behavior has changed so drastically that tge doctors have diagnosed him with dementia.

He's in a nursing facility now and eventually will be in long term care, but seeing what is left of my father is so sad.

I am so sorry. I was the caregiver for both my parents. They passed in the home with me under hospice care. My mother had dementia. It is very difficult to see them suffer challenges and deteriorate knowing that the end is inevitable. It was especially hard with my mother as the person I knew as my 'mother' essentially faded away, not to say that there were not good times, but it was not the same. My thoughts are with you as you undertake this journey.

 

[Rogue1677x]

So sorry you are going through this. Watching a loved one struggle with dementia is challenging, and I'm sure the TBI only adds to his challenges.

Thank you! Yes, the TBI added its own issues onto the dementia. We were always told he had a hard head, now we know.

 

[Rogue1677x]

I am so sorry. I was the caregiver for both my parents. They passed in the home with me under hospice care. My mother had dementia. It is very difficult to see them suffer challenges and deteriorate knowing that the end is inevitable. It was especially hard with my mother as the person I knew as my 'mother' essentially faded away, not to say that there were not good times, but it was not the same. My thoughts are with you as you undertake this journey.

Thank you! I think the hardest part for me is this is happening over the holidays and my father loved Christmas.

When me and my husband visited him yesterday, my husband pointed out the decorated trees and he perked up a bit, then started singing obscene Christmas songs.

 

[Suger Mag]

Thank you! I think the hardest part for me is this is happening over the holidays and my father loved Christmas.

When me and my husband visited him yesterday, my husband pointed out the decorated trees and he perked up a bit, then started singing obscene Christmas songs.

in many ways it is hardest on the caregiver. you are often comparing the present to what used to be..... while the patient is relatively unaware. . There will be lots of varied moods, I suggest if you have not already, find a support group, the home's social worker likely will be able to refer you, they may even have one in house.

 

[Rogue1677x]

in many ways it is hardest on the caregiver. you are often comparing the present to what used to be..... while the patient is relatively unaware. . There will be lots of varied moods, I suggest if you have not already, find a support group, the home's social worker likely will be able to refer you, they may even have one in house.

I will look into a support group. Thanks for the advice.

 

[LuvOrlando]

So sorry this is happening to your family, it is tough. My MIL was losing ground for years but FIL covered it all up and no-one knew until he passed away from Cancer how bad things had become, the whole thing came as quite a shock. The situation was very hard on her children but I was able to see things a bit more clearly as there is some distance for me. While the situation is sad for the family my MIL was, herself, not at all sad as this was going on nor is she sad now. When I would visit I saw a person who was finally safe, who was getting nutritious meals, who had eyes on her 24/7, who was content to have a safe spot and a warm bed. MIL didn't seem to care what soft bed she was in as long as a soft warm bed was there. I spent a lot of time helping the family recognize that while they missed MIL the person who she is now here doesn't miss anything at all and is at peace where she is now. It is a childlike state for MIL now that she is settled. The family has moved her a few times because the reality is this is a facility with changing staff so sometimes moves have been necessary and they cause a little angst for a bit but then she settles in and all is well. When DH is sad I just remind him that MIL is not sad and that seems to help a lot.

As for the crude jokes, on my last visit I sat with MIL as she had lunch. I learned my MIL eats with a group of 4 companions who tell lots of bawdy jokes and they giggle like 8th graders, they don't seem to know they aren't 14 and I'm not telling them. As I look on I'm just happy she is smiling at the inside jokes with a few pals, that is what I see and it seems nice for her.

When you go try to see him as a person in the moment, it changes everything.

 

[mommasita]

Op, I am sorry you are going through this. Suger Mag has it spot on.
You are the caregiver, they are the child. Some days you will come home crying. You will need a group of caring people who completely understand what you are going through, and where you can just let it all out.

Giant hugs to you

 

[Rogue1677x]

Op, I am sorry you are going through this. Suger Mag has it spot on.
You are the caregiver, they are the child. Some days you will come home crying. You will need a group of caring people who completely understand what you are going through, and where you can just let it all out.

Giant hugs to you

Thank you!