Parent-Teacher Conferences (inspired by another thread)

[Bob Slydell]

When possible, both of us go to teacher conferences, but if there's a scheduling problem, DW will go without me (and fill me in later that day) because she has a more flexible work arrangement, since she's her own boss. We're both very much interested and involved with our son's education. Like others have said, scheduling issues do arise, especially with conferences during the day.

 

[Longsx3]

As I said on the other thread, DH attends everything he can and will change his schedule when possible to accomodate any school meetings or functions. This past year was the first year he could not attend something and that was because he was in Iraq, he did keep in contact with DD's teacher via email.

 

[tar heel]

DH and I both always go to meet-the-teacher day/night and to individual conferences. I can't remember either of us ever missing either, and we've had a bunch of them.

Sometimes only one of us goes to middle school/high school open houses, but we're always represented. We don't consider it to be essential that we both go to them b/c it's the entire class rather than our individual child that is being discussed.

He leaves PTO meetings up to me.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Before the session begins the teacher is surrounded by the same moms and dads. Strange but it is the same moms and dads that stalked the teacher in kindergarden as in 12th grade.

Ummmmm.... 'STALKED'

Since when is an involved parent who shows up to things considered a 'stalker'. What is sad is the lack of involvement. I usually see only 3 - 6 other parents show up for 'meet the teacher', conferences, etc...

What is really sickening and unacceptable is a teacher who would agree with this posters statement. And, yes, I have seen some teachers who consider parents 'stalkers'.

What a great way to phrase that!! And oh so true!!

 

[Bob Slydell]

I don't look down upon the families who don't attend Open House (or the moms-only who attend Open House), but I am impressed when BOTH PARENTS attend. Why? Because it happens so rarely.

Beyond what the teacher thinks, it shows the KIDS that both parents are very interested in their education.

No it doesn't. All it shows the kids is that they were both able to rearrange their schedules, find a babysitter, etc.

Just because both parents are not there in person to meet a teacher doesn't mean they're not discussing what was said after the meeting and both involved with their child's education.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am not reading thru this whole thread again, but nowhere did I see anyone saying that a dad who does not, or can not, show up to these things is a bad parent who does not care.

The OP asks if your childs father comes, and is surprised at how many do....

So, we say, YES he comes!!! It is his kid too.

Sounds like those who are saying that anyone who thinks that dads who do not come are deadbeat dads are making a false assumption.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I am not reading thru this whole thread again, but nowhere did I see anyone saying that a dad who does not, or can not, show up to these things is a bad parent who does not care.

How would you interpret this statement?

Beyond what the teacher thinks, it shows the KIDS that both parents are very interested in their education.

To me, that says that the converse is then true -- that when both parents DON'T come to a parent-teacher conference it shows their kids that both parent's AREN'T interested in their education.

Which, IMO, is looking down on parents -- ironically, the complete contradiction of what the poster said in the sentence before.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Bob,

Okay, since I have jumped in here!!!

I think that taking the 'converse' of this is not the thing to do.
I think there may some misunderstanding here. It is so easy to mis-read things on a chatboard.

I think that you have to look at the context here.
The poster was probably responding to those who took the fact that both parents showed up as a 'united front' to the TEACHER. In that context, this poster was saying, "No, completely aside from the teacher, the thing is to show a united front to your child...."

That is how I understand it.

I think the first comment in Ms.Pete's post, which you just mentioned as a contradition, states her views very well!!!

 

[daisyduck123]

Ummmmm.... 'STALKED'
Since when is an involved parent who shows up to things considered a 'stalker'.

Nowhere did the poster say that parents who show up at functions are "stalkers".

I believe the poster meant parents who surround the teacher constantly...and yes, there are those who do & never let any other parents near the teacher because they want to solely discuss their child.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

ok well no, I can't recall my DH ever going to a Parent-Teacher conference

which is the meeting where

#1. The Teacher reads my kid's report card to me
and then in our case
#2. We agree that he is a very nice and pleasant kid
who
#3. Really needs to work harder
and then
#4 The teacher then hands over a folder of samples of work that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that #3 is true.

My DH has gone to a couple of the IEP meetings for our middle son. That is a much more important meeting where goals and therapies for the year are set.

 

[CEDmom]

Bob,

Okay, since I have jumped in here!!!

I think that taking the 'converse' of this is not the thing to do.
I think there may some misunderstanding here. It is so easy to mis-read things on a chatboard.

I think that you have to look at the context here.
The poster was probably responding to those who took the fact that both parents showed up as a 'united front' to the TEACHER. In that context, this poster was saying, "No, completely aside from the teacher, the thing is to show a united front to your child...."

That is how I understand it.

I think the first comment in Ms.Pete's post, which you just mentioned as a contradition, states her views very well!!!

I'm siding with Bob on this one. If you did read through this entire thread just about every poster who said both parents attend went on to make a statement to the effect that it shows they're both involved in their child's education.

There's just no proof that a parent who does not attend a conference isn't involved in his/her child's education. It's just preposterous and to state otherwise is arrogant.

 

[#1hockeymom]

I think Bob summed many of our feelings up quite nicely! I will give an A+ for Bob!

Failing grades to the people who think their united front somehow makes them better than the single parents who come to conferences/meet the teacher/open houses. As a teacher I am happy to see anyone show up in the interest of their child. I know they will surely share any information they deem as important to others in their family and/or caregivers.

 

[KirstenB]

ok well no, I can't recall my DH ever going to a Parent-Teacher conference

which is the meeting where

#1. The Teacher reads my kid's report card to me
and then in our case
#2. We agree that he is a very nice and pleasant kid
who
#3. Really needs to work harder
and then
#4 The teacher then hands over a folder of samples of work that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that #3 is true.

My DH has gone to a couple of the IEP meetings for our middle son. That is a much more important meeting where goals and therapies for the year are set.

Toby's Friend, your child sounds just like DD1. DH doesn't go to parent-teacher conferences. He works very hard, and as a SAHM, I take care of "routine" things with the kids. If DD1 was having a lot of trouble, I know he'd be there in a heartbeat.

Heck, sometimes I skip parent-teacher conferences. I volunteer at the school, and the teachers know they can tell me anything about dd1 during the day, not just at the conference. Throughout the years, I've asked her teachers if there was anything we needed to discuss at the conference, and most of the time, the answer was "no". Last year was tough in the beginning, so I did go to conferences--also this was a new teacher who I didn't know very well.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

#1. The Teacher reads my kid's report card to me
and then in our case
#2. We agree that he is a very nice and pleasant kid
who
#3. Really needs to work harder
and then
#4 The teacher then hands over a folder of samples of work that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that #3 is true.

These are absolutely the same meetings that I have with DDs' teachers!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, I guess there are two ways to look at things!!

In that case, I'll just say that, as a poster who answered that my DH does come to a lot of these things, I don't think that this makes us any better than anyone else. Not at all!

 

[maddiel]

How would you interpret this statement?

"Beyond what the teacher thinks, it shows the KIDS that both parents are very interested in their education. "

To me, that says that the converse is then true -- that when both parents DON'T come to a parent-teacher conference it shows their kids that both parent's AREN'T interested in their education.

Which, IMO, is looking down on parents -- ironically, the complete contradiction of what the poster said in the sentence before.

I would disagree with your interpretation. To me it means there are lots of things parents do to show to their kids, to their kids' teachers and to each other that they are both interested in their kids education; this is one of those things. If you don't do anything to show interest in your child's education, then yeah, in my book you are A Bad Parent. If you don't do this one particular thing, not so much.

We both go to parent-teacher confences if possible. If it is not possible, I go alone, because I am much better at communicating what was said to to him than he is to me. If it was the other way around, he would be the one to go solo when that was the only possibility.

Parent-teacher conferences aren't the same everywhere either. One of the two conferences we have at our daughter's elementary school is a parent-teacher-child conference, where the teacher and child present the child's work to the parents - not something that can be explained with the same impact as in person. And not everyone has perfect children either!

Our children's school have never had a meet the teacher night before school starts or an open house like described above. There is usually an ice-cream social (where the whole family goes) a few weeks into the school year and a curriculum night a week or so after that. We've found that it's really important to both go to curriculum night if at all possible since we both supervise homework and between the two of us we get what we need to know to do that.

M.

 

[jrmasm]

DH goes with me to conferences. But we do Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who has to sit through the holiday concerts.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I would think it is a given that all parent's care about their childrens' education. To assign the idea that turning up for a mtg. means they are more so, is silly and self righteous at best, IMO.

One parent is perfectly capable of passing along the information/concerns from the mtg. It isn't rocket science.

I completely agree with the last sentence. However, the first one, sadly is untrue. I have had several students over the years whose parents kicked them out of their own homes, abused them, encouraged them to drop out of school, etc. Last year I had one student, age 18 male, who dropped out after reaching only sophomore year, at his mother's urging because she was unemployed and had five young children at home. This boy dropped out and got a minimum wage job to support his mother and five half-sisters.

On the other hand, I completely understand when parents cannot make it. I encourage parents to go, whether it is one or two, but I also applaud parents who cannot go, but make other efforts to get involved - sending a note with a phone number or email address, or making an appointment for a conference another day. I have telephone or in person conferences during my prep period all throughout the year. Sometimes letters sent home can be intercepted by a student and it is good to have a "secure contact".

Saying I understand that both parents cannot always make it is in no way "discouraging the involvement of fathers". Let's not forget that there are widowers, single fathers and uncles/older brothers raising chidren as well as traditional families, single moms, etc. There are so many different families out there, that it is impossible to expect two parents to attend anything when many children sadly do not have two parents at all, or even one, in some cases. I am just happy to have someone say to me (whether in person or by other means) that they want to help this child succeed in class and in life. I appreciate a parent or guardian share their experience and knowledge with me about their child's strengths, weaknesses and emotional situations. The more I know about the child, the more effective I can be in helping that child to be motivated and successful.

 

[noodleknitter]

You are right. I should have said, the vast majority.

eta: Not satisfied with that one, either. Even most crappy parents care about their child's education unless there is a mental/substance abuse issue, which seriously impairs thought.

 

[MamaLema]

I always go. DH stays home with the kids. This is the best decision for us