Parent-Teacher Conferences (inspired by another thread)

[CEDmom]

While reading RadioNates thread on "meet the teacher night" I saw many posters say that they expect their DH's to attend parent-teacher conferences because it shows a united front in regard to the child's eduction.

Honestly, it never occured to me that both of us should attend these conferences. Our district assigns a conference time and evening ones are very difficult to come by so I just go during the day. I honestly can't see asking DH to take time off for this. Our DD doesn't have academic, emotional or socials issues to warrant both of us being there.

I'm just wondering if I'm more an exception to the rule or if many people go w/o their spouse.

DH does attend back to school night and other events specific to DD (i.e. artshow, choir performance)

 

[Laurajean1014]

I replied to the early thread as "would be nice but not necessary." If we both attend we would need a baby sitter and I really don't think it's important to have both parents there. My DH and I communicate very well and don't need double the ears to hear the teacher.

I don't think anything is wrong with both going, it's just not necessary, unless the child/school has issues.

 

[liamandcaili]

DH has never attended any parent-teacher conferences. Of course, he is in the military and often isn't home. However, if he was, he still wouldn't attend parent-teacher conferences. He would watch the kids while I went. Unless there is some major issue going on with your child, I don't see any reason both parents need to attend. JMO.

 

[diznygirl]

DH always goes. He wants to be there. They are his children and he is interested in them as much as I am.

 

[Wishing on a star]

ITA diznygirl!!!

Yes, my DH almost ALWAYS comes to these types things. (conferences, meet the teacher, etc...)

Not only is it his child as well, but we have a special needs child and have faced many hellacious issues and problems with teachers.

Yes, he attends. I have asked him to take off from work before. He is ready, willing, and able.

 

[Allison]

We both absolutely go every time. I was surprised by the number of responses on the other thread about fathers that don't go to these type of things.

Neither of us would ever consider not going.

 

[WDWAurora]

As someone who meets with parents on a regular basis, I will say it is rare to have both parents there. Usually, it is the mother and, frequently, her younger child/children. Honestly I've never minded the kids being there at all since these are usually meetings with around 5-10 people anyway, so it's not like they are a total distraction.

Occasionally we'll have just a dad, or both. The majority of times we have both it's adoptive parents or parents of kids with specialized needs-as in a greater extent of needs than most children. I rarely have male single parents either, strangely.

 

[daisyduck123]

1st grade teacher here...

Usually the father does not come to the parent-teacher conferences & I don't think twice about it. I know he's either at work, or home watching the kids. Out of 25 students last year, I think about 2 dads came with their wives to the conferences.

For those of you wondering, we teachers do not look down upon or think any differently about the families who only have mom show up at the conference (I didn't say "dad" because rarely is it just a dad that shows up). As long as one parent shows up (and believe me, there's always a "no show"), we're happy!!

 

[Rock'n Robin]

DH comes to as many of the kids' conferences as he can. Now in jr. high and HS here, conference times are during the team teachers' planning period--during the school day only, unless it is one of the 2 days scheduled during the entire year for an after-school conference. DD#1 had some issues 3rd quarter and I scheduled a conference, but only DH could go! I teach in another district and getting back home during their planning period would have meant a whole sick day (middle of the day so I couldn't get by with just a 1/2 day). He's much harder on DD anyway so it worked out very well.
Robin M.

 

[CEDmom]

DH always goes. He wants to be there. They are his children and he is interested in them as much as I am.

I know I'm going to sound defensive and I really shouldn't because I'm fine with how we do things. I just wanted to point out that a parent who doesn't attend something like this doesn't imply that he isn't interested in his child. My DH for one is very interested and involved in our DD's life. We just don't think this type of thing warrants him taking a day off of work. The science fair - yes, an art show - most definitely, a school play -without a doubt.

 

[Allison]

I really appreciate hearing information from a teacher's point of view. I really had no idea that it was mostly moms who attended. Our school must be odd. There are lot of dads around when we go. Then again, we always have to schedule in the evenings after we both leave work so maybe that is why I see more dads.

 

[paigevz]

Another teacher here. My dh rarely goes to conferences. He figures I know all about what is going on there! He does go to all plays, awards, ball games, open houses, and meet the teachers.

I get an equal number of moms and dads by themselves. Usually they only come together if they are separated/divorced or the child is having problems. I get many parents who don't come at all, though, and I think my experiences are not usual. Of 20 scheduled conferences, I will generally get 4/5 to show up, 4/5 to call that they aren't coming and ask to reschedule, and the rest no shows.

 

[NMAmy]

Well, I guess my ex and I are out of the norm. When we were married, we always attended dd's conferences together and, when we lived in the same town, continued to do so after we divorced. DD doesn't have any issues/problems and is an honor roll student. We just both always liked to know what was going on. He worked nights so it was actually easier for him to attend than me--I was the one who always had to juggle lunch hours around. I just had to make sure he was awake.

 

[Patch'sD]

I have gone to more meet the teacher days then my wife due to her illness. What Does one hope to accomplish in a 30 minute Grade School or a 15 Minute Middle/High School Encounter. The teacher can just about get in what they expect for the school year ( By the way it is the same thing that is on the paper they hand out to the kids and have placed on desk in front of you before the bell rings for the next year). Before the session begins the teacher is surrounded by the same moms and dads. Strange but it is the same moms and dads that stalked the teacher in kindergarden as in 12th grade. The only thing it is good for is a great place to show off that nose job or **** job that mom got during the summer while the kids were in 8 week sleepaway camp. An the Dads would brag about their golf game or how they screwed a client.

I got tired of the show and don't go anymore. The more important meeting is the one or one, or the corrective action meeting to get your kid back on track. Oh yes, it is the last chance for the PTA to make a face to face appeal to fork over the bucks to join the PTA.

 

[MELSMICE]

DH & I attend as many things together as we can. We both have flexible schedules so it's possible to do this.

However, my business is a dance studio & unfortunately there are many evening events that I have had to miss because of this. It seems that many things gets scheduled on the nights I am teaching. I rescheduled my open houses this year hoping to be able to make Freshman Orientation as it conflicted the last few years. I haven't gotten the information yet but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I think it's great when both parents can be there - it's very positive for the kids, but I understand why both parents can't be there all the time. I always tell my kids that you have to take the good with the bad. It's great that I can set my own hours because it's my business, but sometimes it's bad that it's my business because I have to be there at certain times also.

 

[mrsmom]

We have four kids and dh and i have always attended conferences and other school stuff together. I guess i really never thought about who goes and who doesn't.
Kim

 

[daisyduck123]

Strange but it is the same moms and dads that stalked the teacher

What a great way to phrase that!! And oh so true!!

 

[MrsPete]

For those of you wondering, we teachers do not look down upon or think any differently about the families who only have mom show up at the conference (I didn't say "dad" because rarely is it just a dad that shows up). As long as one parent shows up (and believe me, there's always a "no show"), we're happy!!

I don't look down upon the families who don't attend Open House (or the moms-only who attend Open House), but I am impressed when BOTH PARENTS attend. Why? Because it happens so rarely.

Beyond what the teacher thinks, it shows the KIDS that both parents are very interested in their education.

 

[Aidensmom]

DH attends most things involving our son, but for a conference where DS would not be attending, one of us would need to stay with him, so I would go and then let DH know what went on. We agree on our child-raising principles, and we will communicate everything that happened, so I don't think it is a big deal. As it is, I drop off my son at school and DH picks him up (as we did last year when he was in Pre-K), so we both get the opportunity to talk to his teachers, and we share with each other all that we talk about.

 

[minkydog]

We have 3 kids, two of whom have special needs. Most conferences are held in the middle of the day, which seriously limits how many DH can attend. Most of our conferences are pretty benign & most of the time I go by myself.

The exception would be some of Christian's early IEPs, where the school was trying to cram some things down our throats and cut services. Those meetings were tense and DH not only showed up, he showed up in his full "power suit"(black suit, white dress shirt, red tie). He works with lawyers all day long so he really knows how to take charge of a room.
And when my oldest was having some serious struggles in HS, DH went to every one of his IEPs, all the emergency meetings, all the conferences. The Special Services folks were less than helpful(even telling DS to just quit school!) so DH felt he needed to be there for DS's protection.