Pardon my french - bride's mother an idiot

[Serena]

Idiot is a very nice word, doesn't do her justice, but nice. I suggest you sit down with your son, and then with your son and his fiance and make sure she knows this is their wedding, no one elses.

 

[phorsenuf]

Well, if she doesn't want to accept the money from you then why not take that amount of money and give the bride and groom a present of a wedding planner. That way everything can be done by an outside person who WILL stand up to the mother.
If that doesn't work, then I agree with the others...elope and have a large recption after.

 

[Boo'sMom]

Originally posted by SandiH
Yikes - I'd pay for the kids to elope and host a reception later.

Sounds like the couple won't have anything their way. Perhaps they need to have a heart to heart with mom.

that's what I'd do too!!!

 

[RitaZ.]

Bride's mother wants to wait until February to get bride's dress.

Who's getting married here, the bride or her mother?

Seriously, I agree with MaryJo on what "hold" she will have over her daughter once the couple is married. Your son and future DIL need to stand up to her. If that doesn't work, then eloping sounds like a great idea!

Good luck!

 

[Kallison]

I think you should just bite your nails and stay out of it. Let the kids handle it, they already have one meddling mother. It won't be what you or they wanted, but that is their choice. Just make your guest list, pick out a nice dress for yourself, help your son get his groomsmen prepared and put on a big smile. They are adults, let them figure it out. I'm sure eventually your DIL will learn to stand up to her mother or maybe not but she doesn't need to be pulled from both sides.

 

[Kimberle]

I'm sorry your ds is having such a problem.

My brothers MIL was kindof "dafy" too before the wedding. Shortly after, she was dianosed with Alzahimers. (She was in her mid-50's). Apparently the "dafy-ness" is one of the early warning signs in younger people.

She died a couple of years later.

 

[WilmaBud]

I got chills reading this. This lady sounds a lot like my MIL. My engagement was one of the worst periods of my life, thanks to her. I was the bride, so she knew she couldn't control things too much, but boy did she create turmoil! My husband (fiance at the time) wouldn't stand up to her, either. He was used to letting her have her way to "keep the peace." I'm not one to be manipulated or bossed around, so she really met her match in me.

My mom and dad were great, but my mother was very concerned at what kind of married life I was in for with my MIL. I stood up to her (politely and respectfully), but the conflict still stressed me out beyond belief. Finally, I told my DH (fiance) that the wedding was off until he cut the apron strings and learned to stand up to his mom. It was as if he wanted me to handle her, and whichever one of us (me or MIL) gave him the most grief would "win." I couldn't live my life that way, so I gave him the ultimatum. It was difficult because we were living on separate coasts at the time (of course I was stuck on in the same town as nis mom - he was in the Navy in San Diego). But he only took a few hours to think it over and called me back and said he'd speak to her. He did speak to her and told her she had to respect our decisions or she wouldn't even be included. She still caused many problems, but he continued to stand up to her.

I've already typed too much, but I could go on and on. My advice to you and your son is that this lady needs to be put in her place before they are married. It won't get better after they are married. She needs to respect that they are adults embarking on their own lives together, and if she can't accept it, too bad. If they don't get her in check now, their married life will be very difficult. I wish you all courage and good luck. Hey, my hubby and I have been married for almost 16 years, so it can be done!

 

[PamOKW]

How old is the bride? Does she live at home? It's really her place to speak up and discuss this with her mother. You can giver her moral support but if she won't sit down and talk about it -- maybe bringing your son and/or yourself into it I can't see where anything will change. If she's not mature enough to speak up about something so important, maybe she isn't mature enough to be getting married just yet.

 

[DISshopkeeper]

She's never been to a wedding??!!??!

Best of luck to you. I vote for eloping!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

My first thought as I read this was concern not just for the wedding, but rather the concern about what their married life will entail. You think this is bad, just wait until they announce they are going to have kids. It sure seems that if she is wanting so much control now, that it will just continue, and that will certainly be a bigger strain on their relationship. I would probably sit down first with DS and talk to him about what the future will hold, then sit down with both of them and go from there. I would also ask them what they truly want from their wedding. And then see if together you can figure something out. It is just going to get worse as the day approaches and something needs to be done now. Future MIL won't change on her own, she'll need a nudge!

 

[Laura]

Originally posted by PRINCESS VIJA
My first thought as I read this was concern not just for the wedding, but rather the concern about what their married life will entail. You think this is bad, just wait until they announce they are going to have kids. It sure seems that if she is wanting so much control now, that it will just continue, and that will certainly be a bigger strain on their relationship. I would probably sit down first with DS and talk to him about what the future will hold, then sit down with both of them and go from there. I would also ask them what they truly want from their wedding. And then see if together you can figure something out. It is just going to get worse as the day approaches and something needs to be done now. Future MIL won't change on her own, she'll need a nudge!

Others have posted things like this, but I wanted to say I totally agree. The wedding is just one day, but your DS and future DIL need to stand up to her mother asap before things get out of hand with the relationship and brings their marriage down the tubes with it.

 

[caseylouandtyler2]

OMG I'm having wedding disaster flashbacks!!!! Neither of our families could act proper!! I second the ladder and a down payment for a house.

 

[Antonia]

Bride getting back bone!!!!!!!!!!! Took bridesmaids shopping today and dresses selected today off the rack without mother present!!!!! Tomorrow bride and groom selecting invitations and bride going on her own to look at a dress. Did NOT go to look at the $99 dresses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Serena]

I'm sooo glad. She's going to need it.

 

[Kallison]

Keep us posted! I want to see pictures of the big day.

 

[SandiH]

This is wonderful. Good for her. Keep us posted.

 

[CajunDixie]

Sorry but my first thought after reading the OP was the video that Kix and Dunn did....something about Connie?? Rarely listen to country music but the video has Connie going to her cousins wedding rehearsal and the bride's mom is a control freak.....Connie convinces the bride and groom to elope in Mexico.

Hopefully she can handle her mom when she finds out the dress decision was made without her.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Originally posted by Antonia
Bride getting back bone!!!!!!!!!!! Took bridesmaids shopping today and dresses selected today off the rack without mother present!!!!! Tomorrow bride and groom selecting invitations and bride going on her own to look at a dress. Did NOT go to look at the $99 dresses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OUTSTANDING! WONDERFUL! So happy to hear this! It is HER day and I hope she remembers this.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

This is exactly why I refused to let my mother pay for me and DH's wedding. Ours was a cheap affair (done for less than 3 grand)but cute and done OUR way, not hers. If I had let my mother do it, it would've been the Redneck K-Mart Wedding from Hell.

Glad to hear the Bride is getting a backbone. I read through this and was going "OH MY God, what is she in for?". I hope everything turns out ok for your DS and his DF.

TOV

 

[2bemarried]

OMG!!! Thank goodness the bride is getting a backbone. I got married in May of '03. Thank goodness I planned the wedding. If my mother had planned it the reception would have been in the church fellowship hall...NOT what I wanted.

BTW...I got my dress from David's for $500 and took it home the same day...and LOVED it...although I know not all brides like the dresses there. Keeping my fingers crossed for your whole family.