Pardon my french - bride's mother an idiot

[Antonia]

My son getting married March 27th, 2004!!!!! Bride's mother wants to wait until February to get bride's dress. Thinks you can just pick one off the rack for $200 or less and need no alterations. Does not understand ordering bridesmaids dresses - thought all bridesmaids chose their own dress - whatever they wanted to wear and just showed up on the wedding day! Thought all tuxedos were alike and that groomsmen could go to wherever they wanted and pick up a tux. Oh, and get this . . . she asked two guys unbeknown to the groom to be ushers!!!!!!!!!!!!! We just happened to find out when she said there's no way they'd pay THAT to rent a tux. All of this is true. I can't believe it myself. Called the bride and groom "GREEDY" for doing a bridal registry!!!!!!!! Asked a third child to be a flower girl!!! The wedding ain't that big!! Flower girls now equal adult bridal attendants.
The bride is a very polite, mannerly, elegant girl. She must be adopted. The bride's mother got married in a borrowed dress at the age of 17 and claims to have never gone to a wedding. Now she says that she is the bride's mother and she has "the last say" on every thing regarding this wedding. It is out of control. Bride crying every day. Groom gonna lose his mind. LOL Groom's mother (me) have offered to pay half on invitations and everything else, but she says she knows her responsibilities and will not accept it. The wedding is in our church. She is not a member of our church and does not attend any church. Now my only son's wedding is in her hands!!!!!!! Can you believe this? What can I do? Just had to share this with anyone who will listen. I am sure my best friend's ear is bent off from listening to me.

 

[SandiH]

Yikes - I'd pay for the kids to elope and host a reception later.

Sounds like the couple won't have anything their way. Perhaps they need to have a heart to heart with mom.

 

[Antonia]

Yikes is what I say, too. I never wanted my son to elope, but it may be the best way. I have never heard of such. My conversation with this woman was one of the strangest I have ever had with anyone. Greedy for registering? Who ever heard of that? Why, a person could watch a few movies of Lifetime and know more about weddings than that.

 

[UncleKyle]

I'd be putting my foot down if I was the groom. But then again I always put my foot down on things. I could care less about what my weddding is like as long as their is beer and whiskey when it's over.

But if it starts to make my bride cry and my future mother-in-law is going nuts, then I say something. Seen it happen both ways in weddings. Sometimes the groom has to step up because the bride is too scared to offend mommy. Then I've seen a groom to scared to say anything about anything and the wedding is horrible because mother and daughter got way out of hand.

 

[SandiH]

Perhaps a marathon of The Wedding Story on TLC would be appropriate since the brides mother has stated that she hasn't been to a wedding since her own and that affair sounded pretty basic. Also a book on wedding planning could be order.

 

[battricia]

TELL THEM TO ELOPE!! (and take a FEW witnesses (ie you) with them )

tricia.

 

[Disney Doll]

Buy them a ladder and give whatever amount of money you had put aside to pay for their wedding to them to buy a house. This sounds liek a disaster in the making.

 

[Octoberbride03]

OMG

Lord help you all. I just finished getting married. Thank goodness my mother was wonderful. Though she too didn't realize that a Bridal gown, should be shopped for 8 months ahead of the wedding. I dragged her anyway. Boy was she shocked when the owner of the store told her that it's usually 4-5 months b4 the bride's gown comes in these days. She was grateful i told her it was time to go gown shopping.

With just 2 months to go. Your son's DF is never gonna make it. She might, and its a very small might, be able to get a gown rushed. BUT she has to find it this week. If I were you I'd have suggested long ago that she and you slip out for some surreptitious gown hunting. Unfair to her mom I know, but considering where she's led this bridal party so far....

Off the rack might work if you have a David's nearby or in reasonable driving distance. They are not the nicest stores, but its better than nothing.

I shudder to think about the reception, Is there even gonna be 1?

I wish you all lots of luck. In the meantime I've got the Brooks and Dunn video in my head(their latest).

 

[Antonia]

Octoberbride03 - same nutty mother planning reception. It is a scary thought. If she has never been to a wedding I am sure she has never been to a reception.

Bride thinks anything mother says she has to do she must do- must make mother happy. They are going to David's tomorrow to look for $99 dresses.
We did go on a covert mission hunting dresses - that is how she found $650 dress and she looked beautiful. I begged her to let's put a deposit down on it. She said she wanted to let her mother come see it. So now they are not going to see it. Just going after the $99 dresses instead. I really want my son to run. Or at least postpone for awhile. They were also to be renting from this crazy woman.
I just want them to wait a little while and plan their own wedding. Right now they are going to have the mother's wedding and I hate that for my son.

 

[Octoberbride03]

Antonia

There are not enough eeks to describe how i feel reading this. I'm like having half a heart attack on your behalf here. The more i read the more i agree that your son should run very far away, and if his Df has half a mind of her own then he should drag her with him.

MIL is most likely in for a shock at Davids tomorrow. Odds are there will only be 2-3 different dresses for $99. Most will be around $400-600 range. I'm sorry she backed down on the dress you found with her.

I really do wish you lots of luck. If you wanna PM me to vent please feel free.

 

[FreshTressa]

Yikes, definately sounds like they should elope. Why is the mother doing all of the planning and not the daughter??

What does the bride want?

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>Good luck to all of you for this blessed event.

My concern for my son in that situation would be what kind of hold his future MIL has over his future DW, and the decisions they'll want to make as a married couple. Hopefully, his fiancee will learn to stand up to her MIL.

 

[FreshTressa]

Yes, those are my thoughts. If they can't stand up to her now as a couple (and if she is still being bossed around by her mom) what kind of problems could this cause in the relationship.

In-laws are always a pain, but it is good to set up boundaries before the wedding.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

I can only say this:
What is truly supposed to be the happiest day in a young ladies life is NOT going to be if she continues to let the mother run things!! It hurts my heart to read your posts and see what she's going through. You know what, this may sound weird, but let them have the wedding her mother wants her to have and then the three of you plan a "real" wedding down the line, soon, without the other mother involved. Being sneaky, not at all, will it feel right considering she was already married the first time and it was supposed to be special, I can't answer that, but I can tell you without her mother involved, she will definitely feel like this is HER wedding. I was blessed to have a small courthouse wedding when DH and I wed. There just wasn't time for the big wedding as he was military at the time and they wouldn't fly me to Alaska as his spouse if I wasn't his spouse before he left. Hurried marriage, not at all, we were engaged 7 months prior and at the time had been together for 3 years. DH and I are renewing our vows in 2 years on our 15th and I'm going to have the wedding I've always wanted to have. Something quiet, with close friends and family, in the presence of the Father, AND on one of the beautiful beaches here in the panhandle! My mother and father are deceased, but I've "adopted" another mom and dad and it will be wonderful having them there to represent as my parents.
So please see what you can do about your soon to be daughter in law's wedding. Don't let it turn into a disaster, because it will if her mother continues as she's going. Give them money and tell them to elope to Disney or Vegas and have the wedding they want and then come back to have the wedding her mother wants. It can be done if you work things out correctly. I hope this doesn't have to be done, because a young lady should truly only be married the first time....once! Understand what I'm saying? A vow renewal is different than eloping and then "doing it for family" later.
Best to all of you and keep us posted.

Denise

 

[macs4us]

I just don't get it. The amount people spend on weddings could go to their future together. It seems that the party takes over, and the couple gets back from their honeymoon and don't know how to deal with their new life together - no more attention, or distractions. I think it would serve your son well to sit down with him and have him take a good look at the dynamics between his future bride and her mother, because it isn't going to change. Hopefully he can talk to his fiance and work these things out. It seems as if the two families have very different values, and if the bride and groom want to start their life on the right foot, they need to make all sides work together.

Good Luck...

 

[barrett7890]

thankfully when we got married my family were great.......mum and big sis did absolutely loads for us (we were in london and wedding was back home in scotland) but never once tried to force there ideas on us......even with the invite list my parents said it was up to us what relatives we invited....and didn't get cross when we invited mostly our friends

if my mum had even invited people to attend without checking with us i would have went nuts! never mind asking them to be part of the bridal party

my wedding day was the best day ever, very relaxed all day. and i know this came mostly from the support i got from my family......this girl needs to sit her mum down and tell her that she appreciates her help, but her and her husband to be need to do this together and need to be able to start their married life making joint decisions, without any interference

 

[Beast fan]

Antonia.................... after reading your troubles, I think I'm going to give my MIL a great big hug and a peck on the cheek! I can now gratefully say that my brother no longer has any room to gripe about his MIL.

Let me guess........ she probably thinks Jerry Springer is an "educational" show on TV.

Dave

 

[Antonia]

Thanks to everyone for your replies. I am at my wit's end as I don't want to their marriage ruined as well as their wedding. Bride's mother is a very forceful woman over the bride apparently who even said "I don't know if I'LL have her wear her hair up or down" like bride is a doll or something.
And yes, bride and groom have come from families with different values although bride is actually more like us, until her mother enters the picture. Then she becomes her mother's puppet.
Bride's mother would be a big hit on Jerry Springer.
I want to say so badly, "Teresa, it is their wedding and yes, you are the MOTHER of the bride and not the bride.", but I am trying to maintain something here. Don't want WW III.
Bride's mother never had a wedding and she works for a florist and I think this occasion has gone right to her head.

 

[amid chaos]

Sounds like they should elope and then plan the wedding they want.

We didn't plan our wedding the way my MIL wanted us too....the weddings planned in our area just weren't us. She was used to huge weddings, she wanted to invite every one of her aquaintances in the whole world.

I did by my gown off the rack and it was just what I wanted. ..($250) those 600 $ gowns did nothing for me.

We got married 5 states away where we planned on living...the guest list was minimal and made even more minimal because of the traveling distance.

we had less than 40 people at our wedding...it was a great intimate affair.

BUT, because we didn't do it their way, when we returned from our honeymoon to our home town, they had planned a reception...with the many, many aquaintances not invited to the wedding. it was gaudy and down right embarrasing for me.

Tell your son to speak up...let his bride know that this isn't what they want...and it doesnt have to be that way.

 

[Mamu]

This does not sound like this wedding is getting off on the right track. I think everyone needs to sit down Together and discuss this wedding. The things that need to be done, the expences and most of all what the Bride and Groom would like.

One of the nicest weddings I attended was a wedding where everyone pitched in and helped. The father was sick and hadn't worked in years. From the dress to the meal all was done by relatives and friends. I donated the wedding cake.