Kim Crow weighs in on the great pantyhose debate
By James Sweeney
July 22, 2008, 4:03PM
This is a column about pantyhose. For the purposes of this discussion, we are talking about only pantyhose, the sheer nylon standbys -- not tights, not opaque stockings, just hose.
Now, ladies, I beg you -- put down the phone, don't fire up the e-mail, just hear me out.
When I was a fledgling Style editor, with that brand-new scent just three short years ago, I naively wrote a question-and-answer column using recent reader e-mails. Several were concerned about the stylishness of pantyhose, to which I concurred that, yes, the fashion powers that be had, for the past decade, declared nude hose to be passe (AGAIN -- PUT DOWN THAT PHONE AND KEEP READING).
But, I continued, it did not necessarily mean that one has to follow such a rule, it being the sort of "if everyone put on skinny jeans and jumped off a bridge, would you?" kind of nonsensical debate.
Readers ignored that bit of the column and concentrated on the passe pantyhose thing, as if it were something I'd come up with on my own.
The vitriol was startling -- one sweet-voiced lady in her 70s wished spider veins on me -- but I did learn quite a bit about human nature. It's not enough to shoot the messenger. You must rack her, stake her to an anthill on a sunny day and throw her into a vat of boiling baby oil, too.
So it is with great trepidation that I dip a non-nylon-covered toe into this subject again. I heard from several frustrated readers last week when our Fashion Flash subject voiced her displeasure about nude hose, saying "I don't really understand why people wear nylons at all. They should be dropped from the fashion closet."
Oh, honey.
"I'll tell you why I wear hose -- I have to for work; it's the dress code."
"Tell that girl when she gets about 10 years older, she's not going to want to bare her legs either. She'll get varicose veins, broken capillaries, her skin will get dry. She has no idea what she's in for."
"I tell you, half these legs I see now, I don't want to see. Women should take a good look in the mirror before they leave the house."
One woman stood out. She said she really wants to be stylish and, in fact, works hard at it, but she absolutely has to wear hose -- a conservative office, shyness about her legs, all the biggies -- so what should she do?
I think her call gets at the heart of why this subject is such a touchy one. Hose wearers don't want to be dismissed as dowdy fashion don'ts because, in fact, the reason they wear them in the first place is because they DO care how they look.
Let me say this as plainly as possible. If you want to (or have to) wear hose, by all means do so. Pantyhose have never been the fashion disaster that, say, acid-wash jeans with matching jackets have.
Hose haters generally seem to react to the old "Saturday Night Live" Church Lady look -- baggy hose in a sensible shade of Silly Putty tan that matches absolutely no one's skin.
But if you do hose right, this is not a problem. Choose a color as close to your skin tone as possible. If you're pale, tan hose do not miraculously make you look like you just returned from the beach. If your skin tone is dark, stay away from sheer white or nude hose, or you'll look dusty, like you just installed a concrete driveway.
Choose your footwear wisely. Keep the sandals for the weekends, the less-open looks are better. A nylon-clad foot in a shoe with a small peep toe won't incite a citation from the fashion police, but one with a reinforced toe just might.
Did I mention that along with matching hose to your skin tone, pick out a proper-fitting pair? It can be done -- there are hundreds of kinds of hose out there, in all price ranges. The Church Lady simply didn't have the options we do in 2008. Sizes range from petite to plus-petite to tall and plus-tall.
If you can do this, maybe those who don't wear hose can do you a favor, too. Maybe they will moisturize their heels before they leave the house. Their feet will be clean, their nails freshly buffed or polished.
And yes, they will shave -- both their legs AND their big toes.
And if both sides just showed a titch more tolerance for differing fashion views, that would be nice, too.
But please leave me on the sidelines on this one. I blister in the sun. Not to mention in that vat of boiling oil.