Hey, are we the only ones having a hard time using the Dis? Lately I"m lucky if I can even get ON it at all, and I cringe when I have to change pages.
You are not alone. There's a whole thread devoted to just how bad it's been for the last week or so.
Anyway, while it appears to be working right now, let's visit our medical profession once more, just don't expect a lot of laughs, I left them in the car.
There's your first mistake. Shoulda brought the laughing gas in with you... then again this chapter would've been lots shorter.
I'll be totally honest with you, I don't know if this is worth telling or not, I can picture myself writing this little chapter about my life and an hour and half from now, deleting it, I guess we'll see.
Hah! You have to be able to log in and
get to the page before you can delete it.
Diane and I have had a hard time makin dentists like us in the past, the past being all our lives,,, mainly because we have almost never had a heatlth plan that covered dental, too, dentists don't like people that don't have insurance, we aren't near as much fun.
That's okay. They're not really doctors. Have you seen "The Hangover"?
And people without Dental Insurance don't like Dentists who keep reminding them that they need to take care of their teeth better, yes, we know that.
I hate that. "Well Mr. pkondz, have we been flossing?"
"Well Mr. Dentist, if
we'd been flossing then we wouldn't be here and you'd be looking for a real job... Have you seen "Marathon Man"?
But the nicest straightest whitest strongest teeth you can possibly have aren't a top priority when they are being used to open 9 Lives Seafood Platter wet food cans for our dinner when we are living in a cardboard box under the Fox River bridge.
Point of order. The last line should be 'living in a van down by the river.' Have you seen Chris Farley on SNL?
"Hey, it's Nebo,,, my pal,,,,, he won't mind paying me more than I could charge a stranger,,,,,so what if he doesn't have insurance and may lose the house,,this is what friends are for, to take care of each other, besides, now my ex is going to want half of all that I have!
I've always thought that if you want your business to be really busy, lower your prices. And when you become well known... lower 'em some more. The opposite seems to be the norm though.
Jeremy once made Diane's Buffalo Head Nicked end up,,,,,,,you could not even read the date on it anymore,,,,, and the buffalo looked more like a guinea pig when Jeremy was done with it,
That's quite the talented boy you got there, mister.
I thought you were going to disgust?
but not until I handed over a check for 254 dollars at the front desk. Epson Printer's Ink doesn't cost as much as this glue does, I guess.
Nope, I find that hard to believe... about the ink being less than the glue, that is. The $254 doesn't surprise me one bit. Times are tough and things are more expensive now. So $254 doesn't seem out of line. Even dentists have to eat. I can picture it now.
Your dentist....
sitting by himself...
with a plate on his lap...
eating mac 'n cheese...
in his helicopter...
which is parked on his yacht...
which is docked at his pier on his private island in the carribean...
while his model wife looks on from the mansion.
But it's a small island, so you gotta feel sorry for the guy, right?
Sorry, I thought that was ridiculous to just glue a tooth back in, and we went and found a Dental Plan and a new Dentist.
So instead of your regular dentist, you're going to see somebody who can just fill in?
And now I'm sure you see the error of your ways and I'm sure you'll go back to him hat in hand and cheque in the other hand.
I thought it might be a wisdom tooth,,, but even though it was the last tooth,,, it wasn't a wisdom because that was still underneath, hibernating in my gums.
Yeah, there's no
way you could be mistaken for somebody that has anything to do with wisdom.
I know, I know, how could I be so stupid when it comes to wisdom? I know, I know, my tongue was blocking my Eye teeth and I couldn't see. My bicuspids went 100% gay. I'm leaving my pointy, "Dracualy Fangs" teeth to both ballplayers, Al Kanine and Jeff Canine,,,,and one last blurt,,
I once was on a bowling league and a team was sposored by a larged dentristry,,,, Yes,,, The Holy Molars were hard to beat.
Ouch, those hurt. Wasn't expecting that. After all these puns with teeth, by now you'd think I'd know the drill.
But, noooo......
New Dentist said this needs to be pulled by an oral surgeon, it's not going to come out easily and they are better equipped with causing a plentifull plethora of pain than he is.
A particularily pernicious pronouncement, perhaps?
Yes, to me the Tylenol 3 are like giving Sonny Corleone a band aid and a "kiss kiss make it all better," at the toll booth.
Ya know, that might've helped. I mean he was only shot a little bit...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrv1roq_gBw
Yeah, I guess you're right. After that kick at the end, you know he's gonna need some ice too.
First off, I woke up with them all laughing at me,,,,
Did they have to undress you?
Turns out they asked me the question BEFORE I went under,,, they then pulled the tooth and did what they had to do and brought me back out of it,,,,,,but my stupid braind felt the need to still answer the question,,, not knowing it's almost 20 minutes later now.
Then in recovery room, I just hated everything just then,, it was all bothering me, expecially this huge piece of cotten in my mouth, and I tried to pull it out, when Smidgy started yelling,,,, "Steve, Steve, leave your tongue alone! Let go of it."
I just watched an AFV where a young girl (15?) had her wisdom teeth out and was coming out of it. Her mom says, "You have gauze in your mouth." The girl replies, "I have God in my mouth?"
Anyway, I'm not going to have this done right before a trip,,,hopefully it will settle down,,, the anti biotics should help,,, and I never did call the Oral Surgeon,,,, I'll do it when we get back.
Wait, I thougt we decided that Sturgeons were in the Urals? Not Orals.
Whatever.
That did it all right,,next morning, boy did it start hurting,( I wish my tongue would keep it's big mouth shut!) once my tongue felt the hole in my mouth getting bigger, then it had to play with another little piece that was sticking up,,,, until it broke that off as well.
Yup. Tongues will do that everytime. Wherever there's a hole... in they go.
I even tried to show it to Smidgy,,,
atta boy.
and now my mouth and lips are numb and I'm practicing my drooling down my chin act, which is always very becoming.
Maybe you're part Maori?
I couldNOT breathe.
I had to pull the car over,,, it seemed like my whole throat was closing up and the novacaine hadnot only frozen my gums, lips and tongue, but also parylized my muscles controlling breathing in my throat..
It scared the hell out of me.
I remember even opening the car door, If I need to I may have to just fall out the door and lay on the ground to get some help,,,,I had no idea what else to do and I just sat there on the side of the road,,, in-hal-ing,,,,,, ex-hal-ing,,,still in the driver's seat, but turned sideways with both feet out the door ready to drop,,,,I could then see nothing,,, the whole world went "white" on me,,, I could't see ten feet in front of me.
Wow. That would freak anybody out. I'm surprised you'd forget a thing like that.
Turned out my heart was ok,,, my brain, wasn't.
Heck. We could've told you that... without an angiogram.
"Nebo? Yeah, his heart's in the right place, but the boy ain't all right in the head, if ya know what I'm sayin'"
I don't know if I had a panic attack or not that day I had the tooth filled,, for some reason I never thought of it,,,but I do know I had the worst, absolutely the worst, Panic Attack I EVER had, about a month ago,,, that lasted over 2 hours. In the past,,, in the nineties, they might last as long as ten minutes,,,,, this one was for over 2 hours,,,,, and I had nothing I could take for it,,,,and the Painkillers absolutely made it worse. So here I am, back in the present.
Okay, ya lost me a bit here. Was this panic attack about a month ago? Or a few years ago you had the tooth filled and had the bad panic attack a month before
that?
Then there is a Rollaway Craftsman tool chest,,, the five drawer typed that I have seen often n my 35 years as a machinist,,,,, but you know what? I don't think I've ever seen one in a Dental Office before.
McHenry County Oral Surgeons, Dentists and Mufflers and Brakes! All work guaranteed for 90 days or thirty thousand chews.
Nope. Gotta say I've never seen a mechanic's tool chest in a dentist office before. If I did, I think I'd want a long talk with the dentist before he started poking around in my mouth.
But I mostly just sat there and stared, I could not concentrate on the paper, even the orange juice adds.
(Sometimes you can see it coming and you have to head Ponzi off at the pass)
Oh sure. Take all the fun out of it. I can put two and two together... but can the juice?
By now I dont feel like going back to the paper, so I pulled back the paper towels covering up the tray on the 'swing-arm' that is holding all his instruments of pain and torture, and, of course, as I was looking at all these shiny stainless steel hooks, blades, mirrors, scribers, scalpels and Ginseng knives,,,,
Oh for a piece of shoe leather and a ripe tomato!
Leaning over this tray, caught dead to rights I even have my glasses off so I can see these disciples of death better, I just looked up over my shoulder at him without jumping back:
"Oh, hi, I'm just removing the ones I don't like."

Excellent!
He did say that if I was allergic to this medicine,, and it was anaphylactic shock then he doubts I would be sitting there right now waiting to have this tooth pulled,,,,,,
if you get my drift.
Drift? Rafting? Canoeing? Boating? What's with the drifting? Am I off target here? Maybe by about 6 ft or so?
Right, fine. He deals with drugs that will knock you out,,
but something that will make you less nervous before he cuts into you? Oh my God no!
I never thought of that. He probably can't prescribe anything like that so just laughs it off. Did I mention "The Hangover"?
So he shot me a few times,, then left, saying it will take ten to fifteen minutes for the medicine to numb my jaw,,, or kill me, whichever came first.
Usually, being shot a few times results in death. So you should consider yourself lucky.
Ok, I'm kidding, after a few tentative pushes and pulls,, he really went at it.
They pried my left side of my mouth open with a bumper jack, then he told me to raise my left hand if I feel any discomfort.
I raised my left hand.
They both laughed,,, and went back to work while I thought "yeah, right, this'l work."
Meanwhile, as your body writhes in pain from the dislocated jaw, the dentist and his assistant laughed at how funny you are.
But the sound effects of the breaking and crunching and all the pressure he was exerting was extremely disconcerting to me,,,,,
disconcerting. The Titanic passengers were disconcerted to find themselves bobbing in the ocean. The citizens of Pompeii were disconcerted to see the wall of lava race towards them. As the Hindenburg burned, a reporter uttered those famous words, "Oh! The disconcertment!"
One time he had me totally suspended about 6 inches in the air abouve the seat before he threw me back down,
Linda Blair!
I gave the other Universal sign of distress by screaming in his ear, and he paused and told spit sucker to hang on a moment.
Well, sure. If you have somebody's hand (and forearm and possibly elbow) in your mouth it's not possible to say, "Excuse me doctor, but I seem to be in a bit of discomfort."
Then he asked me what the problem was,,,,
He didn't know????
I was shaking like crazy when I filled out the check,, but all the time behind me is now a jam packed waiting room,, and since I don't plan on ever going here again,,,, I had to play it up a bit.
Oh, you don't
plan on going again do you? You think it's up to you?
So, there you have it,,, and at the tme of this writing,,, which is 8 monday night,,,, dang,,,, this thing still hurts!
Yup. Gotta love dentists. It never just hurts for a
little while. At least it's over...
for now..... Dum. Dum. Dum. Dummmmmmmmm!