Overwhelmed

[maedelken]

I feel like I am a good parent but somedays I feel so overwhelmed. When I feel this way I feel out of control and helpless which is not a good feeling. Please tell me others are out there that feel like me. What should I do to get myself out of this funk. I lost my mom in Oct and since then I haven't been myself. I am just so sad. It is not my kids fault I have to learn to cope better but how? Any advice?

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

Don't beat yourself up too bad. Losing a parent is overwelming, you don't just bounce back overnight. Plus it's winter and it's hard to get outside enough, that can add to your problem.

I don't really have any advice but I would go talk to someone professional, even your doctor, if you feel you need to. Sometimes just knowing your feelings are normal helps.

Hang in there... maybe someone else will have better advice.

 

[mumom95]

I know how you feel. My mother passed away in Sept. 2001, my ds just turned two and my dd was 8 months. I couldn't get out of the "funk" feeling. I finally went to see a professional for a couple of months, and went on some medication for about a year. It all really helped.

Now, (my kids are 7 and 6) and when I have one of those days, I just watch an episode of SuperNanny. It makes me appreciate my kids more

 

[wdwfamilyinIL]

In january of 2000 I lost my grandma, who was like a mom to me. I know your pain, and I understand how even months later you still feel lost. I still have days. With three young boys, I too have days where I feel my hair getting pulled out. One of the best things I have found is to take time for myself. Everyone has that special something, and its important for you to take care of yourself. Don't beat yourself down, these are normal feelings.

 

[TheDizMom]

With what you are going through right now I think it would be strange if you weren't overwhelmed. I haven't lost a parent but I have no doubt it is difficult having watched my mom and MIL go through it. My MIL was in a funk for months and I think it's pretty normal. I think even without going through what you have we get overwhelmed as parents. Stop beating yourself up about it and realize in time when you have had more time to grieve the loss of your mother you will feel much less overwhelmed and better able to cope. Then you will only feel overwhelmed on a less frequent basis .

My advice would be to let your husband know how you are feeling and ask him to help you out, and how, so you feel better able to handle everything. I know from having lost a child that your husband can see you are hurting and need help, but being a guy he just probably doesn't know how . If you let him in I guarantee he will be more then happy to take some of the pressure off of you. I would also recommend talking to your siblings if you have any and maybe a good friend who has been through this too. They will probably be a wealth of helpful information and at the very least be someone who'll listen to you and understand where you are coming from. Let the people around you help you get through this and it will start to get better.

I think also if you really do something your regret with your children, like yelling at them about something you normally wouldn't, just tell them you are sorry. Let them know that you are sad because your mother isn't here anymore and don't feel quite like your old self yet. Even the youngest child can understand that mommy is having a bad day. There is no shame it telling your kids you goofed up and they'll learn a valuable lesson in the process, even mommies and daddies make mistakes.

I truly hope you are feeling better soon . Just remember you need to give yourself time to grieve and it's not going to happen overnight. It takes time, and you'll have good days and bad. Eventually the bad will get farther apart and you will feel more and more like yourself. You will get through this .

 

[WDWLinda]

I lost my Dad 11 yrs ago and there are still days when I can't believe it, and being a parent is often overwhelming too. So you're not alone - we all have bad days where we know we could have done better. I like the advice about watching Super Nanny - that's funny cuz when I do watch that (NEVER with my kids in the room, so they don't get ideas!), it does make me feel like I'm not doing too bad.

Be thankful for your kid(s), think of all the people who are having trouble having kids at all, and know that your Mom wouldn't want you to be sad because of her. If you feel still that you're having more bad days than good, or that there's just nothing that cheers you up, then you should see a professional. Depression runs in my family and I know the proper drugs can do wonders.

I hope you feel better soon, for you and your family's sake. Good luck!

~Linda

 

[maedelken]

My mom was my one person I would go to when I felt this way. I was able to break down and cry on the phone with her and not feel vulnerable. I feel like I can't do that with my friends or I am afraid to. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I talked to her three or four times a day about everything. It is really like someone removed a part of me. It is so bizarre. I told my husband and he has been saying for months that I was depressed but I have been denying it. He wants to help but he is not sure how. I am not even 30 yet I was not ready to lose my mom. Thank you for all your kind words.

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

Since your DH has noticed your sadness too maybe you really should go talk to a professional, there's no shame in it at all! As I and everyone else has mentioned, it really is hard to lose a parent, especially at your age, with young children. You still need your mom and that is very understandable

 

[eeyorelori]

Overwhelmed here ..My brother commited suicide aug 05 ..He was my 3rd sibbling i lost ..I no your pain ..The thing i did was i got a part time job a yr later ..I just couldnt get out of my funk ...i would be driving down the road alone and id here a song from our childhood and id just sit and cry ..Husbands are the worst ..They seem to be able to brush it off ..When my other brother was murdered i just had my oldest and i had a really tough time ..He said later i pushed him away ..So when my lastest tragety hit i tried not to push him away ..But he looked up to my brother like they were brothers to .. So it was soo hard ..One thing that has helped i made a memorial garden for my siblings i had a really nice stone made with a poem he liked and had all there names put on it ..My hubby made me a cement bench and i got a bunch of angels ..So i sit there and talk to them ...I also went to a physic and she help me with alot ..And was not fake ...When you get a thought about them and are really thinking of them they are with you ...Id be glad to talk to you ....pm

 

[newholidayx2]

I was in my 30s when I lost my dad 12.5yrs ago to heart disease

 

[Melissa]

Don't just discount what you are feeling and assume because you have had a loss there is nothing you can do to help yourself feel better. On my way to work so I am just going to suggest 4 things.

www.flylady.com ( a website that gives tips on getting your household under control and taking care of yourself)

Talk to your Dr. could an antidepressant help?

See a counselor or a grief support group or a parenting support group.

Read the book Parenting your kids with Love and Logic.


I am sorry for your loss. As parents we all feel this way sometimes even with out a difficult event. I have felt this way before and all the above things helped me. I think you should start with your Dr. Good luck.

 

[kribit]

I don't have much advice, but please don't be so hard on yourself. You lost your mom and are probably "just" starting to grieve. It's going to take some time.

 

[Disneyforus]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. You have been given some great suggestions already, but I have another one for you. I'm not sure if you are a mom who is home with her kids, or working, but if you are home or at least available during the day there is a great organization called MOPS (stands for mothers of preschoolers). You can google them and find a local chapter...they are everywhere!! You will find other young moms just like yourself, going through the same struggles. It is so affirming and supportive to be a part of a group of ladies all dealing with raising families and also the things that life hands us. My children love going to MOPS and it gives me the support I need...our group meets 2 days a month for a couple hours and I always feel so rejuvinated after spending a morning "out". I have made some great new friends in the few months I have been going.

HTH, take care of yourself!

 

[Mainebound]

Don't just discount what you are feeling and assume because you have had a loss there is nothing you can do to help yourself feel better. On my way to work so I am just going to suggest 4 things.

www.flylady.com ( a website that gives tips on getting your household under control and taking care of yourself)

Talk to your Dr. could an antidepressant help?

See a counselor or a grief support group or a parenting support group.

Read the book Parenting your kids with Love and Logic.


I am sorry for your loss. As parents we all feel this way sometimes even with out a difficult event. I have felt this way before and all the above things helped me. I think you should start with your Dr. Good luck.

Great post Melissa. Just chiming in to offer support to the OP.

It is important to be completely honest with your DH about how you are feeling (don't minimize for the sake of the family), and also with your physician or OB/GYN (it's the only way they can properly diagnose your condition and therefore help you get better).

Don't feel overwhelmed -- you are NOT alone. Look at how many strangers on the DIS are concerned about you -- just think how many people in your real life want to help if you let them!

 

[CampbellScot]

So so sorry about your mom. I can't even imagine.

Y'know an anti depressant could help. It can keep things from cascading downwards. It won't make you feel "better", but it can take the edge off the grief so you can get the help you need. Are you seeing a therapist? That might help as well.

I'm so sorry for you loss. Truly. Reach out to your loved ones. And you can always come here!!! You aren't alone!

 

[Doc and Family]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was 34 when I lost my beloved Mom and just like you felt like it was way too early. My first (long-awaited child) was only 7 months at the time and I felt like there would be no one to "teach" me to be a good Mom, even though I had her wonderful example for 34 years. Basically, I felt cheated of her experience and the experience of being Moms together. He's now almost 10 and I still have the urge to pick up the phone and call her for the good and the bad stuff. One small thing that helped was always keeping a picture or two of her around. From early on, I would tell my baby stories about his Granny Claire. After waiting so long for my first, when my second son appeared unexpectedly, I was able to look at her picture and smile, feeling like she had a large part in his being here. I could just see her being so very happy for me.
When I was expecting my third (first daughter), I lost my beloved Dad eight weeks before she was born. Since he stepped right into my Mom's nurturing shoes, I felt like I was going through it all over again times 2. It does get easier with the passing of time, but don't suffer silently. Lean on your family and friends. If you find that you don't have the loss of your Mom in common with anyone close, don't close yourself off. The Mom of one of my kids friends became one of my very best freinds, in part because we shared that common loss. I'm sorry to be so long winded but your post made me sad and I will keep you in my prayers that you can find comfort and peace in your difficult time. Please pm me if you ever feel the desire to vent, reminesce, or whatever because a girl needs her Mom and a few freinds as well.
Janet

 

[Grendalynn]

I am very sorry for your loss. I haven't yet lost a parent, and cannot imagine what you are going through. However it was a harsh reality that my sisters and I almost had to deal with when my Dad had a cancer scare last summer. It def. put things into perspective - live life to the fullest, don't sweat the small stuff, and tell your loved ones everyday that you love them as we are not sure when it all could come to an end.

About feeling overwhelmed... What Mom doesn't feel overwhelmed at some point? Its our job to carry the world on our shoulders... or so we feel. Baby steps! Little changes that are managable very much help me when I am feeling overwhelmed. Get organized, set schedules, get the kids fed and in bed early so you have some down time. Cut as much chaos out as possible. Minimize loud noise, like blaring TVs and what not, replace it with soothing music and mellow interesting activites for the kids when needed. Or expell some steam by running around and letting your hair down with the kids. Play tag or trun up the music and dance dance dance! Then put the kids down and relax... a glass of wine, a hot tub or shower.... What a bout a night out without the kids? Have a family member that will take them? Regroup with Hubby and try it out....

Another things I haven't yet seen is SUNLIGHT exposer. Its a scientific fact that seretonin releases endorphins to make you happy and help you sleep. You said your mom passed in October, That is at the beginning of winter with limited daylight hours. Stress on top of lack of sunlight can def. play a role in the depression. Get outside and get sun and fresh air. Ski, skate, walk, jog or wrap up in a blanket and sit outside in the sun - whatever. Or consider tanning to relase that seretonin.

Depression isn't anything to take lightly. Talk to someone - see your doctor and don't feel alone on the parent front. We all feel overwhelmed at somepoint. I am not a professional or doctor, buthave three kids of my own and suffered from post partum depression. Similar symptoms, differnet timing and factors. Worth a shot - best wishes and I hope you find the help and supportyou need!

 

[pbharris4]

I lost my mom and dad a few years ago. My mom 1st..it was kind of sudden. She had the flu , next thing I know it was liver failure and they were flying her in the helicopter. The entire next day they were working on her. She was in and out and stayed in ICU for 30 days. It was agonizing for all of us. Sitting in the ICU waiting room was agonzing..watching people lose loved ones..wondering if we were next. I lost it about half way through. We were building a new house and I hated my job. I ended up in the hospital E/R..it was panic attacks. I didn't feel normal. For a month or two after I didn't feel right.

I ended up seeing a therapist and taking Paxil for awhile and it really helped. Sometimes it's better to talk to a person you don't know, because you don't feel the need to "sugar coat" how you really feel. It took awhile, but one day I was outside for a few minutes and smelling the fresh air and said outload to myself..."I'd rather live 30 days normaly than to feel like this for the rest of my life." I was fine after that. Maybe I just needed to hear myself say it?

I used to hate it when my DH would say "Relax." If I knew how I'd be doing it!

You must take time for yourself. You must grieve. You're DH is just going to have to help you get through this. Men have a really hard time understanding it..mine did too. You don't have to do everything now..let it sit. Tell your self these things. We are only human and we can't do everything.

I found a quote once: "Our bodies are like the jiggly top on a pressure cooker. Too much stress and anxiety and eventually it will blow." Please take care of yourself and take whatever time you need.

Pam

 

[grlpwrd]

I felt like that when my grandma died in 2003.

Everyone already gave such great advice... Take care of yourself.

 

[Arielsfanmom]

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom is the one person who helped me pick myself up when my husband died at 26 last year from cancer. I thinks somedays it is asking to much to get out of bed. Then I think about my kids and know I have to keep on going.