Overweight people.....

[vwlizard]

As someone that struggles with weight, I also struggle with the completments.

When I see someone I know that's lost a lot of weight, I usually make a comment about how hard they've worked or their committment. I try not to make it about looks or weight loss, but the behaviors that resulted in the weightloss.

 

[Anewman]

If you think it is so wonderful that they lost weight, aren't you saying that they were somehow "inferior" or "not as good" when they were heavier?

I lost over 80 pounds... I was "not as good" when I was 275 pounds.

I feel better.
I am happier.
I am healthier.
I am stronger.
I sleep better.
I get things done faster.
I have more endurance.

I am only speaking for myself, if others feel they are at their best... weight matters not.

 

[Liberty Belle]

No, not necessarily.

They decided on something, worked hard on it, and achieved it.

Just because someone won an election and I didn't vote for them or think they were a good candidate doesn't mean I wouldn't congratulate them.

Just because someone won a "most beautiful baby" contest even though I thought their baby was not even close to being the most beautiful baby, doesn't mean I wouldn't congratulate them.

If someone won a football game I would congratulate them even though I don't like football.

And so on.

 

[joviroxx]

Im someone who has lost close to 100 pounds. Being happy with your body when you are very overweight is a cop out but ..... You are unhealthy and its a tougher existence. Now, that I am at my goal Ive have had to deal with the "being happy with your body". I will never have slim thighs, Ive accepted it. I will never have long legs, Ive accepted it. I I will never be modelesque size 2 and I'm thrilled. I am happy with my body now, but to tell people who are unhealthy while very overweight, to be happy with their body, is NOT a good thing. Be happy with YOU and then it will help you want to be better.

Secondly, it took me a long time to accept the congratulations. It felt, for a while, like, what? All of the sudden Im this great person? Im still the same person, just 100 lbs lighter. It took me a while to realize they were congratulating my accomplishment. They were cheering on the fact that I took on a "project" and met my goals.

Being very overweight messes up with your psyche. Ive seen many fat people, including myself, put on a facade because you always feel you are being judged. Using the whole "be happy" creates an excuse for not having to deal with your health. You put on the happy face and say you are happy with your body, but I have yet to meet someone that truly, truly, truly was happy with their body.

 

[PlutosFriend]

If you are beautiful no matter what you look like and you should learn to love and accept your size whatever it is, why do we contratulate and praise people who have acheived weight loss?

If you think it is so wonderful that they lost weight, aren't you saying that they were somehow "inferior" or "not as good" when they were heavier?

Well, for one, it is not healthy to be overweight...

 

[joviroxx]

I let myself get out of control and was up to 420 pounds. My doctoer made a difficult decision for me. She made me call a a weight-loss surgeon and set up an appointment. It has changed my life and I have in the last year lost a total of 160 pounds (still losing). I thought that would end the constant ridicule I received because of my body size. But now I get people telling me I took the easy way out with my surgery. That really bothers me when I hear it because it has been a rough struggle for me both physically and mentally to change habits and exercise. I have just concluded that people will always comment on me and I just let it slide because I know I am in a better place

There is NO easy way out, especially when you start at 420 pounds!! Anyone who says that doesn't realize the work it takes! Not just physically, but mentally,emotionally and spiritually! You go,keep it up. One day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time. But ignore those comments. There will always be people who think they know better, just let it fly by!

Congratulations! And I wish you the best of luck. Im finally, pretty much, at the weight I want to be and its amazing.

 

[ChrizJen]

LOL...OP

It has nothing to do with being "better" or "less than" or "inferior" or "superior". When an overweight person is comfortable in his or her skin and happy with how they feel, that doesn't mean that they think that EVERYONE should be overweight. It simply means that they have found beauty in the way they look.

OP, your question tells me a lot about you. You must have a very narrow, one-dimensional view of beauty. I would venture to guess (give the phrasing of your question) that you view overweight people as less attractive than thin people. That's fine if you feel that way. Many people do. There are, however, folks who can see that there are MANY forms of beauty, and that they don't all fit into your stereotype.

For example, I have a few gray hairs. I actually happen to like them (on me!). I have no immediate plans to change that. But last week one of my co-workers came in with her hair dyed a beautiful shade of auburn. I complemented her by telling her that the color was beautiful on her! I wouldn't choose it for myself because I'm proud of my gray hair. But it really does look good on her.

Am I making any sense???

 

[wvjules]

Well, for one, it is not healthy to be overweight...

Yes it is healthy to be overweight. There are millions upon millions of overweight healthy people. You are new here?

 

[FergieTCat]

I think it means "Congratulations for conforming to the shallow standards our society has for valuing people based solely on looks."

But I'm sure that's just my take.

(And I might or might not be sarcastic as I type this.)

 

[Kathi OD]

If the person is trying to lose weight, then it is nice to acknowledge the achievement of a goal they set for themselves.

The congratulations are not necessarily a judgement of the person's former size or shape.

 

[wvjules]

I think it means "Congratulations for conforming to the shallow standards our society has for valuing people based solely on looks."

But I'm sure that's just my take.

(And I might or might not be sarcastic as I type this.)

Seriously? So if you are working on a goal you don't want to be acknowledged for reaching it, or working on it?

 

[Conservative Hippie]

I'm trying to lose my baby weight plus about 15 extra, and I would much rather someone congratulate me for my accomplishment than say, "You'll just gain it right back when you get pregnant again."

 

[Buckeye Princess]

I congratulate people who have lost weight because it is a challenging process with the very positive outcome of being healthier.

 

[cglaura]

If you are beautiful no matter what you look like and you should learn to love and accept your size whatever it is, why do we contratulate and praise people who have acheived weight loss?

If you think it is so wonderful that they lost weight, aren't you saying that they were somehow "inferior" or "not as good" when they were heavier?

As some pp state, this is my opinion as well. We congratulate them because they achieved a PERSONAL goal.

Just like if someone finished college and got a degree. We would not be saying they were inferior intellectually before they went to school....just, you did, good for you. Congratulations!!

 

[FergieTCat]

Seriously? So if you are working on a goal you don't want to be acknowledged for reaching it, or working on it?

Not really. It's nobody's business but my own. I don't need to have my accomplishments acknowledged by anyone else in order to be happy.

And, I've been wanting to ask this question for sometime. Overweight people are not (can't think of the word, we're going with ...) valued in this society. However, if an overweight person makes an attempt to lose weight, they are congratulated for working on a goal. My question is ... how can you tell when an overweight person is attempting to lose weight without the obvious "clues" of working out at the gym or eating a salad at a restaurant? If you passed an overweight person on the street, you'd automatically assume that they are unhealthy and lazy. How do you know they are not attempting to reach a goal and "deserve" to be congratulated?

Also ... I said my response might or might not be sarcastic. After reading posts on the Dis scorning overweight people (They always ride ECV's because they are too lazy to walk! They spend too much in medical insurance! They sit on their couch's dripping fat allover themselves (and yes, I did read that here)), I can only conclude that if this board is a segment of society, then yes, there is a big prejudice (as in "an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason") against other members of our society who happen to be overweight.

And, FWIW, I NEVER claimed overweight people are healthy.

Stepping down from my soapbox ...

 

[wvjules]

Not really. It's nobody's business but my own. I don't need to have my accomplishments acknowledged by anyone else in order to be happy.

And, I've been wanting to ask this question for sometime. Overweight people are not (can't think of the word, we're going with ...) valued in this society. However, if an overweight person makes an attempt to lose weight, they are congratulated for working on a goal. My question is ... how can you tell when an overweight person is attempting to lose weight without the obvious "clues" of working out at the gym or eating a salad at a restaurant? If you passed an overweight person on the street, you'd automatically assume that they are unhealthy and lazy. How do you know they are not attempting to reach a goal and "deserve" to be congratulated?

And, FWIW, I NEVER claimed overweight people are healthy.

Stepping down from my soapbox ...

Does anyone just walk around congratulating random people? I'm assuming you'd have to atleast know a person to be able to congratulate on reaching a personal goal or not.

And, FWIW, I never said you did.

ETA: I don't need anyone else to congratulate me on a job well done to be happy either. But it does feel good to have someone acknowledge my acomplishments. I had no idea that congratulating someone would be insulting.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

And, I've been wanting to ask this question for sometime. Overweight people are not (can't think of the word, we're going with ...) valued in this society. However, if an overweight person makes an attempt to lose weight, they are congratulated for working on a goal. My question is ... how can you tell when an overweight person is attempting to lose weight without the obvious "clues" of working out at the gym or eating a salad at a restaurant? If you passed an overweight person on the street, you'd automatically assume that they are unhealthy and lazy. How do you know they are not attempting to reach a goal and "deserve" to be congratulated?

I do agree with this. You might see me, a little overweight, eating a brownie and think wow, what a fat pig. But you don't know how much I exercise, what my calorie count for that day is. Maybe I am treating myself for working out every day last week.

I had a "friend" post a FB rant about me "killing myself" and "everyone can see you have a problem" and I shouldn't "celebrate (my) problem with food" after I posted photos of the cakes and cookies I was baking over Christmas. What she didn't know was that every single thing I was baking was to take to someone else. So the fact that I'm overweight means I shouldn't bake a cake to take to the homeless shelter at Christmas?

 

[joviroxx]

\
And, I've been wanting to ask this question for sometime. Overweight people are not (can't think of the word, we're going with ...) valued in this society. However, if an overweight person makes an attempt to lose weight, they are congratulated for working on a goal. My question is ... how can you tell when an overweight person is attempting to lose weight without the obvious "clues" of working out at the gym or eating a salad at a restaurant? If you passed an overweight person on the street, you'd automatically assume that they are unhealthy and lazy. How do you know they are not attempting to reach a goal and "deserve" to be congratulated?

Also ... I said my response might or might not be sarcastic. After reading posts on the Dis scorning overweight people (They always ride ECV's because they are too lazy to walk! They spend too much in medical insurance! They sit on their couch's dripping fat allover themselves (and yes, I did read that here)), I can only conclude that if this board is a segment of society, then yes, there is a big prejudice (as in "an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason") against other members of our society who happen to be overweight.

And, FWIW, I NEVER claimed overweight people are healthy.

Stepping down from my soapbox ...

I agree with you. Overweight people are looked down upon. Although was always physically active, I was always conscious of what others might think when I ate a cookie. AND, I was smoker! Can you imagine?

And I do agree that a lot of the congratulation do stem from a completely physical perspective. People don't realize it, they think they are congratulating the accomplishment, but I remember specifically thinking to myself.. How about congrats on how well my kids are turning out ? How about congrats on that project I just finished at work? Or the fact that I managed work all week, my house is cleaned AND I made 6 dinners for my family? It is funny how we accomplish so many things but losing weight seems to be the one that is remarked on so often. I used to hate that. It really can make you feel like you were crap until you decided to lose weight. That nothing else in your life was worth anything since no one ever bothered to admire anything else.

I really don't think other people are aware of it They think they are being nice and complementary and for the most part they are. To a point, its just ingrained in society. Fat =bad, skinny=good. I lost weight for my health. I lost weight because I didn't like what I saw in the mirror .

My weight loss was very personal. In fact, I never told anyone I was trying to lose weight, I kept it all to myself. I would never pontificate to others and tell them they need to weight. Changing your life is a difficult thing and we all need to take the congratulations well, because they don't come from a bad place and people are trying to be complementary.

 

[FergieTCat]

Does anyone just walk around congratulating random people? I'm assuming you'd have to atleast know a person to be able to congratulate on reaching a personal goal or not.

And, FWIW, I never said you did.

ETA: I don't need anyone else to congratulate me on a job well done to be happy either. But it does feel good to have someone acknowledge my acomplishments. I had no idea that congratulating someone would be insulting.

Did I use the word "insulting"?

I was trying to express that I tend to do things for self-fulfillment and do not need outside validation. I guess I didn't use the proper language to clarify my thought.

 

[luvsJack]

Im someone who has lost close to 100 pounds. Being happy with your body when you are very overweight is a cop out but ..... You are unhealthy and its a tougher existence. Now, that I am at my goal Ive have had to deal with the "being happy with your body". I will never have slim thighs, Ive accepted it. I will never have long legs, Ive accepted it. I I will never be modelesque size 2 and I'm thrilled. I am happy with my body now, but to tell people who are unhealthy while very overweight, to be happy with their body, is NOT a good thing. Be happy with YOU and then it will help you want to be better.

Secondly, it took me a long time to accept the congratulations. It felt, for a while, like, what? All of the sudden Im this great person? Im still the same person, just 100 lbs lighter. It took me a while to realize they were congratulating my accomplishment. They were cheering on the fact that I took on a "project" and met my goals.

Being very overweight messes up with your psyche. Ive seen many fat people, including myself, put on a facade because you always feel you are being judged. Using the whole "be happy" creates an excuse for not having to deal with your health. You put on the happy face and say you are happy with your body, but I have yet to meet someone that truly, truly, truly was happy with their body.

Just to the bolded. Being happy with the person you are is not a cop out of anything. Being a happy person does not mean you may not want to better yourself. Lose weight, further your education, get a new hair cut, whatever--all of these are ways of bettering one's self. A person who is looking to suddenly find happiness because they lose weight, is rarely going to find it.

There is also the issue of loving oneself. That means ALL of oneself. If a person doesn't love themself, just as they are, chances are all the meal plans and exercise plans in the world are not going to help.

I think that is where the "lbe happy with your body" comes from. You can love yourself and your body and be happy and still know that you need to lose weight to be healthy. If an overweight person spends their life being unhappy and hating their body, what a sad life they have led. Plus it tends to make that person "hide out" and not live life. They are forever waiting until they reach some goal weight. That is no way to live.

And congrats on the weight loss.

Yes it is healthy to be overweight. There are millions upon millions of overweight healthy people. You are new here?

Do we really have to start that again??? Just to be clear--they said they were healthy AND overweight. Not healthy BECAUSE they were overweight. Two different things.