Ive done a lot of things in the thirty five years that Ive been on this earth. And if for some reason I had to make a list of everything Ive done in this life and show it to you, it still wouldnt be as long as that last chapter.
Sorry. Couldnt resist.
Actually, if I could ever compile such a list and allow you to peruse it, you would find that out of all the things that Ive done, I have never once been caught in a wild stampede of buffalo. Ive never been in a mosh pit. Ive never run with the bulls. I had a Red Bull once, but I dont think thats the same thing.
Thats more of a prerequisite to the running of the bulls. And if its not, it should be.
Anyway, Ive never done any of those things. But I may as well have. Because when the fireworks end on any given night within the far reaches of the Walt Disney World Resort, it is literally every man, woman and child for themselves.
As the last burst of color fades from the sky over Cinderellas Castle signaling the end of Wishes grand finale, we hear wild applause go up around the park.
And thats our cue.
Lets hit it. DH says.
We turn to leave. But its too late. Cause were already caught in gridlock of the worst kind. It was sweaty stranger gridlock. I was being forced to stand way too close to sweaty people I dont know. My personal space was being violated. Worse than that, my sense of smell was being violated. We slowly move along with the ebb and flow of the group and finally manage to do the chain gang shuffle all the way up to the front of the park.
We spot an open pocket and are just about to make a run for it when it happens. The beginning of the end. Well, not really the end. That wont come for another eight months at the rate Im going.
Our daughter spotted an ice cream cart.
Youll remember at some point during the Lord of the Rings installment, her father promised her a Mickey Ice Cream bar on the way out. But even if you didnt remember, she did. And that was all that mattered at the time.
So she points to the cart and wiggles her little hand around, reminding him of his promise. We stop dead in our tracks and watch as our open window closes. Then we sigh heavily and get in line.
And we wait.
And wait.
The girl has a smile on her face from ear to ear. She points to the picture of the Mickey Ice Cream Bar. She tells us thats what she wants. As if we didnt already know. As if she hadnt already made it clear the first fifty eight times she said it.
Finally its our turn.
My husband places the order and whips out the card. The card on which our dining plan information resides. Because the last time we checked, the Mickey Ice Cream Bar was still considered a snack on the dining plan. Maybe it wont be in 2007 with all the changes to the dining plan but we werent concerned about 2007 that night. It was 2006 and as far as we knew, the Mickey bar would be hers with one swipe of our handy Key to the World.
And it normally would have.
If only that darn snack cart had been accepting anything other than cash.
It took two different Snack Cart guys to convince my husband that they were not going to accept our Key to the Food. Because it was closing time or some crap like that. The pantry was locked. And our key didnt fit.
Which wouldnt normally be a problem.
Had we actually thought to bring some cash along for the ride.
Go ahead and insert the record scratching noise here.
I'll wait.
Yes, you read that right. We didnt bring any cash with us that night. How dumb can we be, right? Weve done some stupid stuff before (mainly he has not me) but that one really took the cake.
Well, except for the Gasoline Incident of 1996 which earned him the nickname 'Octane' across three counties. Cause that one
really took the cake. Took the lifetime of cakes, actually.
Yeah, dont ask.
Back to our (his) stupid mistake of not bringing any cash to the parks. Yes, I blame my husband. Because Im the one writing this and hes not. So I can do whatever I want. Hey baby. Love you. Really mean it.
Anyway, as I slowly began to realize what was happening, that we were being denied a snack that one of us really wanted and had been looking forward to because the snack cart people weren't going to accept anything other than cash as payment, I started to laugh.
And the more I thought about it, the harder I laughed. It may sound strange to you right now, but for reasons that may come to light in another six or ten or twelve months down the road in someone else's totally rockin' trip report, I couldnt stop laughing. I tried to keep a straight face for the kids. And DH. Who was not amused. But I just couldnt do it. I just had to shake my head and laugh.
Because the irony of it all was just too much.
Freaky borg.
The laughter came to an abrupt end though when I looked at my daughters face.
She began to cry very softly (which is much worse than a full on obnoxious cry) at the realization that she would not be getting a Mickey bar after all. The Mickey Bar had become elusive for her in much the same way as the Dole Whip had become elusive for me. Only she wanted this more than I wanted a Dole Whip.
Because its chocolate. Its very refreshing. And whos gonna turn down a Mickey bar?
I could tell my husband felt really bad. I felt sorry for him. I felt sorry for her. And I felt bad for laughing. What can I say? I feel things. To be honest though, short of staying overnight and spit shining the garbage cans on Main Street, there was nothing we could do about it. We told her (again) that we would make sure she got a Mickey Bar first thing in the morning when we got to Epicot.
Now if she had been a teenager, she would have no doubt given us the look and possibly some lip at that point. But shes not. For now shes still five. And she's a good girl. So she gave us something much worse.
A reluctant nod of agreement, puppy dog eyes, and guilt.
The Inescapable Parental Guilt that Pervades Everyday Life had reared its ugly head.
Valuable lesson number two relearned. Never rely on just your dining plan card in the parks.
Always bring cash because you never know when theyre gonna lock the pantry door and spit in the general direction of your grossly inadequate Key to the Food.
We left the scene of the crime and hoofed it out to the bus stop.
Again, we timed it perfectly and never broke our stride as we walked onto the bus. Weve never had that happen leaving the parks after the fireworks. We liked it. Once we were on the bus, DH pointed in the direction of the two last seats left on the right. Right on the left. Our other left. Gorilla. He motions for me and the girl to take them and then he and the boy grab two seats directly across from us.
As the lights dimmed and we began to move toward our resort, our daughter climbed up into my lap and laid her head on my shoulder. I hugged her tight and gave her a kiss as we settled in for the ride.
And it was in the quiet on the way back to the AKL that I noticed the family beside us.
If you read the last trip report, you might remember that I like to people watch on Disney busses. In fact, if people watching were an Olympic event, Id take gold in that one too.
But enough about my title, lets get back to the family.
Actually, it was a dad and his daughter. A Disney Dad and his daughter. The little girl looked to be about four years old. She and our daughter made fast friends. I know this because I saw them look at each other and then giggle at nothing. Which is the true sign of friendship when youre five years old.
The thing that stood out to me about them and the thing that makes it even worth writing about was the back and forth between this little girl and her Daddy.
He leaned over and cracked joke after joke for her and after each one, she would throw her little head back and cackle really loudly. He sang Disney songs to her. In his full voice. He wasnt the least bit embarrassed to sing out loud in his big voice on a crowded bus for his daughters amusement. In that moment, that little girl was the only thing on her Daddys radar. I could tell that he wouldnt hesitate to rope the moon for her if she only asked. The man was so wrapped it was pathetic.
Except that it was more sweet than pathetic.
Anyway, it was really cute to watch and it made me think of my husband and his relationship with our daughter. And all the other sweet Disney Dads out there who work so hard day in and day out and live for family vacation so they can have that moment where the world stops, everything fades away and its just them and the ones they love the most. Enjoying each others company and making memories together.
The way it should be.
As the bus made its way out to the back forty, the driver came on over the loudspeaker to make an announcement. He started by informing us that we had all picked the exact perfect time to be in Disneyworld. I immediately wondered if he, too, was from Georgia and was also a pathological liar.
He went on to tell us that us that Disney was on the cusp of kicking off a brand new promotion. Celebration. Promotional celebration.
Whatever.
Gone was the Happiest Celebration on Earth. They had kissed it goodbye along with the bling bling on the castle. Which was a shame, because I kind of liked it. I liked the bling.
But no matter. Cause this was a new day. We were standing on the brink of the Year of a Million Dreams Celebration. Promotion. According to Mr. Im Gonna Show You a Good Time Even Though Youre Tired and Sleepy, it was the perfect time to be in Disney because the very next day was the kickoff for the new promotion. Celebration.
Whatever.
He explained that Disney Cast Members were being instructed to pick guests out of the crowd at random at all four theme parks. The chosen guests would then be awarded a special dream.
A dream? What is this dream that you speak of? we ask him with our eyes.
According to Mr. Informative, Disney was set to award its guests everything from Golden Fastpasses to a night in Cinderellas Castle to free
Disney vacations for life.
WhatchutalkinboutWillis? we ask him with our mouths.
We werent sure what the story was with the Golden Fastpasses. And even though I didnt know what it was, I knew enough to know I wanted it. I already knew about the night in Cinderellas castle. That was old news. Albeit great news. I had been reading about it on allearsnet and I knew enough to know I wanted that one too.
But the last one. Oh, the last glorious one blew our collective minds.
My husband and I perk up. We lock eyes from across the bus, raise our eyebrows, and mouth to each other in amazement the words Ralph Cramden has just laid on us.
Free Disney vacations.
FOR LIFE.
Now thats what Im talking about. I gotta get me some of that.
Suddenly everyone on the bus woke up at the same time. The murmurs began in the front and worked their way towards the back. The bus was abuzz. Which oddly enough, is a backwards ZZUB.
But we won't go into that now. Cause my stomach is still reeling from the Weekend of ZZUBage we just experienced. It wasn't pretty in case you're wondering. Catch that one, Chappie?
Moving on.
The air in the bus suddenly turned electric as we realized there was the possibility that any one of us could be picked out of a crowd and awarded free Disney vacations for life.
Tomorrow. Tom Morrow, even.
All around us you could hear the whispers.
Sp..sp..sp...Free Disney vacations
sp
sp...sp
No, he said for life
Im serious thats what he said
sp
sp..sp
How much does that Le Cellier rock?!...
sp...sp...sp..."
Nobody cared about the Golden Fastpasses or the night in Cinderellas Castle. Well, yeah we cared. And sure, those were great and none of us would be turning em down when our time came to be pulled out of the crowd the next day. But the last one was the deal breaker. It was the coup de gras. The piece de resistance.
The gift that would keep on giving.
And it was ours for the taking.
Instantly families began to put their heads together in efforts to formulate a game plan. The goal was to attract enough attention to themselves that the Disney brass would be willing to pick their crew out of a crowd.
A crowd of approximately three billion people.
I quickly made a mental review of the clothes I had packed for us three months ago. Cause you just had to know that if the higher ups were going to pick someone out of a crowd to award free Disney vacations for life to, theyd be picking the family that was sporting the Disney logo.
Non Disney logo wearing families didnt stand a chance.
That was just a given.
I mentally pencil in a few ensembles and decide that Ill have to go through the closet when we get back. Because it was on now. With free Disney vacations for life at stake, the wardrobe choices for the week were absolutely critical.
In a transparent effort to calm the frenzied crowd, Mr. What Have I Done began a sing along. We sang the Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round and if youre Happy and You Know It the rest of the way back to the resort that night.
The kids woke up and got the biggest kick out of singing a song about a bus. On a bus. I wish I could remember the guys actual name because he was the best bus driver wed had at Disney so far. And not just because he laid some seriously cool knowledge on us that night. He was really nice and a lot of fun. He put a mass of tired tourists into a great mood and helped us make some great memories.
And yes, great memories can even happen on a Disney bus. If you dont believe me, just ask the Disney Dad and his litte girl that were sitting next to me that night.
Im sure they would agree.
We arrive at our resort and hop off the bus. A quick duck through the dump shop and off to the left and next thing you know, were in our room. I practically run to the closet to get my wardrobe game plan ironed out. I slide open the door and inspiration hits me in the face.
Did I mention the fact that our daughter was so completely into Minnie this year that it was pathetic? Okay, it wasnt actually pathetic. It was more cute than anything. When we booked the reservations and bought our
MNSSHP tickets, the girl informed me she wanted to dress up as Minnie for the party.
Done.
I ordered a Minnie costume from the
Disney store and only let her try it on once before wrapping the pretty sequined dress in plastic and tucking it away in her closet to await its debut on Disney property. As I stood there and heard the words Free Disney Vacations For Life in my head, I eyeballed the brand new cute as all get out Minnie dress and began to think.
I began to think the thoughts of a desperate Mom. My rationale was that if they had to pick someone out of a crowd to give a cool as all get out award to, chances are, theyd pick someone with a Minnie in the family. Of course they would.
It was common sense, right?
The Minnie dress had become our ticket to free Disney vacations for life. Along with those Golden Fastpasses. And the night in the castle. May as well throw that in too. Were not picky. Well take what we can get.
So I run the idea past my husband, the more practical one in our union.
He looks at me as if Ive lost my ever lovin' mind.
He says Do you have any idea how dirty that thing will be by the time shes finished wearing it around Epicot all day? You know weve got to get her a Mickey Bar and you know what she looks like after eating one of those things. Itll be vanilla soup from head to toe for her. The things got that shiny stuff on it (sequins to women, shiny stuff to men) so you cant wash it. Itll be filthy for Chef Mickeys and the party. Put the dress back up and throw a Disney shirt on her.
Well pooh on you.
But he was right. As bad as I hated to admit it, he was right. Dangit.
So I pick out some shirts that scream We have fallen for your marketing strategy hook line and sinker. Now give us our major award. Actually, they just said Disney on the front. That was the best I had.
Once I laid our clothes out for the next day and washed up, I joined the rest of my crew out on the balcony.
Ever since we checked in all those hours ago, I had been hearing about this fake moonlight that is supposedly cast over the savannah and was pretty curious to see what it was all about.
It looked like nothing. Nothing out of the ordinary, that is.
From what I could tell, they had mounted some low lighting somewhere on top of the resort and it was just bright enough to cast a subtle glow down onto the savannah. It was pretty cool I guess but it honestly didnt look much different to me than any other normal night when the moon is out. It looked very natural.
Which I guess was the point.
We soon leave the fake moonlight and warm night air behind us and head back into the chilly hotel room. Were beat. Were ready to hit the sheets.
We get the kids ready for bed and then they scramble up into the bunkbeds. It doesnt take long for them to fall asleep. It had been a long day for them. For all of us. I tuck our children into their cool as all get out bunkbeds, turn out their cool as all get out lights, and give them a kiss.
Then I climb into bed beside my husband.
After a semi heated debate, we determine that the mosquito net most likely was there for decorative purposes only and that we didnt need to mess with it. Because we werent in real Africa. Just fake Africa. And in fake Africa, they only stock fake mosquito nets. To go with the fake moonlight on the fake savannah.
No matter what hotel were staying in, unless its the Ritz Carlton, I have this thing about the beds. I dont usually like em. And not just because of the bed bug thing. And also not just because Ive heard things about the cleanliness of those hotel room comforters. If you dont already know, I wont tell you.
Ill spare you the need to reach for a gross of personal barf bags which you may or may not have tucked away into your desk drawer.
And youre welcome for that.
Anyway, I dont like hotel room beds mostly because they all pale in comparison to our bed at home. Our bed is the bomb. Truly. Its probably the most comfortable bed on the face of the planet. Ever. I love that bed. And it has spoiled me. Anyway, I was a little worried about the beds at the AKL because at first glance, they honestly didnt look very comfortable.
But they were.
They were surprisingly comfortable. So as DH and I laid there curled up in the crisp white sheets on our surprisingly comfortable hotel room bed, I was happy. I was tired, but I was also happy. We had done a lot of cool things on our first full day in the World. We talked and laughed together about some of the days happenings. He surprised me by reminding me to include our run in with Cool Moe Dee in the trip report. My husband was laying in a bed in Disneyworld, thinking back on the days happenings, and he is already telling me how to write our trip report.
Disney Dork indeed.
Then he tells me to make sure I write about the fact that he fell asleep while the kids and I were busy getting wiped out in the wave pool. Apparently he thought it was funny.
So I punch him again really hard in the stomach right before he goes to sleep.
Twice.
For good measure.
Sweet dreams honey.
Up Next: Epicot, Epicot, and more Epicot.
That is what happens when you are a go with the flow family.
