Overdue and Overpacked II: The LaLas Take on the World: EPILOGUE ON PAGE 58

[BratTink]

LaLa, I'm really enjoying your report. Thanks for keeping it rolling!

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Ding.

Great chapter.

Ask Chappie.

Ding.

Great pics.

Ding.

Except for the snake.

Ding.

Why NOT pee off the balcony?

It's your right. You're not at a mod anymore.

Ding.

How long does it take you people to figure out an "ele-va-tor"?

Ding.

You are clearly... escalator people.

Ding.

My mistake.

Too complicated.

Ding.

Che Guevara.

Che-st kiddin'.

Ding.

Great chapter.

Forget Chappie... it's good and funny. All around.

Ding.

Your husband is NOT a geek. And, yet, K-Fed CAN rap.

I think.

Or do I?

Ding.

BAT.

You STILL make me la la. La La.

Cheers, Melly.

 

[nicolemarie]

Not only do I hope we DON'T get an upgrade, I'm gonna get the willies everytime we walk around the AKL. I'm gonna be just waiting on a nasty snake to fall out of the big honkin' light fixtures and land around my neck.

And to think, I came here to get excited.

LA!! It's another great read, sweet friend. You are just hilarious. Menudo? Cool Baskets? Livestock for a tip?

But the best...

As I dig around in my purse a little more, my hand brushes against something hard and cool to the touch. Now what could that be? Ah yes, my gold medal. Never leave home without it. Well, Deuce is definitely not gettin’ his hands on that bad boy. I fought way too hard for that puppy to just give it away to the first bellman that unloads a luggage cart for me.

I was DED.

It takes all of about three minutes for me to break.

I can’t pretend any longer. I hold up my carpel tunneled right hand and point my arthritic index finger at them. And then I tell them “My hand didn’t always look like this, you know. It used to be pretty. But that was before I discovered the DIS. And allearsnet. Now I spend night and day researching facts about Disneyworld. Facts that are so minute and trivial that it would make your head spin. And maybe feel a little sorry for me. So yes, I know about Extra Magic Hour. And yes, I know they have busses that take you to the parks. I know they have character meals and I even know they have a Halloween party at the Magic Kingdom. And what the name of it is. So step back, Jack. You have no idea who you're dealing with".

You know, this wouldn't be nearly as funny if it weren't true. For me, anyway. My husband gets a huge kick out of striking up conversations with folks when we are at Disney. They walk off and he says "ROOKIES!" And we both feel a pathetic sense of pride at our knowledge of the World.

Just as a little heads up for anybody that’s planning on going to AKL anytime soon. By this I mean Nicole Marie. Listen to me. Skip the chicken pizza. Don’t waste a credit on it. It was seriously nasty.

Thanks for the tip. Because I'd think chicken pizza was good. And now I'll know. Although if I ordered it, I'd have to pay. Which probably means we'll be busting up the cooler to the room again and my meals will consist of foldover PBJ's. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Thanks LaLa, for this very timely installment. I'm up doing a last bit of DISin' this morning - I'm too excited to sleep.

NM

 

[ZZUB]

The thought occurs to me that we could already be checking out the view and jumping on the beds if we weren’t being elevator stalked by Menudo and their fan club.

I would have been in a full on rage if some dorks were preventing me from celebratory bed jumping and balcony gawking. But the new phrase you've coined made me laugh.

I dig around in my purse a little more, my hand brushes against something hard and cool to the touch. Now what could that be? Ah yes, my gold medal. Never leave home without it.

And again, the lunacy you manifest is laughable. Assuming arguendo you did win a gold medal for anything, it would be in the Liar's Olympics! You're ready for your career in politics now.

It would seriously blow a cheesesteak out of the water.

This just proves Charlie Rangel was right about you people.

“That’s very nice and we appreciate it but no thank you” DH tells her with a polite smile.

IS HE INSANE?! You NEVER refuse cake. Even if it spiked with anthrax or bullets. It's CAKE, dangit!

Thank you for allowing me to eat my lunch in peace today.

 

[AUDramaQueen]

Thanks for the great post, LaLa. I was feeling blue because one of our dogs died this morning and now I'm feeling a little more yellow. I guess that makes me green, huh? Great. Just call me Kermie...

 

[Frickles]

LaLa!!! You had me at Menudo!

So is that what granite looks like? Wow.

Did you use the mosquito net? Does it really work? Does it keep the love bugs away?

Love the pictures! What a sweet room you had girl! This sounds like the start of a pixie dusty-ish trip!

 

[daly7o9]

Just caught up to ch.6.

Tic Tac Tip!!

I suppose I've gotta go to work now, dang it! (Stupid job)! Just kidding...after all I've gotta finance my Disney addiction somehow.

Keep it comin'!

 

[kristinleigh]

LaLa! I'm a newbie but a long time lurker.

Lovin' your Trip Report. Except maybe the snake part!

 

[nataliz]

LaLa-

I'm really enjoying your trip report. I was at AKL this summer and it looks like we had almost the same view. I agree the smell of the resort is amazing!

Keep up the great trip report!

 

[AshClan]

You are so awesome, girl. I am ashamed that it's taken me this long to get here, but it was so worth the wait, as I knew it would be. I'm sitting here trying to recover from my turkey hangover and laughing myself silly. Thanks for limiting the vomitous references, as, this morning, my bloated stomach wouldn't have needed much encouragement to pull a ZZUB on the keyboard.

I loved so much of this, and laughed out loud multiple times. The elevator story...OMG....DED. The AKL is a beautiful resort. So glad you have been bitten by the Deluxe bug. And the upgrade pixie dust was great! What is wrong with me? Huh? Both you and ZZUB got tagged by the upgrade fairy and yet I got stuck in a standard room at WL. Hmmph. Guess the two of you are just prettier than me. (Well, I know you are. Z...not so sure. It was probably the Mrs.)

Finally, imagine my horror to discover that I had misused the Disneyfreude reference in my TR. I have to go edit. Due to a misplaced "schaden" when describing the resentment I faced from departing visitors on my 1st day. What mensches you all are for not correcting me. I'm off to edit now.

Can't wait for the rest!

 

[smidgy]

mrs. nebo here is loving your report. the elevator incident had me in stitches!

AKL has special meaning for us. not only was it our first foray into the previously unreachable deluxe world, it was our first trip back to disney after reuniting. romance was in the air!

looking forward to more!

 

[kpk89]

I just caught up on about twelve-teen chapters of your trip. Ding! 80's music references outnumbering vomit references! Baskets!! I lovelovelove the AKL too. Stayed there on a waytooshort trip a few years back. I thought it was all exotic and gorgeous. DH thought it was "dark and dreary." I am ashamed.

 

[LaLa]

Cause we've still got plenty.

Hope everybody had a great Thanksgiving. Our week was very hectic but also very happy. What holiday isn't, right? Well, besides Groundhog's Day. Cause really, who cares? Besides those guys in the funny lookin' top hats. No offense to anyone who may be reading this and wearing a funny looking top hat. On second thought, if you're sitting around reading this and wearing a top hat, maybe you should be offended. Might do you some good.

Anywho, just wanted to respond to a few posts here and there. There and here.

Chappie: You're not as smart as you think you are, Mr. Human Spell Checker. Mr. Gobi or Sahara. Which, by the way, made me laugh so hard every time I read the word desert that I would have spit my dentures across the room if I wore any. But back to your not so smartness. That was not a My Cousin Vinny reference. If I had intended it to be a My Cousin Vinny reference, I would have written it like "I got no more use fa dis guy." Please try to keep up. And stay out of the tin cans at 7-11. That stuff clogs the arteries. To your brain. But I'm glad you're reading and posting, Hick boy.

Mel: Ding. Your post totally cracked me up. Ding. I'm glad you're back. Ding. Who the heck IS Che Guevara? Ding. Maybe I should google him. Ding. You forgot to italicize. Ding. You can do that for emphasis, you know. Ding. Hope all's well with you and yours. Ding. Love ya, my girl.

megandbrandon: Thanks so much for your post. It was really sweet. Have a great time at the World. You hubby's gonna fall in love with it.

KangaFan: Ditto yours. And sorry for introducing that one into your family lexicon. It could be worse though. He could be butchering the word Disneyfreude like Ash.

Segue.

Ash: Great to see you made it over here, woman. I'm loving your TR. And don't sweat the Disneyfreude thing. I think I got it wrong in the first Overdue and Overpacked. But I don't feel like going back to check.

ZZUB: You're still on Ignore for the Snowcaps thing so if you did happen to drop by here after this last chapter (which I don't know if you did or not) and post some type of slanderous libel under the guise of a legal term, I would never know it. So if it's all the same to you, I'll just assume that whatever it was that you posted (if you did post anything at all, that is) was very sweet, kind, flattering, and encouraging. So thanks, my friend. I appreciate all the kind words you may or may not have posted. Right back atcha in spades. I think.

Frickles: Can you believe we didn't use the mosquito net at all? Take a minute to wrap your mind around that one. I don't know about love bugs, but we never came across any bed bugs. Good thing cause I would've gone nuts.

NM: Welcome back, girl! Hope you had a great time at the AKL, ate some Zebra Domes and didn't run into any snakes. Can't wait to see you up on the TR Board.

Southernbohemian: Thanks for that post. DH and I both got a kick out of it. Christmas Vacation is one of our absolute favorite movies and we throw out Griswold quotes so much around here it's actually pathetic.

AUDramaQueen: Sorry to hear about your doggy. Hope you're feeling much more yellow than blue today.

And thanks to everybody who posted. I really appreciate each and every one of your comments. I'm working on the next one now and hope to have it up in a couple of days.

Yall rock.

 

[ntink]

QUOTING (the button is not working for me tonight) - Just as a little heads up for anybody that’s planning on going to AKL anytime soon. By this I mean Nicole Marie. Listen to me. Skip the chicken pizza. Don’t waste a credit on it. It was seriously nasty.

Thanks for the tip. Because I'd think chicken pizza was good. END OF QUOTING

First, let me just say that your trip report is a bright spot in my day. What a great writing style.

But I must disagree with you on the pizza - we were at AKL in August and I probably ate one each of the 5 days of our trip and could have gone for more - it was one of my favorite CS foods.

Can't wait to read more - thanks for sharing your trip.

 

[IkeandMike]

Just to let you know, and to keep you on the first page, I have started reading your completed trip report. FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY. I hope the bump works.

 

[LaLa]

As we found out this trip, there are many differences in Disney’s moderate resort and deluxe resort categories. And one of the first differences we noticed was the way the bus depots are set up.

At a moderate, there are several different bus depots strategically placed around the joint. You walk to the one closest to your building, cop a squat (if you’re lucky) and wait for the busses to roll by. As soon as one appears, you then MUST strain your eyes as you try your hardest to read each bus’s destination and be the first to announce it to your family.

If it’s the one you’re looking for, you have to announce the park’s name excitedly and follow it with “That’s us. Come on, let’s go.” It’s mandatory. If it’s not the one you’re looking for, you have announce the name of that park and then follow it with “Dadgummit. Didn’t they just have one come by here for (insert park name) not two seconds ago?” and accompany it with an eye roll.

Also mandatory.

But at the deluxes, it’s a whole different ballgame. There is only one bus stop location for the entire resort. We were a little worried about this because we imagined it would be the same as at the moderates. We pictured POR’s measly little North Depot transposed onto AKL property with all of humanity jockeying for position. And a seat.

In fact, the only thing that gave us pause in picking AKL was the transportation. It’s pretty far away from the action. And we don’t like long bus rides. And then there was that whole one bus stop thing. So we were admittedly a little apprehensive as we embarked on our first AKL bus voyage.

But the AKL bus depot is humongous. Ginormous. And three other non words that all mean the same thing. We even saw a guy there entertaining the crowd with the little Guess Which Cup It’s Under game several times during the week. It was a full blown party. I don’t know if they’re all like this because other Disney owned deluxes have either the monorail or the boat. But if not, maybe the people that designed AKL felt like they must compensate. For something. Anyway, it seriously goes on for days. The depot is divided into sections and each section is clearly marked with a different park’s name. Meaning, if you want to go to Epicot, you keep walking until you see the cute little African themed sign that says Ep(i)cot. Then you cop a squat and the Epicot bus will come to you. No more straining your eyes to be the first one to identify the bus as soon as it rounds the corner.

Well, okay, yeah we still did that but that’s just us. Cause that’s how we like to have fun in our family.

You shouldn’t be surprised. We played the Spot the Disney Sign game for a full hour on the way down.

What I’m saying is you don’t have to do it.

Not unless you want to.

So after we get our bellies full at the Mara, which shall henceforth be known as Tomorrow because that's what the girl dubbed it, we cut through the resort and head out the front doors. We hang a left and walk down the pathway to the bus depot that’s bigger than Texas and look for the Typhoon Lagoon sign.

We’re somewhat disappointed as we read the sign and are reminded that both waterparks share a bus with another destination. Doh! We knew that last year but had forgotten it on our non Disney time. Kinda like how the boy knew the Beverly was nasty last year but forgot all about it through the year as his mind was otherwise occupied with non Disney stuff like football and friends and school. In that order.

Yes, we were caught off guard, but we were already there. And it was our first day. We didn’t want to have to go all the way back and get the van just to drive to Typhoon Lagoon.

Besides, how bad can it be, right?

We sit down and wait. It doesn’t take too long for a bus to show up. Freaky Cyborg Scanner Guy calls it. Dangit.

“TYPHOON LAGOON. That’s us. Come on, let’s go.”

We hop on and are pleasantly surprised to find the bus nearly empty.

Everyone that was waiting with us at the exclusive Typhoon Lagoon/Downtown Disney section ambles on, finds a seat, stretches out, exchanges smiles and pleasantries and then it happens.

The Terminator was the first to notice it (of course) and he turns to me, points up front and says “Listen.”

Someone is standing just in front of the steps leading up to the bus. She’s involved in a deep conversation with the driver. The exchange seems very dramatic. We both strain to hear the conversation because apparently we’re both equally nosy.

Lady: I need you to wait for the rest of our group. Can you do that?
Driver: How long you gonna take?
Lady: I don’t know, they’re still in the room.
Driver: Still in de room?
Lady: Yes but they’re coming and I need you to stay here and not leave.
Driver: I give you five minute. (not a typo)
Lady: We’ll need longer than five minutes. They’re not even downstairs yet. You have to wait because the next one won’t be along for another half hour or so, right? That’s too long for us to wait.
Driver: Depend on de traffic and I give you five minute.

With that, he turned, looked straight forward, and zoned out. He may as well have added “And that’s final” for emphasis. The way DH does. Undeterred, she kept explaining to him how important it was that he waited until they came. Because they paid more for their vacation than everyone else.

So we sat on the bus and waited. In the time it took for the rest of the family to make it, someone actually recognized Scat Cat over at Epicot and asked for his autograph.

In other words, it was a lot longer than five minutes.

But finally the son boarded. We knew he was a member of the Tardy family because he busted onto the bus in a full sprint, breathing hard with beads of sweat dropping off him. Although we weren’t too happy with the sweat droppage, we were at least pleased to see that he was in a rush. Because if we had to wait for them, we at least wanted to know they were in a rush.

The dad was another subject.

It took several more minutes for Cool Moe Dee to show up.

When he finally did, he sauntered onto the bus like a rock star without a care in the world. He had perfectly coifed hair and a complete lack of sweat. The guy was moving as slow as pond water. At one point, I swear he even did a little backwards jig. Let me just say that we have absolutely no problem waiting for someone on a bus every now and then. It definitely wasn’t the first time we had waited for someone while we sat on a Disney bus and we never thought twice about it before. Stuff happens to all of us. But the fact that we had been waiting forever for this guy to show up and he couldn’t even be bothered to at least power walk really got under our skin. When he finally crawled past us, DH looked at me and did the combination head shake and eye roll. A lady sitting across from us saw him and took that as her cue to lean forward and laugh really loud. Like scary loud. She then proceeded to dog the family out for the next few minutes.

Using her outside voice.

And that’s how we met Atlanta and her crew. We eventually ended up talking to her a good bit. Because what else did we have to do in the forty five minutes it took for us to get to Typhoon Lagoon?

That’s right. It took darn near an hour to get to the waterpark.

The bus took forever to get to its first destination, Downtown Disney. Once there, we had to stop at the West Side, and the Marketplace, and then Pleasure Island, picking up and dropping off at each section.

It took less time for the Grand Canyon to form than it took for us to get to Typhoon Lagoon that day. At least it felt like it anyway.

But we finally did make it and we (re)learned a very valuable lesson.

To drive to Typhoon Lagoon next time.

It didn’t take long for us to get happy after the longest bus ride in the history of Disneyworld finally and mercifully came to an end.

In fact, all it took was this…

Oh yeah. Mama like.

We head straight to the gift shop and rent a locker for our gear. We always rent the big locker because we always need the big locker. Yet we still stand at the counter each year and act like we could actually get away with renting the little locker.

DH: What do you think, you think the big one? Or the little one?
Me: Do you think it’s too big for the little one?
DH: I don’t know, La. I’m thinking the big one.
Me: Okay, let’s just go with the big one.

I don’t know why we do that. We’re not indecisive people. Maybe we do it to make ourselves feel better about being overpackers, who knows. I can’t decide.

At any rate, we break down and rent the big one (big surprise) and then make our way through the sea of pasty white sweaty stranger flesh that is the epitome of a Disney water park. We finally locate our locker. We start getting bumped into and gawked at by strangers in Speedos as we get pool ready beside our locker so we throw our stuff in, slam the door really hard, and head off for some fun.

Our first stop is Crush n Gusher.

I absolutely love this ride and had really been looking forward to riding it.

But I knew this year I wouldn’t be able to ride with DH and bust his eardrums in the process because it was just the four of us. We had no friends along with us for the ride this time. No babysitters. Our parents were not around. It was just us. Our little family. I was pretty happy about it because we usually end up going with at least one other family on our trips. And although it can be a ton of fun to have friends or relatives around to goof off with, sometimes you just need for it to be just your family. My family. Just us. Because although I believe friendship is a wonderful gift to be treasured and nurtured, I also believe family comes first. And that it’s important to carve out bonding time for just the four of us with no one else around from time to time.

I said all of that to say this. I knew I was going to have to ride Crush n Gusher by myself. I wasn’t particularly crazy about the idea. I’d much rather share the ride with my husband. But since we were on our own this year, there wasn’t much we could do. It was either skip the ride altogether or ride alone. Unless the boy stepped up. Which I wasn’t really counting on. Because he’s not much of a thrill rider. He didn’t want to ride it last year and I didn’t think he’d want to ride this year either.

We get up to Crush n Gusher and suddenly the boy decides he wants to ride. We’re both pleasantly surprised. I let DH take him because I know my husband had been looking forward to having some fun with his boy this trip. He was psyched and ready for some one on one bonding time with his only son.

In his mind, he imagined the boy would run up to him and beg his father to take him on Rock n Roller Coaster. He imagined they would then sit side by side, laughing the whole way while the girls were in some far removed location patiently awaiting their return with bated breath and a refreshing drink and snack in hand. For them. Then he imagined the two of them would hit Tower of Terror and laugh the whole way and say things to each other like “Girls stink” and bond like only men can do.

The only problem with that little scenario is that the boy is eight. And would rather eat an entire plateful of Disney green beans than ride either the Tower of Terror or the Rock n Roller Coaster. Go ahead and mark Expedition Everest off the list too. We’re sure of it. Well, I’m sure of it anyway. At this point, DH was still holding out hope.

But back to Crush n Gusher.

I tell the boy to go with his dad and then he can go again with me when he comes down if he feels like it. He grins and they take off excitedly for the first of their male bonding episodes. I take the girl over to the pool to swim while we wait for the boys to splash down out of one of the three tubes on the other side of the rope.

It takes a really long time but they finally emerge in their little double tube. Now it’s my turn. And I’ve been ready for this my whole life.

We make our way out of the pool and I immediately sense a problem with the boy. He didn’t like it. Not one stinkin’ bit. He refuses to go again. We can’t make him get on it again.

Apparently my husband forgot to tell him to hold his tail up on the way down.

Ouch.

I’m not into causing a Splash Mountainesque meltdown again so I resign myself to the fact that I’ll be flying solo.

I tag out with DH and take off to grab a tube. It was a double cause they don’t even make tubes for singles for Crush n Gusher. How’s that for funny? Disney just assumes everyone will have at least one or two other people to ride with and not be pathetic enough to have to ride by themselves. So they don’t even bother to make a tube for a single.

Of course that’s probably not the real reason but it felt that way as I made my way up past all of the loud, laughing, having a good time doubles and triples.

I picked the tallest one, I think it was the Banana Blaster. I throw my tube down and get sitchated. Before I push off, I ask the CM at the top if a single rider had ever flipped over on a double tube. Disproportionate weight distribution and all that. Her exact words were “I haven’t had one flip yet.” To which I responded “Great. Just because you said that, it means I’ll be your first.”

And with that, I was gone like a shot. I’m happy to announce I didn’t flip. But I did have a flippin good time. Man, I love that ride. I got my Laugh Scream on the whole way down without anybody riding in front of me to give me any lip about it. Maybe this single rider thing wasn’t too bad after all.

It was over way too fast and I secretly entertained the idea of sneaking past DH and trying to squeeze another ride in. But dang that conscience of mine, I just couldn’t do it. So I grab the crew and we head off to the next adventure.

We hit Gangplank Falls, the family raft ride. We love this ride too but it always takes forever to get through the line. And then the ride down lasts a total of about ten seconds. It’s awesome while it lasts but it just seems like a lot of work and waiting for such a short period of happiness.

From there, I spot Mayday Falls. I’d never ridden it before. The boys rode it a couple of years ago while I waited on the sidelines. It looks like fun so I tell DH I want to ride it. I try to get the boy to ride with me but he’s having nothing to do with it after the butt kickin’ he took on Crush n Gusher. DH tells me he’ll take the kids and to meet him at Ketchakiddee Creek when I’m done.

He suddenly feels the urge to push some poor little kid out of the way and take over their water cannon.

I hop in line and before I know it, I’m on my single tube careening through caves and getting doused with ice cold water from overhead. It was a lot of fun. Except for that wrist injury I suffered. I was holding onto the handles of the tube because I didn’t want to fall out (duh) and the tube suddenly spun in one direction and then whipped back around in the opposite direction as I hit the side of the cave. I was holding on pretty tight so when the tube spun back in the opposite direction, my right wrist absorbed the shock. I have to say it hurt pretty bad. Not bad enough for me to report it apparently, just bad enough for me to complain about it for the next hour or so.

And then write about it here.

After the tube ride was over, I made my way over to the water cannons and was surprised to find DH was actually letting the kids man the things for a change. They were having a blast. I show my husband my wrist, tell him I’ve got a bobo and tell him to kiss it.

Amazingly, it didn’t make it feel any better. Maybe he wasn’t holding his mouth right.

After the PDA, we head over to Castaway Creek. Now this is more the boy’s speed. He loves the lazy river.

Earlier that day as we were unpacking and settling into our room, the kids both scrambled up onto the top bunk and excitedly watched Stacy do her thang on the Top Seven Things To Do loop.

Over and over again.

They replay it over and over again. And I can’t fake it, I can’t take it, no.

Am I the only one that’s wondered why they highlight just seven? Seriously. Why wouldn’t they do a top ten? Did they not have enough time and money to invest in ten? Were the other three closed for refurbishment? Did Stacy’s stylist throw her hands up in the air and quit after seven? That might explain the braids. Or did the producers have all they could take of Stacy and insist their sanity would be in jeopardy if they were made to tape three more segments?

At any rate, as we walk up to Castaway Creek, the boy points and says “Look at all the lazy people in the lazy river.”

I spank him really hard and tell him he won’t be gettin’ any supper later as punishment for putting a mental image of Stacy in those braids in my head.

Okay, I really am just kidding about that one. Of course I didn’t spank him. But he did go hungry.

Or did he?

Anyway, we stand on the steps at one of the entry points and look for four tubes. In the time it took for us to find four tubes, Disney remastered and released one movie out of the vault.

It took that long.

We finally find some tubes, jump in, and float down the river like a bunch of lazy people.

Halfway around the loop, the girl scrambles into the tube with her dad. As we float around the meandering river, they lay there with their heads together, just relaxing and quietly talking to each other. At one point, the child even fell asleep on his shoulder. They were that relaxed.

Cut to the boy.

He walks down the middle of the river and then jumps up onto the side of his tube from underneath every now and then. But he never can quite get there on the first try. So he must then jump off, splash around in the water a lot, squeal really loudly, laugh, and try it all over again.

Simply put, he was having a blast.

After we wind around underneath the caves and get shot in the face by ice cold water for awhile, the boy decides it’s time for some Wave Pool action. Because it’s the only thing he likes better than the lazy river.

So we find an exit, hop out, and make our way over to the wave pool. The kids hit the water and it’s not long before they’re squealing with excitement as they splash around.

Me: Look how excited they are. They’re so cute. You know they’ve been waiting for this all day.
DH: silence

I look over to my right and discover that where my husband once stood not two seconds before, there is now only air. I look back over my shoulder to find the man has cut out on me. Left me high and dry. Left me holding the bag.

He’s about thirty feet away already and is waving at me. He makes a hugely animated pointing gesture towards a lounge chair off to the side, then makes a stretching motion meant to indicate he’s beat and he’s gonna rest for a bit. In the lounge chair.

What’s up with that?

Well, okay. Whatever.

I turn to look back at the kids.

Because we live on the Coast and are around the water a lot, it has always been extremely important to my husband and I that our kids know how to swim. And know how to swim well. So they have both taken swimming lessons since they were three years old. During the summers, DH and I take turns moving our lunch hours around at work so we can have them at the pool. It’s not easy but we do it because it’s important. As a result, they both can swim like little fish now. But even so, it always makes me a little nervous when I’m the only parent in the water with the two of them. Because I’m a worrier. And that’s what I do. That’s another thing my Mom passed down to me. I’m a worrier with just a touch of overprotectiveness thrown in for good measure.

It’s because of this that I don’t ever let them venture out further than their little toes can touch, even if they can swim well. When they’re with me, we go no further out than about three feet. Max.

That’s my rule.

They have their Nana to thank for it. In a roundabout way.

I walk over to them and immediately the girl wants me to hold my breath and dive underwater with her. So we hold hands, count one, two, three, and plunge down underwater together. We hear the sound of the water bubbles in our ears as we come eyeball to eyeball and make funny faces at each other and then shoot back up. “That was so cool! Let’s do it again!” she squeals when we come up. We plunge back down and this time I snap a picture of her with my underwater camera. We come back up and she's all smiles. Even her little eyes are grinning underneath her pink goggles.

The boy is swimming around us and then suddenly plants his feet and tells his little sister to swim to him. It takes her two seconds to take off towards him. He catches her and tells her “Good job! Now, swim back to Mom.” She turns around, plunges headfirst into the water and takes off.

We’re having such a nice, calm, time together. I was proud of my son. He was being so sweet with his younger sister. In fact, both of the kids are on their best behavior and being really sweet to each other. It’s nothing but smooth sailing.

We play and laugh together for a few minutes longer and then suddenly the girl announces that she’s a little baby duckling.

And that I’m the Mama duck. And that the little baby duckling is swimming to the Mama Duck but the little baby ducking can’t swim and the Mama Duck has to save the little baby duckling.

She’s five. She likes to pretend to be little baby animals from time to time. So sue her. We know a good lawyer.

The child splashes around in the water and proceeds to make the loudest quacking noises I’ve ever heard in my life. She’s so into it. She’s feeling the little baby duckling’s pain. She is one with the little baby duckling.

People start to stare.

Because the quacking is starting to get out of hand.

I tell the little baby duckling to quack a little more quietly. I catch her and she quiets down for a minute. Then all of a sudden the little baby ducking is in trouble again. Although Mama Duck is still firmly holding her, somehow, the little baby duckling is in some serious trouble. The quacking is working its way up to an insane level again when she decides to go for broke and begins the flailing of the arms and the drowning victim facial expressions.

And yes, she would like to go ahead and thank the Academy now.

I’ve got water splashing in my eyes, eardrums that are about to bust from all the quack quack quacking going on and then from out of nowhere, the boy pounces on me and tackles me. He was off to the right watching the commotion and no doubt waiting for the perfect time to strike. This eight year old boy that’s nearly as big as I am literally flies from out of nowhere and bodyslams me. Hard. We both go flying underneath the water and I swear I can still hear the quacking underwater.

We come up and he’s laughing hysterically. But I wasn’t.

I let him have it and that’s when I notice it.

I never like to be in more than about two feet of water with the kids when the wave comes. Tops. And I’m talking about the big wave. It starts out at six feet and then gradually gets smaller the closer it gets to the “shore”. When we’re standing somewhere around the two foot mark, it’s usually just the perfect height when it comes in. I put the girl on my hip and the boy has a blast attempting to jump over it. It’s always enough to give us a thrill but still, it’s not enough to send us barreling underwater.

But as I recover from the tackle, I notice we’ve drifted a little further out than I want us to be when the wave comes. I realize there hasn’t been a wave unleashed yet the entire time we’ve been out there so I tell the boy to head back closer to the shore and I sling the girl up on my hip. Just in case.

We start walking and wouldn’t you know it, that’s when we hear it.

The unmistakable sound of a six foot wall of water being produced.

Oh crap.


Up Next: A Rude and then Ruder Awakening

 

[First timer]

People start to stare.

Because the quacking is starting to get out of hand.

I tell the little baby duckling to quack a little more quietly. I catch her and she quiets down for a minute. Then all of a sudden the little baby ducking is in trouble again. Although Mama Duck is still firmly holding her, somehow, the little baby duckling is in some serious trouble. The quacking is working its way up to an insane level again when she decides to go for broke and begins the flailing of the arms and the drowning victim facial expressions.

And yes, she would like to go ahead and thank the Academy now.



I can't take it. I have to take a break - you are truly killing me here and I am going to be fired for laughing like a hyena!!

Your writing is the absolute BEST!!!!!!!

 

[samc]

hi LaLa.........love your writing!! thanks for another fun installment!!

 

[Kay7979]

Great cliff-hanger ending. Hope you all can "Hang 10"

 

[ZZUB]

I don’t know why we do that. We’re not indecisive people. Maybe we do it to make ourselves feel better about being overpackers, who knows. I can’t decide.

Well done.

And I’ve been ready for this my whole life.

This seems vaguely familiar to me. I didn't realize you were such a fan of the Irish.

it just seems like a lot of work and waiting for such a short period of happiness.

You just perfectly described being a lawyer.

Were the other three closed for refurbishment?

That killed me. DED, dead.

Just one question. Why did you ride the bus? Is it b/c your daughter is nuts for Disney busses?