Over-emotional 7 yr old girl!!!! Help!

[2 princes 1 princess]

I love my little girl but she is making me crazy! She is so emotional! She acts so dramatic over everything and argues with me over clothes, her hair, everything. She screams and cries all the time and then acts sweet and loving.
I don't let her get away with her tantrums. She has to face consequences such as time in her room on her bed or a canceled playdate, etc. We are consistent but I'm exhausted with her drama! I don't know where she gets it either. I don't let her watch a lot of tv. She hasn't really watched Hannah Montana because I felt she didn't need any help acting like a teenager. I'm not a real girlie girl and her brothers get so frustrated with her. We play board games, color, read. She loves crafts so we do those too. I give her as much attention as I can with three kids in the house. I don't give in to her tantrums. Her moods are making the family tense. I'm worried about what the teen years are going to be like when we get there! She's only 7!
help

 

[damren]

Hang in there!!! My DD is 11, the drama is up and down and all you can do is be consistant.

 

[maxiesmom]

Why are you fighting with her over her hair, and clothes, and everything? Save your battles for the important things, don't fight with her over the small stuff like a hair style. If she wants to eat candy 24/7, of course you don't let her do that. But if you are fighing with her over stuff like she wants her hair down and you want it in a pony-tail, then you need to stop.

Even at 7 your daughter is old enough to make some choices for herself. Let her make some.

 

[Alice's Mommy]

In my family the child you're describing is my son. Have you tried positive reinforcement? Every time I catch DS doing something good I make a point of telling him that I am proud of him or that I love seeing him do whatever it is that he's doing. Example: he is a big Thomas the Tank Engine fan and is obsessively selfish with his engines. At Christmas we had people over and I saw him, on his own, give all of the kids at the party an engine to play with (BIG for him!). I told him how proud I was that he shared without me having to ask. For the rest of the afternoon he would keep asking if I was proud he shared and when I said yes, he'd go share some more. I've noticed that just by pointing out all the great stuff he's doing and giving him some recognition for it I haven't had to do as many time outs and punishments.

 

[mommylovestinkerbell]

My daughter is like that as well! She just turned nine! SO Emotional! And at the drop of a dime too. She is also VERY competitive. Its so hard. I wish I could give you pointers but we just take it day by day in my house.

 

[barnaby1]

Why are you fighting with her over her hair, and clothes, and everything? Save your battles for the important things, don't fight with her over the small stuff like a hair style. If she wants to eat candy 24/7, of course you don't let her do that. But if you are fighing with her over stuff like she wants her hair down and you want it in a pony-tail, then you need to stop.

Even at 7 your daughter is old enough to make some choices for herself. Let her make some.

Spot on!!!

 

[Mathfailure]

I know this is going to sound harsh, and I truly mean it to be good advice, get her checked out by a counselor.

Just a few visits can help you know if it is within the normal expected drama or over the top emotional turmoil in her leaking out to all. You said that it is affecting the whole family, and that is my reason for saying seek help.

We did not do this and lived to regret it.

I wish you well.

 

[brymolmom]

Just so you know you are not alone. My dd6 had a HUGE outburt (tears, screams, etc.) this evening that lasted about a 1/2 hour due to a very tiny little red mark, scratch (size of a pinky nail maybe). And when she got it she was OK - but she threw a fit because the bandaid she wanted would not fit properly on it due to the scratch being on a knuckle. Anyway - a huge fit...Not due to real pain, that's for sure.

Luckily she doesn't do it all the time. But she does it often enough...She is just SO DRAMATIC. I like to think of it as she lives life to the absolute fullest - when she is sad she is SO, SO sad but when she is happy there is no one sweeter on the planet. She just wants to take each and every second to its absolute fullest possible!

Sounds like you're doing it well.

 

[ThanksForNoticingMe]

Yuur little girl sounds a lot like myself when I was little. You might want to try reading the book The Highly Sensitive Child.... by Eliane Aron. Just try to be understanding..chances are she feels just as bad as you do.

 

[princessmom29]

My DD was a lot like this from the time she could form a complete sentence. I went round and round with it. Time outs didn't work. Taking away things didn't work, not even positive reinforcment worked. I just counldn't figure it out untill my grandma told me "don't feed the tatrum" I realized that this is what I was doing. Even when DD got in trouble for her behavior I had somehow fed into the drama she was creating by aruging with her or trying to bargian with her. At that point I decided that i had to set the lmits and stick to them. I needed to decide what I was willing to let her choose (play clothes, weekend hair, what snack she wants each day) and what I was not willing to budge on (school outfits must match, hair needs to be up for school, bedtimes, dinner) and stick to it. There was no argument on those things, and when she tried it she went to her room until she was ready to talk to me in reasonable manner. Once the drama was shut down a few times before it ever started, it began to get better. Simply put "do not feed the drama" don't ever let her get to you or know it bothers her. Do not engage in arguments with her!

 

[Stephres]

My 7 year old is very emotional and prone to tantrums and whining. I started a calendar on the fridge and every day she can go without a tantrum or getting into trouble she gets a sticker. I told her when she gets 10 stickers she can pick an activity for us to do together (Build a bear, paint pottery, etc.). I agree with the above poster who said punishments don't work. Whenever I try to get her to change her behavior punishments never work and positive reinforcement is the best way, although it takes time. Last year she was acting up in school last year a lot and I did a sticker chart with her teacher's help. Two stickers from the teacher and I would read her one chapter from her book, one sticker would get her one chapter and no stickers meant no story that night.

Hang in there!

 

[zoemurr]

but was having constant on the floor screaming fits over everything for awhile. So one day I didn't say anything, I just got out the video camera and started taping him. He stopped (rather quickly) and I had him watch it. Then I asked him if I should show it to Daddy and Grandma. (He was pretty horrified.) From then on if he would start I would just say, "Oh please wait, I have to get the camera" and that stopped them pretty quickly.

 

[kacaju]

I know this is going to sound harsh, and I truly mean it to be good advice, get her checked out by a counselor.

Just a few visits can help you know if it is within the normal expected drama or over the top emotional turmoil in her leaking out to all. You said that it is affecting the whole family, and that is my reason for saying seek help.

We did not do this and lived to regret it.

I wish you well.

I agree 100% I have a dd16 and while she never acted out like your dd we found out a few years ago what pressure and stress she put on herself. She started to pull her hair out. My niece who is 8 is much more like your dd and I wish I could talk my brother and SIL into taking her to see my dd's therapist.
Looking back, my dd sees a lot of her in her cousin. my Mom has a lot of the same issues. Do you have any family member that has any kind of mental health issues? As the pp said, it sounds harsh, but I really wish I knew then what I know now!!

 

[tink1969]

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one. I thought I was a bad mother!
I was actually speaking to our family doctor today about my 8 year old daughter's over sensitivity to EVERYTHING. She is referring us to a therapist who will hopefully help her work through her anxieties. I've been so upset and thinking dreadful thoughts (regarding her teenage years) but now that I know she will be getting help I already feel better!

 

[santa's surpriz]

DD7 is also a drama queen. Although very smart she knows how to push my buttons! Sometimes she pulls episodes and I have a flash back. It's pay back! I call my mom and apologize for being such a drama queen when I was a child the charma usually changes!

 

[RN01]

Why are you fighting with her over her hair, and clothes, and everything? Save your battles for the important things, don't fight with her over the small stuff like a hair style. If she wants to eat candy 24/7, of course you don't let her do that. But if you are fighing with her over stuff like she wants her hair down and you want it in a pony-tail, then you need to stop.

Even at 7 your daughter is old enough to make some choices for herself. Let her make some.

This is exactly what I was going to say but found someone else beat me to it. CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES! Save your control over important things. Let her do her hair and wear what she wants within reason.

 

[damren]

DD7 is also a drama queen. Although very smart she knows how to push my buttons! Sometimes she pulls episodes and I have a flash back. It's pay back! I call my mom and apologize for being such a drama queen when I was a child the charma usually changes!

me too! Karma! Can't wait for the teen years

 

[RumpleMom]

I second the suggestion to read The Highly Sensitive Child. I read it four times at different stages of DD's development and realized I was the one who needed to bend on some things.

I never needed it for child number two. You swear you raise them all the same, but they are all individual kids.

 

[mjkacmom]

Dd13's preschool teachers called her Emmy! She was oversensitive and dramatic, and did see a therapist for a bit in 5th grade (by this time she realized she had issues, but didn't know how to control herself). She got her act together in 6th (however, still prone to freak-outs when she had a lot of homework), and reinvented herself in JH (everyone thought she was shy! ). Now she acts like a typical teen, so not much better than when she was 7, but at least I can track her menstral cycle and be prepared.

Ironically, she VERY involved in theater! LOL! And she's really good! Now she has a place to channel her talent.

 

[BelleRocks]

I just counldn't figure it out untill my grandma told me "don't feed the tatrum"

My daughter has been total drama from the time she was a toddler. She is now 11! Don't feed the tantrum is great advice. When I see her emotions escalate, I have to take my own emotions DOWN. I get very calm and try not to get agitated. I DON'T TRY TO REASON WITH HER when she is in the emotional state. Many, many, many times I have her go into her room, and wait until later to talk about whatever happened - sometimes even the next day. Just don't forget to go back and address it. We talk about how she dealt with it and did that work, did it make things better, did it make her feel better or worse.

We've also started working on some deep breathing exercises WHEN SHE IS CALM, so that she has that tool available when she gets overwhelmed by her emotions.

She is slowly getting better at it. I have just come to realize that is HER personality, and as a parent I can't change it, I can only mitigate it and help her learn to deal with it in a healthy way. I can't get angry with her about it - it's just HER, ya know?

(BTW, when I was a kid, I was a Spock Jr - so go figure that I would have a drama queen!)