Other Parents of Only Children?

[RandiB]

Good Morning!

Instead of doing schoolwork this morning I am on the boards. As usual, lately.

I don't post much, but I read a ton.

I was wondering how many other parents of "only children" are out there.

I have a hard time finding other only children parents. Most people think I am off my rocker or just plain selfish. Especially since three is the new two, or so I have heard. And two is the new one.

I was also wondering how soon you came to the realization that you were going to only have one. Was it before you had your child, after? How long after?

You don't have to share why, I know it's painful for some, as they didn't choose it.

I think the realization came for us when she was two and I was 30. I can't explain it, but we love our single child life. It's a lot of fun. I am a little flighty (not stupid, I just have a hard time sticking to things, like school work) and I don't think I could handle a second child. I also had a great pregnancy up until the last day. I don't think DH could do that again.

I work full time in IT, and I am going to continue. I started a Master's program last year, because I enjoy going to school. I think it's very important to keep girls interested in math and science, so on top of working on it with my DD I plan on mentoring a middle school student next year.

My DD has a lot of friends and family around, so I am not worried about socialization. I know they can't replace a sibling, but I think there are pros and cons no matter how many children you have.

Please don't take this opportunity to try and talk me into more. I've made my decision. I didn't come by it easily or lightly. There were a lot of long hard discussions between my DH and me.

Most people have stopped asking us about another one, and I am glad. No one realizes it's not an easy choice. And some people don't have a choice.
I will stop my rant. Basically:
When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?
What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?
What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?
What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?

 

[RandiB]

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?

When DD was 2. I wanted to keep working and I wasn't sure I could justify having two children in daycare. And I was used to having one child. She was a perfect baby and I know mentally I couldn't handle anything harder. We were blessed to get her. We had infertility issues and then my blood pressure went crazy the day she was delivered. I have never been able to control it since. Why chance fate? Had I had a boy I might feel diffrently, but I guess I will never know.


What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child? The time we get together. Everyone wants to babysit her or have her spend the night.


What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?
Her asking about baby brothers and sisters.

What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
No more diapers! I only have to worry about one child's needs and wants.

What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
I feel bad taking up a four person table.
My DD is a girly girl, so I have no idea what boys do at WDW. I was hoping to go with my brother's family this year, but it didn't work out.

 

[MNdisneymom]

My situation is a little bit different...as I have been divorced since my DS 5 was 1. (long story, aren't they all...) However, even if I had stayed married, I'm not sure that I would have wanted to have another child. It just seemed "meant to be" that he would be it for me. (I have had this discussion with lots of other moms...all of whom have at least 2 kids--and it's surprising how many had the same feelings as I did, but weren't willing to admit it to anybody else.)

My favorite thing about having an only? How close we are. And watching him turn into an awesome little person!

The hardest thing? It's different for me, being single...

The best thing about WDW with him? Being able to do what we wanted when we wanted. (Our only trip together was when he was 3.5)

Hardest thing about WDW? Not being able to ride any big rides. (He was only 38.5 inches at that age.) But it was no big loss--we had a great time!

Good luck making your decision.

 

[cruizie]

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?
I always thought that I wanted an only child. Being from a large family (5 kids plus 3 step kids), I wished I had time one on one w/ my parents. That being said, I would not be upset if I had another and part of me really wishes that it had happened for us but it just has not.

What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?
I love all the time that we get to spend together, how close we are and the fact that I can devote my free time to her.

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?
Our dd6 asks everyday for a sibling. She pretends that she has 2 little sisters (Skylar and Sarah, names she picked, she made up birthdays for them, etc).

What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
That we can do what we want w/out a compromise for an older or younger child.

What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
I love watching the magic in her eyes and would love to see that in another person I loved that much.

 

[hereyago]

I am an only and my DD10 is an only.

You know when girls are teenagers and older they see every guy they date and think about what their kids would look like, but I was never one to do that. The one person I would have a few kids with didn't work out. Then I married someone who I really shouldn't have and there wasn't a way I would have had more then 1 kid with him.

I am a single mom so good think I didn't have more then 1 kid.

The least favorite thing at WDW? Well, I would put her in NEverland club so I could go do rides and she could do fun stuf, so there was ways around that.

We have been to WDW,DCL several times, so we just do things and she helps plan so that is my favorite.

People ask when I am goign to have another, I just tell them I am not and just leave it at that.

 

[Kristineamb]

My DH and I are both the oldest of two children (he has a sister 2 1/2 years younger, I have a brother 6 years younger.) Our DS is 10 years old. I always knew I wanted another child but didn't want or need them to be close in age since my brother and I were 6 years apart. When our son was in Kindergarten he asked when he was going to have a baby brother or sister so I decided it was time to try for another....unfortunatley my DH had a multitude of reasons why he didn't want another (mostly economical)...we went back an forth for a couple of years (arguing, praying, crying, etc) and about 3 years ago I decided to let it go and be grateful for the wonderful, healthy, intelligent only I have!
He is a great traveler! He has been to over 40 states already in his short life.
He has been to WDW three times. His first trip, when he was 4yo we stayed @WL and left him @The Cubs Den while DH and I had dinner @Arists Point...when we went to pick him up after dinner he didn't want to leave!
He is not a fan of thrill rides (although he has ridden ToT, EE, SM and RnR) prefers CoP, Hall of Presidents, countries of EPCOT...
I sometimes feel bad that DH or I have to ride by ourselves on some rides while the other rides with DS...
I also sometimes long for a DD that I could do BBB with or get into the whole princess thing

 

[deedeecee]

I never thought I would be the mother to an only. I came from a sizeable family; my husband is one of two boys in his family.
We were a bit older when we had our first. We decided that she would be our only mostly due to age issues. For a long time, I had pangs of regret, but I do think that our family is meant to be a one-child family. And I really do think she does best as an only child.
My least favorite thing about having just one is not having a sibling for her. My friend says growing up, she really wanted a sibling. Still does.
My most favorite thing is being able to spend time with her, just her. I don't have to juggle the demands and needs of more than one.
Those comments will also apply to Disney. I can spend the day with her and only have to worry about one child's demands and needs. Unfortunately, she doesn't have a sibling to share her magical Disney moments, but when she gets older, I will be probably offer to take her cousin or a close friend when we go.
We have annual passes to Disneyland, so that is differently more economically feasible than Disney World!

 

[allyphoe]

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?

Wehn DD5 was a couple months old, but the older she's gotten, the more sure I've gotten. I'm the primary income source for our family, and my job is very flexible in the off-season, and insane in the on-season. I wasn't willing to do another tax season with an infant. Plus I'm absolutely convinced #2 would be a boy, and we'd have to do serious work on the house to make room. DD did private preschool, thanks to generous grandparents, but we spent 2 hours a day driving her back and forth; we couldn't do that for a second kid.

One gets easier and easier as time goes on, and two seems like more of an impossible burden as time goes on, if that makes sense.

What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?

I don't know that there's anything particularly "favorite" about it. It's just the way it is, and it works for us. Not having to balance the needs of more than one kid, maybe.

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?

I've never had any serious regrets or felt that it was a hard decision. With every day that passes, it seems more and more like the best possible decision for our family, with no real downside.

I loved being pregnant and giving birth. But not enough to make up for having a second kid at the end.

What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?

Not having to balance the needs of multiple kids, who want to do multiple things. We usually go with my sister and her DD, and the mantra for each trip seems to be "so glad I only have one."

What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?

I think when DD is older, that it would be nice for her to be able to go off on her own with someone other than her parents / grandparents. Since she's got a close-in-age cousin, that's good enough for me.

 

[Melissa]

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child? When it was obvious
that we never had gotten around to have another child and by now both we and dd were too old. (When I hit 40)
What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child? More money less chaos

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child? Sometimes a bigger family would be fun.


What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child? no fighting

What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child? no one to play with in the pool
__________________

 

[PrincessNoelle'sMom]

I am hesitant to write this, but I will anyway. I am an only child and the mother of two. I LOVED being an only child growing up - my parents didn't want it that way, but it is how it worked out. As a child and later as an adult I have an incredible bond with my parents. I had/have many friends and my parents are still my best friends. I could not want for more of a positive foundation. With that said, I chose to have two when I got married because my first was a boy and was such a good baby. I always loved children and was fortunate to have one of each. I could of had more , but as an only child, I do find the dynamics of two very difficult to deal with at times. I don't understand the constant bickering, arguing, etc. I remember always wanting to have friends over, just to have someone my age to play with. I wish my children would realize how lucky they are to have each other. I do not regeret being an only and do not think that you should feel different or badly for your decision. Being an only child is a great thing and the bond you will develop over the years with your child will be truly amazing. Enjoy every minute of it.

 

[Kristineamb]

for your words of encouragement!

 

[CarlisleMom]

I on the parent of one. DD is turning 7 next weekend. DH and I are both the youngest out of 5. We never planned on having an only. Just the way it worked. I was 33 when she was born. It took almost 4 years to get pregnant (long story) but we were told we would not get pregnant without drugs and medical help.

There are lots of things we do that if we had more than 1 we would not be able to do....lots of activities, travel, home inprovments,etc. The most important thing is that I can be a stay at home mom. I put her on the school bus, greet her at the end of the day, help school, go on class trips, etc..

 

[RMulieri]

I am a parent of an only...Not by choice.I never decided it .I was told after I had my dd that a 2nd pregnancy could put way too much strain on my heart .DH simply did not want us to take that risk, and I don't have money or the heart ( talking about heartbreak, and amount of time it takes to actually get a child)for adoption .I constantly get told I am selfish.My own MIL and Mom told me I was an awful person and selfish not to give my DD a sibling.It breaks my heart that so many people assume that DH and I are selfish people.I have my good days and bad days.I love the close knit family we are.But as DD gets older( she will be 5 on Dec 26th) I look at her and hurt because I will never have these moments again with another child.I am very blessed to have the relationship the 3 of us have.Disney was a truly wonderful trip.Especially when I saw brothers and sisters fighting and having meltdowns.

 

[NY_MOM]

Hello to all the other only child, children. I am a 32 year old only child. I enjoyed my life as an only child and am still enjoying those days immensely Although there are those rare occasions when I do think about how nice it would be to have a sibling, to share things with. MY DD who is 5 is my heart and soul She loves being an only child and we immensely enjoy our time with her. My husband comes from a large family and would like another child...and my family is encouraging me to have another.... Their rational is that with our very small family, if anything were to happen to us at least she would have a sibling to share with, and take care of one another. So we'll see...as for now we very much enjoy our single child life style....

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I was an only child until I was 10. Didn't want a sister, didn't like my sister, and don't speak to her now that we are grown up. Also have another sister who was born the year I got married. Don't really know that sister, yet I will be her guardian if something happens to our mom. Mom has stage III breast cancer. Our father drank himself to death a couple of years ago.

DH is an only. He was adopted by an older couple, and they both died before our DS was born. That was hard for him because after they died he really was an orphan. There weren't other extended family members.

Our DS will be 13 in January, and he is an only. I NEVER wanted more than one child. We meticulously planned for him, and he is the only one we want.

My favorite thing about having ONE child is that it is easier to deal with one than with more than one. We can afford to take him to WDW several times a year. It is easy to travel with him because there is just ONE of him.

There is nothing hard about just having one. We only wanted one child. He does not want to have siblings.

Disney with an only is easy. We fit comfortably in a DVC studio. We like to go to WDW with just the 3 of us.

I don't have a least favorite thing about WDW with an only child. Many times we meet up with friends for a couple of days so he has someone his own age to do things with.

I can honestly say I have never, ever questioned my decision to have an only child. Never. It was absolutely the easiest decision I have ever made. It didn't even feel like a "decision" because there was never any debate. One child. Period.

 

[Dsnymouse]

I am a parent of an only child. I too agree with the bond that everyone talks about. It is nice to know you can do things, such as vacation or helping with college in the future. Shame on our society for "branding" having only one child as selfish! We are all parents and need to be supportive of one another.

Stand proud and embrace the gift we have been given

 

[kgle]

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?

Well I am not sure I count. I am a single mom and DS's father lives in TX (I am in IN). I had DS when I was 22. I am not married or even attached. (I am too busy!) To be honest- I never wanted children and DS was unexpected. He changed my world but I just am at the point where I don't want more. This may seem selfish, but I want to be able to take trips, be spontaneous, etc with my son and its easier with one child. And as dumb as this sounds, I just cannot imagine loving another child as much as him. I just always want to have this bond with him and I would prefer him to be my only!


What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?

No arguing, him being my baby, 1 is cheaper! haha Seriously though, I love being able to solely focus my attention on him. I also never want to experience the terrible 2s again.


What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?

So far I haven't had any. Sure there are hard things about raising a child on your own- but that doesn't count for this question. Parenting is hard in general. I'll admit- I think parents of multiple children have it way harder.


What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?

We shall see! We have never been before, but money wise its easier for us to go due to how much it costs. Less things to carry around. I guess just getting to experience this with my son and have it be something we will always share, whether he remembers it or not.


What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?

We shall see!

 

[wii fit mama]

We decided not to have another child when I was forty and we hadn't gotten around to the 2nd one. My husband and I have 3 sibs each and they're a lot of work/trouble and I'm not close to any of mine(they're a lot older) so I don't feel guilty about her being alone.

Disney with an only was great when she was younger. Now she gets a little bored(she's 13) so we try to bring a friend along if possible. Next summer we're doing the Southwest Splendors trip and we told her she needed to make friends there.

We've worked really hard to make sure she gets along well with others(daycare is great for that) because we don't want her to be a "spoiled brat" which can be a real problem with onlys. We also made sure that she was good at entertaining herself by getting her toys/crafts that encouraged her to use her imagination. We made her play team sports also.

Its nice to only have to finance one college education too!

 

[adventure_woman]

My DD is only 2 but I am seriously considering having her as an only. (so this thread is helping me out immensly). I think one of the reasons that I WOULD have another is so she can have a sibling when she is older. In particular, I think about us getting old and having her have ALL the responsiblity of us on her shoulders (and noone to share that with). How has everyone else handled this? For those that are only's - how do you feel about that?

 

[RandiB]

Adventure Woman-

Actually, my mom's large family of siblings is one of the reasons I decided on one child. They are a huge cause of stress in each other's lives.

It usually seems like one child has to carry the burden in most families, so unfortunately I've decided for my daughter who it's going to be.

I probably need to plan for a future in a nursing home. What do childless couples do?
I am really asking. I have no idea. My DH helps with his aunt who nevered married. I have a close relationship with my nieces and nephews, so I think they would be there for DD.