OT: WWYD? alcohol

[lmountford]

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Have you actually every seen any college kids from Europe? They clearly have a problem with alcohol.

Having been a college kid from Europe ( many moons ago) I can assure that I didn't and I don't

 

[Colleen27]

I agree that giving her whiskey, when she clearly did not want it, was wrong and sent her the wrong message. What will happen when a peer offers it to her....she probably will think she can't say no, especially if she can't say no to her father.

That would be my problem with it too. I don't think there's anything wrong with a parent allowing small amounts of alcohol, as we've done in the past with our kids by pouring a sip of wine for a NYE or special occasion toast, but there is something very, very wrong with pushing it.

 

[dbmarie]

Having been a college kid from Europe ( many moons ago) I can assure that I didn't and I don't

I would assume based solely on my experience with exchange students and relatives from Europe that there are people with alcohol problems. I merely meant that Europeans are not without their share of alcohol problems. Alcoholism is not based on how you are raised.

 

[HelenePA]

Alcoholism is not based on how you are raised.

Yep my mom turned into an Alcoholic after my great grandmother died (loooonnnggg story) I have no problems with alcohol.. I haven't had one in almost 2 years..

 

[Kriii]

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In Wisconsin, children are allowed to drink beer and wine if accompanied with their parents.

Wisconsin also leads the country in alcoholism and drunk driving so I don't think the lax laws are anything to be proud about.

 

[PinkRhombus]

WWYD?

This I wouldn't worry about so much. I don't think that I would offer it to my own kids though. Whiskey is gross IMO...bad experience...won't get into it.

BUT providing it in quantity, for example, a couple of cases or a keg, for a high school graduation party. I would have a BIG problem with. I would throw a big fit if my kids went to a party later in high school and that happened.

 

[Faith09]

I love to watch my mother boyfriend drink wine coolers...Don't ask me why. He use to pick me up from school on certain days. One day he ask me where would I like to have dinner. After having dinner at Pizza Hut he went to the store and purchased wine coolers. My mother was working that day. I ask him if I could have one he said sureeeeeeeee. I opened that bottle and turned it upside down. He told me it was lady like to sip on it slowly...lol..When my mother arrived home she noticed I was acting strange but Tony and I denied anything was wrong. Well that night I threw up all night long. I WAS SICK AS A DOG. The next morning Tony told my mom what happened. TO this day I WOULDN'T DRINK ANYTHING THAT CONTAINS ALCOHOL.....Tony also explained to me when grown ups are sitting around talking and having fun, I should be playing with other kids and not be in between growups conversation. Well he didn't have to tell me twice..I learned my lesson and never thought of him drinking wine coolers was cool anymore.

 

[MrsPete]

WWYD? I was at a family birthday party and I see one of the dad's offer his 13 year old daughter a sip of his alcohol (he had a shot glass of whiskey). She turns him down, and he says "go ahead and smell it". She smells it. He then says "go ahead and take a sip". She takes a sip even though she clearly doesn't want to. Both the mom and dad are very open with alcohol and even have no problem letting their toddlers take a sip of a beer. The mom loves to serve the other kids at the party non-alcoholic dacquari drinks in real martini glasses. They come from a european culture where drinking is no big deal.

I find it very disturbing, but it's really none of my business. These people are extended family members so I can't avoid them. Yet, watching stuff like this makes me so mad! What would you do?

It doesn't sound like these people are buying into the "European culture where drinking is no big deal". It sounds like they're pushing alcohol on a child who doesn't want it.

The big difference between Europeans and Americans -- when it comes to drinking, that is -- is that Europeans tend to see alcohol as a beverage, whereas Americans see it as something more. Moderation isn't one of our greatest strengths in America.

Sadly, I suspect this family's going to have children with some alcohol problems. Your family can be European, but if the children are rasied in America, you have to look at alcohol through American eyes.

 

[MrsPete]

I'm all for parents teaching their kids how to responsibly enjoy alcohol, but a father forcing his daughter to try his whiskey doesn't sound like he is teaching her anything other that to be a pushover!

All parents teach their children about alcohol. The lessons begin from the moment the child is old enough to understand that a glass of wine or a beer isn't the same thing as a Coke. If the parent practices moderation, the child will learn that this is the proper way to drink. If the parent considers it "okay" to get behind the wheel after having a couple, the child will believe this in spite of what his driver's ed teacher tells him. If the child sees his mother pass out glasses of wine to all the adults, but a glass of juice to his pregnant aunt, he's going to understand that drinking during pregnancy is bad.

However, these lessons are learned THROUGH OBSERVATION, not by actually giving the child anything to drink himself.

 

[princessmom29]

No means no. For God's sake, you should not have to worry about "peer pressure" coming from your parents!



Oh really? Nobody in all of Portugal ever drives after they drink or gets a little angry after drinking? Get real.



Oh really?







I'm all for parents teaching their kids how to responsibly enjoy alcohol, but a father forcing his daughter to try his whiskey doesn't sound like he is teaching her anything other that to be a pushover!

In respone to the oh really, yes really. Take a look at the statistics if you don't believe me. There is a significantly lower incidince of teenage binge drinking in Europe versus the United States. There is also a lower drunk driving rate, and a lowe incidence of alcohol related vehicle fatalities.

 

[princessmom29]

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In Wisconsin, children are allowed to drink beer and wine if accompanied with their parents.

Wisconsin also leads the country in alcoholism and drunk driving so I don't think the lax laws are anything to be proud about.

I don't necessarily think it is so much "lax laws" that make the difference between the US and Europe, but the cultural treatment of alcohol in general. changing the law doesn't help if alcohol is still viewed as taboo. The social stigma makes it into something teens want to do to assert their independence. Take away the stigma and the motivation to rebel goes with it b/c there is nothing to rebel agianst.

 

[kevschickee]

No means no. For God's sake, you should not have to worry about "peer pressure" coming from your parents!



Oh really? Nobody in all of Portugal ever drives after they drink or gets a little angry after drinking? Get real.



Oh really?







I'm all for parents teaching their kids how to responsibly enjoy alcohol, but a father forcing his daughter to try his whiskey doesn't sound like he is teaching her anything other that to be a pushover!

Never said nobody ever did that in Portugal. It isn't as prevelant there as it is here. I have family there ( a lot) and it isn't the same thing over there. So yes I am real about this.

 

[princessmom29]

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Have you actually every seen any college kids from Europe? They clearly have a problem with alcohol.

I have seen many, many college kids form Eruope. I spent a summer abroad in France. Drunk French young people were rare. It was much more common to see young Americans who were underage at home so drunk they couldn't stand.

 

[princessmom29]

That's assuming that the parents, themselves, have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Too many times, in my experience, it's the parents who don't have a healthy relationship with alcohol, that encourage their kids to try it, and think it's cute or funny. I don't agree with letting children try alcohol, just like I don't agree with letting children drive cars or smoke cigarettes. Not sure what OP could do about the situation, other than talk to her own kids about why she believes it wrong.

The cycle of unhealthy relationships with alcohol has to be broken somewher along the chain. Parents with an unhealthy relatinoship with alcohol need to fix it for the sake of their kids just like children with abusive parents have to break the cycle of abuse with their own kids by exhibiting healthy behavior.

I tend to disagree with the above statement (in Bold). We chose to raise our children in an alcohol-free enviroment. We don't allow it on the property, we don't allow ppl who have been drinking in our home, etc.. We have 5 children-ages 29, 24, 21, 16 and 8, plus our adopted son who is 19 and just left in Jan for the Air Force. None of them drink, none of them have tried it and those that are out on their own, don't allow it on their property. Yes, they have friends who drink and our children are the responsible ones as they are always the DD when they are out with friends. In our case, we have always been have had an open communication with our children and it seems to work well.

As to the OP, I wouldn't say anything unless it was directly affecting me or my immediate family. If it was on our property or offered to our children, then I would say something. But I would surely talk to my children about what they had witnessed and why it is wrong.

I actually feel sorry for that lil girl, she clearly didn't want any part of the alcohol but out of respect for her father, she did what she was asked.

Funny I have always worried about peer pressure from my children's friends pushing them into drinking and here is this child having to deal with it from her father. Kinda like teaching her to cave into pressure, don't you think?

You are luky if you have kids that don't drink b/c in my experience the kids of parents who completely forbid alcohol were the first ones to overdo it in college. I just don't feel like forbiding alcohol does any good at all. In general teens and young adults ARE going to drink. 85% OF 18-20 surveyed in Mississippi universities had used alcohol in the last month according to th literature the anti-alcohol people handed out on campus when i was in school , And that is just from the ones willing to admit it on a survey.

 

[JulieEck]

From my experience in the universe, I'd say that if your kids really don't drink as grown people, then you have been exceedingly lucky. Because most people that I have known in my life who are raised utterly without alcohol have the biggest binging problems. Count your lucky stars.

You are lucky if you have kids that don't drink b/c in my experience the kids of parents who completely forbid alcohol were the first ones to overdo it in college. I just don't feel like forbiding alcohol does any good at all.

In my experience, this couldn't be further from the truth. Me, my sister and my brother were raised with no alcohol in our house. We were taught that it was not something you do. I remember my parents getting a bottle of wine from someone as a Christmas present one year. It sat and sat and sat in the fridge - unopened. I think they finally poured it down the drain. None of us ever did the binge drinking/getting drunk, etc. I never even tasted alcohol until after I was married awhile. (Unless you count the Nyquil my mom gave me one time...) I've had probably a half of dozen wine coolers over the past 15 years. DH and his sister and brother also grew up around no alcohol and they never overdid/do it either. Nobody I hung out with in high school or college drank (that I know about anyway). It was simply a non-issue. It was something you didn't do - no questions asked. Just like drugs, smoking, etc. None of that went on with the groups I hung with in high school and college.

I actually can't think of anyone I know that has gotten drunk, binged, passed out etc. I don't know anyone who has used drugs (illegal, obviously).

I don't think luck has anything to do with it. I think it has everything to do with how you are raised, what you are taught by your parents, and who you associate yourself with.

 

[onelostsockie]

I actually can't think of anyone I know that has gotten drunk, binged, passed out etc. I don't know anyone who has used drugs (illegal, obviously).

I just had to say:

Wow.

 

[buzz5985]

wow that is quite a blanket statment. I have seen college kids from Portugal and no they don't have the drinking problems that they do here in the states.

Back at ya!! Wow that is quite a blanket statement. Spelled correctly.

 

[NHdisneylover]

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Have you actually every seen any college kids from Europe? They clearly have a problem with alcohol.

Well, I live in a university town here in Europe. Do I see (and here about) loud parties, drunken kids (and adults) behaving badly and putting themselves and others at risk? ABOSLUTELY. However I see it much, MUCH less than I did in the college towns I lived in in the U.S. (including the one I grew up in) and even less than I saw it in our little New Hampshire town no where near a university, not too long ago. Among the few such instances I see here (maybe 10% of what I see in the U.S. if that)--fully half to three quarters are American kids speaking English in American (slurred) accents. We have a lot of U.S. citizens in the area due largely to the millitary bases around here.

As to the OP--the fact that a sip of alcohol was offered to the 13 year old does not strike me as a problem at all. I am one of those who thinks the typical American approach to alcohol contributes greatly to the problems we have with it. I freely admit I offer my kids sips when I have some (I drink about 2-3 glasses of wine in a month if that, but DH has about one glass of wine or one beer each evening with dinner). They may end up having 10 sips in a year and a small galss of cahmpaign for New Years. We serve all kinds of mixed drinks at parties and make non alcoholic versions for the kids (in fancy glasses). We also have "kid wine" (sparkling grape juice) for just about every special occasion. Gracious--last month we were driving along the Champagne route in France and stopped at a vineyard for a tasting. DD12 tasted all three along with us. She took tiny sips--she is not fond of the taste but wanted to try them. On hte other hand, they know neither DH nor I drive with more tha na few sips in us--EVER. They see us talk about who will be driving at teh start of an evening out. They have seen us take away a guests keys and put him up for the night so he does not drive home drunk (and they know why). We have relaly made a point to educate them about how drink safely and what is really okay and not okay. I htink MANY parents take this approach and it is a great approach to take with children.

Here is where I think the dad in the OP's scenario was wrong (as others have already pointed out): The girl said "no" and he pushed her. We offered my DS the chance to taste champaign also and he did not want to--no biggie to us. Why should we push that? Parents who pressure children to do thinsg they aren't willing to do (ready to handle) should not be surprised when their kids cave to peer pressure.

OP--from your subsequent post it sounds like your family member is modeling very bad drinking habits to his daughter and pushing her to do things she is not comfortable with. I can see where that would bother you (like I am bothered by family that pushes a child to do "scary" things like bungee jump and big thrill rides and she is just terrified and they taunt her about it and teach her to give in to pressure). THAT is not good. But, there is really nothing you can do or say about it. The dad is not being abusive (emotionally maybe a tad there but even that is a strech) or neglectful--he's just being a poor example and a poor father and it is not your perogative to say antyhing about it. He may think you do crazy things with your kids too.

So, What would I do? Nothing.

 

[JB2K]

What would you do?

They come from a european culture where drinking is no big deal.

You anserwed your own question -- many Europeans (Germany, in particular) don't have the same concerns over "adult" beverages that we have.

That said, since you were in their home, I would leave it alone.

 

[teddygurlkeekee]

Not to start a huge debate, but how come I can send my 18 year old to war but he can't drink a beer legally until he's 21? I mean, this is how it's been for quite awhile but I think that's where the binge drinking in college comes from. "Oh I'm not 'allowed' until I'm 21, so I'll drink all I can until I am legal".

I am in the military and have been for almost 4 years now. I joined when I was 17 years old and just turned 21 about 2 weeks. I completely agree with this statement you posted. Not just because I had to wait to legally drink, but because they are sending me and my friends overseas to potentially life threatening situations, but we can't handle alcohol? I'm alright to shoot another person, but not drink?

I agree with many of the statements on here about hte taboo put on it and that is why we have so many drinking problems. Education is the key to anything.