OT-Why do I feel like I need another child?

[Honeystar120608]

I have a 4 yr old ds, and a 3yr old dd. They are 14 months apart, will be 2 grades apart, and for the past 2 yrs I have been wanting another. Our house really can't house another person. It's 3 bedrooms (duplex). We already feel cramped. DH is dead set against it, he wants a more secure job (works for a US company that of course is being afffffected by the economy. Plus he is always on call and seems to be always working-but hes on salary so doesnt get paid for the extra work), he wants to buy a bigger house. Wants more money.
Dh really doesn't want another. Lately he has been having irregular heart beats, was hospitalized and is now on Meds. He seems to be doing great now, but I can't really bring this up. AND it's been 2 yrs of him saying no. I'd feel bad just stopping birth control, which I have come close to doing, but I just cant.
I just have nowhere to go. DW really is a great distraction for me. But I can't always be planning trips to DW. I wish I didn't want another... Im exhausted of the thoughts always lingering..I trully am. And our DS starts kindergarten in Sept. WE have no baby stuff left.
I just needed somewhere to go and whine basically. Im a stay at home mom, we manage and obviously if we can afford DW, we are fine financially. I just feel like if I dont do something about having another child, Im always going to regret it. I feel like someone is missing. I feel like I was meant to be a mother to more children. And believe me, if I could just turn this feeling off, i would. As much as I long for another child, I know it would be much easier not having one. in pretty much every aspect. But those things dont feed the soul.
And DH, he's sick of hearing about it. His answer's no...ive gotten mad at him, cried, ignored him, yelled, nothing has worked. He said maybe in a few years. But to me... ds will be in grade 3, dd starting school. That's when I get ME back.
I dunno what to do. I just really needed to go somewhere to talk. My Mom is a grandmother to 5 (my step sister has 3) and she says no more. Not that it really matters... but i can't talk to her about it.
My best friend just found out she is pregnant. ANd Im SO happy for her. She has a dd who is 2.5. I love them all dearly. But being around her pregnant... I just want to shake this feeling and give her her lime light kwim? I cant go to her and tell her how much I wish I was pregnant. My life trully doesn't suck, my kids are great, I love them ...but that is just more fuel to drive this force.

ACK! Sometimes I just want to go crazy and out of my head. I just dont know what to do with this feeling. Does anybody get me? ANy words of wisdom?

 

[SLK1]

It's very tough to have feelings like that and you sound so conflicted...like your heart and your head are at odds with each other. I think a bad thing would be to get pregnant and have your DH resent you and/or the child, especially if he's THAT against it. You need to do what's best for your whole family (big picture) and concentrate on the great things about having two children...you mentioned getting your "me" time back, think about the great vacations you can take with just two kids, the great one-on-one time you can give your two children, etc. Sometimes when you make a final decision, it is much easier than to still be on the fence (will your DH get a vasectomy? That would make a decision final!). Good luck!

 

[Honeystar120608]

It's very tough to have feelings like that and you sound so conflicted...like your heart and your head are at odds with each other. I think a bad thing would be to get pregnant and have your DH resent you and/or the child, especially if he's THAT against it. You need to do what's best for your whole family (big picture) and concentrate on the great things about having two children...you mentioned getting your "me" time back, think about the great vacations you can take with just two kids, the great one-on-one time you can give your two children, etc. Sometimes when you make a final decision, it is much easier than to still be on the fence (will your DH get a vasectomy? That would make a decision final!). Good luck!

Yes I am VERy conflicted. i was doing pretty good with not thinking about it until my best friend got pregnant lol. He is against it for now. He would like another, just not right now. Now, if that is to try to hold me off a few years until I will refuse to have any more, Im not sure. He could be true with those words or using it as a soft answer. I do tell myself that everyday. The vacations we are able to take, the free money we have never had, we have now...and our kids arent into sports and school yet which will take more money.
Ive mentioned a vesectomy to my hubbby...like i said, at least then I dont have the option. it is what it is. He said no. I didnt get out of him why not. It was just a no. lol
Before I was on the fence, but on the side of wanting another, now IM on the fence, but on the side of another is much more work. So that is progress since 2 yrs ago. But I just really REALLY want this feeling to disappear and stop toying with me.
Honestly, I know my dh would be happy if we got pregnant. Not initially. But if it happened he'd come around to the reality of it and be happy. But i could never manipulate a situation to get what I want. I just couldn't.

Im fine without another baby, as long as this feeling would disappear. UGH!!!

 

[QVCshopper]

My DD is 4 and my DS is 3. They are 16 months apart. And one of my closest friends just had her 3rd baby (we were basically doing everything family-related at the same time--i.e., our kids are the same age, we went to the same events). I'm happy for her, but it does bring up old feelings.

I broke my elbow and had knee surgery when DD was 2 and DS was 1. It was a very hard year. Then DD was diagnosed as developmentally delayed. I think those factors contribute to my DH in not wanting another child. My DD is doing great now, and I am recovered, but it was a tough time. On the other hand, my injuries made me want another child even more--I guess I see life a little differently.

Everyday the thought of "one more" is in the back of my mind. But I also want "me" time back. I love my kids and DH so much, but I feel like I put myself on the back burner--which led me to having my injuries. I think I want to go back to work more when the kids are in school, but I am lucky enough to have a great part-time job now that lets me also be a SAHM.

I can't really offer advice, except maybe try to find something that makes you happy now. Just for you. Whether it's exercising, working, reading--whatever it is, you should try to do that instead of just focussing on another child. You and I are both blessed with two kids, and we are lucky enough to spend the majority of our time with them. Plus, the idea of going through another pregnancy with two very high energy kids and a job that I stay up til midnight for quite often would be really difficult.

Good luck!

 

[Honeystar120608]

My DD is 4 and my DS is 3. They are 16 months apart. And one of my closest friends just had her 3rd baby (we were basically doing everything family-related at the same time--i.e., our kids are the same age, we went to the same events). I'm happy for her, but it does bring up old feelings.

I broke my elbow and had knee surgery when DD was 2 and DS was 1. It was a very hard year. Then DD was diagnosed as developmentally delayed. I think those factors contribute to my DH in not wanting another child. My DD is doing great now, and I am recovered, but it was a tough time. On the other hand, my injuries made me want another child even more--I guess I see life a little differently.

Everyday the thought of "one more" is in the back of my mind. But I also want "me" time back. I love my kids and DH so much, but I feel like I put myself on the back burner--which led me to having my injuries. I think I want to go back to work more when the kids are in school, but I am lucky enough to have a great part-time job now that lets me also be a SAHM.

I can't really offer advice, except maybe try to find something that makes you happy now. Just for you. Whether it's exercising, working, reading--whatever it is, you should try to do that instead of just focussing on another child. You and I are both blessed with two kids, and we are lucky enough to spend the majority of our time with them. Plus, the idea of going through another pregnancy with two very high energy kids and a job that I stay up til midnight for quite often would be really difficult.

Good luck!

Absolutely!!! I toatlly agree with you. I woke up this morning feeling a lot better. I just get into those moments. I think being at home for over 4 years I just get adult block sometimes. I think I just get bored.

I know the life that we want, the lifestyle we are starting to have, dh wouldn't be happy at all if we had to give that up, or some of it... he likes his toys and I like my DIsney WOrld! Kids will be in sports and things. I want to be a volunteer at their school.

I did start selling on ebay, not that it brings in loads of money, but it was something for us all to focus on. It has helped a lot. Just keeps me and the kids busy.

Thanks for everybodys help though, It's hard to remember all these things when all you can think of are babies. I prayed last night before bed just hoping for some answers and woke up feeling very happy for my best friend and so happy about where life is taking us...wherever that is. I doubt that involves anothing baby, but basically just to stop and chill and not plan it all out all the time. Hard for me to do, but thats my goal.

 

[princessmom29]

Could it be that part of it is a fear of not having a "baby" at home any more?? Kind of a what will I do with myself when there are no kids in the house all day thing? You post kind of reads that way to me. A lot of moms (myself included) get that way soemtimes. I teach so I do ok during the school year, but I get sort of antsy in the summer b/c Dd needs me less and less every year. Then i stop and think about all the midnight feedings I would have to do and still get up at 5 every morning and go to school. I understand being conflicted about another child. We only have the one DD who is 5 and with me working full time plus some during the school year I just honestly don't think I can handle another one. I have a good friend at school who is pg and sometimes i feel jealous of her. Part of me thinks I am being selfish not having another b/c I like actually having a few minutes to myself now that DD is older, and part of me worries about not giving her a brother or sister, and still another part of me is screaming that I would be crazy to go through another difficult pregnancy and baby with colic. So I totally get the conflicted thing. I whish I had more advice to offer.

 

[LiteninPrincessa42]

I thought I might add a little different perspective. My children are 2.9 years apart in age and I always wanted a third. It was difficult for me to get pregnant with the first 2 and it just never happened again. My babies are now 25 and 22 and in retrospect am glad there was not a 3rd. I spend many loving years taking them to dance, gymnastics, sports, ice skating....etc. I'm not sure there were enough hours in the day to handle one more. The blessing to my story is I now have 2 grandchildren. I get babies all over again and it is a different kind of joy. I guess what I'm trying to say is I know what you are feeling and only you and your husband together can decide what is best for you. It's tough when the economy has the power to dictate our lives sometimes. Good luck!

 

[DISNEYNV]

I am a SAHM that always wanted three kids. We have two awesome kids three years apart. DH has another child from a previous marriage that is in her teens. After DS (1) was born he said NO more babies ( he is not a baby person at all) and scheduled a vasectomy. He had the procedure done on fathers day! I will always wonder what it would be like to have three, but am happy fir the two I have ( it took forever to convince DH we should have another). My kids are awesome and I am looking forward to our next Disney trip with them in May

Moms have a tough job and sometimes it gets lonely and we need support of other moms! One more reason to love the DIS boards

 

[dancin'girl]

I would like a third, but my husband is dead set against it. He is ready for the big V. Whenever I give the go ahead, I know he will practically run to the doctor's office! (I appreciate his wanting us both to be ok with having the vasectomy). I keep holding off because I would be pretty happy with another child...but as long as one of us says no about #3, it has to be no.

 

[loveysbydesign]

I have a 4 yr old ds, and a 3yr old dd. They are 14 months apart, will be 2 grades apart, and for the past 2 yrs I have been wanting another. Our house really can't house another person. It's 3 bedrooms (duplex). We already feel cramped. DH is dead set against it, he wants a more secure job (works for a US company that of course is being afffffected by the economy. Plus he is always on call and seems to be always working-but hes on salary so doesnt get paid for the extra work), he wants to buy a bigger house. Wants more money.
Dh really doesn't want another. Lately he has been having irregular heart beats, was hospitalized and is now on Meds. He seems to be doing great now, but I can't really bring this up. AND it's been 2 yrs of him saying no. I'd feel bad just stopping birth control, which I have come close to doing, but I just cant.
I just have nowhere to go. DW really is a great distraction for me. But I can't always be planning trips to DW. I wish I didn't want another... Im exhausted of the thoughts always lingering..I trully am. And our DS starts kindergarten in Sept. WE have no baby stuff left.
I just needed somewhere to go and whine basically. Im a stay at home mom, we manage and obviously if we can afford DW, we are fine financially. I just feel like if I dont do something about having another child, Im always going to regret it. I feel like someone is missing. I feel like I was meant to be a mother to more children. And believe me, if I could just turn this feeling off, i would. As much as I long for another child, I know it would be much easier not having one. in pretty much every aspect. But those things dont feed the soul.
And DH, he's sick of hearing about it. His answer's no...ive gotten mad at him, cried, ignored him, yelled, nothing has worked. He said maybe in a few years. But to me... ds will be in grade 3, dd starting school. That's when I get ME back.
I dunno what to do. I just really needed to go somewhere to talk. My Mom is a grandmother to 5 (my step sister has 3) and she says no more. Not that it really matters... but i can't talk to her about it.
My best friend just found out she is pregnant. ANd Im SO happy for her. She has a dd who is 2.5. I love them all dearly. But being around her pregnant... I just want to shake this feeling and give her her lime light kwim? I cant go to her and tell her how much I wish I was pregnant. My life trully doesn't suck, my kids are great, I love them ...but that is just more fuel to drive this force.

ACK! Sometimes I just want to go crazy and out of my head. I just dont know what to do with this feeling. Does anybody get me? ANy words of wisdom?

I felt the same way as you except that my 2 were 3 years 3 months apart. After dd was born we said we were done(I'd had miscarriages and other issues before becoming pregnant with her). I tried to convince myself that I agreed with that statement as we had 1 ds and 1 dd, what more could we want? But deep down inside I guess I really didn't feel that way. Plus I always said that I didn't want my kids to be more than 3 years apart. Well by the time dd was 3 I really wanted another child. I'd bring it up form time to time and dh would say no way, he had many reasons why. I just shut up about it and tried to live with the fact we'd only have 2 and that was the way it would be. Well that didn't last for long within 6 months I was trying to convince him we needed another child. I don't know how to describe it but it was just this feeling that would not go away no matter how hard I tried. He kept saying no, no, no. I even contemplated going off the pill and getting pregnant by "accident", but I could never do that as our relationship is based on trust and love and has been for over 10 years. I couldn't live with myself if I did that. Well after about 1 year of begging, pleading, crying, discussing and my getting upset whenever we'd see an infant or "do the deed" protected he finally said to me that he didn't want me to resent him for the rest of our lives together and agreed to try to have one more...dd was 4 by now. That is when I knew his love for me was stronger than I had imagined. I know he really didnt want another child and I was scared to death quite honestly, that I would miscarry or have a partial molar pregnancy again. I got pregnant the 1st try, had a great pregnancy and thankfully I was able to deliver a healthy baby boy via VBAC. I have to say that my dh is closer to this child than he was to the rest when they were babies. He is much more relaxed and hates to admit that I was right. I feel like our family is complete now and I no longer have that feeling of wanting another. That being said our kids were 8 and almost 5 when ds was born and the age span has been fine. Perhaps your dh will change is mind in a year or so. I have to say that I was totally shocked when my dh changed his mind, he had so many reasons, many of them valid, for not wanting another but I guess after over 1 year of my unhappiness he realized he didnt want me to resent him or regret us not having one more for the rest of our lives. Now I got lucky in that my ds is the most easy-going, happiest child. My 1st ds had health issues as a baby/toddler and my dd is the most stubborn, headstrong Leo you could meet so I guess we were due for an easy-going one! Best of luck in whatever you decide, maybe your dh just needs more time.

 

[DawnM]

Well, I am not encouraging you either way....but just wanted to comment on your comment about not having enough room.....I think that is a relatively new idea, that you need more room.....look at what our parents and grandparents grew up in.....1500 sq. ft. homes with 3 bedrooms and one bathroom and 4-6 kids.....they made it work!

Dawn

 

[Honeystar120608]

Guys, you are all awesome. Im almost in tears just for the support and contructive critism. Trully honestly, thank you. I felt like nobody understood me and it's been 2 years of that. So if you can imagine how refreshing and loving it feels to get all of your advice. Its just great!
I honestly, I agree with everything you all are saying on both sides. Today I feel like I am thinking straight for the first time in a while. WIth your help as well as a short prayer last night. Im not a 'church goer' (Mainly because I have trust issues with some of the churches around) but My faith will always be strong and I do believe when it's meant to be it WILL be. I KNOW its meant to be. I know God has plans for me yet as a mother...to another.

I just also wanted to say that dh and I casually discussed it at noon when he was home from work. I told him that I am very much on the same page with him. I DOnt want a baby right NOW. Just in a couple years. Im not going to be 60 and pregnant lol. I think with the job and the house (which the space thing has more to do with our happiness than housing children in all honesty. We do have a storage room that could honestly be made into a bedroom.) SO we will need to invest in this house, IF dh doesn't find another job and we have to move. So with this equation...we can't have a baby right now. BUT in the next 6-12 months all those questions will be answered. DW in in Dec. I want and need that..my parents are going and have NEVER flewn anywhere before and never have been down south. I want this for them as well, and I couldn't get pregnant just for that, if not anything else. BUT! Dh did say he would like another... not right now. Brayden will be in school, Keyra will be home for 2 years then to school. I do believe he just needs some time to get organized and less confused about things.

This being said, I am the baby care giver. DH never gets up to do the feedings and stuff. Im fully aware of what IM asking for. Again, I had a 14 month in diapers bottles, the whole nine yards when I had a new born. Neither slept through the night. So I get what IM asking for here, and the demands on myself. I am the stay at home mom, he has to work, I get why Im the one taking care of the babies. BUT he is fantastic with the kids especially as they age. DOnt get me wrong, he loved the babies. But he loves where they are at now where he is able to do more with them kwim?

AND! Final thought. When dh holds a baby...which is rare, but when he does, his face lights up. Its the cutest thing ever. I just dont think he is around babies enough. He doesn't remember the joys that stage brings on top of their independance.

Oh yes, pp on grandparents. I have been saying already I can't wait to be a grandparent. I see my parents, and the joy they have with them. AND energy. They only need to keep up for a few hours, where us as parents is an around the clock affair. (not complaining) but it would just be a nice perspective.

There was something else someone said, I should have 'quoted it'.

 

[Honeystar120608]

Could it be that part of it is a fear of not having a "baby" at home any more?? Kind of a what will I do with myself when there are no kids in the house all day thing? You post kind of reads that way to me. A lot of moms (myself included) get that way soemtimes. I teach so I do ok during the school year, but I get sort of antsy in the summer b/c Dd needs me less and less every year. Then i stop and think about all the midnight feedings I would have to do and still get up at 5 every morning and go to school. I understand being conflicted about another child. We only have the one DD who is 5 and with me working full time plus some during the school year I just honestly don't think I can handle another one. I have a good friend at school who is pg and sometimes i feel jealous of her. Part of me thinks I am being selfish not having another b/c I like actually having a few minutes to myself now that DD is older, and part of me worries about not giving her a brother or sister, and still another part of me is screaming that I would be crazy to go through another difficult pregnancy and baby with colic. So I totally get the conflicted thing. I whish I had more advice to offer.

Here it is. Yes, I have indeed thought about this as a subconscious thing I was doing. Again, it's been 2 yrs of me and dh asking why I want another. lol No, I can't say that is it. Well, Im sure it's a fraction, but I wouldn't indulge myself if that was the only reason. I quite enjoy my kids at their ages, and can't wait until they are in school and I get to see the grow. Not rushing them to grow up, but I like seeing them take more and more steps, and making decisions for themselves and guiding them along those paths. It's very rewarding to see my kids grow into little people. So I am satisfied with our family. All I can trully say is that i feel like someone is missing. THere is a puzzle piece missing. Doesn't take away from my kids. They do fill me and love is everywhere in this house. I just really trully honestly feel there is a personality waiting to be in this family, as cheesy as that may sound lol. I also believe, that dh has to feel that same thing. Again, if it is meant to be, he'd have to feel it too. And I think he is getting there. He is more of a thinker and Im more of a feeler and I trust we are together to balance each other out. So I hope that if we are balancing each other out, he will come around when the time is ready. Or it will just happen without anybody planning or trying. Im going to have to tell myself this every day as I do want what I want...lol but there are 2 people involved and I can't just have it. It's not a bag of chips, it's a baby Im going to wait until my best friend, who was over and has made super excited for her baby... I can't wait for her!! When she has her baby I think it will help the situation. He will be around that baby enough and he may get the feeling by then.

OK! So I do have a question in fact. I have told DH that the month of DW (Nov/Dec) Im stopping the pill...if I feel the way I do now. To me I feel like that is a decision I can make, with telling him. He has full knowledge of. So if he wants to use condoms, or pull out, or anything... that is his perogative. Im ok with that. I don't like taking the pill, i never have. But I do, for him mainly. Because I love him and i know thats what he wants and needs right now. But in 8 months, especially if we both want kids at some point, in my mind it makes sense. He will never hate or disown a baby. In fact about a year ago I had 2 chemical pregnancies, but those first cpl days we thought we were pregnant, he became very used to the idea. COuldnt stop thinking about a baby. Didn't change his mind in the long run, but he ws excited..or starting to. Generally he doesn't get excited over anything until a month or 2 before it happens (DW included!).

I gues the question is, with his knowledge, with the issues that he has being answered (not so much the house, as to me that isn't a HUGE problem. Just need to be more organized..butjob and such), again not behind his back, I don't see why I can't stop the pill. Im not going to time our dtd or anything, but I've been on it for a year or so for him. At his request. I think it's fair... what do you think?

 

[mom2princessj]

I think you have to do what is right for you both. If you both agree that stopping the pill is ok and you take another form of birth control or not then it has to be a mutual decision.
My dh didn't want to have kids after we got married. Before marriage we talked about having 2 or 3. We almost divorced because he didn't want kids. I felt it was unfair of him to mislead me and change his mind like that. Eventually he gave in and we had dd who was planned and ds who was a surprise After dd he wanted no more. He said she was enough for him and really she would have been enough for me too. But then I went off the pill (he knew) and we had an oops moment and ds was conceived. After ds we both knew that was it. DS is high maintenance so another one like him would be alot to handle I think life always has a way of working itself out so if your family isn't complete I think your dh will come to that realization as well and you'll have another. I think you are handling it the right way though...its got to be what you both want or he may end up resenting you/the child at least initially. Good luck!

 

[Honeystar120608]

I think you have to do what is right for you both. If you both agree that stopping the pill is ok and you take another form of birth control or not then it has to be a mutual decision.
My dh didn't want to have kids after we got married. Before marriage we talked about having 2 or 3. We almost divorced because he didn't want kids. I felt it was unfair of him to mislead me and change his mind like that. Eventually he gave in and we had dd who was planned and ds who was a surprise After dd he wanted no more. He said she was enough for him and really she would have been enough for me too. But then I went off the pill (he knew) and we had an oops moment and ds was conceived. After ds we both knew that was it. DS is high maintenance so another one like him would be alot to handle I think life always has a way of working itself out so if your family isn't complete I think your dh will come to that realization as well and you'll have another. I think you are handling it the right way though...its got to be what you both want or he may end up resenting you/the child at least initially. Good luck!

That is so interesting! When dh and talked about a family before having kids or marriage (kids #1 seems to have come first granted! lol) we both wanted the same things in life. Four kids. I get now that is a big undertaking. Things change in life. But that longing for a big family is still true. Is still there. But where he is the only one working I think it's added pressure on him. And I get that. Im not asking for 4 kids. Im not asking for any number of children. It's not the number its the feeling I have. I REALLY hope if we go ahead later in the year and try or not use bc, and we do have another that this feeling goes away or im in a big way sh*t outta luck as the saying goes. lol My goodness, in no way will I be going for a 4th. If 4 kids are in the cards for me...twins it better be! OK that was a bad joke!

 

[emmababy]

I totally get where you are coming from! I always thought I just wanted 2 kids. Ever since my son was born, I have a tug saying I might want a 3rd kid... Which surprises every one who knows me.

I hope it works out the way it is supposed to...

 

[sk!mom]

Dh really doesn't want another. Lately he has been having irregular heart beats, was hospitalized and is now on Meds. He seems to be doing great now, but I can't really bring this up. AND it's been 2 yrs of him saying no. I'd feel bad just stopping birth control, which I have come close to doing, but I just cant.
DH, he's sick of hearing about it. His answer's no...ive gotten mad at him, cried, ignored him, yelled, nothing has worked.

This is going to sound really harsh, so just remember- you asked...

You need to grow up! You've "cried, ignored him, and yelled." Quite frankly, you sound like a spoiled child.

Why aren't your DH's feelings important? He sounds very stressed out, works hard so that you can stay home and the thanks he gets, is a contentious wife? WTH!!

My words of wisdom- spend your time counting your blessings and enjoying the family you have.

 

[TheRatPack]

This is going to sound really harsh, so just remember- you asked...

You need to grow up! You've "cried, ignored him, and yelled." Quite frankly, you sound like a spoiled child.

Why aren't your DH's feelings important? He sounds very stressed out, works hard so that you can stay home and the thanks he gets, is a contentious wife? WTH!!

My words of wisdom- spend your time counting your blessings and enjoying the family you have.

OUCH....which is why I never ask LOL

 

[vic720]

wow that was harsh.

I am in the same boat. I would love to have a 3rd but my husband is happy with my 2 girls. But he would be ok with it if it happened. I just see the great bond my girls have with each other. My older girl will be in kindergarten full day soon. In my heart I feel I do want a 3rd. I just hope this economy turns around soon.

 

[taitai]

I don't think it was harsh at all. The OP has basically thrown tantrums to get what she wants and is now suggesting resorting to duplicity to do it. She does sound like a spoiled child. It certainly does not sound as if she is a partner in a marriage working towards compromise or willing to concede the other's opinion. Raising a family is very, very hard. Children are stressful and a huge expense. If both parties in the relationship are not both 100% committed to having a baby, don't have one. Oftentimes in life, you do not get everything you want.

Some thoughts for the OP. If one of your husband's concerns is money, would you be willing to go back to work for a couple of years to build up your nest egg in order to afford a third child?