OT - Why are kids not opening presents at their birthday parties anymore?

[kacaju]

I think it also depends on the amount of kids you invite to these parties. Our home parties I had about 8 of their CLOSE friends and that was it. We always open the presents at the end of the party.

Why do you need to have a party with 20+ kids??

 

[justhat]

I think it also depends on the amount of kids you invite to these parties. Our home parties I had about 8 of their CLOSE friends and that was it. We always open the presents at the end of the party.

Why do you need to have a party with 20+ kids??

In my case, I don't need to have 20 kids, but my kids have 28 kids in their classes. Obviously I can invite whomever I want, but the school does ask that you invite fairly. This means (as per their guidelines) that you either invite the whole class, all boys (or girls as the case may be), all 3 yos, all 4yos, all 5yos, all full-day kids, all half day kids, or a pair of those (like all 3yos and all 4yos). It's a Montessori school so the classes are mixed ages, hence the craziness of what I just wrote. Now, they didn't make a rule exactly, but that is what they prefer so that is what pretty much everyone does. We have never done the whole class because 28 kids is too many for me, but many families do it that way.

 

[kacaju]

Our school has the *rule* if you want to send the invitations to school for the teacher to hand out then you had to invite the whole class. I do understand that. I would never want a child to watch another hand out invites and not get one.
my girls only invited a few close friends so I always just mailed them to their homes. In the case of them becoming very friendly with a child in their class, I would get that child's address to mail it to their home.

 

[justhat]

Our school has the *rule* if you want to send the invitations to school for the teacher to hand out then you had to invite the whole class. I do understand that. I would never want a child to watch another hand out invites and not get one.
my girls only invited a few close friends so I always just mailed them to their homes. In the case of them becoming very friendly with a child in their class, I would get that child's address to mail it to their home.

We have to mail them, can't send them home in backpacks at all. Even if you invite the whole class. And I get that cause of course there will be a kid who didn't see theirs or something and cry.

We've typically invited all the girls for my daughter and it comes out to about 10 kids who actually come. This year though, somehow, with siblings and other random friends, there were 21 kids!! The place had a limit of 20 so to say I was shocked is an understatement. And only 2 people asked to bring a sibling, the rest just showed up.

My son this year will be inviting the 3yos, which should be about 8 kids, and that is more than enough for him. His party will be at the fire station and there's no limit, but I can't imagine a mess of kids running around in there.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

We are in N. Texas and I have only been to one party where the child did not open the presents at the party.

We always host parties at places like The Little Gym, Bounce House, Main Event, etc... There is time built into the party to have cake and open presents.

I believe that being gracious, giving and receiveing is an excellent lesson for kids to learn.

My daughter had her 6th birthday last Saturday. Before the party, I talked with her about things that she should say at the party when opening presents. We talked about showing her friends that she was excited about the presents that they brought and making them feel happy about coming to her party. We had even talked about what to say if she got 2 of the same thing.

The lesson that I was trying to get across to her was that her friends took the time to pick out a present and come to her party. It didn't matter if it was something that she had always wanted or something she would never have picked out. You are thanking them for thinking about you.

She did a great job of being excited and gracious to all her guests. I was really proud of her!

I am writing the Thank You notes. She can write well but I think that writing all those notes will be a little too much. I am having her sign her name and put stickers on the envelopes.

I agree with this.

I can't imagine "fear and boredom" watching someone else enjoy their celebration. Empathy is a good thing. Being excited for another person's joy is a good thing.

 

[mommyof2princesses]

I have never been to a party where gifts were not opened. I have lived in 2 different parts of NY and I now live in NC for the past 11 years. As a child, all parties I went to the gifts were opened. I know I grew up poor and never worried that the child I got the gift for wouldn't like it.

My children have been to parties and they have had parties and we always open presents. Of course, we don't do big parties. The most kids we have ever had over was 6 and that was plenty. In fact, I think parties with close friends and not a whole class full are the best parties! no one seems to feel left out. Even at parties at locations I saw presents being opened. Isn't that one of the best parts! The kids all love it! And they do learn valuable life lessons about being thankful and having good manners.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[kinntj]

It must be a regional thing b/c we've never been to a birthday party where the kids didn't open the presents. I'm probably wrong doing this but I don't make my kids send thank you notes for people that attends the party and he thanks them there. If they get money in a card in the mail we always make sure to send thank you notes but I guess I never understood sending thank you card when you thanked the person there at the party?

We always open the presents at a party and we thank them there, even before they leave. Now, if we didn't open the presents at the party or my kids went to a party where this happened then I would expect to send and receive a thank you.

 

[RMulieri]

I think it also depends on the amount of kids you invite to these parties. Our home parties I had about 8 of their CLOSE friends and that was it. We always open the presents at the end of the party.

Why do you need to have a party with 20+ kids??

Well My daughter has 10 kids in her daycare.Rules are you invite all or none.Then we have 5 cousins that are her age, several neighbors that she plays with daily that are her age and close family friends with kids her age..It is kind of hard to exclude people that are involved in our lives everyday.So we do one big party every other year.Even with the smaller parties at home I have had issues with the other kids ripping open her gifts.Cards getting separated etc...

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

No one can make a rule who you can invite. They can say that invites can not be given out at school.

 

[justhat]

No one can make a rule who you can invite. They can say that invites can not be given out at school.

Ours is not a rule, but it is a suggestion that they strongly urge you follow. Invites have to be mailed so they wouldn't know, but kids talk, and it's to avoid hurt feelings. So we, and every parent I know, follows the suggestion.

 

[mmcphee]

I NEVER had any issues with it. I do *remind* the Birthday girl before the
Do not say *I already have this, I don't like this* when you open your presents.
You open them, thank the person and move on to the next present.

It has been my experience that it isn't the birthday child that behaves poorly, it is other children at the party. I've heard siblings whine "we already have that," and other party goers announce that a gift is stupid or boring or for babies etc. That hurts both the birthday child and the giver. Not worth it to me.

We open at home. My rule is you open the gift, write the thank you note and then you can open the next gift.

 

[justhat]

It has been my experience that it isn't the birthday child that behaves poorly, it is other children at the party. I've heard siblings whine "we already have that," and other party goers announce that a gift is stupid or boring or for babies etc. That hurts both the birthday child and the giver. Not worth it to me.

We open at home. My rule is you open the gift, write the thank you note and then you can open the next gift.

That is exactly the fear that I and another poster mentioned. When the kid giving the gift thinks "Oh no, what if they think my gift is babyish!" And inevitably someone yells out something like you mentioned, and then that kid feels pretty crappy for being the one to bring that gift.

 

[RMulieri]

Ours is not a rule, but it is a suggestion that they strongly urge you follow. Invites have to be mailed so they wouldn't know, but kids talk, and it's to avoid hurt feelings. So we, and every parent I know, follows the suggestion.

Exactly.And since it is a private daycare center, they can set any "rules or guidelines' they want. I remember being in grammar school when schools didn't recommend that, and I clearly remember being the only kid in class NOT invited to the popular kids parties..I would NEVER do that to another child

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

Exactly.And since it is a private daycare center, they can set any "rules or guidelines' they want. I remember being in grammar school when schools didn't recommend that, and I clearly remember being the only kid in class NOT invited to the popular kids parties..I would NEVER do that to another child

Then it is really a choice, not a rule. That was my point.

 

[RMulieri]

Then it is really a choice, not a rule. That was my point.

Well, the daycare states that you can not exclude any child on party invites, valentines cards etc. So it is center policy.