OT: Who should pay for prom ticket?

[growinupdisney]

Just wondering, my daughter came home today upset. Her boyfriend and her got into a fight about who should pay. Her boyfriend asked her to prom about a month ago and asked her today to pay for her ticket. He said that he will have alot of expenses: tux rental, limo w'his friends, and dinner. The tickets are $25. She did explain to him that she did too, her dress $$, hair etc. I was expecting to pay for their pictures. This is not her prom she is only a sophmore, she did go last year w/ a friend and he paid for tickets and dinner but I did offer to pay half since they were just friends and he said NO..."I asked her she is my date."
Her boyfriend asked about last year and she told him that he paid and he got attitude and said "well ,I guees he is better than me then!"
I have gone on line and looked up prom ettiquiette and they all say whoever asks pays for the ticket, pre-prom dinner and transportation. They split pictures and after prom activities. I was just wondering what everyone thought about this? My dd15 doesn't have a job yet so all the expenses fall on me. Last year I didn't mind paying because they were friends but I think he should pay for the tickets and dinner! They have been dating on and off for a year and a half. I have paid for him several times on alot of things, we bought him a GPS for christmas, spent $100 on him for his b-day and have taken him to eat dinner alot. I think his parents have paid for her once maybe twice. He does have a job and when he didn't they did split meals on dates etc.
Just need some insight: I know things are different now so I need to know what is proper or not!

 

[ohanaMAMA]

I agree with you. The boy pays. If I ask a friend to a movie I pay.. If I invite someone to go out to dinner. I pay. works the same way.

 

[englishteacha]

Hmmm...tough situation. When I went to my friend's prom, he paid. When I brought someone to my junior prom, we split the cost of the tickets. My senior prom, my ex bought the tickets, broke up with me, and I got the tickets and took a friend. The year we split the cost it was decided when I asked. When did he ask her, and when did he ask her to pay her own way?

 

[It'sWDW4me]

I agree that whoever asks is the person who pays. He asked her, he gets to pay for her ticket.

 

[Kate and Pete]

I'm a high school teacher and prom advisor - if the boy and girl are dating, the boy pays (99% of the time, unless there's some extenuating circumstance). There's no rule, of course, but that's what I experience when selling prom tickets!

 

[growinupdisney]

Hmmm...tough situation. When I went to my friend's prom, he paid. When I brought someone to my junior prom, we split the cost of the tickets. My senior prom, my ex bought the tickets, broke up with me, and I got the tickets and took a friend. The year we split the cost it was decided when I asked. When did he ask her, and when did he ask her to pay her own way?

He asked her a month or so ago( but they have been talking about it all year since they have been dating all year) Today he told her he needed the money for the tickets and this was the first time he even mentioned her paying!

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Well if it's her boyfriend I think it should be whatever they agree upon but if it was just a date (i.e. just was randomly asked by someone at school or just friends) I think it should be whoever asked. I ask my boyfriend to go on vacations all of the time (otherwise we would never go anywhere as he never brings it up) and he always asks to pay for things.

 

[mrsklamc]

Any time you extend an invitation, you are obligated to pay, unless you make it clear at the time you extend the invitation, that the invite does NOT cover costs.

Although, your prior gifts to him (the gps, etc) should have no bearing on the conversation. Gifts should be given with no expectations except perhaps a thank you.

 

[denise5374]

I agree. WHoevers Prom it is and does the asking should pay. DD is a JR and this year she is going to the SR prom and her JR prom withe the same boy. He paid the $100 per ticket for the Sr and she (well me) paid the $70 per ticket for the Jr prom.

I am jealous that your prom is only $25!

 

[CinRell]

if it were both of their prom I'd be confused as to my answer but since it's NOT her prom.. it's his.. and he asked her.. of course he should pay!

 

[secretpantssam]

I think that if it's his prom he should pay. If it was both of their prom, maybe you'd go halfsees. But if you invite someone younger, older or from another school, I thought it was standard for the asker to pay.

And I thought the prom served the dinner like that was part of the cost, so that seems like a weird excuse...but my prom might have been different.

 

[buzz2400]

Just throwing this out, my opinion and my feelings, no flames please. I am a female. Hate the idea that females always want males to buy drinks, pay for movies, dinner, etc. but then they want equal rights. Wouldn't equal rights mean that each should pay their own. I have told my son if he goes to prom, I will not pay for the girl. When a teenager works for minimum wage and then pays for car insurance and gas, he doesn't have much left over.

Just my feelings.

 

[beansmom]

imo, if a gentleman asks me out, he pays. And vice versa. Of course, I'm married to an old-fashioned gentleman who doesn't even want to SEE my money (even if it is his credit card). And, frankly, I like it that way.

So few young men know any of the social niceties these days. Etiquette may not be dead but it's surely in a coma.

 

[windycitymom]

Ideally, the person who asks is the one who pays. One year, my son was asked to prom (not his high school) by a girl and she paid for his ticket. When my son asked someone, he paid. Prom tickets were like $50 each!

The problem as I see it is that you feel there isn't an even division of spending. You have spent alot of money on this boy and you don't see him or his family reciprocating.

Do you know his family finances? Is your family more well-off than his? Has a parent been laid off? Is his family supporting a family member or perhaps paying a medical expense that you might not know of? Does he have expenses that he has to pay for that your daughter doesn't have to pay for? (car, insurance, etc.). Or do you feel that he and his family are just cheap?

If the boy is nice and treats your daughter well, then I don't think it's a big deal if she (you) pays for the ticket. If they are fighting over who pays, perhaps your daughter isn't feeling respected by him. Dig a little deeper to find out the real issue.

On a side note: With the Great Recession still happening, and alot of parents being laid off, the money isn't there like it was a few years ago. I hope the schools realize this and dial down the expenses so all students have the opportunity to attend prom. For the money it costs to rent a tux, I could buy my son a suit! Just as we are trying to be frugal, we need to teach our children to be frugal.

 

[melancholywings]

He asked her, it's his prom - he should pay. Is the limo his idea or hers? It seems like if he had to cut back, that's the one thing he could do with out.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

The situation I ran into when I was in High School was that I was only working part-time (obviously). By the time I rented my tux, bought flowers, paid for post-prom festivities, I didn't have enough to cover my date's ticket, so was I being discourteous?

Just throwing that out there, since there are numerous reasons why he may be asking for her to pay.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Just throwing this out, my opinion and my feelings, no flames please. I am a female. Hate the idea that females always want males to buy drinks, pay for movies, dinner, etc. but then they want equal rights. Wouldn't equal rights mean that each should pay their own. I have told my son if he goes to prom, I will not pay for the girl. When a teenager works for minimum wage and then pays for car insurance and gas, he doesn't have much left over.

Just my feelings.

I can understand your position. But anytime I ask someone or have my kids invite someone I always expect to pay. When I ask a friend to meet me for a drink we will buy our own but if I invite someone somewhere I will pay. When I went to my Jr Prom my boyfriend went to a different school. I asked him. He did pay for dinner and I paid for the prom.

 

[beansmom]

I have paid for him several times on alot of things, we bought him a GPS for christmas, spent $100 on him for his b-day and have taken him to eat dinner alot. I think his parents have paid for her once maybe twice. He does have a job and when he didn't they did split meals on dates etc.
Just need some insight: I know things are different now so I need to know what is proper or not![/

A gift is just that...a GIFT and I think it's pretty tacky to 'keep score'. If you resent giving this young man gifts, then stop. Otherwise, do it with a glad heart and no expectation of reciprocation.

I shall climb off my soapbox now.

 

[Thumper_Man]

Unless they agreed to split the costs prior to him asking her; whom ever did the asking should be the one to pay. In this case, he asked, he gets to pay.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

For $25.00 I would just pay for the ticket and avoid the fight...

DD's prom is $150.00 per ticket, the limo $100.00 per couple, the after party $50.00 per person, her dress $125.00.

If she were invited to someone else's prom and was asked to kick in $25.00 for the ticket, I would pay it know matter who is "right" and who is "wrong".